Awards The 2017 Golden Yoda Awards Ceremony / Day Seven: Author Categories and Best All-Around

Ewok Poet: I've fooled the humans with my clever disguise!

 

The terrace of the Crystal Star Lounge looks like a devastated battlefield. The waiters have collapsed in the wicker armchairs to sleep, little Ellelumiwi are dozing off on their perches and a fat Hutt in a flashy pink waistcoat with assorted bow tie is snoring on his dais. His satin top hat has rolled off his head into a corner. A red-tailed avian suddenly perks up and, seeing that everyone is gone, flutters to him to peck his cheek.

“Wake up, fatso,” she whispers. “It’s over.”

The Hutt groans sleepily, but at her insistence he finally opens an eye. “Is it time to get up already?”

Pulastya chuckles. “Yes, it is. Everyone went home, but it was a memorable party.”

Eliskandro groans again, then abruptly straightens himself, or what passes for straightening oneself in Hutts. “Oh dear. Did I fall asleep while our guests were still here? What will they think of me?”

“Don’t worry, nearly everyone had left already by that time. There were only a few people. Three very pretty young ladies and their rather handsome escorts who were partying like mad – I think one of the girls was a Jedi, you know – and a very loud couple who drank the tsipouro to the last drop. Oh, and the First Order officer who rolled under the table. We had to call an airbulance to collect him. His wife didn’t look happy.”

Eliskandro sighs. “She doesn’t look very happy in general.”

“She doesn’t” – Pulastya lowers her voice – “but I overheard her talking to the tall man in the black suit and helmet. At one point he even pulled out an oddly-shaped lightsaber and she held him back. The husband is going to have some ’splaining to do, if you ask me.”

Eliskandro grins. “That is most excellent, Pulastya dahling. No one should ever have to put up with a man like that. How was the turnout?”

Pulastya flies away for a moment and returns with a datapad. “Pretty good,” she says, looking at the list. “There was a couple called Katts and Carth, and they brought along her dad too; a woman from Marfa and her boyfriend; Princess Leia and Captain Solo with their little boy –”

“Mahvelous, mahvelous! Did you know that I used to do Princess Leia’s hair when she was just a child?”

“Kyp Durron and Jaina Solo,” Pulastya continues. “Lady Vader came with her handmaiden – now that’s someone who didn’t look happy at all – and also a woman with pure white hair whose name I can’t remember. Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade – oh, and there was also a younger Mara Jade with a teenage boy who looked very puzzled about Master Skywalker. A couple of moisture farmers from Tatooine, Viceroy Bail Organa and Queen Breha –”

The Hutt breaks out into a coughing fit. “We had royalty here and no one told me anything?”

“They only made a quick appearance. Something about the Death Star having been destroyed and they had to look into it.” She checks the list again. “The three young ladies I mentioned, and a group of Gands.”

“Ah, yes, I saw the Gands. They seemed a little bored.”

“That was before Anjie Mercuri came on stage and started performing pieces he used to play with Steamy Wasaka Stew. The young ones were dancing like there’s no tomorrow, together with that Wookiee who pulls the most incredible moves. The older ones... well, they looked a bit shocked.”

Eliskandro winks. “That is fine, Pulastya dahling. They need to understand that everyone should let their hair down every now and then – or mandibles, as the case may be. Who else?”

“Oh, many, many more. Master Yoda and Mace Windu, Jacen Solo, several droids, a girl in a strange toga – fashion from the Western Reaches, I guess. His Ultimate Sliminess Jabba himself, a rough crew of people who seemed to expect an attack at any moment, a blue Mon Cal, Grand Admiral Thrawn, General Syndulla and her Jedi friend... oh, and the Emperor himself tried to gatecrash the party at some point.”

“I hope you sent him packing.”

“Not me, Artemian. But ’e did it very politely, you know ’ow ’e is.”

“Very good, very good. This might cost us a little with Imperial customers, but it is so worth it. Anyone else?”

“All the authors and reviewers were there! Aiel, aleja2, Anedon, ardavenport, Annia, Azure, Briannakin, CheckSix, Cushy, Cynical_Ben, Dantana, darth_treyvah, Findswoman, frodogenic, gaarastar58, Glor, GregMcP, Hopefulwriter, Irish_Jedi_Jade, JadeLotus, Jedi_Lover, K’Tai, Kuri, Lane, leia, leiamoody, MandrinaQ, mavjade, mulberry, Onderon1, Pandora, Raissa, Renata, Sabyne, SiouxFan, Sith-I-5, Suzannah, taramidala, Thumper09, Vongchild, WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, whiskers... and of course the amazing divapilot. I think that the Golden Yoda statuettes that fell behind the couch are hers by the way, she was carrying so many. She also left us a bunch of Ithorian orchids to plant in the garden.”

“How very kind of her!” Eliskandro exclaims. “And I imagine they all brought more characters along?”

“They did! And all the nominators and voters came too. They were very nice to the volunteers who organised the awards. You know, A Blind Prophet, Anedon, Chyntuck, divapilot, Findswoman, Kahara, Raissa Baiard, RX_Sith and yahiko. People kept getting them drinks – not that Chyntuck and her husband needed any help on that front.”

“I should know,” Eliskandro sighs. “It transpires in her writing, don’t you think? I mean, she created us. Anyway. What happens now?”

“Now Anedon and divapilot start distributing the prizes.”

“Ah, prizes... I wonder if anyone thought of offering the Full-Day Organic Spa Delight in Shazam! as a prize. At any rate, we need to get Steroop to open the salon. I overheard a young Ewok lady say that she wanted to come for a fur treatment today.”

Pulastya bows. “That will be taken care of, Your Fabulousness.”

“And then we wait until next year to start again?”

“We do. Get moving now, and I’ll go check if Steroop is up.”

“Will do, will do.”

Eliskandro watches the red-tailed avian fly away. As soon as she is out of sight, he closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. Soon he is dreaming about dahling Bonvika who is offering him the Golden Hutt statuette for Best Hairdresser in the 2018 Awards.

 

Chyntuck Thanks so much for organizing the awards.

 

Congratulations to all the nominees and winners in each category! Thanks also to all those who voted and who spent so much time and effort organising this years awards, you are all awesome!

 

I wish I could like @Chyntuck's wrap up more than once! I think every host feels like that the morning after a party...

 

"Pulastya dahling, who is the young man with a ginger beard I see on the holos? You didn’t mention him to me. He was accompanying a chahming young lady."

"Shhhhh! He's on the Empire's most wanted list. He was here incognito."

"Dear me, all this cloak and sabre. Isn't it mahvelous?"

 

I am very appreciative of all who nominated Island Surprise in three categories, though I have a suspicion that the "Luke and Mara" effect that was argued after the 2015 awards, may have contributed.

pronker - thank you for that comment that Reviewers make writers' whole day.

I may not have won anything, but that feedback is appreciated.

I still don't know how Mara in a bikini is more headsplode than a potential Han Solo sex change...

 

Sith-I-5 You are welcome

*goes into reverie re the 2018 awards ...

 

gg

 

"Pulastyaaaaa! First we couldn't find Jill Ett's Universal Untangling Comb Set, then the entire supply of L'awreal Fur Glitter and Ch’warss Copff All-Environment Hair Serum had vanished, and now we can't get our hands on the Fill Ips Super-Soft Blow Dryer. The little Ewok lady isn't happy at all. What is going on here?"

"Oh. Ahem. It must be the Jawas."

"What Jawas?"

"The ones who came to the party last night. They were starring in a documentary about their mating customs or some such."

(Awkward silence.)

"Does this mean that our combs are on sale in Mos Eisley now?"

 

The Blayne family and the Ghost's crew are enjoying lunch together before heading back home from the Awards Ceremony. The waiter brings out a tray laden with several hot Ziippa Hut ziippas. "Oh yeah, that's mine..." Zeb reaches for the extra large ziippa with everything, double cheese and extra pepperoni.

"How can you drink that stuff?" Mara asks Ezra, who is slurping down an ANGRY MACE brand artificial milk product shake.

"I don't know." He shrugs, wiping of an artificial milk mustache. "The sprinkles are good."

Zeb snorts. "You better watch it, kid, those sprinkles'll make you.."

"Zeb..." Hera says, putting down her slice of mushroom ziippa. "We're eating."

"Sure thing FlyGirl 1138." He grins, then looks thoughtful. "Maybe I should put a profile on RebelsOnly. Couldn't hurt, right?"

Chopper, who is freshly polished after his spa day at HK's Chalet, makes a rude noise.

"Aw, c'mon, Chop, there's got to be someone out there who's into big, smelly purple guys," Ezra comments. Zeb scowls at him while Chopper chuckles electronically.

"Don't fill up on ziippa," Raissa cautions Doran, who's already on his third slice. "We've got reservations for the Hungry Hutt tonight."

He looks doubtful. "Are you really sure you want to go to a Hutt restaurant? I mean, they even advertise it as 'adequately fetid.' Sounds like the kind of place that sleemo Verraro would like."

"I know, but their tab ooleh is supposed to be to die for," she answers. "And all Hutts aren't as bad as Verraro; Eliskandro was quite charming last night."

"Mom, what's 'Hutt smut'? And what does 'sheevy' mean anyway?" Annina pipes up. Mara looks mortified at her sister's questions, while the adults look at each other uneasily.

Raissa pulls out her datapad, and says, with the air of someone trying to change the subject, "So, I need to make sure I get thank you notes sent to everyone who helped with the Ceremony." She taps on the screen with her stylus. "I've got all the ad writers for our sponsors: Ewok Poet, Chyntuck, Findswoman, Cowgirl Jedi 1701 and divapilot. Then there are writers for the presentation."

"Ooh, I really liked the jokes Anedon wrote for Jacen Solo!" Annina bounces up and down in her seat. "He and Jaina were so cool the way they fought off that weird Kylo Ren guy."

"Yeah, he's even more of a drama gualama than you," Mara says, ruffling her little sister's hair. Annina sticks her tongue out at her. "And he just wouldn't give up,would he? Good thing RX_Sith brought in Rey to take care of him. I'd like to learn that Force-freezing trick she did."

"Bwaaa! Bwop bwwwaa bwop Bwopbwabwop!" Chopper protests, waving one newly shiny grasped.

"Quit complaining, Chopper," Ezra tells him. "Findswoman did a great job writing your presentation; you're the one who decided to go off script!"

"divapilot deserves a special thanks for keeping Jabba the Hutt happy the whole time," Kanan says, munching on a slice of nerf sausage ziippa. "For once, no one got shot or eaten when he was around."

"Chyntuck's presentation was certainly exciting," Hera muses. "It was good seeing Captain Andor and K2S0 again."

"Don't forget to thank Mr Chyntuckopoulos for making all the fantastic animations." Doran starts on his fourth slice. "They added a lot of color and humor to the sponsor's ads."

Raissa adds the note to her datapad. "It was a lot of hard work, but all the volunteers came through with flying colors, and I appreciate their contributions more than I can say. It was a great show this year, and so much fun to see everyone enjoying themselves!" Suddenly, her comlink chimes. "Oh, that's our cab, ladies!"

"I hope it's not that Squib again," Mara says, standing. "That was the worst cab ride ever."

"Wait, where are you all off to?" Doran asks as all the women get up from their seats.

"It's been a long week, and not all of us have been partying," Raissa says. "I took the liberty of booking some spa treatments at SHAZAM for us last night. After all the work of putting together the Ceremony, this massage is going to feel really good."

"You're all getting massages?"

"Seaweed lekku wrap," Hera says as she gets up. "Generals need to relax, too."

"Color touch-up," Sabine adds.

Annina wiggles her fingers theatrically. "Junior mani-pedi!"

"Facial and hairstyle before dinner tonight." Mara kisses Ezra on the cheek. "Don't forget to wear your new jacket from POE'S CLOTHES. Have fun with the guys."

The men exchange glances as the women head off. "So what are we supposed to do now?" Ezra asks.

Zeb shrugs. "This ziippa isn't gonna eat itself. Dig in!"

 

KESS leaned back in her X-wing, waiting for the order to take off. She was headed back to her father's flagship, the Hera Syndulla, to rejoin her squadron. She could only hope her pilots hadn't spotted her with Poe Dameron; she'd never hear the end of it. MEL was still sleeping in the hotel; KESS had left a vial of Rogue Squadron's surefire hangover cure for her. One thought occurred to her, and quickly she grabbed her datapad, doing a frantic search...

3 dozen roses and a thank you note to the Fabulous Eliskandro for the party last night. Epic. And as to RENATA, stuck with the bill, well...given the various dangers and indignities the woman put her through, it was only fair.

 

*Better several days late, then not at all, I suppose--*

First off, congratulations to all the nominees, and to everyone who has won since I last posted offering congratulations. And thanks to Chyntuck and the volunteers who made it all happen. I have also enjoyed reading the skits about the various characters' shenanigans and outfits and coming-of-age experiences. (Though I suspect that perhaps, oh just perhaps, some of Mel's exploits might have been edited a touch for the sensitivities of the boards?)

And on that note: I hadn't any idea that I was present at The Fabulous Eliskandro's festivities, but apparently, that was where I went in a dream on Tuesday night. I may not remember it, but I'm sure, it was indeed the craziest dream...

 

Both Mel and Kess have a lot of practice making sure that the more...'interesting' details of their adventures never make it to the delicate ears of parents, elders (including authors), superior officers and judgmental older sisters!

 

I believe that you are being unfair to yourself now Sith-I-5. Island Surprise was nominated because it is such a good story. And the mental image of Mara Jade in a bikini in that setting is fantastic!

A little late from me, but congratulations again to all the nominees and winners and thank you to the volunteers for organising this, as well as everyone who improvised the scenes that took place in the ceremony. This has been a very entertaining read!

 

AHHH! REALLY SUPER LATE! But I just wanted to say a quick thank you! Congratulations to all the winners and nominations and A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL THE VOLUNTEERS!

 

Thank you for those kind words.

I found it quite hard working out what excerpts to use, due to what I thought would have been the most surprising element to read, and what was.

 

Sorry for the lateness, but congrats to everyone.

 

*wanders in weeks late* Wait, I- What?! I won something? I don't think that's ever happened before! Thanks for all the congrats, guys. I didn't pay the slightest attention because I, well, didn't submit excerpts. Wow. That's really cool.

 

Took a looksee at the first page at the list of winners. Well-deserved and uber!!!!!!awesome talent, and it shows. Surrounded by genius, am I.