Senate Supporting Survivors of Abuse

I'm dealing with the aftermath of this. I spent 20 years ( a mutually destructive relationship) trying to cope with my son's meth addict father. Ultimately he ended up taking his own life with an overdose (the coroner said is was so high that there was no way it was an accident). I later found out from his mother that he was bipolar (as am I), but wasn't treated.

My son is still recovering from the fallout. He is 22.

 

I have a resource that might be useful . . . it has an unfortunate name, though. https://www.suicideforum.com/ is an online community of people who help support one another through times when they may feel like killing themselves. It has a blog and a set of forums, but I think the most useful feature is the chat room. Chat is occupied pretty consistently throughout the day and evening, especially during U.S. and European daylight hours. It's also not uncommon to find people on during "off-hour" times. You can go there and talk about whatever, including how bad you feel.

I believe this site has been instrumental in saving many people's lives.

Edit: Cross-post with IamZam--I'm so sorry to hear about your son's father. Suicide is a terrible thing for a young person to have to cope with.

 

My heart aches after reading all of that Laurie. I've dealt with the "you were a mistake" bit. Both of my parents were still in high school when I was born, and they kind of got frozen at that age. My mother was very vocal about my being a burden and "ruining her life." My dad was a bit more subtle. Very recently (a couple of years ago), I finally laid it all out for him... shared all of the hurt that I've experienced, due to their negligence and psychological abuse. He 100% heard me out and apologized (it wasn't just an "I'm sorry" It was a long and heartfelt apology). My dad and I have always been closer than my mom and I have (I haven't physically seen her since 1998), so while it took years and years for me to vocalize everything, when I finally got started, I was pretty comfortable letting it all out. I'd love to have a similar conversation with my mom, but she's very closed off emotionally. I'm not sure if she ever learned to express (or feel, really) her emotions. She's pretty vacant.

Everything in my life has led me to family advocacy, that's how I live with it all... in its own twisted way, the abuse and neglect served a purpose (I've made sure of that... all that pain can't have been for nothing. I'm putting it to use).

The way that I resolve what happened to me is by not making the same mistakes with my son. I tell him every single day how much he means to me, and how he's easily the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

For those of you here who know about this sort of thing, is: there are like safeguards in place, right, to steer those who ultimately mean well but are maybe unfit for working directly with victims in a direction where they'd be more suited?

JTS EDIT: While your question is completely legitimate, the personal angle is not.

 

There's a ton of training that goes into it... like, a lot. I had to complete a month of training (a month of full time training) before I was allowed to even step foot into the shelter... and that was to volunteer. An advocate needs even more. Before the training there was a long application process that included a panel interview and assessment. During the training, there were a handful of people who were asked not to return. They're very selective with this sort of thing. I mean, these are peoples' lives and emotional well being we're talking about. They wont let just anybody into the position... especially when children are involved.

 

Something for a survivor to say this: "I am not what happened to me. I choose my own destiny."

 

I'm sorry to hear you went through that. I hope the best for you and your son.

I met someone last year who dated a meth user for a month. This individual was incredibly verbally abusive and manipulative. Other individuals have shared stories about being robbed by meth users. It's inexcusable what some people do to others.

There is one story of a child and adolescent being abused by her father, and she is twenty today. She never reported him. It's tragic how this has affected her in so many ways psychologically, socially, professionally, emotionally, etc. I always believed her, and she definitely needed more advocates. She didn't get any until she was nineteen. This is truly a serious issue that society needs to focus on in order to help survivors.

 

big, big hugs IamZam ... my heart aches for your son, and the situation entirely... i hope he finds peace sooner than later..

ophelia - excellent resource link! thank you!!