Sports jokes

I'm guessing we've pretty much all heard the standard slate of sports jokes ("What do you call 53 guys sitting on the couch watching the playoffs...?" "What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring?" etc.), but maybe we can unearth a new gem here.

This one's my all-time favorite

 

I've heard that one about many teams in all sports. It's a classic.

 

He'skey.

 

Washington State

 

University of Memphis football. *sigh*

What DO you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring?

 

A thief.

I guess.

 

a former free agent.

or a washed up veteran at his last stop.

although i suppose a thief is funnier.

 

What do you call 53 millionaires watching the Superbowl?


































The Dallas Cowboys

 

Reporter: "How would you improve hockey in Canada?"

Fred Shero: (old Philadelphia Flyer coach): "Don't show Leaf games on TV."

 

... A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field.

He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken.
The man replied, "No."

Amazed the young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?"

The older gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away."

"Oh, how sad," the man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?"

"No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral."

 

Zing!

 

USC = University of Spoiled Children


USC = University of South Central


etc. etc.


I also know one about UCLA, but it's politically incorrect and would land me a ban.

 

"Thief" is the correct answer.

Nice one, Rhonderoo. Had never heard it before; that's why I started this thread.

One time, I asked a good friend of mine(a huge NFL fan) via IM how you keep Bears out of your camp-site. He answered very seriously, suggesting putting up bear traps and banging pots and pans to make loud noise. Then I said simply "Put up some goal posts".

 

The 2010 New York Giants Defense would work as well.

 

I have a feeling I know that one. Maybe its just something similar, though.

 

[image=http://www.cantstopthebleeding.com/img/donald_sterling.jpg]

They beat Boston!: 2009-2010 L.A. Lakers: Back-to-Back World Champions

 

A farmer was walking in his fields near Ann Arbor, Michigan and he heard the sound of distant singing. Confused, he tried to follow the sound. It led him to a group of his cattle and surprisingly to the rear end of one little calf. He bent down and lifted the tail so he could hear clearer and it was the University of Michigan Fight Song!

Amazed, the farmer loaded his calf into a trailer and drove into town. He went to see his vet and explained what he had discovered. The vet said "well, bring em out and we'll take a look." So the farmer led the calf out of his trailer and up the vet. The vet bent down, lifted the tail and calmly stood back up. "Sure enough, that is the University of Michigan Fight Song."

The farmer was ecstatic. "Doc! Why aren't you more excited!? This is amazing! Unheard of! We gotta tell people!"

The vet, a third generation Ohio State University grad said, "Hell Bud, I'm a Buckeye- I have been listening to ***holes sing that song my whole life"

 

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

I originally heard that one with the Denver Broncos being the punchline.

 

I heard it, but the boy was a bear, and the team was the Chicago Bears.

 

Shoot me a PM and we can confirm if it's the same joke.

 

Two Vancouver Canuck players were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "Bear Left" so they went home.

 

There's a tornado warning for Dallas, Texas. All residents should seek shelter at Dallas stadium because there's no chance of a touchdown there.

 

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto ?

None of them can play hockey.

 

lmao!

 

"I don't talk to kickers. What do you say to kickers? Kick???"
--Joe Paterno, Penn State football coach