Star Wars EP IV: A New Hope (UK FF Stylee)

vrootbeeptootbeepbeeptootwhistlebeeptootpopwhinebuzzzfartpoptootbeepbeepbeep
(*****, what the hell are you doing here, and i though id lost you

 

Oh stop being a moody puss...do you like my tan??

 

vrootbeeptootbeepbeeptootwhistlebeeptootpopwhinebuzzzfartpoptootbeepbeepbeep
(aaaarrrrrggggggh)
//start frantically trying to head but 3po

 

3PO and R2 noisily bounce along inside the cramped prison chamber. Artoo appears to be shut off.

Suddenly the shaking and bouncing of the Sandcrawler stops. At the far end of the long chamber a hatch opens, filling the chamber with blinding white light. A dozen or so Jawas make their way through the odd
assortment of robots.


JAWA: OO OO OOO OO O EEE AAAA

(That one...that one...not you sucker...you...)

 

Oh dear...what now??

 

The Jawas mutter gibberish as they busily line up their battered captives beside a small homestead consisting of three large holes in the ground surrounded by several tall moisture vaporators and one small adobe block house.

A voice calls out from one of the huge holes that form the homestead.

BERU: Luke, tell that no-hoper Uncle of yours that he better get a droid that speaks blotchy or his ass is mines...

 

*Cue sounds of Jawas shouting "Zuchini"!*

 

I think you'll find it isn't 'Zuchini' but rather a homage to the delectable delights of Del Monte's 'Frutini'. Listen carefully...

 

Ye can kiss my arse ye silly cow. We'll jist hifta get fit ever een ther is. I doubt if Owen'll get you anither een o those dildroids!

 

*Vader mindsweeps the planet surface in a vain attempt to locate the plans*

 

Don't take that tone with me young man...now...where is that husband of mines...probably out in the fields with a bottle of Twin-Suns Shine...

Find him...then go get me a droid that speaks blotchy...or your ass is mines...

And no blue milk for you if you give me any more cheek!

 

I Think I can safely say that, after last night, I have had enough blue milk

 

*Waiting for Arun, seeing as Vader's attempts at standing in for Uncle Owen proved disastrous for the life of this thread*

 

*Vader in Directors chair* Come on people, lets hustle!

 

Far th' Hell is tha uncle o mine? Mebbe he saw fit a drunken whore aunti Beru is an went aff tae fin himsel' some new filly

 

@ Gav.

//meanwhile on a space cruiser en route to the Dith Star Leia Cantona is shackled in a prison cell.

C'mon officer, I'm all tied up, you can take advantage of me.

//Hmmm.. hope I don't get rescued too early, this could be fun.

 

vrootbeeptootbeepbeeptootwhistlebeeptootpop
(what you lookin a yer pair of farmers, never seena droid with no arms before?)

 

I sense a commotion in the force.....where the fluck is that Skywalker loser?...he should been here hours ago...maybe I should go and meet him?....and who the hell am I talking too?! Damn Desert heat and senility....

*Pulls hood up and breaks the Jedi implement known only as the Bo'ng. Proceeds to hit it hard*

 

Standing in for Arun's OWEN & THREEPIO

OWEN: *hic* heloooo midget...Iwannadroidthasspeaksblotchy

JAWA: Voo tweeeep (wha' the fluck did he say?)

OWEN: (taking a swig of Twin-Suns Shine) Blotchy! Ya northern monkey...

THREEPIO: Oooo errr, you're a fine figure of a man, I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication...even...body language...

OWEN: I 'ave no need for a rent-droid you sicko. Wha' I need iss a droid that understands...um....understands....*hic*...vibrators- I mean...vaporators...

THREEPIO: Ooooooo...my first job was programming trinary vibrators...

OWEN: I'll take this one. Luke, this golden fecker and that wee red one to the garage, will you? I want you to
have both of them cleaned up before dinner.

 

Luke: Look, new droids think of all the things that they can do, they can carry the buckets of moisture intread of me, and I can goto the acadamy of actors this year so that I can improve my acting skills.

 

C3P0: Sir, I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, but even I don't know what the fluck you are talking about here...!

 

*Vader from Directors Chair* Whoa hoss! You guys... check the first couple pages! We need to make sure we know who is who! Arun is 3PO (though feck knows where he is!) and Gav is Luke, I believe... anyone know what parts are still available?

 

*Please sir, I was standing in for Aruns parts so we could progress the story...*

 

*Id like to be Ani-Won Kenobo*

 

Rightee.. lets get on with the show!