Saga - ST Star Wars: Millicent Rules! The Series

Thanks for dropping by! They are rival crazy cat people though! A shame the Resistance and the First Order can't get along given that cats are the common factor here!

 

So THAT'S where the breathing comes in! Wonder if cat allergies like that are handed down in families.

Hm... *eyes the one at work* So you're saying that I should keep my lightsaber in my desk?

He wears black! He's cool! You expect him to *pay*??!!

Are these all from the Groot planet?

She's a nurturer.

Dunno... if they like cats, how bad can they be? Wait, what am I saying?!!

 

Millicent TOTALLY has one of these...

 

That's probably why Luke went to live on an island---away from the cats and cat allergies

I would say yes!

A cat nurturer!

Does this come in a Starkiller Base edition?

thanks for the comments/reads! Next chapter right up.

 

Chapter 7

“Ewwww!” cried Finn in disgust, seeing the unexpected cat surprise literally right on his bedsheet. Only on his bedsheet. “Did you guys see that!? Millicent just crapped on my bed and ran away!”

“She doesn’t like you,” replied FN-2003.

“Pffff! Well, I don’t like her either, and she smells funny!”

Meanwhile, FG-5622 was eavesdropping by the stormtrooper housing doorway and gasped in terror. A Millicent hater! He ran over to Captain Phasma’s division and saw her reading cool cat magazines again about cats wearing miniature armor. “Captain Phasma, Captain Phasma!! FN-2187 said he doesn’t like Millicent and that she smells funny!”

Phasma sighed and reluctantly stood from her seat, proceeding to open a cabinet full of silly cat themed stickers and placed one on the stormtrooper’s helmet. “Well done, FG-5622. Another sticker earned.”

FG-5622 squealed in delight before running off. Suddenly, a hologram of General Hux appeared on her desk. “Phasma, I have a mission for you: report to Canto Bight to strike a deal with the CEO of The Cat Furniture Unlimited Society. This alliance will benefit the First Order’s feline business relations.”

“It will be done, General.”

“Also,” added Hux, “don’t forget to pick up Millicent’s friends for her birthday party.”

***
“Remind me why we’re here again?” asked Rose as she hid with Poe behind a casino machine and watched Phasma speak with a short businessman wearing a cat tie.

“Trying to catch the First Order red-handed.”

“Okay. And the kitten?”

Blackie sat on Poe’s shoulder and shifted his eyes suspiciously. “He’s a spy in training. Now keep quiet. I bet this has something to do with Millicent.”

“Who?”

“The First Order’s cat. She has a little hat. An evil little hat.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS!?”

Poe nodded. “Pretty sure…. That hat must be equipped with all sorts of spy devices and weapons. You can never trust cats with little hats.”

“I think you totally missed my point here---“

“Shhh!”

“Why, of course, Captain Phasma,” said Stan Katso, the CEO of The Cat Furniture Unlimited Society. “I’ll be pleased to form an alliance with the First Order.”

“Excellent,” replied Phasma. “I’ll inform General Hux immediately. Please accept this complimentary fruit basket and a free, one-month subscription to Millicent’s newsletter.”

“Fruit basket!” gasped Poe while Blackie adjusted his spy collar. “Fruit stolen from the planets they conquered!”

“How is this at all relevant to anything!?” hissed Rose in frustration. “And why is that guy from a cat furniture company?! How does any of this even makes sense!?”

“Rose, don’t overthink this, okay? We gotta finish the mission and report back to Leia.”

“Can someone please tell me what’s with all this cat stuff!?”

***
Captain Phasma returned to her silver TIE Fighter which was parked literally in the middle of a busy beach. Angry tourists were now throwing out unspeakable profanities at her while she swatted away the parking tickets casually. She proceeded to leave the planet to pick up Millicent’s friends from their various owners from various planets, all affiliated with the First Order.

And so her TIE Fighter was soon filled with cats and only one cat remained for pickup, a chubby Persian cat that acted like a certain spoiled and arrogant brat she knew.

“Get in, fatso,” she ordered, motioning to the only free space left in the fighter that was not yet occupied by a cat.

The cat stared at her with widened eyes, shocked that he was being called "fatso." Now he was extremely offended and refused to attend, returning back to his cat tree.

This cat stuff is getting out of control, she thought.

***
Back at the Resistance, Leia was reviewing the recorded spy material Blackie got for them. “They must be preparing for Millicent’s birthday party and are using this to their advantage to form alliances. We can’t let the First Order gain support!”

“Can someone please explain all this cat stuff for me!?” whined Rose. "I'm very confused."

Paige placed her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Rose, I think it’s safer for you to go to your room.”

“Are we still hosting Blackie’s welcome cat party?” asked Poe randomly while BB-8 beeped in agreement. “I can order the black cat-droid themed cake.”

Rose stared blankly and then nodded to her sister before proceeding back to the safety of her room. “Yeah. Good idea.”

*****
To continue....

 

Rose and Finn are clearly destined to be together!

For one minute, I thought Blackie was going to jump out of the cake at Millicent's party to infiltrate it.

 

Phases doesn’t like the mean cat, but she likes Millicent. Makes sense.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

So it seems! They are both.....confused about the cats although I suppose Finn kind of 'gets' the cat thing.

Now there's an idea....I guess we will have something similar in the next chapter!

Yup, although Millicent is a different kind of mean...a mean girl kind of mean

Thanks all who commented and read! Next chapter is a bit early and a bit short....hopefully it's amusing!

Chapter 8

“Ready Blackie, BB-8?”

The droid beeped in the back cockpit of the X-wing while Blackie meowed out in response beside Poe. The X-wing was slowly approaching a hidden asteroid somewhere in the Unknown Regions. It barely slipped away from a pair of patrolling TIE-Fighters before making a landing quietly in one of the empty hangars behind some giant boxes labelled “C.A.T.”

“C.A.T,” whispered Poe, inspecting the area. “It must stand for Catastrophic Annihilating Things, as expected from the First Order. Leia was right: they must be hiding thousands of weapons in here! BB-8, guard the ship! We gotta get to the bottom of these secret weapons…”

BB-8 beeped in response, watching as the duo began digging through some of the smaller boxes. Poe found a box full of tiny laser pointers.

“Tiny lasers!” gasped Poe in horror. “To destroy…. tiny planets with!”

Blackie turned an eye to him, wondering what he was talking about. Clearly these were laser pointers for cats. Cat toys. All of this stuff was probably cat toys. He could smell the catnip in one of the C.A.T boxes!

“We gotta blow this place,” said Poe, taking out a few detonators and proceeding to set them up around the hangar. Blackie was now shaking his head. “What do you mean, no? Blackie, you’re too young to understand this. The First Order is probably preparing invasion and we gotta stop’em!”

Blackie paw-palmed. If only he could talk and explain to him that this asteroid was probably a supply center for Millicent’s birthday party. Not that he was against ruining her birthday party or anything, but all the cat toys would go to waste!

“Hey, you over there,” called a pair of stormtroopers wearing orange cat earmuffs. “Stop right there!”

Poe jumped back into the X-Wing with Blackie under his arm. “This place is gonna blow in 2 minutes so you better get out of here!”

“What?” asked one of the stormtroopers, not hearing properly because of the earmuffs.

“He said this place will blow up so we should leave,” answered the other stormtrooper.

“That’s a good idea---Hey, he’s escaping!”

***
“CAT-002 destroyed, General,” reported Umano aboard the Finalizer.

Hux turned to her in surprise. “What?”

She played a recorded video of a spectacularly exploding asteroid with added special effects while Poe screamed ‘yee-haw!’ and flew away in his X-wing in a dramatic escape.

Millicent’s brown eyes were now watering with tears. Her birthday supply stuff was entirely on that asteroid and the Republic just came along and destroyed it! What would she tell her friends now that her birthday party was ruined?

Hux sighed, just barely holding his anger in as he turned to Phasma. "Inform the guests we will be having an....uneventful cat birthday party."

"How disappointing, General," said Phasma while reading cat magazines and seemingly unconcerned. "I will inform them right away."

"My Darth Vader limited edition keychains and donut holders were on that asteroid!" complained Kylo Ren as he suddenly walked into the command centre. "The Republic will surely pay for this!"

"Ren, why would you hide Darth Vader merchandise on an asteroid?" asked Hux annoyingly.

"Good question, General," sneered Kylo sardonically. "And why are you hiding cat supplies on an asteroid?"

"Perhaps it's best not to hide anything on asteroids," suggested Phasma.

***
Back on D’Qar, Leia and the Resistance were listening to a forwarded hologram from the Republic on Hosnian Prime that they received from the First Order just hours after Poe destroyed the asteroid CAT-002.

“This is General Hux of the First Order,” reported the hologram of an enraged Hux holding a sad Millicent. “A Republican vessel mercilessly destroyed my cat’s feline supplies. Her birthday party is now ruined. Look at her. LOOK AT HER!” And here Hux held up a very sad ginger tabby that was very sad indeed and her whiskers were drooped. Even her little hat was sad! “Millicent is devastated. Her feelings hurt. For such a crime there can be no forgiveness, no mercy. Mark my words: the end of the Republic is nearing!”

Leia put her hand gently on her chin, analyzing the message. “If anything, this is obvious proof that the First Order is a threat!”

“General Organa,” replied a member of the Republican Senate via hologram. “This isn’t a threat at all but rather a random guy screaming because his cat’s feelings are hurt. You expected us to take this seriously? It’s a joke. They have no weapons, and they pose no threat. We won’t support you in your efforts.”

The hologram turned off. Leia sighed. If only Poe had actually destroyed the right asteroid like she told him to…. “Privilege to hop into an X-Wing and blow things up suspended.”

“What!” whined Poe.

“You need to learn to follow directions, Poe Dameron,” said Leia, turning to him sternly. “I specifically told you to inspect asteroid CAT-005 not CAT-002. The names are literally written on the asteroids themselves!”

“Well, we ruined Millicent’s party, didn’t we? How will the First Order recover from this?”

***
Back on the Finalizer, General Hux had given the order for the manufacturer of thousands of new weapons and Star Destroyers. Meanwhile, Phasma was reluctantly driving all of Millicent’s angry friends back to their home planets after an uneventful birthday party lacking cat treats and cat toys.

Millicent flattened her ears as she stared out into space from one of her mobile cat trees. She would have her revenge.

*****
To continue....

 

Probably time for a new chapter!

Chapter 9

General Hux was entering one of the elevators aboard Starkiller base when he noticed Kylo Ren running towards him in the very far distance.

“Wait, wait, wait! Hold the elevator!” cried Kylo Ren.

Hux curled his lips in fury. Oh no you don’t, he thought while calmly pressing the close button. Hopefully the elevator would close in time…. Hopefully.

“Wait, wait, wait!”

Kylo Ren was now approaching closer. Hux was now frantically pressing the close button and to his luck the elevator shut close seconds before Kylo could enter. Another job well done!

Suddenly he jumped back in terror as a lightsaber blade began melting the elevator door. Kylo had cut himself out an entrance and stepped in. He pressed the button for the 8th floor while glaring. “Dude, I said hold the elevator! Why do you have to be such an ass?”

Hux shot a glare at him from the corner of his eyes.

“Jerk-face,” mumbled Kylo.

“I heard that, Ren.”

“I’m sure you did, General! Considering you’re standing right beside me…”

Hux was now quietly fantasizing about tossing Kylo Ren into the nearest airlock. That stupid elevator music resembling the Imperial March was the only sound in the elevator for the few seconds he had to be stuck in the same place with the incompetent manchild.

“Lost your little cat napkin in the hallway, General,” said Kylo, tucking in a napkin into Hux’s pocket while whistling the elevator music. “Here. To wipe your little cat’s butt with.”

“Piss off, Ren,” warned Hux.

“After you!”

Ding!

Kylo Ren stepped out of the elevator. “Enjoy your day, General,” he said mockingly.

Hux stared after him hatefully, still standing in the now half-destroyed elevator with a melted hole. This repair would easily cost a few thousand credits. “Yes,” he answered bitterly.

***
Finally arriving on the 10th floor, Hux was on his way to his office when he spotted a tourist vehicle in the middle of the hallway. Wait, what---a tour guide in the middle of the hallway!?

“And here we have Millicent’s gift shop! Don’t forget to buy your limited-edition cat slippers,” announced a nice-looking blonde lady aboard the vehicle while tourists were snapping pictures. “I hope you enjoyed the tour of Starkiller base!”

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622 while riding in the vehicle beside the tourists wearing a cat-themed baseball cap.

“Tour…?” asked Hux before turning to Phasma who was standing by the gift shop. “Explain this absurdity!”

“Ah, yes,” started Phasma. “Supreme Leader Snoke suggested attracting tourists to Starkiller base to add extra revenue to the First Order. Millicent’s gift shop is a big hit. Don’t worry-- the tourists come from a galaxy far far away in another dimension. Apparently in this dimension we’re all movie characters and that’s where all the cats come from.”

He raised an eyebrow, stared at her, and spun his heel to leave immediately. “That’s quite enough….,” he mumbled, and refused to look back. At that very moment, a Millicent marching band passed through and almost ran over Kylo Ren.

***
Back in his office, another mindless employee was now annoying him.

"I'm afraid you can't just throw Millicent off the console, Lieutenant," Hux was explaining to the young officer, Dopheld Mitaka, sitting terrified in front of him.

"But General," protested Mitaka. "Millicent was pressing colorful buttons and accidentally deactivated gravity and we were all floating around the Finalizer for hours!"

"Ah, yes," agreed Hux, nodding. "Millicent enjoyed her swimming lessons that day."

"General, I fear you are misunderstanding what I am saying," said Mitaka hesitantly. "You see, I think it is a bad idea that Millicent can walk over the control consoles and nobody can throw her off. What if she deactivates the oxygen supply next time or----"

Hux waved him off towards the door. "That's enough, Lieutenant. Now return to your station immediately before I assign her your post."

Millicent sat in her tea-bag shaped sleeping bed and glared at the young officer, blowing a raspberry at him.

Mitaka crumbled his little hat nervously and walked out of the office quickly. He was already terrified of Millicent and of the cute kitten motivation posters and the ceramic cat vases. Now Hux was threatening to get Millicent to take his job. The cat stuff was getting out of hand and all he could do was pray that the cat wouldn't steal his chair. And while he was musing, he tripped and fell into the nearest recycling bin just as Captain Phasma stormed into the General's office.

"We need to talk, Armitage," demanded Phasma as she sat down. "I feel it is unfair that you have a cat and I do not. As you recall, we have been friends for the last 10 years and I killed your dad. My demand is that I want a cat. Preferably an evil kitten. I’ll call her Tinny and she will wear armor.”

“Well then, Phasma,” he said, motioning to the box full of thousands of cat requests beside Millicent. “I invite you to fill out one of these forms and submit your request. Presumably I will get to it someday.”

Phasma wrote her request and put it in the box while recycling the 800,000 other cat requests and left. No one else would have a cat now…

***
Back at the Resistance, Leia was preparing to send Blackie off as a spy to the First Order. She was sure Kylo Ren would be naïve enough to think the kitten was innocent in her plan to bring her son back to the light.

"Um...I kind of...sort of...ordered a bunch of cat-themed merchandise," mumbled Poe suddenly while BB-8 beeped.

"What an excellent way of using the Resistance's fiances," commented Rose, rolling her eyes.

Leia sighed, petting the black kitten. Blackie was their only hope.

*******

 

The horror...the horror...

Wait, there's still sanity in this galaxy?

Well, of course he did! That's how he rolls! Hux is lucky that Kylo would normally use the buttons.

Wait, he expects his precious kitty to give up her nap time and WORK??!!!

Dear Lord, it's spreading! Blackie to the rescue! (I have a black cat myself; am a bit biased)

 

Another great installment!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Thanks y'all for reading!

I think Kylo tries to be (mostly) normal...but everyone always misunderstands him so he resorts to being a moody kid.

Well...Millicent IS always employee of the month.... But her work would entitle sitting on a chair mostly and pressing buttons--any cat can do it!

Black cats FTW!

Thanks, Nehru!

 

I caught up again and my belly hurts from laughing so hard. My mother thought in between I have gone mad. Perhaps there are a few sane folk left in this galaxy. The pragmatic ones.

 

Thank you for the comment @AzureAngel2 Glad you found it funny! LOL "sorry, mom! I'm reading funny cat stories right now! No need to be alarmed!"

Next chapter right here:

Chapter 10

Finn was minding his own business when he almost tripped over an orange cat lying on her back with fuzzy belly exposed in the middle of the hallway.

"Whoa!" cried Finn, catching his balance at the last minute before glaring down at Millicent. That cat was so spoiled! "Why'd you always have to do this?! People can trip and get hurt, you know!"

Millicent stared at him and rolled over. Within moments, 20 officers and stormtroopers were now lying on top of each other with various injuries because they had all tripped over her.

"There you are, Millie," said General Hux as he picked up his cat, blissfully oblivious of the human mountain pile behind him. "Supreme Leader Snoke is expecting us. Maybe he'll have dental treats for you."

"Meow, meow," agreed Millicent, blowing a raspberry at Finn.

"That cat!" muttered Finn.

***
“I have an important assignment for the triumvirate of power,” announced Supreme Leader Snoke in his golden bathrobe while taking out a piece of paper. “Vital items to retrieve for the First Order.....”

“It will be done, Supreme Leader,” said Hux, hands folded behind his back neatly.

“Good,” hissed Snoke, and then tossed the keys to his personal vehicle to Phasma. She caught them boldly in a cool manner. “Captain, you’re driving. You have all one hour to get me the items."

***
“Wait a second...Eggs, bread, golden lettuce…... Is this his grocery list?!” wondered Kylo Ren out loud while sitting in the backseat with Hux. “Why is Supreme Leader Snoke asking us to go to the grocery store? Kind of a waste of resources if you ask me!”

“Ren, don’t think too much, you might hurt yourself,” sniggered Hux while Millicent looked on proudly that her owner made such a sassy comeback.

Kylo Ren's hand rested on his lightsaber hilt. "Sounds like you're asking for an ass-kicking, General."

“Quit squabbling back there or I’ll turn this ship around,” warned Phasma. Those two were always at each other's throats the moment they were stuck together.

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622 randomly and appeared out of nowhere throwing cat confetti.

“Who let that guy in…” mumbled Phasma annoyingly as she tried to focus on driving the Snokemobile, an ancient piece of trash that still had a steering wheel. And who was this vehicle designed for, an Ewok!? She could barely fit in!

“Meow, meow, meow,” sang Millicent, annoying Kylo.

Kylo frowned at the cat now sticking her butt at him purposely. “Someday I’ll have a cool cat, too. Black like Darth Vader. It’s a cool color.”

“In your dreams, Ren,” snickered Hux while rewarding Millicent with a treat. “You can’t even take care of yourself.”

“Someday I’ll marry a girl that likes ice cream. She’ll take care of me so I can focus on taking care of my cat,” explained Kylo proudly.

Phasma was now mumbling some profanities to herself at the stupidity of the manchild and the fact that she was stuck with two idiots: one that was obsessed with cats and the other with Darth Vader.

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622 randomly.

And that idiot. How did he end up entering the vehicle without her knowledge?!

“You. Be useful,” warned Phasma, peering at him sternly from the side window.

“Uhh, uhh..okay, Cap'n,……” muttered FG-5622 hesitantly before hiding back into the safety of the trunk.

“Meow, meow, meow,” sang Millicent loudly.

“Have you thought about signing up your stupid cat for opera lessons, General?” asked Kylo mockingly.

“She already is signed up, Ren. It’s called the Junior Kitty Choir Club,” answered Hux haughtily while petting the talented ginger tabby.

“Of course she is…” muttered Phasma.

***
“Cleanup in aisle six!” announced the cashier through the broadcast system in the First Order supermarket on an unknown planet. A wild shopping cart rolled out into the distance and out of the store.

“Darth Vader spaghetti maker,” said Kylo, tossing in an item into the shopping cart.

“Negative,” said Phasma, tossing the item out.

“No fair! You literally just put 20 shades of pink lipstick into the cart! What's with the pink lipstick if you never take off your helmet!?”

“It’s a Phasma thing, Ren,” explained Hux, while placing cat-related items into the cart, “you wouldn’t understand.”

Kylo glared at them both from under his helmet. “And how would you know, General? Pretty sure there’s something between you two!”

Just then, a wall of cereal snacks avalanched on Kylo.

“My bad, sir,” said Phasma while ‘accidentally' having knocked the cart against the products so that they would fall over on him.

Meanwhile, Hux now proceeded to throwing 50 containers of hairgel into the cart. "It's on sale," he explained.

"That's what you said last time," said Phasma, tossing the items out.

***
Later aboard the Finalizer, Kylo Ren was playing video games when someone knocked on his door. That must have been his pre-ordered emo pajamas. He put on his helmet and answered it.

“Sir, a package,” said an officer at his door, holding a box with air holes. "From...a user...uh... "your_mom?"

Kylo accepted the package and closed the door, least the officer saw his collection of Darth Vader alarm clocks. He took off his helmet and set it into the ash tray. When he opened the box, a black kitten popped out, bit his nose and then began jumping on his bed.

"Darth Vader cat!" he cried in excitement and then read the letter attached to the interior of the box.

It read: "Happy birthday, son. Hope you have fun with Blackie. She'll bring you back to the right path someday."

***
Back at the Resistance, Leia was analyzing recent spy transmissions from Blackie. Already a wealth of information was coming through that would someday help them defeat the First Order.

"I have a question," asked Poe. "Why did you call Blackie a 'she' in the letter? He's a guy!"

Leia smiled, almost to herself. "Let's see how long it takes Kylo Ren to figure that out."
*******

 

Aha! So Blackie makes his entrance and the gang goes shopping .

Snokemobile, that was good.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Thanks for the comment @Nehru_Amidala ! Also thanks for anyone who reads this story!

Next chapter:

Chapter 11

Millicent was missing and General Hux was frantically looking for her when he came across a group of stormtroopers in the cafeteria.

“Excuse me,” he asked while showing a photo of Millicent on his phone wearing a little hat. “Has anyone seen my cat? Her name is Millicent and she has a little hat.”

The stormtroopers stared at each other and then turned to him. One of the stormtroopers was wearing funky star-shaped sunglasses and was sipping a drink from under his helmet. “Uh…no? We’re kind of new, I guess.”

“Wait, she has a little hat? That’s rad,” commented a stormtrooper, giving a thumbs up.

“Yes, indeed,” said Hux. “Her little hat is an important feline status symbol within the First Order. In fact, it’s a miniature version of my officer hat which I sometimes wear but usually don’t because she likes to sleep in it.”

“Uh……yeah.”

“Guy’s a weirdo,” whispered a stormtrooper to the one wearing star-shaped sunglasses.

“No, we haven’t seen your cat, General,” replied a stomtrooper finally. “Sorry about that.”

Hux stared at them suspiciously before walking off. “Well then, if you find her then report her immediately. Consequences follow.”

“Okey-dokey,” replied all the stormtroopers.

The stormtroopers waited until he was out of sight before pulling Millicent out from under the bench table and giving her treats.

“Meow, meow, meow,” meowed Millicent as she walked happily all around the bench.

“I heard General Hux has a certificate that says something like, 'certified crazy cat lady,'" said one of the stormtroopers randomly.

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622 out of nowhere.

***
Elsewhere aboard the Finalizer, Hux proceeded to putting up posters of Millicent that read: ‘MISSING ORANGE CAT NAMED MILLICENT: return immediately or face public execution!”

Captain Phasma was standing nearby reading the poster while casually sipping her cappuccino from under her helmet with a straw. “Pretty sure that poster would work better if you mentioned some kind of an award.”

“Phasma, don’t lecture me,” huffed Hux impatiently while cutting up more tape.

Just then, Kylo Ren was walking through the hallway in a cool way with a cool black kitten sitting on his helmet wearing sunglasses. The song “Stayin’ Alive” was playing in the background for some reason as he marched forward, officers and stormtroopers getting out of his way immediately. “What’s going on here?” he demanded.

“Millicent is missing. I’m certain you have something to do with it, Ren,” hissed Hux as he put up more posters.

Kylo stared from underneath his helmet. “I don’t need your cat, General. I have my own cat now. Her name is Blackie and she’s black, like Darth Vader and the Dark Side. It’s a cool color.”

“I feel like this is not the last time we will hear this jingle,” mumbled Phasma annoyingly. “I’m also certain that cat’s actually a guy.”

“Captain, you must be mistaken. It is extremely difficult to identify a cat’s gender.”

“It’s really isn’t,” clarified Phasma. “Haven’t your parents ever told you about the birds and the bees?”

“Yes,” answered Kylo bitterly. “They told me enough. Never trust birds or bees. They will betray you when you least expect it.”

“…. I don’t think we’re on the same page here, sir.”

Hux shot a glare at her. “Phasma, you’re supposed to be helping me find Millicent and not conversing with him! Where is Millicent!?”

Kylo Ren was now looking at the posted poster while Blackie was adjusting his cool sunglasses. Leia had given him the cool sunglasses, which were given to her by Luke Skywalker. It was important to have cool sunglasses in these kinds of tense situations. “Huh. Looks like someone is looking for an orange cat.”

“Yes, Ren,” snapped Hux impatiently. “I’m looking for my orange cat, whom I told you is missing exactly 2 minutes ago!”

“Well, you can’t expect me to remember everything about your cat, General,” said Kylo, shrugging. Blackie was also shrugging and mimicked everything his owner did.

Just then, Millicent walked by out of nowhere and Hux picked her up into his arms immediately. She has been missing for approximately 15 minutes even though she had a black gaberwool collar with a tracking device. She now turned to this new black kitten and hissed. “Millicent is upset now! Regardless where you got this kitten from, Ren, remember that there can only be one top cat in the First Order!" He was, of course, referring to the fact that Kylo Ren should obviously bug off.

“We’ll see about that, General,” sneered Kylo , before walking off proudly. “The cat wars have just begun…”

Meanwhile, Blackie shifted his eyes suspiciously. No, the Resistance’s victory had just begun!
*******

 

New installment! Millicent rules!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Thanks @Nehru_Amidala ! Also for everyone who reads this story. This will probably be the last chapter.

Chapter 12

“What is the progress on Starkiller Base, General?” demanded a hologram of Supreme Leader Snoke before the First Order High Command which included Hux, Phasma, Kylo Ren and a few other senior officers.

“Complete, Supreme Leader,” answered Hux as he pet Millicent on his lap. “We’re searching for a planet for target practice.”

“For target practice? Is this really necessary?” disagreed Kylo. “We could be mining the planet for resources and make profit. General Hux sure makes a poor entrepreneur.”

“Hmm.. A good idea, Kylo Ren,” nodded Snoke.

Hux glared to Kylo Ren from the corner of his eyes. Always taking the opportunity to act smart. Well, today he would be in Snoke’s favour because Kylo Ren would soon make a lengthy appointment with the nearest lavatory. He had sent Millicent to put laxative in his juicebox and that should send him out of the meeting any minute now…

“Supreme---“ Kylo suddenly held his abdomen before racing towards the door. “Excuse me!”

“You are excused…. I suppose,” said Snoke offhandedly, shrugging.

Kylo rushed into the hallway only to find that the nearest washroom was out of service. Suspiciously out of service! "You gotta be kidding me!"

Back at the conference, Hux was delighted in hearing his rival's screams echoing into the room. That’s because he was the one who put the 'out of service' sign up earlier. “Heh,” he sneered under his breath. “Sabotage.”

“That’s pretty mean, even for you,” whispered Phasma and then she tilted her helmet towards him closer. “I like it.”

“General Hux!” screeched the voice of Snoke, forcing him to stand up abruptly from his seat.

“Yes, Supreme Leader?” asked Hux with a hint of fear in his voice. Millicent was shifting her eyes suspiciously.

“Please report on the sales produced from Millicent’s tiny cat hats. I understand they are a big hit and have generated massive profit for the First Order.”

“Indeed,” said Hux, pulling up a spreadsheet that outlined recent revenue and profit numbers. “Please turn to spreadsheet number 110. Captain Phasma has helped me significantly and this was all approved by our human resources department.”

“I learned how to use formulas,” commented Phasma blankly.

Snoke put on his reading glasses as he read through the spreadsheet. “This is good. We have sold tiny cat hats across the galaxy! I see little officer hats are the most popular, followed by sailor hats. The party hats are not doing too well, General. This worries me.”

You have got to be kidding me, thought Captain Peavey, rolling his eyes.

“Not to worry, Supreme Leader,” reassured Hux. “Captain Phasma has a market for party hats. Please elaborate, Captain.”

“People like to throw their cats birthday parties. What better way to celebrate than putting a tiny party hat on their cat? It’s cute. I will make people buy them.”

Oh no, not you, too, Captain Phasma, thought Peavey. Well, I suppose you always supported Armitage in his cat nonsense.

“Meow, meow, meow,” meowed Millicent suddenly, knocking down someone’s mug.

“Translate, General,” demanded Snoke.

“Millicent is very happy having knocked that mug to the floor,” said Hux. “She is expressing her victory.”

“Very good,” replied Snoke.

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622 randomly while sitting beside one of the senior officers.

“I’m not certain how he got in here…” mumbled Phasma.

***
Back in Kylo Ren’s room, Blackie was comforting a sick manchild and licked his forehead. “No more expired Darth Vader pasta,” complained Kylo lying on his bed face-down. “Blackie, save me!”

Blackie nodded and tapped Kylo’s phone with his paw. “Meow, meow, meow,” he mewed in a tiny voice to the virtual assistant, Siri.

“Okay, Blackie. Dialing………..Leia.”

“This is General Leia Organa. I can’t take your call right now. Please leave me a message and I’ll be sure to get back to you. Ben, if this is you, don’t forget to always wear clean underwear.”

“A bit too late for that, Mom!” complained Kylo, before finding a single piece of orange cat hair on the floor. He narrowed his eyes. “Millicent. Hux must’ve sent her to contaminate my grape juice somehow so I wouldn’t participate in the meeting. Son of a butt-kissing bantha! I’ll show him!”

As Kylo Ren ran out of his room, Blackie began playing on his computer to retrieve spy information for Leia.

***
Back in the hallway, Hux was walking Millicent on a leash when Kylo Ren approached him huffing and puffing in anger. “Hux! I know you’re responsible for this! You’re really asking for a major ass kicking!”

“Ren, there are plenty of people who would be delighted to kick my ass. I don’t take it personally.”

“Blah!” screamed Kylo, breaking a nearby trashcan.

“Snoke favored me today, Ren,” resumed Hux as Millicent blew a raspberry at him. “You must be disappointed. I’m sure you had a lot to contribute if you actually had anything to contribute to besides repair bills.”

“You and that cat of yours are bad news!”

“I also had permission to test the power of Starkiller Base….I found a suitable planet… full of Darth Vader merchandise.”

“No!” screamed Kylo, falling to his knees in an ultimate emo showdown. “No…”

Hux stepped over him casually, making sure his boots didn’t accidentally touch him. He just spent an hour polishing them today. “Anyways, I will be in my office ordering expensive cat furniture. And keep your kitten away from Millicent’s litter box.”

“Hux!” screamed Kylo as he stood up and shook his fist. “Jerkface. Blackie can do whatever she wants. I wonder what she’s doing right now…”

Back in Kylo’s room, Blackie was just sending the latest data from the First Order to the Resistance. He adjusted his new headset and waited anxiously for Leia’s reply.

“This is Leia. Blackie, you are doing a good job, but I’m really not interested in knowing about the First Order’s monthly vending machine usage. Can you try to be a little bit more selective?”

….And there was still so much the black kitten had to learn! But he was sure that the Resistance would defeat the First Order and Kylo Ren would be brought back to the light.
*******

 

A fine chapter!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

But surely not the last chapter, right? Because there are a myriad of stories to tell yet... please?

 

Thanks @Nehru_Amidala and @AzureAngel2 !

@AzureAngel2 DRL has been really bad recently for me so I will say *probably* not the last...but maybe the last for now. I have a bunch of plot bunnies caged just waiting to hop out and I swear every time I see something funny about Hux/Millicent on the net or I think about a random idea, this just begs for a new chapter. Plus, it's funny when I go back and read these chapters and literally just go "What the Krif, really!?" Then again, I totally also believe Millicent is canon and the reason she's not in the movies is because she's sleeping in the laundry or in Hux's chambers somewhere in one of her many cat trees

 

Bonus run-by chapter! @AzureAngel2 , @Mistress_Renata , @Nehru_Amidala if interested

Chapter 13

Millicent noticed that Kylo Ren was building a Darth Vader snowman outside Starkiller base. She immediately walked over in her special winter boots and turned it into yellow snow.

“No!” screamed Kylo, falling to his knees in a dramatic emo showdown as he watched his snowman melt away. “No…”

“What a doofus,” mumbled Phasma nearby while sipping her hot cocoa with a straw. Her stormtrooper squad was having a target practice session by shooting at innocent snowmen. She wasn’t impressed; her troops were completely missing their shots. “How can you possibly miss the target!? It’s literally right in front of you!!”

“Sorry, Captain,” said the stormtroopers.

“Millicent distracted me, Captain,” explained Finn, pointing at Millicent chasing Kylo Ren up a pine tree. She was growling like a tiny tiger.

“Millicent rules!” exclaimed FG-5622 wearing orange earmuffs and a scarf that had a happy smiley cat on it.

“Stop watching Millicent chase Kylo Ren up a tree and pay attention to your target!”

“Sorry, Captain,” said the stormtroopers again.

Just then, General Hux appeared and strolled down towards the snowy training area. That was because Phasma immediately texted him that Ren was being chased up a tree and he just absolutely had to see this. “What’s going on here?” he demanded while knowing exactly what was going on but he just wanted everyone to repeat the fact that Kylo Ren was being chased up a tree.

“Millicent chased Kylo Ren up a tree, General,” reported Finn.

“Oh, my,” said Hux, trying not to snigger in laughter. “How embarrassing. The great Lord Ren has been chased up a tree….by a kitty cat. Isn’t that amusing, Captain Phasma?”

“Sure is, General,” she replied. “He’s been screaming for help, too. Let’s go take a selfie with Millicent and not actually help him.”

Finn watched them leave towards where Millicent was while the other stormtroopers began a snowball fight the moment Phasma left. “Did she just say take a selfie with Millicent? Phasma knows how to use the camera on her phone?! Phasma HAS a phone?! With cat pictures, maybe? Cute cat pictures? Cute armored cat pictures?"

***
“Help! Help!” screamed Kylo Ren, holding onto a branch. Millicent growled from below, bearing her teeth. Upon seeing Hux, she ran over to him happily and was given a treat for a job well done.

Meanwhile, Phasma clicked a selfie with Hux and Millicent while Kylo Ren was stuck on a tree screaming for help in the background and they were just ignoring him. “Perfect.”

“Hello?” cried Kylo, glaring down at them. “General, call a rescue team immediately!”

“Don’t worry, Ren,” reassured Hux while walking back to the base with Millicent. “We’ll get you down from there in no time…”

“…not,” added Phasma quietly as she followed.

***
Nightfall was approaching and the temperatures were quickly dropping and Kylo Ren was still stuck on the tree. “Darth Vader, help me!” he cried, but nobody answered. Then, in the distance, a small black kitten ran towards him with a squad of stormtroopers behind him.

“Blackie!” cried Kylo happily as the kitten ordered the stormtroopers to toss up a rope for him to climb down from.

“Uhhh….sir,” said a stormtrooper as Kylo was helped down. “You know, you could have just jumped, right…? You were literally two meters or so away from the ground.”

“Pfff......Shut up,” mumbled Kylo as he put Blackie on his helmet and they walked back to the base together. The stormtroopers waved to Blackie; he waved back with a little paw.

******

 

Kyle Ren is such a baby, he wasn’t even all that high up!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Thanks for the comment! He is definitely a whiny brat.

 

Next chapter is right here!

Chapter 14

“Ladies and gentlemen, I shall tell you a story…..about Blackie’s ancestry.”

The black kitten sat on his helmet and watched the humans, shifting his eyes suspiciously. Millicent was sitting in the middle of the table like a queen.

Hux rolled his eyes at the conference meeting between the High Command. “Ren, may I remind you that this conference is regarding a trade deal with—“

“No!” barked Kylo. “General Hux always gets to talk about his cat. Today, I’m talking about Blackie. For your sake, I suggest you listen.”

“Will the story have Millicent?” asked an officer in the room.

Kylo Ren slammed his fists against the table, rattling everyones’ coffee cups. “This….is a story….about…Blackie.”

There was utter silence in the room for a few moments and then: “…..So,” continued the officer. “Will it have Millicent? General?”

“By popular demand, the story must include Millicent in some capacity,” confirmed Hux.

“Fine, whatever,” huffed Kylo. “But it’s mostly going to be about Blackie. Now listen well! Blackie is a special kitten. Darth Vader had a special kitten, too. She was called Blacky, with a “y.”"

Captain Edrison Peavey rolled his eyes at the manchild and quietly put in some earbuds to listen to an Imperial podcast. No way was he listening through another cat story.

A long time ago, back in the second Death Star, Darth Vader put an evil red collar on his black kitten, Blacky. His son, Luke Skywalker, had given Blacky as a gift for his birthday. “What a nice gift from Luke. I’m sure he got over me cutting off his hand and that awkward, "I am your father! Nooo, it's not possible!" moment, haha. Soon, he’ll join me to rule the galaxy like father and son. Right, little Blacky?”

Blacky sat on the Dark Lord’s helmet, shifting his eyes suspiciously…

When Vader entered the Emperor’s chambers, a ginger cat had cornered a little innocent mouse. The cat raised her paw for the final strike.

A cruel grin slithered on the Emperor’s wrinkly face. “And now, young mousy….you shall die.”

The mouse squeaked in terror and fell over. The ginger cat brought the dead rodent before the Emperor’s feet. He petted her and she purred in response. “Well done, Millicent the First, the Empire’s finest rodent control agent. Your destiny as a natural killer is complete. Your brood will inherit your ruthlessness and—Vader, what is that thing on your head?”

Darth Vader pointed to his helmet where a black kitten was sitting. “Master, this is Blacky. Her name is Blacky because she’s black like the Dark Side and Darth Vader--- Wait a minute, I am Darth Vader!”

The Emperor rolled his eyes. “Right. Sure. And you’re certain that kitten is female?”

“I am certain, my Master. I sense it.”

“Right. I mean, you were married at one point and I’m literally giving you a hint here—ah, whatever.”

Back in Darth Vader’s chambers, Blacky sat in a TIE-fighter shaped sleeping bag. “Now you stay here, little one, and don’t let that Millicent boss you around.”

Blacky nodded and began to shift his eyes suspiciously.

I wonder if someday I'll have a grandson who has a similar kitty cat, thought Darth Vader. And he will be telling the galaxy this very legend....

“And that’s where Blackie comes from,” concluded Kylo Ren proudly, folding his arms across his chest.

“Pretty sure cats don’t come from eggs, sir,” commented Phasma while some officers in the room chuckled quietly.

“Well, Captain Phasma, if you think you can tell a better story, then I welcome you!”

“I’m not very creative,” said Phasma, sipping her cappuccino from under her helmet with a straw. “General, I’m passing this story challenge over to you.”

Hux sighed and responded in a monotonous tone: “There once was a cat named Millicent and she was indeed a grand cat, the grandest a cat can be.”

An officer sitting beside him wiped a tear from her eye. “What a brilliant story, General. All the feels.”

“Dumb,” mumbled Kylo Ren. “Mine was at least two times better.”

“Now if we can please return to today’s agenda items,” started Hux, “the trade deal with planet Felinus is still ongoing. We cannot have that world side with the Republic.”

“Felinus?” asked Kylo. “Sounds like another funky cat planet, General Hux.”

“It’s a mining planet,” explained Hux but that was a lie. “A superb location to gather ore for the First Order’s war machine. Supreme Leader Snoke will be disappointed if negotiations fail.”

“Very well,” agreed Kylo reluctantly. “Resume negotiations with said planet of suspected cat origin.” And suddenly a warm, yellow liquid began dripping off his helmet. Blackie shifted his eyes suspiciously. “….. And that concludes our meeting. Refreshments will not be provided.”

******