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Beyond - Legends Soldier - a love poem of sorts. Jag.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Tahi, Feb 6, 2005.

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  1. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Kia Ora and thanks for clicking. :)

    Title: Soldier
    Author: Tahi
    Genre: Poem
    Characters: Jag

    Yes - me writing about Jag!!! But fear not, civilisation blunders on and no, it is NOT the apocalypse, although I am a bit suspicious about those horsemen pounding down from the hills. :D I just happen to have had that Wallace Stevens line in my head for some time and it occurred to me a while ago that Jag was the best vehicle for it. Poetry works that way sometimes - it's very insistent. ;) And very intertextual.

    So anyway - as I said in the header - it's a love poem of sorts. I've tried to capture Jag as I understand him, which may not be the same as many of you, but I guess that's the way with most characters. My choice of third person instead of first, and the at times jerky line breaks are intentional - and hopefully you'll see why I did it that way. Like Jag, I prefer not to have to explain myself. :)
     
  2. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Soldier

    Soldier, there is a war between the mind
    And sky . . .

    ~Wallace Stevens~


    He finds it hard to explain how war is
    as natural to him as the throbbing
    tattoo of his heartbeat, the whisper
    of blood through his veins;

    and how it is that the microcosm
    he calls his ship is more familiar
    to him than home. Home
    where the mind is, where duty
    spiders its intricate web
    of gossamer threads so fine
    one would swear they were invisible.

    He thought so too once,
    but that was when life was simple,
    back when he had no reason
    to pull the threads apart,
    to pluck away their clinging,
    cloying tendrils, and escape.

    How can he find the words to explain?
    Now there's a battle he may not win.
    The measure of language is such
    that it always falls short,
    side-slipping around the issue at hand
    or striking at a crazy angle
    and spiraling away out of control.

    That's what he does like about home.
    The words stay in their place -
    no sudden urges to sidle away.
    No surprises really.

    But that's because he's familiar
    with the web, understands
    the singularity of its pattern.
    And the structure is really
    quite straight-forward
    in a circular kind of way:
    father, mother, sisters, brothers -
    he simply follows them
    round and round.

    Well, that's how it was.
    He's not so sure
    about it any more, but
    he can't really explain it
    except to say that
    there's a war going on
    in his head.

    But that's all right because war is
    as natural to him as . . .

    . . . the throbbing tattoo
    of his heartbeat
    when he sees her or
    when she walks near;

    as the whisper
    of his breath
    against her hair
    when he takes her
    in his arms.

    The whisper of fabric against
    skin as she moves
    triggers the sensual
    memory of stolen moments,
    moments too few and
    so treasured,
    stolen moments
    that steal
    his breath.

    The microcosm he calls
    us - Jaina and Jag -
    has become as familiar
    to him as home. Home

    where the mind is,
    where the gaze rarely
    moves off track
    or wanders up
    to the sky
    and the stars.

    But here he is
    amongst the stars
    in the sky, and
    the view is breath-
    taking. And the war
    between mind and sky
    is very hard to explain . . .

    . . . but he is trying.

    ~Tahi~
     
  3. RedGold

    RedGold Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    Simpley beautiful!

    I think you captured him rather well.
     
  4. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Hi RedGold. :)

    You think so? Whew! I regard you as something of a Jag expert so thanks for that. Glad also that you liked it. :)
     
  5. jagsredlady

    jagsredlady Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 7, 2002
    Absolutely beautiful!!! :)

    *is awed*
     
  6. Thrawn McEwok

    Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 9, 2000
    Tahi: WOW!

    I loved that!

    First, for the meditation on language and meaning and self and purpose - universal in its themes and relevance - and then, just when I thought the poem was ending, the totally unexpected reprise... the parallel/contrast between Jag as warrior and Jag/Jaina was just wonderful, both to read, and to feel...

    Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant stuff!! :D :cool: [:D]

    - The Imperial Ewok
     
  7. RedGold

    RedGold Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    Jag expert?

    Well, Jag is pretty much a clone of my husband... so I could see that.

    Men like him aren't "Captain Cardboards", they are, as your title says, Soldiers. It is them, it is who they are, just as your weaving of the spiderweb shows.

    And then suddenly there is something that doesn't quite fit, but it's there and now apart of him, Jaina. It almost scares him.

    Yes, me like.

    *goes finds husband now to give a big kiss*
     
  8. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Jagsredlady
    Hi again. :) Thanks for reading, and glad you liked it.

    Thrawn
    Thanks for that. :) Yes - language is ALWAYS slippery, even for the articulate. Somehow there's always slippage between the feeling and the words. Frustrating.

    I surprised you? Wow! Seriously - thanks for saying that because the change was meant to catch the reader by surprise. That was Jag finally getting round to the real issue. And glad the parallelism worked too. I sometimes worry that I use that as a device too often. [face_worried] But I happen to love using it in poems as it helps the patterning, and holds the poem together.

    RedGold
    Awwww. [feels all warm and fuzzy inside and rushes off to find the cat] ;)

    Yes - I agree with your point about the soldier persona. So true. Wedge is another one I considered using for the Wallace Stevens line. :)

    Anyway - thanks again.
     
  9. JAGSGURL15

    JAGSGURL15 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2003
    Truly awesome job! and if u havent already please send your information in to the J/J index


    Please PM all your Jaina/Jag stories to Jaina_Jag_Index in the following format (no mark-up codes please):

    Title:
    Link to story:
    Link to your user profile:
    Co-Authors: (If applicable) And their user profiles
    Timeframe: (post NJO, post-Ruin, etc.)
    Characters:
    Genre: (romance, action, etc.)
    Keywords:
    Summary:
    Notes: (WIP, Complete, Vignette, etc., Awards it's won)

    Thanks JG15!
     
  10. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Why thankee Jagsgurl15 :)

    Always good to meet a new reader.
     
  11. YodaKenobi

    YodaKenobi VIP star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 27, 2003
    A Jag poem?... but it's by Tahi... I'll give it a shot :)

    *reads*

    I'm impressed :) You always use such beautiful language, but I think you may have out done yourself this time around. Great descriptions and thoughtful metaphors.

    He thought so too once,
    but that was when life was simple,
    back when he had no reason
    to pull the threads apart,
    to pluck away their clinging,
    cloying tendrils, and escape.


    I thought this bit was particularly telling, and well done as well.

    Then there was the shift of "War is as natuarl to him as... the throbbing tattoo of his heartbeat", taking us full circle to the beginning and then starting a completely different direction. It was an impressive shift, contrasting what life and war are to Jag before and after he knows Jaina.

    Your poems are always long and detailed, you can tell you put a lot of work into them :) It was time well spent, very nice, Tahi :D
     
  12. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    Wonderful, Tahi. Just beautiful. I love it when you post poetry here. I confess--I am a poetry fanatic. More than any other type of literature, I adore poetry. Absolutely excellent.
     
  13. Solo_and_Fel

    Solo_and_Fel Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 19, 2004
    This is a cool poem. I like the structure and how it looks like its being brought to an end, but then swerves into a new direction. It's sort of like a loop, if that makes any sense.
     
  14. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Yoda

    Yes - me writing Jag. Heh heh. Something of a sea change methinks.

    I've had the poem working out in my head for quite a while, so it didn't take all that much time to put down on paper. With poems I do most of the work before I actually write it. The only exception was that Yuuzhan Vong poem. That one I started cold and worked hours on it over a week. The rhymes were especially hard, plus I had to find a metaphor to bind the poem. Usually I have that sorted before I actually commit words to paper.

    So all in all it only took two sessions of a few hours each to put this together - I did a brainstorm Saturday and noted down all the ideas I had floating around in my head. Then the next day I selected a few ones that cohered nicely - and put them together. Kind of like doing a puzzle really.

    Glad you liked it anyway. :) Especially the language.

    CrazyRodian
    Hi - and thanks for those lovely feedback. :) Yes I LOVE poetry. So I'm glad you do too. :) I can't understand why so many people now don't like poetry or are kind of scared of it. Must be the education system these days. [grumble grumble grouch grouch] ;)
     
  15. Jags_Scoundrel

    Jags_Scoundrel Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 12, 2003
    Oh, Tahi, that was beautiful! I think you've captured Jag perfectly! [face_love]

    as the whisper
    of his breath
    against her hair
    when he takes her
    in his arms.

    The whisper of fabric against
    skin as she moves
    triggers the sensual
    memory of stolen moments,
    moments too few and
    so treasured,
    stolen moments
    that steal
    his breath.


    That part just made me melt! ** sigh ** (I'm such a sucker for mush.)

    Wonderful, wonderful poem! :) :D =D=
     
  16. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    SoloandFel
    Hi and great to meet another new reader. That's what is so cool on these boards - each new piece brings one in contact with more people. I love that. :)

    I know exactly what you mean by a loop effect - and I'm so glad you picked up on that. :) That is what I was aiming for - the metaphor of the starfighter looping and spiraling. Jag's background culture seems to me to be a bit like a loop in that it is very self-contained and "circular". Very locked into traditional ideas of duty and honour. Then of course - his thoughts are spiraling too as he tries to articulate his feelings. And the only way he can do this is to relate it to what he knows - and compare the differences.

    Thanks for reading, and for the feedback. :)

    Jags_Scoundrel
    Hi :) Good to see you again. How is the new year going?

    Thanks so much for the kind comments. Yes - I'm a sucker for mush too. :D

    Glad you think I have Jag true to character. It's always a bit scary stepping out of one's comfort zone. I'm challenging myself to write as many different characters as I can, so it's always comforting to feel that they're at least vaguely on track. :)
     
  17. LianaMara

    LianaMara Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 30, 2000
    Wallace Stevens! :D Yay!

    Oh, this is so lovely, Tahi. :D I love the figurative imagery, when Jag is puzzling through his thoughts about home, and then the literal imagery of his heartbeat leading into that shift to his feelings about Jaina. And that twist took me by surprise too!

    I liked how unsettling the line breaks were in this poem - it threw me off in spots, and really made me focus on the words, and what Jag was expressing.

    But here he is
    amongst the stars
    in the sky, and
    the view is breath-
    taking. And the war
    between mind and sky
    is very hard to explain . . .

    . . . but he is trying.


    I really love the ending. I think you summed up Jag's character - and the struggles he faces of balancing between his upbringing, and his love - in final stanza. (You captured Jag! :eek: How did you do it? :p ) And as always, your word choices were perfect. :D
     
  18. TKeira_Lea

    TKeira_Lea Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 10, 2002
    Nice job of capturing Jag's essence. Well done.

    Your writing has a wonderfully lyrical quality that is enjoyable to read.

    =D=
     
  19. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Liana
    Yay! You like Stevens? Ah birds of a feather . . . :)

    The man was a genius. Glory be how I wish I had his gift!

    I liked how unsettling the line breaks were in this poem - it threw me off in spots, and really made me focus on the words, and what Jag was expressing.
    Thanks especially for that comment as again that was part of the intention - to make the reader struggle a bit with Jag's expression so they could sympathise with his difficulty in articulation.

    Of course this is where Stevens' poetry is pertinent, because he was very interested, among other things, in the whole problem of how to express nature and reality.

    Heh heh - me capturing Jag? I think he'd soon run screaming from a house with 4 cats, one HUGE dog and a teething baby. :D ( Now there's a situation I'll bet they'll never subject people in these Survivor programmes to. LOL )

    Thanks for reading - and for the lovely feedback. Tu es tres symp. :)

    TKeiraLea
    Hi - and welcome. :) Thanks also for the feedback. :) Very kind. It's always nice to hear that readers enjoy my writing - as I tend to write the kind of thing I as a reader enjoy, but of course one is never completely certain that others will feel the same. LOL Writers' paranoia.

    Thanks also for the comment about the lyrical quality as that is something I do consciously try to put into my writing. Language is such fun to play around with. I think most of my favourite authors tend to be very lyrical in their approach.

    *****

    BTW - in case you want to know which poem that line is from - heh heh always trying to manipulate people into reading poetry - it's from "Notes Toward a Supreme Fiction".
     
  20. Jags_Scoundrel

    Jags_Scoundrel Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 12, 2003
    Hi :) Good to see you again. How is the new year going?

    Hello! :) Not too bad. I hope your new year is going well so far.

    It's always a bit scary stepping out of one's comfort zone.

    It's so scary for me, I really have yet to do it!

    I'm challenging myself to write as many different characters as I can, so it's always comforting to feel that they're at least vaguely on track. :)

    In this case, I'd say you're much more than vaguely on track - you've hit the bullseye! :D

     
  21. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Jags-Scoundrel
    Good to hear that 2005 is shaping up for you. :) My year has been a bit too hectic for my liking. I thought that once my kids struck high school and university that I'd start to get some of my personal space back again. DUH! Silly me. 8-} So I'm still struggling to get time to write - hence the tendency at the moment to write poems rather than update my long stories. Frustrating - but that's life as they say. [shrugs] Still hope breeds eternal.

    Thanks for the kind comments. Posting can be a scary process at times. So I appreciate the support of such lovely readers. :)
    Aroha

     
  22. JDH3

    JDH3 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    The vision is a tad blurry thanks to various cold medications, but I'm here. A poem about Jag...by Tahi? I do believe that deserves a quirked eyebrow. :p

    But here he is
    amongst the stars
    in the sky, and
    the view is breath-
    taking. And the war
    between mind and sky
    is very hard to explain . . .

    . . . but he is trying.


    Excellent ending. I think this sums up Jag's struggle throughout the NJO very, very well. :D

    Nicely done, Tahi. Nicely done. :)


    JD.
     
  23. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Oh - poor JD. I hope you're feeling better soon. [sends JD lots of Mantrusian herbal cold remedies] ;)

    (Loved that A/T Fireside Duel story BTW. :) )

    Thanks for reading - and glad you liked that bit. Yeah - I think Jag was a bit like a fish out of water at times. Poor guy.

    Aroha
     
  24. TahiriSoloFan

    TahiriSoloFan Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2003
    Ooooohhh! Tahi! =D= For me this just shows exactly how Jag really struggled and grew with his feelings & emotions as his relationship with Jaina grew. He was at times very confused and he struggled with the idea of being able to show emotions more freely among his current companions than the Chiss. Not too mention he was still maturing in general....at least emotionally.

    Great work!! [:D]
     
  25. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Yay! Hi TSF.

    Yep - that's the reading of Jag I have too. Actually I know a lot of men like that. LOL It was certainly harder for Jag though as he had all that rigid Chiss culture to trap him inside himself. Not healthy methinks. A psychologist would have a ball on Csilla. :D

    Thanks for reading. :)
     
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