Saga - ST Something in Kylo Ren's shoe--A Millicent the Cat story--Complete

Great chapter, of course Millicent would take over the First Order. Millicent rules!


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Aaah, Millicent! The gift that keeps on giving.

50 Shades of Orange... that is a little disturbing!!!

Uh huh, you just keep thinking that, big guy.

The truth is revealed! Millicent has already brainwashed the first order, but in the ultimate showdown with Blackie, who will be victorious?

I'm beginning to think Kylo's real father was James T. Kirk.

Aaaw... Blackie, you have to bring him back to the light.

The whole thing with Kylo & Hux squabbling like children, and Captain Peavey's relief at finally getting command to himself... So, so good!

 

Thanks kindly for reading/reviewing!

@AzureAngel2 glad you liked it and made you laugh
@Nehru_Amidala One Millicent to rule them all...

Uhhhh uh oh, Yeah. It needs an alternative title now! LOL

Good question...Can we expect so much of one kitten already out to save the galaxy? We'll have to see...

Uh...Leia...you have something to want to tell the galaxy?

 

@Findswoman Thanks for reading! I love that--- Mr. Glorious Emo Doofus LOL. Also, I hope you don't mind if I also use Mr. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren for future

As always, thanks for anyone who reads/reviews! It's very kind of you.

Okay, next chapter:

Chapter 26: Cat Chase and Ice Skating

"Attention, First Order!!" came the screaming accented voice of General Hux on the broadcast system aboard the Supremacy. “We have tracked down the Resistance! Prepare the fighters! Also, it has just come to my attention that Millicent was once again selected as employee of the month. WELL DONE, GRAND MARSHAL MILLICENT!!”

The crew clapped and cheered. Some kids were screaming ‘Millicent rules!’ while the senior officers were shaking their heads and rolling their eyes because Millicent was selected as employee of the month every month.

“Furthermore, you are all welcome to attend her ice skating tournament this evening hosted by the Supreme Leader!” Hux resumed. “MILLICENT RULES! That is all.”

“Yay!” screamed the teenaged officers in excitement. "Millicent rules!"

“Meowwwwwwwww,” meowed Millicent as the broadcasting still continued.

“Milly, dear, you need to now stop walking on the control panels immediately.”

“Mroww,” hissed Millicent as she was supposedly taken off the control panels. The crew shrugged, wondering why the announcement was still on.

There was a slight pause before Hux resumed. “What do you mean, I’m still on?! THEN TURN IT OFF THEY CAN HEAR ME!”

***
Leia watched the holographic screen projector suddenly reveal the First Order fleet looming into sight out of nowhere. "They've found us..."

“Anyone notice that random Star Destroyer with the orange cat ears?” asked Rose. “Kinda fu-uuunnnnky.”

Finn glared at her. “How are those your first words!?”

Meanwhile, Blackie jumped off Leia’s shoulder and rushed off with Poe and BB-8 towards the hangar bay to hop into an X-Wing and blow things up. Just then, an explosion sent them flying back into the hallway.

“Oh, dang,” whined Poe. “They destroyed our cat treat supplies!”

BB-8 beeped as he slammed into a wall from the blast.

"I just like cat treats, okay?" said Poe. "Why do you have to judge me, buddy?"

***
Later back in his room aboard the Supremacy, Kylo sat on his bed and mused on the events that had unfolded in the space conflict with the Resistance and his TIE silencer. He tried spinning--that was a good trick, or so his grandpa would say. He also had sensed Blackie and Leia on the Raddus and couldn't press the trigger. But his wingmate did. "I hope mom and Blackie are okay. Blackie will protect her."

Just then, he received another Force-skype from Rey. "I'll rather not do this right now...," she said as a random Porg crashed into her for no reason.

"Yeah, me too," agreed Kylo as he played video games.

Rey turned towards him, seeing him sitting in his underwear again. "Oh my gosh! Again!? Can you please cover up?!"

"Okay," agreed Kylo, putting a book over his face. "Is this better?"

"You really are hopeless...."

Kylo suddenly pulled out a guitar using the Force even though it was literally a few inches away from him. He struck a string and began singing in a half broken voice. "Ice cream girl, you've been living in your ice-cream world! I bet you never had a poptart guy. I bet your momma never told you why---cause she sold you for drinkin' money."

Rey cringed, covering her ears as she turned away. "Alright....Obviously you need my help. I'll be there soon."

"Kay. Bring Blackie. And maybe a few shirts. I keep losing'em for some reason....."

***
“With General Leia-Organa injured, I will be taking charge,” announced Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo as she stood before the surviving crew, holding her purple poodle. Miss Fussy had a hairdo similar to hers. “Furthermore, I have a plan but I’m absolutely not going to tell you about it. It may or may not involve poodles.”

Finn gulped. “I’m scared now, right!?”

“Cats rule, dogs drool,” protested Poe with Blackie sitting on his shoulder. He crossed his arms as he stared at the purple haired woman. “No dogs are gonna be leading us.”

“Quiet, flyboy!” warned Holdo as Miss Fussy growled.

“Can I have, like, a cool animal buddy, too?” asked Finn. “I’m gonna name him ‘Finny.’ WHOO!"

Holdo crossed her arms across her chest in disapproval. “Absolutely not.”

Finn cried on Poe’s shoulder as the pilot comforted him. “Shhh, it’s okay, pal. She's just a mean, mean lady..."

***
Aboard the Supremacy, there was a huge ice skating rink dedicated solely to Millicent. The cat did a little twirl before skating back to the edge to receive a treat. A group of spectator storm troopers gave her scores of 10, except one stormtrooper gave her a score of 6. The others turned towards him immediately as he flipped the card around, revealing a 9 instead and giving a thumbs up.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Snoke clapped proudly as he sat in his golden bathrobe beside his guards. "Well done, Grand Marshal Millicent!"

The ginger tabby did another twirl to show off while a random stormtrooper fainted upon seeing her in all her orange majesty.

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622 waving his arms around while wearing an orange hat.

“Boooo, Millicent sucks,” replied a voice.

“Who dares!?” cried Snoke as his Praetorian Guards prepared their weapons. “Who dares oppose the Grand Marshal!?”

“It was Kylo Ren!” announced General Hux as he pointed to a figure hiding in the trash can beside the cat gift store. “See? He’s hiding over there, Supreme Leader!”

“Tattle taler!” hissed Kylo as he crawled out of the trash with a poptart wrapper on his head.

“Silence!” snapped Snoke as he put on his golden sunglasses. “I have a headache from you two.”

“Welcome to my world,” muttered Captain Phasma as she played her cat collecting game. She swatted FG-5622 away from eavesdropping on her game tactics.

Kylo prepared his comeback. “Captain Phasma likes pink lipstick and she and General Hux use your credit card to buy funky cat furniture.”

“Liar,” replied Phasma, not even bothering to look up from the game. “Supreme Leader, I advise suspending his vending machine priorities immediately.”

“No!!” screamed Kylo in terror.

Snoke groaned in annoyance before turning to Hux. “General, I assume you’re setting up the Grand Marshal’s special event? It must be flawless.”

“Indeed, Supreme Leader,” answered Hux, ignoring Kylo making faces behind his back. “It will be announced at the Cat Social House.”

“Excellent,” said Snoke, nodding. He made his way towards the exit with a Millicent-themed balloon. Each of his Praetorian Guards also held one. “You kids better stay out of trouble."

*****
Next time....the mysteries of the cat social house.

 

“Silence!” snapped Snoke as he put on his golden sunglasses. “I have a headache from you two.”

“Welcome to my world,” muttered Captain Phasma as she played her cat collecting game. She swatted FG-5622 away from eavesdropping on her game tactics.

One jolly good moment hunts down the next one! Brilliant writing as always!

 

Been a while...thanks for all who continue to read/review!

@AzureAngel2 Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoy it
@Findswoman Millicent will soon be giving ice skating lessons to kittens at this rate! Blackie will reunite with Kylo very soon but we'll see how that goes..and whether or not he has a shirt on this time...LOL

Okay, next very delayed chapter right here:

Chapter 27: Cat Social House

Kylo Ren angrily wandered around the Supremacy as he explored the ship. He found Millicent’s ice skating rink, the large fitness center, Snoke’s golf course and badminton area, and the extensive shopping mall where all the teenagers loved going after work. He accidentally found a room with a bunch of Millicent’s abstract paintings and quickly closed it in terror.

“Weird freakin’ things around here,” he grumbled as he tumbled into the lower levels of the ship. He saw a bunch of the junior officers trying to peek through a tiny window that led to a mysterious room. There was a large orange neon sign outside that said, “The Cat Social House.”

Kylo Ren entered “The Cat Social House” as a whiff of smoke twirled around him. He showed his ID to the guard droid, which proved he was 29 years old. The guard droid wasn’t convinced based on the picture on the ID: an unmasked Kylo making a silly face. The droid let him through--- only because Kylo sliced it apart with his lightsaber.

He marched over to a group of older officers having whiskey and pretzels while watching a funky cat show. “What’s going on here? Does General Hux know about this place?”

One of the officers stared at him, amused that he was allowed inside the social house. She pointed over toward the back where the General was hanging out with Millicent and Captain Phasma on stage. “I don’t know, sir. Why don’t you ask him?”

Kylo made a cringed face and marched toward the stage angrily. Phasma was having wine, while Millicent and Tinny were playing the piano by walking all over the keys with their paws. General Hux was busy preparing the microphone to make another grand speech. “What’s going on over here!? I’m telling my mom all this. She’ll give you guys a lesson or two!”

“Phasma, please answer Ren’s inquiries,” commanded Hux as he prepared the cat slideshow.

Phasma turned her helmet towards Kylo. “Go away.”

“Weird adult things!” screamed Kylo, throwing his arms into the air. “There’s adult grape juice here, funky ladies dressed in cat costumes, people not in uniform, casinos! Pretzels! I’m telling Supreme Leader Snoke you guys are out of control!”

“Well, he’s right over there,” said Hux, motioning towards the bingo area.

Kylo’s eyes widened as he saw Snoke playing bingo with group of nice-looking ladies dressed in cat costumes. “Put me down on number 74!” yelled Snoke as he whispered to one of the ladies beside him. “I got a good feeling about that number!”

“Hello? Can everyone hear me?” asked General Hux as he tapped the microphone and tested it.

“We can, General,” answered one of the officers in the crowd.

“Can everyone hear Millicent?” he asked as he put the cat to the microphone.

“Meowwwww,” mewed Millicent loudly.

“Affirmative, General,” reported Phasma as she poured herself more wine and accidentally spilled some on his greatcoat that was on his chair.

“Excellent! Welcome to Millicent’s pre-celebration event. As all of you know, she has been promoted to Grand Marshal. Please also be aware that Captain Phasma’s kitten, Tinny, will perform a cute dance in the evening for us. Let’s give her a big hand for her help in organizing this event.”

The officers and stormtroopers cheered and clapped. In the back, a group of storm troopers held a huge sign which read, “We love you, Captain P!”

Suddenly, Kylo grabbed the microphone. “Attention everyone! This place is full of weird adult things! You guys should be ashamed of yourselves! You should be working in your uniforms at your stations! Also, storm troopers without their helmets on!”

“I authorized exceptional permission today,” clarified Phasma as she sipped her wine with a straw.

“Get off the stage, man,” complained a stormtrooper. “Millicent was about to sing!”

"MILLICENT RULES!" cried FG-5622 randomly.

Phasma resumed sipping her wine as she listened to the commotion, amused. She watched as Snoke’s Praetorian Guards kicked Kylo out and closed the door.

***
Later as the Resistance attempted to escape, Blackie sat overlooking the stars aboard the Raddus. With the First Order on their tail, Leia injured and an uncertain chain of command, he was in deep thought and he knew he had to do something to help the Resistance--- even if that meant returning to the First Order as a spy. Conditions aboard the Raddus were not favorable for a cat, anyways--- not with Amilyn Holdo's purple poodle barking at air for absolutely no reason. Then there was Poe trying to come up with a mutiny after that dog left a surprise in his shoe. Blackie was an action kitten--- he needed to do something. But how?

He mewed sadly to himself before hopping into his personal ship, the Black Cat. While Finn and Rose set off to Canto Bight to rescue space horses and feel sorry for random kids, Blackie sped off towards the Supremacy. He was about to land in the hangar when a little silver TIE fighter screamed into view and began firing. The black kitten spun his ship, dodging the fire. But Blackie was captured within moments and brought to the hangar bay.

Meanwhile, a random patrolling TIE fighter watched the mini cat battle in space and began recording. "Oh my gosh!" said the TIE pilot as she uploaded the video onto the First Order's CatTube livestream. "Captain Phasma's kitten in a little TIE fighter! I'm going to get 1 million views for sure!"

Back in the hangar bay, Captain Phasma approached the captive ship and her silver kitten's TIE fighter. The kitten stepped out to present her captured prey. "Good work, Tinny."

"Your kitten.....has a little TIE fighter?" asked General Hux as he glanced to her, chortling under his breath.

"What?" she asked. "Millicent has a little hat!"

Meanwhile, Blackie escaped by distracting the younger silver kitten with a yarn ball while the humans were arguing about little cat hats and TIE fighters. He had no time to waste. Soon, he would return to his duty as a spy to the Resistance and bring Kylo back to the light.

*****
Next time....Cat party.

 

This fic is like "Alice in Wonderland" with a lot of cats.

Still not sure who is the hero of this story. Hm, Kylo seems more like an anti-hero all the time and somewhat under-age. I bet that ID is wrong altogether and we are dealing with a 5 year old. because I had kindergarten kids with tantrums like that in the past. Minus light sabres.

 

Of course he is!

Because we don't care about bringing down the Resistance or anything... It's all about going viral!

The First Order continues to self destruct (I am beginning to wonder if Millicent & Blackie are in on this together). I love how Snoke is playing bingo, and Kylo is threatening to tell his mom (somewhere he still loves her?) Don't worry, Blackie! Even if you're captured, you know Kylo will defend you.

Laughing at Millicent winning the skating competition... not like it was RIGGED or anything!

This is all still utterly gonzo and so much fun!

 

Been a while...Thanks for all who continue to read!

Thanks for the comment! That is a very good comparison and spot on
I'm not sure who the hero is either, actually. And Kylo is definitely a 5 year old

That is a good point--those cats are probably up to no good. Thanks for the comment!

Thanks for the comment! Yes--the weird adult things are a bit too..weird for poor Kylo. Don't even get him started on that crazy adult grape juice! He is better off with his video games and Darth Vader action figures. Maybe Blackie will make him mature again though

Next chapter right here:

Chapter 28: Cat Party

When DJ, Finn and Rose snuck aboard the Supremacy, they noticed orange everywhere, and cat decorations. “Another party for Millicent,” whispered Finn. “I hate that cat!”

“Cat?” asked DJ. “You never said anything about cats, partner.”

“Millicent,” said Finn bitterly. “That cat is evil. She’ll pee on you, she’ll bite you and you might need a tetanus shot!”

DJ shifted his eyes. While they were busy glaring at the Millicent banners of her in a cute uniform, he made a run for it.

***
At the popular café, the Imperial Gem, General Hux was busy working through some documents on his datapad as he waited for Phasma to come back with their ordered drinks. Millicent was sitting obediently on his lap and smacked the datapad whenever he typed.

“I have what needs to be done for Millicent’s party,” started Hux as she returned. “Order the cake, and organize the military in a cat shaped formation; and iron her uniform. I’m putting you in charge of executing anyone who dislikes Millicent. There is no room for traitors, no room for cat haters.”

Suddenly, DJ appeared out of nowhere. “Some Resistance spies are sneaking around here. Here’s a picture of them.”

“I know that guy,” said Phasma. “That’s FN-2187 and some stupid girl.”

“That’s his girlfriend or somethin’, I dunno,” said DJ making a cringed face and shrugging.

Phasma seemed appalled. “FN-2187 has a girlfriend? I suddenly feel nauseous and might need to seek out the nearest washroom.”

“Also, the Resistance is secretly going to Crait. Asking for some hard-core cash and no cat surprises in shoes or elsewhere in return,” announced DJ.

“I do award spies accordingly,” said Hux, not even bothering to look up from his datapad. “Please accept a generous gift card, a complimentary fruit basket, and a free, one-month subscription to Millicent’s newsletter.”

“Uhh…. Thanks, I think,” said DJ. "Cats. Bip. Bloppity. Bloop."

***
Tinny alerted her owner of FN-2187’s presence as she proceeded towards his boot. Finn noticed the small silver kitten about to make a surprise on his boot. “Eww! Another cat!?”

“I see Tinny the armored kitty has found you, FN-2187," said Phasma suddenly as she walked into view with her blaster and with her stormtroopers. “Here to ruin Millicent’s party, I presume?”

“So, you have your own evil kitty now,” said Finn as he glared at his now smelly shoe. “I guess her secret weapon is peeing on people for absolutely no reason?”

"But Captain Phasma," said a random stormtrooper suddenly. "Why is your kitten called 'Tinny?' She has chrome armour like you. She should be called "Chromey."'.

"Good point, FH-2004," complimented Phasma.

"Thanks, Captain," answered the stormtrooper proudly.

"And now your vending machine priorities are suspended."

Finn whispered over to the now sad stormtrooper. "She doesn't like it when you offer good advice."

“Why does everyone have cats here?” asked Rose. "Freeeeakkky..."

Finn glared at her as they were shoved towards the main hangar area. ”How are those your first words?!”

"Just kind of weird," she replied, shrugging.

***
“General, remember FN-2187? I found out that he was the one who hurt Millicent’s feelings a few months ago. In fact, he stepped on her tail.”

“Ohhh…… Snap!” whispered a few officers in the background.

“Oh, crap,” whispered Finn as he kneeled before them, knowing that he probably needed new underwear by now.

Hux glared at the ex-storm trooper wrathfully and allowed Millicent to proceed with the punishment. Finn saw in the feline’s eyes the glimmer of her wild ancestors as she stared at him.

Millicent remained staring, her expressionless face motionless, and then raised her paw, revealing untrimmed claws.

“It hurts!” cried Finn as warm blood dripped down his face. The cat was staring at him victoriously because her revenge was now complete.

“Proceed with the payment as promised,” announced Phasma as a few officers handed DJ his free cat newsletter subscriptions, the complimentary fruit basket and gift card.

Finn glared at DJ. “You sold us out on cat newsletters!? CAT NEWSLETTERS!?”

"Cats, cats," said DJ, shrugging. "They bite you today, you bite them tomorrow. It's all business."

"You're wrong," whispered Finn. "And that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever...."

“Maybe,” said DJ as he held Millicent’s first original edition of her latest cat fashion newsletter ‘First Order Kitty Glamour’ and left.

“Can somebody tell me why everyone has cats here?” asked Rose.

“My face is scratched and they’re gonna kill us and you’re still asking that!?”

“I just think it’s weird,” she said. “Is it just me?”

“It’s kind of weird,” replied a random officer in the background. “I mean, we tolerate it, but it’s kind of weird, especially when cat surprises in shoes are involved.”

“I also had a cat surprise,” said a stormtrooper near them. “Took me a week to clean that off.”

“The next person who complains gets an immediate suspension of their vending machine priorities!” warned Phasma sternly as she turned to the naysayers.

“This whole place is weird,” whispered Rose to Finn, who really needed some bandages at this point. Meanwhile, Finn gulped as the silver kitten glared at him and began sharpening her claws against a scratching post a stormtrooper brought in for the execution occasion.

***
Back in Snoke's Throne room, Kylo and Rey confronted each other after defeating Snoke and the Praetorian Guards.

Rey reached for Luke's lightsaber but Kylo prepared to grab it as well. It ignited and suddenly he screamed and revealed a missing hand in his sleeve. "Ah, my hand! You monster!"

"Oh my gosh!" cried Rey. "I'm so sorry!"

"Haha," laughed Kylo, pulling out his hand from inside his sleeve. "Just kidding. You should have seen your face: Oh my gosh! I chopped off his hannnnnd! Haha."

Rey narrowed her eyes annoyingly and threw a random poptart straight between his eyes, knocking him out. She rushed off towards the escape pods, but looked back, seeing Blackie suddenly run into the room. He sat protectively on Kylo's chest. Rey forced a smile before leaving the ship.

Just then, General Hux walked into the fiery room with Millicent, seeing a sliced apart Snoke, an unconscious Kylo Ren, Porgs jumping around the place, and spontaneously exploding pizza. It was certainly a perfect opportunity to get rid of Ren as he reached for his blaster. The black kitten stared at him in warning.....and just then, Kylo woke up and was mumbling something about spaghetti.

"What........happened.....," demanded Hux, referring to the destruction in the room, the sliced Snoke, and the Porgs. Outside, half the ship was floating away into space along with a few freshers and a washing machine. Some stormtroopers were playing bingo in space and waved to him from outside.

Kylo stood up, smacking his lips as he mused. "In my defense..... I was left unsupervised."

Millicent rolled her eyes. Now the Kylo soap opera was just beginning.

******
Next time....Supreme Kylo!

 

“Millicent,” said Finn bitterly. “That cat is evil. She’ll pee on you, she’ll bite you and you might need a tetanus shot!”

Friends of mine have a cat like that. But luckily she tries to convince me that her kind is sweet and fluffy. Hum, I am not much of a cat person, but fate seems throwing them in my way. Trying to be noticed by me.

Of course I would never keep an owl. It is not natural. If I would live in the midst of a forest, and my ex offered me that chance once, then it would be a different kind of story. But I do not have the stomach to live together with a forester.

I nearly fainted when I noticed that the rabbit that @DarthUncle bought for us at the LIDL store still had a head.

Okay, back to the party buisness that got utterly out of hand.

It seems Hus calls in pest control for Kylo Ren and Rey now.

 

Thanks for the comment! Cats choose the people they like---I'm sure they must like you if they are trying to be noticed! Also, an owl would be very cool.

Thanks! DJ was fun to write----I think he would naturally be a cat person for some reason. Yes, never Hurt Millicent's Feelings™ that will only leave more than a surprise in your shoe...

Soap opera resumes!

Chapter 29: Supreme Kylo Part 1

After defeating Phasma and her evil kitten, Finn and Rose made a run for it but not before a lone stormtrooper decorated in orange cat merchandise blocked their way....

"Stop right there, cat hater!" warned FG-5622 as he pulled out a cat-shaped electric baton. "You will never defeat me for Millicent's feline power flows through my veins! I...BELONG...TO MILLICENT!!"

"Okay....I am genuinely freaked out by this cat stuff now," mumbled Rose.

FG-5622 pointed the baton at his rival. "You will subscribe to her newsletters, FN-2187!"

"NEVER!"

Rose glared at him. "Finn, just subscribe to her stupid newsletter so we can get out of here!"

"NO!" screamed Finn stubbornly, his face still bearing dried blood from the ginger cat's scratches.

"You leave me no choice, FN-2187!" cried FG-5622 as he approached them closer, but then tripped over a squeaky mouse toy. His helmet went flying off, revealing a stunning revelation.

"Hey, why does he look just like you?" whispered Rose to Finn. "Maybe you're twins. I mean, you're both kind of stupid."

Finn crossed his arms across his chest. "No brother of mine is a Millicent butt worshiper."

FG-5622 copied his motions. "And he hates Millicent, who rules. MILLICENT RULES!"

"Okay, so, like, you're the pro-Millicent and Finn's the anti-Millicent," suggested Rose. "Can we pleeasssssee go now?"

"Let's go! I've had enough of cats for one day," muttered Finn as he grabbed her hand and ran off with BB-8 in a transport.

Meanwhile, FG-5622 watched them escape, his orange cape waving behind him. He threw orange confetti into the air. "FN-2187, we will meet again. You will subscribe to Millicent's newsletter! MILLICENT....RULES!"

***
Back on Crait, the First Order and the Resistance were preparing for a final showdown.

"I know what you're going to say," said Leia when Luke Skywalker had joined them to battle his nephew. She was holding Miss Fussy the purple poodle in her arms. "....I got another cat."

"Except...that's a dog," corrected Luke.

"Hey, can I have a cool animal buddy now?" asked Finn, but his request went unanswered once again.

Luke peaked through the small window. The First Order was right at their doorstep with their massive AT-ATs which suspiciously looked like giant cats. "Alright, what do we got here?"

"Two cats and a manchild," replied Poe.

"Manchild will be easy, cats will be difficult," reported Luke as he polished his sunglasses.

"One of the cats is on our side, Master," said Rey. "Blackie the black kitten."

"Why does everyone keep talking about cats!?" pouted Rose.

Finn pointed a finger at her in warning. "Stop being annoying." She blew a raspberry at him in revenge.

Luke turned to Leia. "Let's do this thing. And may the Force be with us all.”

***
Mr. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren arrived down on the salty sands with Blackie to face his uncle.

Luke Skywalker stood before him, lowering his cool sunglasses. "Is that..a cat?"

"Her name is Blackie cause she's black like Darth Vader and the darkside," replied Kylo as he ignited his lightsaber. The kitten sat on his head as Kylo finished smoothly. "It's...a cool color."

"Anndddd...that cat is clearly a guy," added Luke, rolling his eyes. "Wait...let me guess: you didn't notice, right?"

"NO!"

"No that you didn't notice or that you refuse to admit your kitten's a dude?"

"You got it all wrong," protested Kylo. "Blackie's special."

"Listen Benny Boy," said the last Jedi as he adjusted his awesome sunglasses. "Blackie's a dude. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can return to the light side."

"LIES!" screamed Kylo, slashing at his uncle with his saber.

Luke blocked the blow before stepping back. "Strike me down and me and your dad are gonna haunt you while you sit on the fresher....."

Suddenly, Kylo seemed confused as he lowered his weapon and stared at the man before him. "Wait...what?"

"See you around, kid," said Luke as he gave a salute and winked to Blackie. Blackie winked back and the man disappeared.

"I'm confused about what just happened," admitted Finn as the Resistance made a run for it. Meanwhile, Leia sensed Blackie would fulfill his duties to her and the Resistance.

Back on the Supreme Leader's transport, General Hux observed the scene below as he pet Millicent in a scheming, villainous way. Kylo was screaming another tantrum. "Pretty easy target, isn't he?" he suggested slyly as he glanced over to an officer beside him.

Millicent was pleased by this and agreed with a meow. And so began the assassination attempts on the new Supreme Leader.

***
When the Resistance attacked the Supremacy, Millicent’s party was ruined before it had even begun. FN-2187 had escaped and left her falling in the flames that erupted, but that was no way to get rid of Captain Phasma. And now her desire for revenge was greater than ever. But after falling into a lower floor and escaping the flames, Tinny was nowhere to be found and she was beginning to worry about her silver kitten.

She checked her burnt communicator device: 600 unread messages. "Great. I go away for five seconds and chaos breaks out.”

***
"Where is Captain Phasma?" demanded General Hux as he patrolled the lower levels of the Supremacy with a squad of stormtroopers. Millicent was on a leash as she observed the damage and small fires in the corners.

"She was last seen battling a former traitor. Sir, this is all we found," said a stormtooper, handing him the Captain's broken chrome helmet. The flames barely even touched it.

He held the helmet in his hands for a long time. If there was ever a shred of sadness on Armitage Hux's face it was there now. He mused for a moment before turning to the troops. "Find her!"

Suddenly, Tinny the armoured kitty appeared out of nowhere and mewed something nervously.

"Of course, the medical bay!" said Hux as he followed the kitten into the next corridor with Millicent hastily.

"Wait... he actually understands cat?" asked a stormtooper.

"That's just weird, man," said another.

***
General Hux found Phasma in the medical bay after being alerted by Tinny. Her armor mostly protected her, but she was treated for burns to her face by the medics. Hux seemed concerned as he stepped forward. “Your helmet. I have repaired it for you.”

Phasma accepted it and set it aside before turning to him. “What happened? Why is half the ship duck-taped?”

“Perhaps it’s best if I show you...,” replied Hux hesitantly as they prepared to enter the Throne room. Because who knows what was going on there when the Supreme Leader was left unsupervised.

****
Next time...Supreme Kylo continues!

 

OMG! This thing is just a perpetual flood of "What the kriff even?"!!

Maybe that's why it's so great....

 

Yeah!

The fight between Luke and Benny-Bunny has a totally new dimension when you add cats to it!



Thank you! I needed that laugh, with 3 people down in my family.

 

There is so much good stuff here. Love that Rose is the only one who seems to realize how weird this all is. Love the idea of Imperial walkers shaped like cats. They're probably painted orange. Love Blackie rejoining the F.O. and saving Kylo's life.

Love this!

Finn wants a pet named Finny... guessing that would be a goldfish, and not having high-hopes for it's survival with all these cats around!

Yeah, this is just so off the wall... and yet, it still seems coherent! Mostly.

BLACKIE RULES! (although I'm sure he doesn't want to)

 

Some replies:

Yeah, probably. Thanks for the comment!

Thanks for the comment, Finds! There needs to be at LEAST one person in this story who is sane and thinks this whole cat thing is crazy but nobody believes them and Rose just fit that for some reason

Probably, but Ep 9 is still a long way away and who knows what will happen in it. So this story might go a bit into Ep 9 then.

Glad I could make you laugh and thanks for the comment I hope things improve for you and your family

The walkers in TLJ already look like cats though---I mean, if you look closely they kind of look like giant tailless cats, don't they? Is it just me...or... (but they should be painted orange!)

Whether he wants to or not BLACKIE RULES!! and will get his own newsletter

Okay, next (short) chapter coming up.

 

We will have 3 dueling cat newsletters by now @Findswoman

next chapter right here:

Chapter 30: Supreme Kylo Part 2

“Alright, what’s going on here?” demanded Phasma as she walked into the throne room like a boss with Hux, Millicent and the silver kitten, Tinny.

Kylo waved from the throne room chair with Blackie sitting on his head, making a nest out of his hair as he sat shirtless for absolutely no reason. Something was on fire in the corner. There was pizza on the ground that suddenly and spontaneously exploded and there were Porgs jumping around the place, one of which was half eaten by the black kitten. “Hi!”

“Hi,” replied Phasma as she observed the mess and the dirty laundry lying around. “Why is the Supreme Leader dead and why are you on his chair, sir? Also, how did you get Blackie back?”

“He just kinda died for some reason,” said Kylo, shrugging. “And ice cream girl gave me my cat back. But she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and friendzoned me.”

“People don’t usually fall apart like that, sir,” said Phasma suspiciously as she looked at Supreme Leader Snoke still in the corner. “Are you sure someone didn’t kill him or something?”

“Nope,” said Kylo, wiggling his finger in a ‘no, no’ gesture. “Also, I guess I’m the Supreme Leader now or whatever. Listen, Phas, I can grant you the title of…Mistress of Cats. Make a cool newsletter for Blackie. I will call it, ‘Blackie’s cool newsletter.’”

“What an innovative title, Supreme Leader,” she said, not even trying to hide her sarcasm. “I will tell FG-5622 to begin immediately.”

Kylo gave a thumbs up in approval. “Cool beans!”

“Supreme Leader, why doesn’t your cat grow?” asked Hux suddenly as he observed the black cat. “That kitten is five months old and hasn’t changed at all.”

“Good question, General,” said Kylo as he picked up Blackie into his lap. “That is because Blackie is like one of those cats that never grows. She’s just going to be a kitten forever, I guess.”

"What?" asked Phasma in disbelief. "How does that even make any sense?"

"It makes total sense, Captain," said Kylo. "I read it in a book once."

Hux rolled his eyes, but attempted to remain his cool as he answered sardonically. "Are you sure it was a book, Supreme Leader? Are you sure it wasn't.....nothing?"

"Hmm," mused Kylo as he smacked his lips. "Probably."

“Another thing: apparently the ship is fixed with duct tape. I highly recommend repairing it properly.”

Kylo leaned in his seat as he glared at him. “What are you talking about, catboy? Duct tape holds the universe together. The ship will be fine.”

"But Suprem---"

"General Hux," started Kylo seriously as he pet Blackie in a cool way. "You may be wondering why I bother keeping you around. That is because I do not know how to use the microwave. I also do not know how to run a military. I also need someone to constantly remind me not to press the big red button beside my chair that says, 'do not touch.' You think you can do this?"

Hux sighed and replied in a monotonous way. "Supreme Leader, do not touch that big red button beside your chair."

Kylo gave a thumbs up in approval.

“Here’s a crazy idea,” suggested Phasma, already annoyed by the entire situation. “How about we find the Resistance and destroy them?”

“That is also a cool thing we can do,” agreed Kylo as he stroked his chin in thought. He wiped some sweat from his forehead suddenly and blew out a tired sigh. “This Supreme Leader stuff is really hard. Gonna have to call it a day, guys. Bye.”

As Kylo Ren walked off with Blackie sitting on his head like some kind of a leech, Millicent glared at him, knowing that the reign of Supreme Leader Ren would not last long under her watch.

*****
Next time....Supreme Kylo continues!

 

Kylo Ren is a terrible Supreme Leader! Hurry up Millicent!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

I am not surprised that Blackie ate a Porg. I'm sure that he & Tinnie will take care of the rest of them fairly quickly. Exploding pizza?!

Wow, guess his dad DID teach him a thing or two! There's no other explanation for the Millennium Falcon.

Millie vs. Blackie... bring it!!! (Although Kylo is less likely to damage the galaxy than Snoke...)