Discussion in 'Community' started by DarthIntegral, Nov 11, 2019.
Shane Spencer, thanks. Believe he's leading the league?
Loved him on Psyche, too. Figured he'd prefer the celebrity softball game
Our uniforms are now tuxedos and everyone wears a monocle.
Also, I cannot wait for the second movie on Peacock...
Jocko has like 30.
Spencer has like 1 in the last 12 games, he's not leading the league.
Did I look this up? Sure, but it was better than posting about Ben Q
ASSES in a real skid right now. Really ****ting the bed. Butt jokes.
the Slingers are ready to hit some Dingers.
Tue June-Lie 18th
Reseda Free-Fallers (35-37) @ Pointy's Performance Enhancers (41-31), Shea?
Dazzy Vance dazzled everyone, a sentence so clever it will likely win your correspondents a Sports Emmy.
"Isn't an Emmy for television programming?" asked Dazzy, whose 1924 self existed before TV sets were even sold commercially so why the hell is he talking.
"Because you asked, this is an interview," said Dazzy, who okay you know what, how about I don't even write anymore about how good you were huh
I will not mention that you opened the game with an RBI, and then went on to strike out 11 dudes over 8 innings. Except oh look I just did and do you know WHY Dazzy? Because I'm a JOURNALIST Dazzy and I get ACCOLADES for my reporting. Occasionally investigative reporting, like finding out your name is ****ing Charles and people only call you Dazzy b/c you couldn't pronounce the name of a flower.
Cy Young was great for the Enhancers too, and b/c I'm also unbiased guess what? His name was actually Denton. DENTON. The name of a kid with an anti-vaxxer mom.
Denton kept it tied into the 9th, but similar to when he didn't give John Oliver the Daily Show, manager Jon Stewart opted for a subpar replacement and Keith Foulke blew the game to homers by Duke Snider, Canseco, and Thome.
Player of the Game, brought to you by Don't Screw With My Sports Emmy: Charles Vance
Final: RFF 7, PE 2
W: Charlie (3-2)
L: Foulke (4-4)
Wed June-Lie 19th
Reseda Free-Fallers (36-37) @ Pointy's Performance Enhancers (41-32), Citi?
Old Hoss took one look at Jim Thome beating up on his team and said...
Player of the Game, brought to you by Why Can't All Recaps Be This Easy: Old Hoss
Final: PE 4, RFF 2
W: Homebound (7-3)
L: Scarn (6-7)
S: Britton (12)
Thur June-Lie 20th
Reseda Free-Fallers (36-38) @ Pointy's Performance Enhancers (42-32), ****i?
Intydependence Day on the calendar! Which is really every day b/c we depend on him to keep this thing going.
"I mean do you see the mess that is the survival games," said @manila before slinking into the shadows, still easily visible given the 0 fans in attendance.
But indeed we should be thankful, and the teams decided to celebrate by giving us an insane pitchers duel. The starter's stats...
Feller: 7 IP, 4H, 1ER, 5K
Seaver: 9 IP, 3H, 1ER, 12 K
Slight nod to Seaver, but with FF reliever Orosco hurling 2 innings of 1-hit ball after Feller, the lines were nearly identical.
And it meant extras.
Neither team would score in the 10th, and once again Jon Stewart would implore Keith Foulke to stop making Cameo videos to come in as a reliever. This time he'd keep speed demon Jose Canseco off the bags (2 SBs in this game, 4 in the series so far, look at my stat-keeping Dazzy) to be more effective.
And FF reliever Marshall couldn't hold up in the bottom, walking the bases loaded so that a Mauer bloop single would be the Enhancers' walkoff.
Player of the Game, brought to you by Barry Bonds & A-Rod Going 0-8: Joe Mauer
Final: PE 2, RFF 1 (11 innings)
W: Foulke (5-4)
L: Marshall (1-3)
Fri, June-Lie 21st
Pointy's Performance Enhancers (43-32) @ Reseda Free-Fallers (36-39), Dodger Stadium
Shifting the series to Dodger Stadium and lmao I'm just skipping to bottom of the 9th:
Player of the Game, brought to you by I'm Also Gonna Pretend He Was Yankees A-Rod For That One: Luis Tiant
Final: RFF 3, PE 2
W: Tiant (5-6)
L: Alexander (10-5)
Sat, June-Lie 22nd
Pointy's Performance Enhancers (43-33) @ Reseda Free-Fallers (37-39), Dodger Stadium
Oh guess what Dazzy, you ****ing lost this one. You ****ing lost now get out of my locker room.
"This is...our locker room," said Dazzy, standing in a towel.
I don't care, and b/c you won a World Series with the Cardinals I care even less.
Rube Waddell pitched 9 innings, gave up 0 ER, had 10K's, and suddenly Pointy G's rotation is looking deadly.
"Who is Pointy G?" Dazzy asked, and in the interest of continuing to be an unbiased journalist I was forced to use his actual given name: Karl Kotor1isbetterthankotor2.
Player of the Game, brought to you by Seriously That's His Name on His Birth Certificate:
Final: PE 2, RFF 1
W: Waddell (5-4)
L: Charlie (3-3)
Sun, June-Lie 23rd
Reseda Free-Fallers (37-40) @ Pointy's Performance Enhancers (44-33), Dodger Stadium
I'm drunk and don't want to do this to Tunes idc if it costs me my Emmy
Player of the Game, brought to you by the Drinks of Bier & Cheese:
Final: PE 15, RFF 1
W: Denton (3-2)
L: Koufax (6-6)
Records after the series:
it wont ever get any better than that.
tuesday, june-lie 18th
game of throws (22-50) @ let's play two (32-40)
we kicked things off at an empty wrigley field.
frank robinson crushed two home runs off of cliff lee in the first two innings and at the end of two ernie and the doubleheaders had staked starting pitcher orval overall (how is this someone's name?) to a 6 run lead.
that would be all old orval would need as he carried let's play two to the win, scattering 9 hits over the course of the complete game win.
player(s) of the game, brought to you by the legendary ben quadinaros : frank robinson and orval overall
final: Douleheaders 8, Beheaders 2
win: overall (1-0)
loss: lee (3-4)
wednesday, june-lie 19th
game of throws (22-51) @ let's play two (33-40)
it was the team from north of the wall's turn to jump out to an early lead as hack wilson crushed a 3-run home run in the top of the first off of let's play two starter jim palmer.
they then used 4 run rallies in the 5th and the 7th to turn this one into a laugher. max scherzer was not dominant, but he was the beneficiary of all the run support as game of throws cruised to the win.
kris bryant was a bright spot for let's play two, collecting three hits including two home runs, and driving in 6, but it wasn't enough as the doubleheaders fell 12-7.
player of the game, brought to you by the legendary ben quadinaros: hack wilson
final: Beheaders 12, Doubleheaders 7
win: scherzer (5-6)
loss: palmer (3-9)
thursday, june-lie 20th
game of throws (23-51) @ let's play two (33-41)
another day, another blowout at wrigley, as let's play two got a dominant performance from their ace and their offense.
frank robinson, ken griffey, frank thomas and yogi berra all had 3 hits for the doubleheaders, and ernie banks smacked a home run that accounted for 3 of his 4 runs driven in as let's play two poured it on even though they really didn't need to.
that's because greg maddux was his best self on the mound. maddux allowed only three singles and three walks on his way to a complete game shutout, while his opposite number russ ford clearly struggled for game of throws.
player of the game, brought to you by the legendary ben quadinaros: greg maddux
final: Doubleheaders 13, Beheaders 0
win: maddux (10-3)
loss: ford (4-7)
friday, june-lie 21st
let's play two (34-41) @ game of throws (23-52)
the scene shifted to fenway, and it looked like we were in for yet another blowout early when sammy sosa capped a three-run first inning let's play two rally with a 2-run bomb over the green monster.
lpt then tacked on runs in the third and fourth to stake randy johnson to a 5-0 lead. but from there throws starter john smoltz would settle in, and their bats would rally.
chris hoiles homered in the 5th, scott rolen launched one in the 7th, and in the 8th a hack wilson 2-run bomb brought game of throws all the way back, evening the game at 5 apiece.
and that's where it stood in the top of the 9th, when throws manager jon snow elected to send smoltz back to the mound. it was a decision that he probably regretted. smoltz allowed the first two hitters to reach. he walked yogi berra, and then allowed a single to kris bryant. joe maddon went to his bench and sent up vladimir guerrero to hit for the pitcher's spot.
and vlad delivered, rattling one off the monster that brought home both berra and bryant and put let's play two back on top 7-5. snow would still stick with smoltz and smoltz would limit the damage from there, escaping the inning with no further runs scoring.
in the bottom of the inning maddon would send out bobby thigpen to try to get the save. thigpen would make things interesting, allowing a leadoff single to scott rolen that immediately brought the tying run to the plate. but from there he retired chris hoiles, pinch hitting albert belle, and robin yount to end the threat and the game as let's play two took the first in boston.
player of the game, brought to you by white walker breath mints: vladimir guerrero
final: Doubleheaders 7, Beheaders 5
win: wagner (3-1)
loss: smoltz (0-2)
save: thigpen (9)
saturday, june-lie 22nd
let's play two (35-41) @ game of throws (23-53)
for the first three innings of this one fergie jenkins for let's play two and justin verlander for game of throws kept things scoreless.
let's play two drew first blood in the top of the 4th as ken griffey jr. led off the inning with a solo homer. game of throws would answer in the bottom of the frame with solo homers of their own from joe dimaggio and jason giambi that gave the home team a 2-1 lead.
let's play two then drew even in the sixth when a clutch two out ryne sandberg single brought home griffey. the game would stay knotted at two as we moved to the top of the 7th.
vladimir guerrero would come up with his second clutch pinch hit in as many days, this time a double off of verlander that brought home yogi berra and broke the tie. from there let's play two would tack on three more as frank robinson scored guerrero witha double of his own and ernie banks capped the rally with a 2-run home run.
that gave let's play two enough of a cushion to weather back to back home runs from hack wilson and jason giambi in the 8th and to hang on for the win, as bobby thigpen came on to work a 1-2-3 9th for his second save of the series.
player of the game, brought to you by white walker breath mints: vladimir guerrero
final: Doubleheaders 6, Beheaders 4
win: jenkins (4-9)
loss: verlander (1-8)
save: thigpen (10)
sunday, june-lie 23rd
let's play two (36-41) @ game of throws (23-54)
game of throws exacted some measure of revenge in this one, as they pounded let's play two and salvaged their second win of the series.
corey kluber was stellar on the mound for the beheaders, while eddie plank struggled mightily for the doubleheaders. kluber scattered 6 hits and only one run over his 7 innings of work, while striking out 8. plank meanwhile gave up 10 runs (6 earned) on 12 hits and couldn't get out of the 7th.
roberto alomar was the other star for game of throws, going three for three, reaching base four times, stealing two bases, and scoring 4 runs. game of throws will look to build on this win as we head into the season's second half.
player(s) of the game, brought to you by white walker breath mints: corey kluber and roberto alomar
final: Beheaders 10, Doubleheaders 1
win: kluber (3-5)
loss: plank (6-6)
records at the all-star break:
let's play two - 36-42
game of throws - 24-54
*checks thread* Hmmm, another series loss to a PG team...
Kluber, Yaz, Ott, and Guerrero all trying to get traded to playoff contenders.
Why the hell would a contender need a lawfirm?
I don't see Hornsby or Alarmo listed
There's certainly no reason to get lawyers involved. Everything in our front office is perfectly legitimate.
What is Things Pointy can't say?
Hello, race fans. After our poor interpretation of Inty's attendance policy led to a renewed outbreak of DAVID following the ASSES/Matatas series, allow us to apologize. We don't wish DAVID upon anyone. Seriously, it's just the worst.
We're here for a six game series between the playoff hopeful Incheon Hash Slingers (@a star war) and the inspiring underdogs, Acuna Matata (@anakinfansince1983).
Game 1: Hash Slingers (Keefe) @ Acuna Matata (Teheran)
Tuesday, June-Lie 18th
Julio Teheran, bringing in a season ERA of 156.2, was looking to give Matata a much-needed boost to wrap up a tough first half of the season. Belloir and Brooks Robinson knocked in a pair of runs in the third, and that would be all that was needed, as Julio was a model of consistency, going 8 innings and allowing only one run while striking out five. Tim Keefe was admirable for the Slingers, going the distance with 131 pitches, as the bullpen could be conserved for the remainder of the series, if needed. A promising start here for the home side, with Acuna Matata getting the 4-1 win.
Matata 4, Slingers 1
Player of the Game, brought to you by Gobias Industries: SP Julio Teheran, Matata
Game 2: Hash Slingers (Taylor) @ Matata (Ryan)
Wednesday, June-Lie 19th
The definitely empty seats radiated energy and hope for our heroes, as Matata looked for two in a row. Standing in their way was Jack Taylor, who was dominant from start to finish, even as he finished with more wild pitches (1) than strikeouts (0). But who really gives a **** about stats, you play to win the game. Kenny Lofton got things going for the Slingers with one out in the top of the 2nd, reaching first base via an Albies error - he then swiped second, advanced to third on a ground out, and scored on a blooper flyball to left center - a manufactured Lofton run if there ever was one. Hughie Jennings would go 4 for 5 and knock in the other two runs, with Matata only landing one via the aforementioned wild pitch. Another complete game for the Slingers, who even the series at 1, winning the game 3-1.
Slingers 3, Matata 1
Player of the Game, brought to you by Gobias Industries: SS Hughie Jennings, Slingers
Game 3: Hash Slingers (Adams) @ Matata (Fried)
Thursday, June-Lie 20th
If looking for the bats to awaken, this was the game for you - but you'd have to be patient. Fried and Adams were locked in a nail-biter going into the bottom of the sixth, with only one run coming for the Slingers via yesterday's hero, Hughie Jennings. With runners on the corners and one out in the bottom of the sixth, Babe Herman would score Babe Adams, leading to a fateful decision from Matata to pull Fried after 116 pitches, considered a light workload by some one of the league's managers. Tuesday's hero, the embattled Julio Teheran, was the surprise relief choice, and wasn't as lucky today. Three more runs would stretch the lead to 5-0 in the top of the 7th, and the Slingers would add two more in the top of the 8th, building a seemingly insurmountable lead.
As Darth Tunick draft legend Te Corso would say - not so fast, my friend. Babe Adams, in total command while working the shutout with only five outs to play, suddenly melted down, allowing the who's who of Acuna's lineup to finally break out. The combination of Brooks Anderson, Hank Aaron, and Ronald Acuna mashed in five, and the game was on. Teheran himself reached on error and provided the sixth RBI for the Matatas. Adams would be relieved by Andrew Miller, who stopped the bleeding by recording his only out. Alas, that was the end of the drama - the Slingers scored one in the top of the ninth, and All-Star closer Sean Dolittle slammed the door shut in an 8-6 win for the Slingers.
Slingers 8, Matata 6
Player of the Game, brought to you by Gobias Industries: SP Babe Adams, Slingers. Your humble narrator feels this selection was generous.
Game 4: Matata (Drysdale) @ Hash Slingers (Sale)
Friday, June-Lie 21st
A clearly depleted Matata side ran into yet another pitching buzzsaw for the Slingers, in the form of Chris Sale. It was Lofton again to get things going by showing off the wheels, reaching first on a grounder/stealing 2nd/scoring on an outfield grounder. That's all that would be needed, but Simmons and Foxx would go yard later in the game, overwhelming Drysdale, who gave up 14 hits and six runs in a complete game effort. Sale would team with Andrew Miller and Louis Coleman for a four-hit shutout, 6-0 to the Slingers.
Slingers 6, Matata 0
Player of the Game, brought to you by Caged Wisdom: SP Chris Sale, Slingers
Game 5: Matata (Hunter) @ Hash Slingers (Brown)
Saturday, June-Lie 22nd
The start to the weekend brought another frustrating offensive performance for Matata, as Yankee swindler Kevin Brown provided the third dominant pitching performance for the Slingers of the series, quickly working through 9 innings in 106 pitches, and striking out 5. Catfish Hunter got tagged early in the 2nd by two solo homers from Foxx and Simmons, but his own bats never came to his aid as he worked the complete game in a losing effort. Nary a bullpen appearance to be found in this one, as it should be. Open and shut for the Slingers, winning 4-0.
Slingers 4, Matata 0
Player of the Game, brought to you by Caged Wisdom: SP Kevin Brown, Slingers
Game 6: Matata (Keuchel) @ Hash Slingers (Taylor)
Sunday, June-Lie 23rd
The final game of the series would also prove to be its most anticlimactic, as the Slingers jumped on Dallas Keuchel in the bottom of the first, working in four runs via RBIs from Herman and Boudreau, and another stolen base for Lofton that would turn into a run. Boudreau would notch another RBI to stretch the lead to 5 in the bottom of the third before Matata could answer with two of their own, a pair of RBIs from Brooks Robinson in the bottom of the sixth that ended the Slingers' 24-inning shutout streak. The story, as it has been all series for the Slingers, was dominant pitching - Taylor went the full 9, giving up only 2 runs in contrast with Keuchel's complete game that conceded six. Lou Boudreau knocked in three of the runs, while only being credited with a single hit - a coup de grace solo shot in the bottom of the 8th that ended all scoring. Slingers close the series out with a 6-2 victory.
Looking at their sharp starting pitching across the board, reliable hitting in the center of the lineup, and Lofton's blazing speed, the Slingers appear ready for a run at the playoffs. Matata will try to regroup after a tough first half, but can take a good series from Brooks Robinson and some nice inning-eating performances from their starters as positives.
Slingers 6, Matata 2
Player of the Game, brought to you by Caged Wisdom: SP Jack Taylor, Slingers
Hash Slingers win the series, 5-1.
Hash Slingers (47-31)
Acuna Matata (13-65)
Says the person who brought down an entire league with it.
*wearing a mask; staying 70 feet away from dp*