Senate Supporting Survivors of Abuse

Hello. Although I have worked as an English tutor since 2012, I am going to become a social worker in the next two years. My goal is to help victims of abuse. I am primarily concerned with trying to help victims of domestic violence, children who are abused, rape victims, and others.

During the last two years, I have met a few people who were abused as children. Many people have no idea that the appalling, depraved actions of the abusers will shape the lives of those who survive the crimes. During the previous fourteen years, I have met many people, especially women, who have been victims of rape and domestic violence. I have done my best to be compassionate to all these people. It breaks my heart to hear their stories, but I do my best to affirm them as individuals.

Here are a few examples of how people are harmed in our society.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/bisexual-women-almost-twice-as-likely-to-be-abused#.fkV2Je4ywW

http://www.asca.org.au/WHAT-WE-DO/For-Survivors/Resources-for-Survivors/How-can-abuse-affect-me

http://www.borderline-personality-disorder.com/co-occuring-disorders/trauma/

http://ic.galegroup.com/ic/ovic/ViewpointsDetailsPage/DocumentToolsPortletWindow?displayGroupName=Viewpoints&jsid=65e447f110c1ffef43c8d314f5b3da1e&action=2&catId=&documentId=GALE|EJ3010461207&u=tecu26050&zid=65e5f9c11b537a3fa5c22af7aeebfda6

http://www.walkingtheborderline.com/2015/03/how-my-bpd-effects-my-asexuality/

http://www.collegecrunch.org/domestic-violence-a-social-plague/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397

http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/what-is-abuse/domestic-violence/

http://www.dailydot.com/politics/trans-women-of-color-murdered/

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/nov/13/transgender-homicide-victims-us-has-hit-historic-high

http://www.hrc.org/resources/sexual-assault-and-the-lgbt-community

The purpose of this thread is to discuss news reports involving victims of any type of abuse, as well as methods to help and support victims.

 

i am an abuse survivor.

i can't tell you strongly enough how grateful i was/am for the support, validation, compassion, knowledge, and resources provided by my local Domestic Violence shelter, as well as informed therapists...

from he depths of my heart, thank you for your work towards advocacy - thank you for opening up this dialogue.

 

I cannot imagine working in this field. One of my favorite fantasy fiction authors, Brent Weeks, was inspired by his wife's career in this field when he wrote the Night Angel Trilogy, which propelled his own career. The novel revolves around a fictional city much like Gotham City (albeit medieval Gotham ), and the majority of its cast of characters are children who are raised on the streets as victims of rape, abuse, violence, starvation, etc. It's pretty grisly, and the fact that some of the scenarios described in his novel were actually based on events in his wife's career as a social worker here in the US is appalling.

Kudos to you, good sir. My heart would not be able to endure this.

 

Satele is a lady, Valyn.

 

But Satele.... just fyi. I've done volunteer work in a dv shelter in the past, and advocates don't particularly like to use the word victim... the preferred term is survivor.

 

Gender identity aside, may I just say that there is a certain admiration for people like you who commit to seemingly thankless work for minimal pay because they want to help make the world a better place? I have/give that admiration.

 

Oof.

 

When I first decided that I wanted to become a social worker, I was interested in helping victims of domestic violence, since I've been through that. However, given that I've seen how some adults, who had suffered child abuse, behave last year, I'm interested in helping children. I'd like to help as many people as I can. I've probably had to listen to more sad stories between November 2012 and December 2015 in this area than I ever had before.

On a somewhat related subject, it's important to note that most prostitutes were abused as children. There are many agencies who regard them as victims, not criminals. Often, they are so lost in drugs and have personality disorders, and some of them are unable to distinguish between the times that they are deceitful and truthful.

In terms of domestic violence, if any of you know anyone who is being abused, you should share this hotline. http://www.thehotline.org/ I hope to volunteer at a women's shelter this summer.

 

hey harpua, you're apparently on ignore. Hence the continued use of the word victim.

Turns out the word dude has serious consequences. Take heed, everyone.

 

It's okay... she'll learn that bit the hard way, I guess. She'll call the wrong person a victim one day.

 

I call anyone by their preferred name, legal or otherwise. I'm not exactly sure why you think I would call someone a victim to her or his face. I'm talking in terms of news reports and the way my teachers have spoken in lectures. I just mean abstractly in the academic sense. That's the term that my professors have used in various classes. I think I'm using that term because of that and due to a song I listened to earlier. Sorry, but I got a tattoo for two hours today, and so I'm very tired.

Thanks for the suggestion, but when I listened to a child abuse survivor from December 2014 to January 2016, I never once used the word victim. I mainly listened and asked questions about her work life.

 

I've spent a lot of time in the past year trying to connect with people who need help from other survivors, offering support, trying to help them when they need it the most. It can be really heartbreaking to know you aren't the only one, but it's also good in a way, it builds a sense of community - that even though we were all affected we were not alone.

In fact, doing so helped me stop excusing what happened to me and stop seeing it as "innocent" or "not important", or "not as bad as ____". When something is such a sensitive subject it's hard for any survivor to be able to reach out and grab hold to support.

This thread is very important for that reason. I'm glad it's been created. So thank you, Satele.

As a side note, survivor definitely is preferred to victim, at least, for myself. I'm no victim, I'm strong and brave, I'm still living.

 

You know what's worse than victim? My dad once proudly told a relative that I worked with "battered women." Christ.

 

Just out of sheer curiosity, is that one of those things like the R-word that's mostly an older person thing and going "out of style" now with new nomenclature? We still have a lot of places in NY/NJ referred to as "battered women's shelters" rather than "domestic violence shelters" (we have those too, obvs).

I think I'd probably have still referred to it as the former if you hadn't said anything, so I always appreciate learning.

 

Yeah... 'battered woman' is old and outdated. The shelter I volunteered wasn't primarily a women's shelter. They welcomed all survivors, women, men, lgbt, etc. The thing about domestic abuse is, when people think of it, they picture a heterosexual man abusing a heterosexual woman. There are entire groups that are overlooked.. even with law enforcement. It's still tricky to charge a gay male with abusing his partner. It's often looked at as a brawl, or bro-fight.

 

Or a fun time that went too far.

 

have any other survivors or advocates taken or used the ACEs quiz?
the correlation between childhood abuse and health issues later, in adult life, are quite remarkable... i score an 8 out of 10 - with one question being sort of on the fence. (if there is a distinction between prison and jail - i assumed there was/is so i answered 'no')

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-...e-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean

as it relates to me today, the abuse and neglect i suffered as a child had a massive impact on my adult life, my intimate relationships particularly. i shamefully admit to having been the abuser toward my adult partner(s) in certain dynamics, and i carry that guilt with me to this day.. regardless of self forgiveness, amends made, and acceptance.

and, i also have been the "victim" of intimate partner abuse, physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially, and sexually.

i am currently in therapy to reduce the impact and learn skills to cope with the aftermath of a particularly insidious form of abuse - psychological/emotional. many people accuse these/us survivors of exaggerating or embellishing the abuse as it isn't obvious. invalidation, the diminishment or dismissal of the effects (which are often hard to explain anyway,) from family and/or friends can have disastrous consequences for a person trying to recover from that particular form of 'crazy-making.' this is why it is SO important to seek professional, qualified DV services and support groups.

as a result of being abused by a(n undiagnosed) pathological liar, with Narcissistic and Sociopathic tendencies, i was diagnosed with PTSD and severe Major Depression in 2013. i do trauma therapy, as well as individual counseling. my 7 year old son has also been diagnosed with PTSD, for which he sees an amazing child therapist, also on a weekly basis.
i also utilized the safe space and support systems provided to me by the local DV shelter... from which i have made life long friends. i have not participated in a DV Survivors group (in person) in well over a year, however.

i have learned a lot about how narcissists/sociopaths target and abuse their victims, and have many links to articles, and a handful of books on the subject. my diagnosing therapist specialized in identifying personality disorders; she identified my symptoms as abuse by someone with a pattern of abuse styles (gaslighting, lying, manipulation, coercion/threats (usually of self harm), passive-aggressive behavior)... she was the first person to tell me to look up the traits of cluster B disorders and see how many of them i recognized in my now ex. i literally threw up reading about him...

i wish(ed) i had known anything about the disordered personalities - other than nonchalant suggestions of them being arrogant, or charming, or manipulative...

if i can help one person identify and leave an abusive narcissistic sociopath, i will consider all the hell having been worth it.

for starters...
http://hubpages.com/health/Sociopathic-Tendencies-Pathological-Lying

 

I just asked one of the moderators to change the title of this thread to "Supporting Survivors of Abuse." I really don't need to entitle projects when I've had only four hours of sleep as I did that day. I was putting more thought into the content and thinking more abstractly. My bad. I started this thing off as though I was addressing professors in an ivory tower. Frankly, the only person I've heard who has referred to herself or himself as a victim was an abuser. I wasn't involved in that situation, but someone showed me a screenshot of it, and I told the survivor, "It's manipulation." I told her that she deserved much better than this person.


I've heard stories about people being abused by narcissists, pathological liars, and those with antisocial personality disorder. (In my case, I was sexually assaulted in 2003 by someone I never learned much about. That's the only time in my life I don't remember very well. I was verbally abused by a stalker during 2004. That individual was definitely a narcissist.) I'm sad that you went through all of that. That's awful. Abusers tend to blame the persons they hurt. I believe in you, and things will get better. You can show the world how strong you are.

I haven't heard anyone refer to themselves as being battered women in GenY. They've said they've survived abuse, domestic violence, etc.

 

You are forgiven.

Which mod did you ask?

 

Holy **** Kerr_Plunk << big hugs for you

I scored 5/10. Messed up childhood but no drugs, imprisonment, neglect or uncle bad touch in the household. I've been pretty self destructive for most of my life, and I think that has to be related, but my adult life has been abuse free.

Obviously I don't really have anything else to add to this thread except a belief that human beings have an extraordinary capacity for recovery and can go through hell only to become stronger, more beautiful and find all the self-love and self-acceptance. All of it!

 

thank you dear slightly_unhinged ... that bolded part, there ^^^^, THAT is, for me, absolutely necessary to my recovery.

i am sorry you had any score whatsoever on your ACEs... self destruction was/is the way for so many of us who endured childhood abuse(s)... it's what we learned - we learned how to treat ourselves, and how we'd allow others to treat us - we come by it honestly, as no child is born with the desire to be treated neglected/beaten/berated... i grew up hearing, from my only parent (dad abandoned us when i was 3) that i was a mistake, hated, a piece of ****, unwanted, that she wished she'd aborted me.. in addition to the food scarcity, emotional negligence, her daily drug use, and physical beatings, she tried to kill me on 2 occasions - once "accidentally" by near drowning, and another time by trying to set me on fire.. THAT is what i learned was acceptable. i made excuses for her behavior, even though i knew it was wrong. my belief and acceptance of how she described and treated me were only overshadowed by the innate will to live.. then there were the perverts.. family members and non... ugh.


at some point, with the near-total erosion of my self worth, my identity, came these burst of self awareness - even the ugly truths about how i have been were catalysts to this greater understanding... like i had stepped out of the proverbial frame to see the whole thing, not just the cherry picked, or convenient parts of my identity that i clung to and that helped me to navigate, and justify my own bull****, in this whacky world.. i took ownership of it all.. the parts that i knew were wrong when i was a child but carried into my adulthood were ceremoniously burned in the fires of my resurrection..

i still have a lot to learn, and a lot of healing, and processing. but i am definitely deep on the path..

 

I am very thankful and consider myself blessed to say I scored a borderline-1 on that test.

Best wishes to Satele in her new career path. I am sure you will help and comfort many people.