Saga Sibling Revelry (Pre-ROTJ, Vader discovers Luke and Leia are twins; humor short story) CH 8 UP

A/N: Sadly, all, this is the end. If it's any consolation this chapter is one of the longer ones. It's been a fun ride! Thank you very much to all my readers and especially reviewers; you make the writing and revising worth it. Here's one last shoutout to my longsuffering beta Mathematica.

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CHAPTER 8

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Thanks to the Empire and its embryonic doomsday weapon, and thanks to the fact that her nasty case of Dymian flu forced her to spend three hours of every morning hooked up to an anti-nausea IV in the medbay, Leia had spent all her free time this week in closed deliberations with the rest of the Alliance High Command, including the Council and the chief strategists. Despite having been promoted clear to General by Madine (who?d all but rubbed his hands with triumphant glee), Han didn?t rate high enough on the food chain to warrant a seat in any of these ultra-classified meetings. As the Alliance in its wisdom had not yet assigned its newest general a command, he was left to speculate, tinker on the Falcon, and distract himself by tormenting Fred Antilles whenever possible.

With Luke gone to powwow with that mysterious Yoda character, he had to speculate by himself, but Chewie and Lando kept him company on the Falcon while several of the Rogue Squadron pilots joined him to conspire against Fred. Two fictitious letters for the Princess had arrived from her absent fiancé, both penned by Wedge with Luke?s signature falsified by Hobbie. They had also arranged for Fred to intercept Leia?s purported reply, composed by Tycho on the grounds that he was the only other Alderaanian available. Han had even invited the creep over to the Falcon and asked for his help writing Leia a love note, which had won him a regulation salute from the notoriously undisciplined Wes Janson.

That had been just this morning. Han added Fred?s name to the signature line after he left and forwarded the message to Leia in the medbay; it ought to perk her up. But it left him with nothing else to do today but tune up the Falcon?s aft shield projector. Han hated tuning up shield projectors. They never cooperated?

?Han!?

He looked up in surprise from his perch atop the Falcon?s hull and saw Luke sprinting into the hangar, still wearing his orange flight suit and carrying his helmet under one arm. His sour attitude brightened. Luke had a great hand with shield projectors. ?Hey, kid! Come on, I?m just about to start on this projector, I could use ya??

?Later,? Luke panted. ?Where?s Leia??

Han set down his tool kit, frowning. ?Just getting out of the medbay, I think. Why??

?It?s important,? Luke said. Han took one look at his face and had to agree. He?d never seen Luke look so distracted. He yanked his com out of his belt and tossed it to the kid.

?See if she?ll answer, I dunno??

Luke thumbed the com on and punched in Leia?s frequency, then tapped the yellow emergency button to add an urgent tag to his call. Han raised his eyebrows.

?Han?? Leia?s anxious voice bubbled out of the speaker. ?What is it??

?It?s Luke,? Luke said. ?Can you meet Han and me at the Falcon? It?s important.?

?When??

?Right now.?

There was a taut pause. ?Alright,? Leia answered. ?On my way.?

?

Leia still looked gray when she arrived aboard the Falcon; the Dymian flu hadn?t fully receded yet. Luke paced back and forth across the rec room until she got there. The poor kid looked so upset that Han didn?t have the heart to do anything but suggest he zip himself out of that stifling flight suit. Leia started to give Luke a welcome-back hug, then stopped as she took in his expression. She turned around and locked the door, then sat down. Han didn?t much like her expression either.

?What is it?? She sounded unusually gentle, as if she suspected Luke of being terminally ill.

Luke swallowed, paced several more steps, and finally sat down. From the look on his face you?d have thought the kid was going to his death, rather than talking to a couple of good friends. ?I neve

 

Hilarious!
The reasonable explanation is, of course, pregnancy??

Darth Vader passed out on the spot. Yeah, don't blame him.

?Forget turning to the Dark Side,? Vader snapped. ?Is your sister pregnant?? Definitely, a more important question.

In a distant vagary of post-mortem spiritual existence, Obi-Wan Kenobi and a great number of Jedi were no doubt howling with laughter. Of course they are.

"So...going back to your first comment, is that forgetting the Dark Side option still on the table?"
Great way to end the story. Loved it.

 

Priceless.

I love the one-liners. Han moaning about asking Vader permission ... the final practical joke on Fred Antilles ... "we promise not to tell your daddy" ... Vader dragging Luke around ... I was giggling helplessly throughout.

Awesome fic, and awesome ending! This is one of my favourites for sure.

 

Omg, I've lost it. Completely and utterly lost it.

I feel so oblivious! Never did it occur to me that Leia's flu and its unique symptoms could be interpreted/mistaken for the morning sickness of pregnancy! The very idea of Vader getting that news after the initial revelation of them "getting married despite knowing their relation" and promptly passing out had me in stitches! And I love Han more and more with each post he's in. Truly wicked to the bone to come up with such a disgusting, devious final prank for poor Karlio.

Add to all of that a top notch ending. Love the idea of Vader hearing all of this from Luke and feeling so ridiculous. Rightfully so.

This story really has given me many a laugh over the past week or so, and none of them are exaggerated. Many thanks for all the hilarity and many congrats on a job well done!

 

Oh, my goodness... *sobs from laughing so hard* The twins are not doing their father's blood pressure any good, I bet. *bg*

Vader: I-I-I... THEY GET THIS FROM THEIR MOTHER!
Padmé: *sputters in outrage from the afterlife*
Vader: I was never so mischievous! I never sought to worry my elders inito an early grave!
Obi-Wan, Yoda, the rest of the Jedi: *COLLECTIVE COUGHING*

Great short story! Utterly hilarious!

 

?Since about the same time as Solo?s return,? the agent whimpered, ?I?ve heard that Princess Organa has been ill. Specifically, I determined that she has been regularly ill each and every morning for the past three weeks. The reasonable explanation is, of course, pregnancy??

Darth Vader passed out on the spot.

?Forget turning to the Dark Side,? Vader snapped. ?Is your sister pregnant??

?Let me guess,? Luke said, leaning against the rail and cutting his gaze to the ceiling. ?The Emperor has been expecting me??

Attempting to ignore how utterly ridiculous he now felt, Vader answered, ?At least he?s the only one who?s expecting.?


OH-MY-KRIFFING-GOD. This is going down as one of my favorite humor fics ever, Frodo.
Seriously, I was howling with laughter the entire time. Great job.

Peace,
Bea

 

Poor Fred! Poor Vader, too, for that matter! I love this story; it is so crazily amazing. That last line is a perfecting parting shot. I look forward to reading more of your stories and rereading this one! Great job!

 

? That had been just this morning. Han added Fred?s name to the signature line after he left and forwarded the message to Leia in the medbay; it ought to perk her up. But it left him with nothing else to do today but tune up the Falcon?s aft shield projector. Han hated tuning up shield projectors. They never cooperated?

?Han!?

He looked up in surprise from his perch atop the Falcon?s hull and saw Luke sprinting into the hangar, still wearing his orange flight suit and carrying his helmet under one arm. His sour attitude brightened. Luke had a great hand with shield projectors.?
I?ve been LOLing the entire story but this moment still reaches up as one of my fav?s; the fabulous contradiction between the stress we know Luke to have and Han; completely oblivious, lost in his beloved ship!

?Luke stared at the floor for a moment, then gave a huge sigh and whispered, ?My father?s not dead. He?s?Vader.?

Han stared. Blinked. Then attempted to clean the obvious wax buildup out of his ears, and said, ?I?m sorry, did you just say Vader is your old man??

Luke, pressing his temples wearily, managed a weak nod.

Han glanced at Leia to see if she agreed with his assessment that Luke ought to be rushed to the psych ward. The blankness in her stare had acquired an awful hint of belief.

?Well,? Han said, since no one else seemed about to move on, ?I didn?t see that one coming.??
So typical ? and adorable ? of Han to keep going Who said he?s not responsible!? I love the moment here!


?Abruptly Leia leaned out and snapped, ?And you?ve been keeping all that to yourself for six months??

?Only the part about Vader,? Luke mumbled, shamefaced. ?I didn?t know about you until a couple days ago.?

Leia threw up her hands. ?Why didn?t you tell me? No wonder you?ve looked like hell ever since Bespin! Fierfek, you stubborn men sometimes?? She trailed off, rubbing her eyebrows and shaking her head in despair. ?
Now that?s a point!!!

??Since about the same time as Solo?s return,? the agent whimpered, ?I?ve heard that Princess Organa has been ill. Specifically, I determined that she has been regularly ill each and every morning for the past three weeks. The reasonable explanation is, of course, pregnancy?? ?

Brilliant turn! I was wondering about how you were going to use that Damian flu! But how the devil is poor Fred going to last in the Unknown Regions?

??You know,? Luke said with nervous bravado, ?dragging me around is not going to convince me to turn to the Dark Side??

?Forget turning to the Dark Side,? Vader snapped. ?Is your sister pregnant?? ?


?"So...going back to your first comment, is that forgetting the Dark Side option still on the table?" ?
Perfect ending to a wonderful story!!! Fics like this makes the world better!!!

 

Ohhh brilliant. Just brilliant.

Great job.

Poor poor Vader.

 

This is just awesome! I love how it ended. I was wondering how the Dymian flu was going to come into it... perfect! And Han feeding the flames instead of doing what Vader wanted him to do, brilliant.

I loved the line about having to ask Vader for permission to date Leia. They kept the whole revelation so matter-of-fact. Actually, I could quote the whole thing because it's all just hilarious - great job, although I'm sad to see it end! Definitely one of my favourites on here.

 

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Thank you for sharing, this was fantabulous, my insides hurt from laughing and now everyone in the library thinks I'm an eejit because I've been snickering at the computer screen for the past however long I've been reading this. I also want to thank you for Lord Vader's Limpet, because the thread was locked by the time I got around to reading it. You're really aces at this stuff.

 

Well i read the entire thing in one sitting... dear lord this was a heck of a way to get through a sucky monday... awesome! this was one of the funniest things i ever read

Thank u sooo much for sharing this, it was a riot to read. Poor Vader, i actually felt bad for him

 

Fan. Freaking. HILARIOUS. I haven't laughed so hard all year. I'm hoarse now. Man, I would NEVER want to be on the bad side of these people.

Amazing. Thumbs up! Best stuff I've read all year. If you do anything like this again, I demand PM's.

Thank you

Raptor517

 

This was great! Awesome job.