Awards The 2017 Golden Yoda Awards Ceremony / Day Seven: Author Categories and Best All-Around

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by Raissa Baiard, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999

    The ceremony will begin tomorrow Tuesday 25 April 2017 and last for a week. We will be announcing the winners for several categories every day, and letting 24 hours pass between announcements for people to congratulate them. The ceremony will be hosted by some of your favorite characters from the Star Wars Universe, both old and new.

    Announcement schedule

    Tuesday 25 April : Timeframe categories (this post)
    Wednesday 26 April : Storyline categories (this post)
    Thursday 27 April : Length categories (this post)
    Friday 28 April : Genre categories and voting/nominations champions (this post)
    Saturday 29 April : Character categories (this post)
    Sunday 30 April : Relationship categories, Reviewers, and Most Headsplode award (this post)
    Monday 01 May: Author categories and Best All Around (this post)


    First of all, congratulations to all the nominees! We had a total of 175 nominated stories by 79 authors/co-authors this year; 82 stories and 42 authors advanced to the voting round. It was an amazing selection in terms of both quality and diversity. Bravo to all of you for your outstanding work!

    Next, a very big thanks to all nominators and voters! We had a total of 17 nominators and 24 voters. Thanks to everyone who took the time to participate. We will have more detailed statistics about participation in the Post-Awards Consultation.

    We would also like to thank those who volunteered to provide prizes for the winners. A very big thanks to (in alphabetical order): A Blind Prophet, Chyntuck, Ewok Poet, Findswoman, Jedi_Lover, Mistress_Renata, the mods, Sith I-5, Raissa Baiard, and Yahiko. In addition, all the winners will receive a Golden Yoda avatar and a printable certificate.

    We'll contact the winners about prizes after the ceremony is over and all winners have been announced. You can see details of the prize distribution process here; if we make any adjustments to this process, we'll announce it after the ceremony is over.

    And a huge THANK YOU to our volunteer team for all their hard work!
    We could not have done this without the tireless dedication of our overseer, Chyntuck, and all of the volunteers: A Blind Prophet, Anedon, divapilot, Findswoman, Kahara, Raissa Baiard, RX_Sith, and yahiko. A round of applause to all of you for making this possible!

    Lastly, the JCF Fan Fiction Boards would like to thank the following sponsors for their support, without which these awards would not have been possible:

    ANGRY MACE Brand Products​
    HK's Chalet​
    The Hungry Hutt All-You-Can-Eat Buffet​
    POE'S CLOTHES menswear​
    Uncle Sheev's Hutt Smut Emporium​
    Ziippa Hut​
  2. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999


    Best Story in Before : The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman
    Best Story in PT: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot
    Best Story in OT: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
    Best Story in ST: Bad Romance by divapilot
    Best Story in Beyond: Counting Stars by Dantana Skywalker


    Best Continuity-Compliant Story: The Book of Gand by Findswoman
    Best Alternate Universe: The end of all things by Pandora
    Best Legends Story: The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin
    Best New Canon Story: The Light From Alderaan by MandrinaQ and Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata
    Best New Canon/Legends Mash-Up: Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot


    Best One-Shot: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot
    Best Multi-Chapter Short Story: Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot
    Best Epic: Letters Never Sent by Ewok Poet
    Best Series: The Anjie Mencuri Series by Ewok Poet (consists of: EP's Neck of the Woods: Radiophonic Heart, EP's Neck of the Woods: The Chancellor and I, The Brightest of the Stars (When Teebo Met Latara), EP's Neck of the Woods: After the Climb, EP's Neck of the Woods: Before the Fall, EP's Neck of the Woods: Not Just Talking Body, Life, Death and Other Goals)


    Best Action/Adventure: Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata
    Best Drama: Bad Romance by divapilot
    Best Humour: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
    Best Romance: But One Hour Mine by divapilot


    Best Interpretation of a Movie Character: Cliegg Lars in Tales from the Lars Homestead by gaarastar58 and Beru Whitesun Lars in Madonna Under the Suns by Vongchild
    Best Interpretation of an EU Character: Winter Retrac Celchu in The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin
    Best Development of a Game Character: Female Revan/Katts Rzewanczkowski in The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman
    Best Original Character: Telfien Viurraanvi in The Book of Gand by Findswoman
    Best Villain/Antagonist: Armitage Hux in Bad Romance by divapilot


    Best Established Relationship: Bail Organa & Breha Antilles in So Much More Than Fairytales: The Courtship of Prince Bail by Briannakin
    Best Original Relationship: Mara Jade Blayne & Ezra Bridger in Star Crossed by Raissa Baiard

    Best Author in Before: gaarastar58
    Best Author in Saga: divapilot
    Best Author in Beyond: Briannakin
    Best New Author: Kurisan
    Most Versatile Author: divapilot and Findswoman


    Most Headsplode Moment: Chewbacca playing secretary for Han using Holoogle Translate in "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
    Best All-Around: Bad Romance by divapilot


    Best Reviewer in Before: Findswoman
    Best Reviewer in Saga: Findswoman
    Best Reviewer in Beyond: Raissa Baiard

    Nomination champions: Findswoman and Kahara
    Voting champions: Findswoman and whiskers
  3. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    The 2017 Fan Fiction Awards is brought to you today by ANGRY MACE™ Brand Products
    The red velvet curtain opens with a swoosh. The holo-screen at the back of the stage displays the image of a very angry bald man.
    In the cold, cold vacuum of space,​
    Where the starships race,​
    And mynocks get on your face,​
    Only one thing can save you​
    And it's ANGRY MACE!​

    Yo, Angry Mace gonna loop,​
    I'm here to make you SOUP​
    Vengeance sprinkles for the win,​
    You'll get them stuck on your chin.​
    String cheese,​
    You'll say "please"​
    And I'll shove it in your throat!​
    Milk product,​
    Through the duct​
    Will certainly rock your boat.​
    I am gonna bark,​
    If you forget the snark​
    And powder​
    For the scalefish chowder​
    That is no odour​
    That's the scent of art.​
    You want some?​
    Come get some!​
    Be smart.​


    Sullen red spotlights come on, picking out the forms of two giant Golden Palpatine statues, one on each side of the stage. A heavily robed figure prowls around the stage, inspecting them.

    PALPATINE: (chuckling evilly) Good. Good. Everything has transpired according to my design.

    Suddenly, he stops and looks over his shoulder with a startled glance. He jumps, realizing the curtain is up, and turns toward the audience.

    PALPATINE: (sheepishly) Ah...heh...yes…. (He rearranges his face into a malevolent smile) Welcome, Fan Fiction community; I’ve been expecting you. My forces have overthrown the pathetic band of Rebels who were trying to perpetuate the travesty of the...heh..Golden Yodas. Instead, I have replaced it with the Golden Palpatine Awards, a fitting tribute to my Imperial glory. (He sweeps his arms wide, blue Force lightning dancing at his fingertips.) Now witness the power of this fully armed and operational Fan Fiction Awards!

    MACE WINDU: (entering from stage right) I don’t think so!

    The flash of his purple lightsaber slices through the nearest Golden Palpy, sending it toppling into the orchestra pit. A Bith kloo-hornist and a Bothan playing the mandoviol scurry out of the way to avoid being crushed. A Golden Yoda statue levitates in from offstage, directed by the diminutive Jedi Master himself. It settles gently onto the stage where the Palpatine statue stood. Yoda nods in satisfaction, and hobbles onstage after Mace.

    PALPATINE: (snarls) Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?

    MACE: The Awards Committee will decide your fate.

    As he raises his lightsaber, Mace catches a glimpse of the ad for ANGRY MACE Brand Artificial Milk Product which is still on the screen at the back of the stage. His face contorts into an expression remarkably similar to the one on the carton.

    MACE: What the kr-(bleep)is this? I did NOT give my permission for them to put my face on cartons of artificial kr-(bleep)-in’ milk! I’m lactose intolerant! You just wait until the Jedi Temple lawyers get a hold of you! They’ll be on you like (bleep)in’ snakes on a (bleep)in’ X-wing!

    PALPATINE: (chuckling at this unseemly outburst) Yes….give in to your profanity! Your 'fresher mouth will be your undoing!

    YODA: (poking MACE with his walking stick) Tolerated in the brig of a Corellian freighter, that expression would not be, Master Windu. Use the k-word, you may not.

    MACE: What?!

    YODA: (sighs) The k-word. Disallowed by the Galactic Communications Committee it is.

    MACE: Well, sha-(bleep)!

    YODA: Forbidden that one is as well.

    MACE: (scowls, his mouth working furiously as he tries to come up with the right words) Bor…kara…poo… Aw, nuts!

    YODA: (nodding) Better, that is. A good time to open the envelopes for the Timeline Categories, perhaps this would be.

    MACE: Right.

    He switches off his saber, clips it to his belt, and pulls a handful of flimsi-plast envelopes from his robes. He reads the first one:

    MACE: The nominees for Best Story in Before are:

    Midday Darkness // The Light is Me, I Am The Light by Ewok Poet
    The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman
    Tales from the Lars Homestead by gaarastar58
    Schism by Jedi_Perigrine
    Interludes by K'tai qel Letta-Tanku

    And the winner is: The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman

    PALPATINE: (sneers) A most un-Imperial work.

    YODA: Asked you, no one did

    He takes an envelope from MACE

    YODA: For Best Story in PT, the nominees are:

    Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot
    Letters Never Sent by Ewok Poet
    C1D by GregMcP
    The End of All Things by Pandora
    Life Among the Ashes by taramidala

    YODA: And Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot, the winner is.

    PALPATINE: (sniffs) I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Master Yoda?

    YODA: Printed on the flimsi, the winner is.

    MACE rolls his eyes and reads the third envelope:

    MACE: The nominees for Best Story in OT are:

    "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
    The Black Star by Ewok Poet
    Star Crossed by Raissa Baiard
    Lightforce by Suzannah.Pearce
    Hard Time by Thumper09

    MACE: And the winner is: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot

    PALPATINE: (in a wheedling tone of voice) Yoda, my old frenemy…How long have we known each other? Let me read the nominees and I will give you power. Unlimited power!

    YODA: Kidding, you must be.

    YODA: For Best Story in ST, the nominees are:

    Black Rapier by Aiel
    To Finish What He Began by darth_treyvah
    Bad Romance by divapilot
    And Then There Were None by Glor
    Island Surprise by Sith-I-5

    YODA: And Bad Romance by divapilot, the winner is.

    PALPATINE: (holding out an imperious hand.) And now, Master Windu, you will fulfill your destiny and give me the final envelope.

    MACE: No.

    PALPATINE: So be it Jedi… oh, look is that Kathleen Kennedy? (He points a wizened finger towards the audience) I heard she was considering making an anthology film about you, Master Windu.

    MACE: What? Where? (He glances around nervously, smoothing his bald head.)

    PALPATINE: Yoink!

    When MACE looks away, the EMPEROR pulls the last envelope from his hand. He grins a hideous grin at the incensed Jedi as he rips it open.

    PALPATINE: It is as I have foreseen. The nominees for Best Story in Beyond are:

    Counting Stars by Dantana Skywalker
    Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot
    The Map of the Dead by Ewok Poet
    Things Fall Apart by Irish_Jedi_Jade
    A Year in the Life: The Deepest Note is the Cobalt Sky by JadeLotus

    PALPATINE: And the winner is: Counting Stars by Dantana Skywalker. As I knew it would be.

    I have also foreseen that you will join us tomorrow for the Storyline Categories, when our hosts will be Jaina and Jacen Solo. And now, I leave you with a worthy example of Imperial entertainment, Lord Vader and the elite dancing troopers of the 501st.

    The spotlights dim. As the three figures head off stage, Mace Windu’s voice can be heard. “Somebody get my agent on the comlink. They did not pay me enough for this gig.”

    ANNOUNCER: And now, give it up for DARTH VADER and the DANCING 501st
    ANGRY MACE commercial and art by Ewok Poet
    ANGRY MACE animation by Mr. Chyntuckopolis
    Palpatine, Mace and Yoda skit by Raissa Baiard
  4. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    Nice job, Raissa Baiard - I particularly liked

    PALPATINE: Yoink

    Congratulations to all winners, including multiple winner, divapilot - well deserved.

    Thank you to whomever nominated my work for ST; hope there were more than just the five stories that made it through.
  5. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Feb 27, 2014
    Wow! What a fantabulous start to the awards ceremony with this wonderful skit! Love how you bring both the Golden Yoda and Golden Palpy emblems that we've seen the last few months to life—with a hearty dose of ANGRY MACE thrown in! (And love how he becomes a literal ANGRY MACE the moment he notices that his image has been appropriated for the ad—some meta fun there! :D )

    Congratulations to divapilot and Dantana Skywalker on your wins—definitely very well deserved! =D= And congratulations to all the nominees, too, on some all around wonderful work. What a high-quality slate we had this year!

    And thanks for this little award of mine—I'm kind of flabbergasted! Nice to see Katts and her crew are getting some continued love, though. :)

    Kudos all around on some wonderful work, folks! =D=
  6. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Force Ghost star 5

    Dec 21, 2016

    Edit: Almost forgot. Congrats to the winners.

    And Palpatine: Boooo! *Thumbs down*
  7. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
  8. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 26, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
  9. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014
  10. JediMaster_Jen

    JediMaster_Jen Force Ghost star 4

    Jun 3, 2002
  11. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    Read this on my mobile phone earlier on, great show, wonderful hosts (joink! joink!), fantastic dance interludes and a lot of snark.

    Congrats to the winners and the nominees as well!

    And thanks for the people who made this award possible!
  12. Briannakin

    Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic & Costuming/Props Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 25, 2010


    Hilarious start to the Awards!

    Congrats to Findswoman divapilot and Dantana Skywalker for your wins and to all the nominations!
  13. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    =D= Congratulations Findswoman, divapilot and Dantana Skywalker on your wins! And congratulations to all the nominees; there were some very tough choices and you all did a fantastic job. @};-
  14. pronker

    pronker Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jan 28, 2007
    Best wishes to the stories! I mean the authors - congratulations on capturing the spirit of the GFFA.:sabine:
  15. Anedon

    Anedon Jedi Grand Master star 4

    May 11, 2016
  16. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Sep 10, 2005
    [face_laugh] That poem was great! But the side effects from the red vengeance sprinkles [face_hypnotized]

    Congratulations to all the nominees! =D=

    And a big congratulations to divapilot, Findswoman, and Dantana Skywalker on your wins! =D=@};-
  17. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    No red carpet arrivals? That was always half the fun...

    RENATA rushes into the thread and looks around wildly. She is in a black and silver gown with an Art Deco design.

    RENATA: We're late! I knew it, we're late! We missed it!

    KESTREL ANTILLES strolls in behind her. She is in a simple but elegant gown of very pale blush pink with a smattering of crystals on the bodice.

    KESTREL: Relax, we only missed the opening ceremony. (Eyes the statue debris in the orchestra pit). That's probably a good thing; it looks as if it was dangerous. (She sits down, reclines her chair and looks around for a waiter).

    RENATA: (gnashing her teeth) It's Mel's fault! I thought she had a dress picked out for this shindig!

    KESTREL: She did. Then she saw another one she liked better. And then the other day, right after we got here, she was walking through the formals section at Blogdorf Niceman, and...

    RENATA: That's it! Next story I put her in, she is wearing a burlap technician's overall for the whole thing!

    KESTREL: Uh-huh. (Summons a waiter)

    RENATA: Where is she, anyway?

    KESTREL: Still on the red carpet, shmoozing the papparazzi.

    RENATA: I'm going to kill her. I swear...

    KESTREL: (soothingly) Why don't you just sit back and relax and congratulate the winners, hm? (to the waiter) A bottle of sparkili wine, and the tapas spread, please.

    RENATA: It was a really strong slate of candidates. I had a terrible time deciding who to vote for!

    KESTREL: I know! (to the waiter) And could you have floral bouquets sent to the winners' tables? That's divapilot, Dantana Skywalker and our good friend Findswoman, who all did an amazing job and totally deserve the trophies. Oh, and while you're at it, a bouquet to Raissa Baiard, who is doing an awesome job of hosting, under the circumstances, and a bottle of sparkili to Chyntuck, who has just done amazing work organizing all this. (glances over at Renata, then whispers) Put it on her tab!
  18. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    LOL MEL! Totally knew that this would happen. It's her dad's genes, I tells ya! :D

    I would bring my OCs to this, but the problem is, two specific folks cannot be seen with each other, not just yet. Not to mention that I would go all Mel on one of my OCs. And then eat all the food, because of course food matters more than, pfft, men.
  19. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    Thank you so much, guys! I'm so honored and frankly, a bit stunned. Thanks!

    Congrats to Findswoman and Dantana Skywalker, too!

    (Waves at Mistress_Renata and thanks her for the lovely bouquet of flowers. Ithorian orchids - my favorite!)
  20. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    I made a bet with myself the way people do for Eurovision and I had guessed 4 out of 5 so far. I now owe myself some nice savoury snack.

    Next year, I should be taking money. :p
  21. Kahara

    Kahara Force Ghost star 4

    Mar 3, 2001
    :D This year had an amazing batch of stories, so congratulations to all who were nominated. You all did a fantastic job and choosing was difficult. [face_party]

    Congrats on your wins to:

    Findswoman for bringing back Katts and Stann, and introducing us to a lovable if sometimes sad mooka pup. ;)

    divapilot for already obviously being on a roll! :p Three stories, and each of them manages to knock it out of the park with a very different feel and subject matter. =D=

    Dantana Skywalker for writing a late EU romance that managed to sell me on a pairing I've never really read before. [face_love]
  22. K'Tai qel Letta-Tanku

    K'Tai qel Letta-Tanku Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Apr 18, 2000
  23. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    Just watched that dance video; Darth Vader and his troops doing Hammer Time was awesome.
  24. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    MELVINA CALRISSIAN totters precariously up to the table, in golden sandals with 7" heels. A puff of smoke covers her from armpits to mid-thigh, with the colors cycling from pink to apricot to lavender. RENATA and KESS stare at her in shock.

    MEL: You started without me?

    KESS: The ceremony started without you. You missed the first round of winners. And the dancing Stormtroopers.

    MEL: (sits down carefully and leans over to look at the list). Aaaww! There were some good ones too. Winners, that is. There are no good Stormtroopers.

    RENATA: Umm, what exactly are you wearing?

    MEL: Oh! (jumps out of her seat to pirouette) It's a Bespin Cloud dress! You like? What do you think?

    KESS: It looks like a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. (MEL sticks out her tongue, and sits down again, reaching for the sparkili).

    RENATA: (nervous) You too won't be upset if we don't win, will you? There's some really tough competition in this category.

    KESS: Oh, no. The Fan Fiction Awards aren't about winning.

    RENATA: You're right. You're right. The Awards are about expressing your creativity and doing something you love, and sharing that with others who have similar interests!

    (MEL and KESS look at each other).

    MEL: Um, we were gonna say 'it's all about the afterparties.' But, okay, creativity and love and stuff...your thing is good too, I guess...
    RX_Sith, Kahara, AzureAngel2 and 3 others like this.
  25. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    The 2017 Fan Fiction Awards are brought to you today by The Hungry Hutt All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
    The holoscreen turns on to display a table crumbling under an assortment of dishes.

    VOICEOVER: The best Lebnan food credits can buy!

    The holovid shows a stubby, leathery finger dipping in hom mousse and moving towards a gaping mouth. The camera pans out to reveal an assembly of fat Hutts sitting around the table.

    VOICEOVER: A unique restaurant where you can enjoy your meal in an adequately fetid sauna!

    The camera zooms in on one of the Hutts to reveal the sweat and slime running off his hide. A Sha’rellian toop hops off the gastropod and dives into a bowl of ‘adass soup.

    VOICEOVER: Your pets will love it! We cater to their needs as well as yours!

    The Hutt pulls the toop out of the soup and places it back on the top of his head. He then licks his fingers and burps loudly.

    VOICEOVER: Our all-you-can-eat buffet includes a variety of side dishes, including, but not limited to, caramelised chyntuck rings, pickled gorgs, slime pods in blue milk yoghurt sauce and live Klatooine frogs!

    A set of tiny, quivering legs are seen struggling in a female Hutt’s mouth. They finally get swallowed and washed down with a generous gulp of viscous araaq. “Mahvelous!” she squeaks. “Simply mahvelous!”

    VOICEOVER: Our kahve specialist is a three-time winner of the Golden Roasting Award, certified by none other than the Pan-Galactic Kahve Society!

    The holovid shows another Hutt, this one dressed in a top hat and bow tie, inhaling the aroma of a minuscule cup. He blinks his nictitating membranes slowly to express his delight.

    VOICEOVER: That’s right! You can enjoy this exclusive cuisine right here on Imperial Centre! No need to run off to Nal Hutta for a chef, or to Ool for taba ooleh! Just head to the Hungry Hutt in Pom Plaza, in the heart of Coco Town, and savour the Lebnan experience!

    Jacen and Jaina Solo come onto the stage together

    JAINA: Welcome to this year's Fan Fiction Awards.

    JACEN: Jaina, what is small, golden and desired by everyone?

    JAINA: Is this supposed to be a joke?

    JACEN: The golden Yoda.

    JANINA: (rolling her eyes) Of course, why I didn´t realize that earlier?

    JACEN: Today we present to you the winners of this year's awards in the Storyline Categories.

    JAINA: Exactly brother. But before that, we want to apologize to everyone for the intrusion of the Emperor yesterday.

    JACEN: True, the Golden Yoda awards will continue as planned.

    KYLO REN enters the stage, dressed in a badly fitting Jedi jumpsuit.

    JACEN: Who are you?

    KYLO: I´m your brother. I want to present the awards with you.

    JACEN: Nice to meet you brother, wanna hear a joke?

    JAINA: (deadpan) Great, now it's three of them.

    JACEN: How many stormtroopers does it take to change a glowpanel?

    KYLO: I usually order two, one to change the panel and one to make sure the first doesn´t turn traitor.

    (A moment of awkward silence passes, in which the twins share a glance)

    KYLO: (nervous) I mean, I heard that once... somewhere...

    JACEN: It takes two stormtroopers to change a glowpanel. One stormtrooper to change it, and the other one to shoot him and take credit for all the work.

    KYLO: But we don´t reward them for changing a panel...

    (The twins again exchange a look)

    JAINA: I think the audience has heard enough jokes for now. Let's begin with the awards.

    KYLO (pulls out an envelope): There were some mistakes on your cards, but I have the corrected ones for you.

    JACEN: (takes one) Why do they say "The Golden Palpatine awards"?

    JAINA: These people didn't even participate in the contest! This is an imperial trick.

    KYLO: (activates his lightsaber) I´m impressed. No one has been able to see through my schemes before.

    JAINA: You might want to rethink your technique.

    The twins activate their blades as well. Together they drive Kylo of the stage.

    JAINA: And I thought you were a complicated brother.

    JACEN: (a little uncomfortable) He probably doesn't have a sister like you.

    JAINA: (giving Jacen a smile) Now that the imperial is gone we should start with the awards.

    JACEN: Right, our first category today is the Best Continuity-Compliant Story. So the story that fits completely into the established canon.

    JAINA: So we can´t appear in it?

    Jacen: We can; it's for both Legends and the New Canon. The stories are:

    The Face Behind the Helmet by CheckSix & gaarastar58
    My Awakening by darth_treyvah
    A Rough Trade by Ewok Poet
    The Book of Gand by Findswoman
    Madonna Under the Suns by Vongchild

    JAINA: (takes her card out of the original envelope) The winner is:The Book of Gand by Findswoman

    JACEN: Congratulations to you and the other nominees.

    JAINA: Our next category is Best AU Story. Which take place in an alternative Universe. Maybe there is even one where your jokes are actually funny.

    JACEN: The nominees are:

    Tale As Old As Time by aleja2
    Emerging from Shadows by Cushing's Admirer
    Lord Vader's Limpet by frodogenic
    The Broken Boy and the Blind Master by gaarastar58
    The end of all things by Pandora

    JAINA: The Golden Yoda goes to: The end of all things by Pandora Thanks to all who have participated.

    JACEN: Now we come to the Best Legends Story. Maybe we might even appear in it.

    JAINA: Nominated are:
    The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin
    Two Girls and a Man in Red by Findswoman
    Lord Vader's Limpet by frodogenic
    Life Among the Ashes by taramidala
    The Graverobbers of Alderaan by whiskers

    JACEN: The winner is:The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin

    JAINA: Now we come to the Best New Canon Story of this year. Let's see how Rey and her friends have fared.

    JACEN: The nominees are:
    And Then There Were None by Glor
    The Light From Alderaan by MandrinaQ
    From Out of the Darkness by mavjade
    Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata
    Lightforce by Suzannah.Pearce

    JAINA: The Golden Yoda goes to... It's a tie! The Light From Alderaan by MandrinaQ and Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata

    JACEN: Now we come to our last category today the Best Legends/New Canon Mash Up.

    JAINA: So stories that feature both legends and canon characters and storylines?

    JACEN: That´s true; Aunt Mara especially has been to the New Canon universe several times during the last year.

    JAINA: The nominees are:

    My Dearest Luke by Briannakin
    Awake And Arise by Dantana Skywalker
    Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot
    Recruited by Lane_Winree
    Star Crossed by Raissa Baiard

    JACEN: And the winner is: Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot

    JAINA: Congrats to all nominees and thanks to everyone who took part in this year's Awards.

    JACEN: Wanna hear another joke?

    JAINA: No

    JACEN: What goes ha-ha-ha? thump!

    JAINA: You when you tell another joke.

    JACEN: A droid laughing it´s head off!

    JAINA gives her brother a light slap that sends him to the floor.

    JACEN: Ouch!

    JAINA: Tomorrow we will see if droids are capable of such destructive laughter as they present the awards for the Length Categories to the audience.

    JACEN: Until then, enjoy the royal Hapan Ballet and stay on guard of imperial infiltrators.

    BOTH TWINS: May the Force be with you.

    The lights go off and leave the stage in darkness.

    ANNOUNCER: We regret to announce that due a droid malfunction on their Star Tours 3000 shuttle, the Royal Hapan Ballet has been unavoidably detained. Instead, we present for your enjoyment...Emperor Palpatine?!?
    Hungry Hutt commercial by Chyntuck
    Hungry Hutt animation by Mr Chyntuckopolis
    Jacen, Jaina and Kylo skit by Anedon