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Beyond - Legends The Big Chill H/L (sort of...this is GreatOne's fault) More Replies 6/2

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by kayladie97, Apr 7, 2004.

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  1. kayladie97

    kayladie97 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2003
    Title: The Big Chill

    Author: kayladie

    Timeframe: A few years after ROTJ

    Genre: Humor (I hope, anyway!)

    Summary: When Han replied "I know." to Leia's declaration of love, he really ticked her off...

    Author's Notes: Okay, this is all GreatOne's fault, really. She started this by writing [link=http://boards.theforce.net/Beyond_the_Saga/b10477/15277392/p1]Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man[/link] and then killing off my beloved farmboy in her other story, [link=http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/15340128/p1]A Kaleidoscope of Illusions[/link]. This is absolutely meant as a parody and I hope it comes across that way...humor is not my strong point. MarySue, I blame you! ;)


    The Big Chill

    Han stared intently at Leia?s stricken expression as the stormtroopers roughly moved him into position on the lift of the carbon-freezing chamber. Damn, she?s hot. I really wish we?d been able to hook up before all this crap happened, he thought to himself. Still, he had high hopes that she and Chewie and the kid would be able to rescue him before too long.

    He gulped nervously as the stormtroopers moved away. Stang, I sure hope I don?t wet myself here! That would be really embarrassing!

    ?I love you!? Leia called to him.

    Yes!! Han thought in delight. She was a sure thing now. Oops, better say something back to her or it won?t look too good. Something cool, and a little cocky?

    ?I know.? Perfect!

    That was the last thing he remembered before everything went dark.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    He heard voices. He hadn?t been able to hear anything for what seemed like both an eternity and only a moment at once, but now he definitely heard voices. A man and a woman.

    ??forgot he was even up here! It?s not my fault!? the woman said.

    ?Well, when is the last time you cleaned out your attic, for Force?s sake? This much mess cannot be safe for the children, if you ask me,? the man replied.

    ?I didn?t!? the woman snapped. Leia? It sounded like her, but he couldn?t be sure.

    ?Hurry this up, willya? I have to be on the shuttle to Yavin IV by 1800,? the man said. Was that?Luke? Again, he was unsure. They sounded so different than he remembered.

    ?I can?t make it go any faster. Han, can you hear me??

    ?Le?Leia?? he mumbled. ?Why can?t I see anything?? he said, his voice rising in panic.

    ?Oh, I guess I could help with that,? the man said. It was Luke. Han felt fingers rest briefly on his eyes and a sensation of warmth radiated through his head. He blinked and squinted at the bright light in his restored vision.

    The two people sitting in front of him were blurry for a moment and then they gradually cleared and he could see Luke and Leia staring back at him. They looked so good to Han! He wondered how long it had taken them to rescue him. He let his eyes wander over Leia?s beautiful face and form, so happy to see her again. His eyes almost fell out of his head when he saw the bump at her waistline.

    ?Leia, you?re?you?re?pregnant!? But how? We didn?t?I mean, I don?t think we did, did we??

    ?Oh, no, we didn?t. This baby is my husband?s.?

    ?Your what?? Han gasped in shock. ?But didn?t you say that you loved me? What happened??

    ?Yes, I loved you! I even braved saying it in front of Darth Vader and all his troops! And how did you respond? ?I know.? Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? Would it have killed you to say ?I love you, too??? she demanded.

    ?But, but I?I didn?t mean it that way. I thought you?d think it was cute. Endearing even.?

    ?Endearing. Right! Boba Fett has yet to let me live it down.?

    ?You talk to Boba Fett??

    ?Well, usually only around New Year?s. He comes for the beer. We all know it, but we let him anyway because he?s really funny when he?s drunk.?

    Han merely stared at her, open-mouthed. He turned to look at Luke. She?d said ?husband.? So apparently, the kid had made his move whil
     
  2. Wes_Janson

    Wes_Janson Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 17, 2004
  3. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Another crazy story. GreatOne is sending plot bunnies to others - she must have too many.

    Leia and Lando [face_laugh]
     
  4. Jade_Skywalker

    Jade_Skywalker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2000
    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!! [face_laugh] And I'll make a more thorough reply tomorrow. Just know that I really, really like this! ;) :D
     
  5. GreatOne

    GreatOne Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2003
    Evil! Pure evil!!! [face_devil] Of course Luke and Mara would have SEVEN kids! Except, since twins run on the WOMAN'S side of the family, Luke's explanation is pretty lame... [face_laugh] - (maybe he uses the Force so Mara has twins.... *wait I feel another evil plot bunny*) And LANDO????? :eek: :eek: :eek:

     
  6. Kazzy

    Kazzy Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 17, 2002
    I'll tell you something. It's very, very late here. Everyone except Kazzy is fast asleep, as one might expect this early on good Friday. They kinda get ansty if I wake them up.

    So, picture Kazzy, hiding her face just to keep quiet, coz she's laughing so hard! [face_laugh]

    ROTFLMAO

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Luke beamed at Han proudly. ?Yup. The Emperor had sent out his personal assassin to kill me, but she took one look at me and fell madly in love. We got married three weeks later. We have seven children now.?

    That was the kicker for me. Mara and Luke, seven kids? Three sets of twins. LOL That is too good.

    Loved that Leia was married to Lando coz he said "I love you" back. That'll teach Han! Oh well he's dead now.

    Oh, and Darth Vader as a babysitter. LOL
     
  7. Tych_sel

    Tych_sel Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2001
    Okay, I could have sworn I replied to this last night.

    Great fic, Kayladie! Poor Han, getting stuffed up in the attic, only to be unfrozen and find that he's lost everything. And then to top it all off, the woman he loves shoots him! Defintely worth a chuckle or two.


    Force be with you,

    Tych_sel
     
  8. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    ?Yes, I loved you! I even braved saying it in front of Darth Vader and all his troops! And how did you respond? ?I know.? Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? Would it have killed you to say ?I love you, too??? she demanded.

    ?But, but I?I didn?t mean it that way. I thought you?d think it was cute. Endearing even.?

    ?Endearing. Right! Boba Fett has yet to let me live it down.?


    This is the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time. Hilarious! I love the premise and it's so darn original that envy is about to eat me up! Great job!

     
  9. kayladie97

    kayladie97 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2003
    RebelMom: GreatOne is sending plot bunnies to others - she must have too many. Yeah, it's amazing to me the number of stories she churns out...and they're all good! But she never shoulda killed off my farmboy! :mad:

    Jade_Skywalker: Just know that I really, really like this! I'm glad! This is the first time I've tried a humor piece like this and I worried that no one would find it funny but me! :D

    MarySue: Evil! Pure evil!!! You asked for it!! [face_laugh] And LANDO???? I was trying to think of the one person that would probably make you go 'No Way!' :D *wait I feel another evil plot bunny*) :eek: Uh-Oh!

    Kazzy: That was the kicker for me. Mara and Luke, seven kids? Three sets of twins. I particularly liked that part myself. :p Oh, and Darth Vader as a babysitter. LOL Heh! I liked that bit as well! [face_laugh]

    Tych_Sel: Poor Han, getting stuffed up in the attic, only to be unfrozen and find that he's lost everything. And then to top it all off, the woman he loves shoots him! And all because he tried to act cool and cocky! Guess you guys should learn a thing or two from this, huh? ;) :p

    Kimberley: This is the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time. Hilarious! [face_blush] Thanks! I consider that a great compliment, seeing how much I LOVE your viggies!

    Thank you all for reading and replying! I really was nervous about this one (and not just because I was afraid of the Han fans either! :p ) because I've never tried a parody style bit like this before. I am thrilled that y'all liked it. :) :)

     
  10. Jade_Skywalker

    Jade_Skywalker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2000
    Okay, here's my more thorough reply. I'll be honest and say that I didn't laugh at everything, but there was enough I did laugh at that made me need to write the reply I wrote before.

    Leia and Luke exchanged a glance and a shrug, then she shot him. There was a loud thump as Han?s body fell back into the opening of the carbonite slab.

    The twins got up to head back downstairs to their spouses and children.

    ?Now do you see why you should clean out your attic more often?? Luke asked.

    ?Yeah, yeah, I see your point.?

    And they all lived happily ever after?except for Han, because he croaked.


    That was most definately my most favorite part! All of this because Leia never cleaned out her attic! [face_laugh] Then the last sentence was just inspired! Great job! :D
     
  11. Jedi-2B

    Jedi-2B Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    This was hilarious!! Serves Han right for being cocky. [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] This was even funnier because while I was reading this, I was watching 'Cash in the Attic' on TV, and I could imagine them pulling Han out of an attic and putting him up for auction. :p


    The Emperor had sent out his personal assassin to kill me, but she took one look at me and fell madly in love. We got married three weeks later. We have seven children now.?

    Seven kids in five years! Even with 3 sets of twins in the mix, Farmboy and Mara have been busy! [face_laugh]


    ?He?s back on Kashyyyk with Malla. He said the life debt was only good until you were dead and you looked pretty dead to him, so he went home to be with his wife.

    LOL! Good for Chewie!

    The only disappointment was that Leia shot him so quickly. I was hoping he'd go downstairs and meet the family. ;)

    Great work, kayladie. But I shudder to think what GreatOne will come up with in retaliation.
     
  12. GreatOne

    GreatOne Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2003
    Jedi-2B - But I shudder to think what GreatOne will come up with in retaliation. - I'm working on that right now!!! [face_laugh]
     
  13. Laura_Anu

    Laura_Anu Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 27, 2002
    Wow.....that was hilarious!!! Too bad there aren't more fics like this one!! I loved how Leia just shot him!! That was the best!!!!
     
  14. starwarsfan68

    starwarsfan68 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 25, 2003
    I am a big Han fan and I have to say I loved this!!!! He deserved it just this once for his little I know responce. It was a laugh riot. Thanks for a fun read!!!! Greatones' revenge might be hard to swallow though, and fun too!!!
     
  15. starsailor721

    starsailor721 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 31, 2004
    LOL [face_laugh] That was really funny. GreatOne definately had that one coming.
     
  16. Connemara

    Connemara Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 2000
    Hehe, poor Han!!

    I gotta be honest though, if I were Leia when he said that, I prolly would have hit him. Or just shot him. That was a really, really bad choice of words on Han's part, and he's lucky he didn't end up like Han in your story! ;)
     
  17. Stormtrooper_Shrink

    Stormtrooper_Shrink Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2004
    This is the best humour fic I've read in a long time! Brilliance, kayladie! Han's response always struck me as rather ill-chosen!

    Wonderfully insane!
     
  18. Jaina_and_Jag

    Jaina_and_Jag Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 19, 2003
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Poor Han! [face_laugh] That was wonderful kayladie! :D
     
  19. Marsa

    Marsa Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 23, 2004

    This is the most I've EVER laughed in a fanfic!!


    Ridiculously hilarious!!! (why do I always pick adjectives that are hard to spell?)

    anyway, I love H/L, but I always consider them a given (not here!). Something I WISH more authors would consider for L/M. *looks around nervously for Callista fans* To me it's just like: DUH!!!!!!!!!!


    I apologize for using the "C" word btw, but I've gotta tell you, this was great!!

    Thanks! ~M
     
  20. Marsa

    Marsa Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 23, 2004

    Brain Wave!!!!!!!!!!




    When you two have stopped your war (and I hope it takes a long time cause these are hilarious!), you should collaborate on a sequal to GreatOne's Change of Heart!!!!!!!!


    Please!!

    It would be a great way to solve your differences! (take your time though)

    Please don't shoot me for suggesting it!!


    Anyone out there wanna second the motion?

    UP! ~M

    (PS this is still hilarious!
     
  21. DarthMasan

    DarthMasan Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    :d LOL great fic!
    funny way you aproached the story :D
    and in two words:
    poor Han ;)

    DM
     
  22. Marsa

    Marsa Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 23, 2004
  23. kayladie97

    kayladie97 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2003
    Jade Skywalker: I'll be honest and say that I didn't laugh at everything, Hey, I'm thrilled that you laughed at ANY of it! :D Then the last sentence was just inspired! I'm glad you liked that. I was stuck on a way to end it and then I just tried to think of something that would get MarySue fired up the most. [face_devil]

    Jedi-2B: This was hilarious!! Serves Han right for being cocky. Yeah, I've always thought Han was lucky Leia was the forgiving type! [face_laugh] The only disappointment was that Leia shot him so quickly. I was hoping he'd go downstairs and meet the family. Eh, I thought of that, but I wanted it to be short and...uh, sweet? Okay, maybe not so sweet! ;)

    MarySue: I'm working on that right now!!! Hmm, knowing how fast you write, I'm wondering if I've bitten off more than I can chew? :eek:

    Laura Anu: that was hilarious!!! Too bad there aren't more fics like this one!! [face_blush] Thanks, I appreciate your kind words!

    starwarsfan68: I am a big Han fan and I have to say I loved this!!!! Whew, glad you didn't get mad! :D It was a laugh riot. Thanks for a fun read!!!! You're welcome. :)

    starsailor721: That was really funny. GreatOne definately had that one coming. She did, didn't she? ;) Glad you liked it!

    Connemara: I gotta be honest though, if I were Leia when he said that, I prolly would have hit him. Ha, me too! I always thought it was a little too cocky on his part. Course, Leia gets him back in ROTJ, so I guess it turned out all right! :)

    Stormie: This is the best humour fic I've read in a long time! [face_blush] Aw, I don't believe that for a second! Have you read VaderLVR's and Lady-Hermione's stuff? Now THAT's funny. And yours are, too. I especially liked [link=http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/15243060/?10]My Holoprogram's On![/link] That's good stuff!

    Jaina and Jag: That was wonderful kayladie! :D Thanks and thank you for reading!

    Marsa: anyway, I love H/L, but I always consider them a given Oh, I love H/L too, I just love L/M a teensy-weensy bit more! [face_laugh] I will forgive you for mentioning the "C" word...just don't let it happen again. :mad: ;) When you two have stopped your war (and I hope it takes a long time cause these are hilarious!), you should collaborate on a sequal to GreatOne's Change of Heart!!!!!!!! [face_laugh] I would drive her crazy, because she's a MUCH faster writer than I am. I procrastinate so badly that I put off putting things off! [face_laugh] That's partly why Sleight of Hand isn't finished yet. [face_blush] But if you're reading this, MarySue, I would LOVE to see a sequel to Change of Heart! :D

    DarthMasan: funny way you aproached the story and in two words: poor Han [face_devil] I know! Thanks for reading!

     
  24. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hey! :D Han gets it! Serves GreatOne right for killing Luke off . . . :mad: Nobody kills Luke and gets away with it. :p

    Anyway - talk about hilarious!

    ?Somebody shoot me!? Han moaned.

    Leia and Luke exchanged a glance and a shrug, then she shot him. There was a loud thump as Han?s body fell back into the opening of the carbonite slab.

    The twins got up to head back downstairs to their spouses and children.

    ?Now do you see why you should clean out your attic more often?? Luke asked.

    ?Yeah, yeah, I see your point.?

    And they all lived happily ever after?except for Han, because he croaked.


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Brilliant, inspired work kayladie!!

    Nem :D

     
  25. GreatOne

    GreatOne Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2003
    Han gets it! Serves GreatOne right for killing Luke off . . . Nobody kills Luke and gets away with it. - Ummm...*poke poke* kayladie97?? *poke poke* ... perhaps you should CLARIFY my "killing" of Luke!! :eek: *starts to get nervous about crazed Lukie-fans!* :p
     
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