Saga - ST Saga - Legends The Book of Boba's Cat Part 2: Peculiar Tails

Title: The Book of Boba's Cat Part 2: Peculiar Tails
Author: gizkaspice
Timeframe: After the events in the Book of Boba Fett
Characters: Boba Fett, Blacky2 the very tiny grandparent of Blackie, Fennec Shand, Mando, Han Solo, Leia, Kylo Ren, C3PO, Luke, Mara Jade Skywalker and the Solo kids, Armitage Hux, Millicent (indirect), Sauron, and a bunch of other characters who appear for some reason.
Genre: Parody, Comedy
Type: Continuous
Summary: Back in "The Book of Boba's Cat", we learnt that Boba has a tiny black cat that lives in that little dent in his helmet. Now, Boba has his very own ice cream business after getting rid of all the other competitors on Tatooine and many side stories will follow. Meanwhile, Greef Karga informs Mando that people from other dimensions want compensation for having to deal with Kylo Ren but Mando also gets sucked into other mini side quests along the way and learns the way of the cat.

Tagging for interest: @amidalachick @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha @AzureAngel2 @clone commander bossk

Background stories for those interested:
The Cat, the Kylo, and the Wardrobe: Where Kylo finds a closet in Snoke's basement and annoys multiple people from other dimensions.
"This is NOT the way": A Kylo Ren meets Mando story: Where Mando first encounters a weird black cat that lives in his helmet
This IS the way: Mando with cats and things happen: Where Mando embraces having a weird black cat that lives in his helmet
The Book of Boba's Cat: Where Mando gives the black cat back to his rightful owner.

Chapter 1: Boba Fett’s Ice Cream Shop

Mando walked past the huge crowds into Boba Fett’s shiny new ice cream store at the grand opening of “Boba Fett’s Ice Cream Inc.” on Tatooine. As the planet’s sole ice cream producer, there was already a huge lineup outside the store with patrons looking forward to thousands of unique flavours.

"Come on in," said Boba Fett wearing a Mandalorian-themed apron, whatever that looked like. "Welcome to the grand opening of Boba Fett’s Ice Cream Shop!"

"Yay!" shouted the patrons as they walked in and were served by the wookiee, Black Krrsantan, and those punk biker gang kids with the limb prosthetics behind the counters.

"Strawberry, vanilla, macha, mango, jogan fruit, desert plum, shuura, jun-lime, jybbuk-fruit, banana, lamta, clamfruit, dorian passion fruit! We got all your favourite flavours," said Drash as she prepared the ice cream cones and cups.

“The Mangolorian is doing well,” commented Mando as he held Grogu in his arms and walked towards the ex-bounty hunter now ice-cream owner. “I kind of feel less bad about being called a mango.”

“It’s a popular flavour,” said Fett. “We’ve already gotten hundreds of orders. Thanks for the idea.”

“Hey, no worries, Mando-bro,” said Mando warmly as they exchanged a fist pump.

Fennec Shand looked out from the main office as she finished some accounting business on the computer. “The Mangolorian sorbet is out of order, just for FYI.”

Mando nodded in approval. “Popular indeed. Great job."

“I know my father, Jango Fett, would be very proud,” said Boba suddenly to Mando and he smiled under his helmet. There was a logo of Jango's helmet by his logo at the store entrance. “He always wanted an ice cream business. I'm happy I could make his dream come true.”

“Don’t you mean your donour?” came a familiar voice as Bo-Katan entered the shop along with Koska Reeves and together they pushed through the angry crowds.

Fett groaned in annoyance under his breath as he turned to them. “Don't seem to recall inviting you here, princess. Why don't you just go take a hike?"

“We're just here for some ice cream considering you shut down all the other ice cream shops on Tatooine,” hissed Koska. "No need to be a sour ass."

“And there are many other ice cream shops on other planets which I will someday own as well.”

"Haha," laughed Koska out-loud.

Bo-Katan smirked. “In your dreams."

Boba was about to snap back at her, but just then chaos erupted in the ice cream shop as a pack of ninja kittens cartwheeled inside and karate-kicked the two women out the window which was moderately amusing.

The kittens wore blue, yellow and green shinobi shozoku garb and had decorated masks on. This action song was playing in the background as they caused their destruction, which consisted of throwing tiny punches and karate-kicking everything in their way while patrons ran away. Some of the kittens did elaborate backflips over tables, ice cream orders and patrons as they searched for their target.

“Watch out, they know karate and can kick your shins clean!” warned a Mon Calamari patron as he waited in line.

Then, a blue-clothed ninja kitten spotted Boba Fett and sprang into action over the tables, landing near him. She narrowed her deep blue eyes dangerously at him.

“Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” asked Mando, turning to the kitten. “I thought you turned your life around last time you were after me.”

Fett approached the cat coolly, walking in front of the Mandalorian to face her. “She’s not after you, Mando. She’s after me. After I established my ice cream business, the ninja kitten ice cream business collapsed. Now, she is out for revenge.”

“Sounds like a good villain origin story,” commented Fennec smartly as the drama unfolded.

The kitten hissed before sending a spike of ice spears at the ex-bounty hunter using her cryomancy powers.

Boba dodged and melted the spears using his flamethrower gauntlet before doing a backflip onto a table to avoid a fatal frozen hairball.

Chairs and tables were broken; patrons inside ran out the door in fear. The kitten stopped in her tracks in front of her target, standing on two feet in a squatting position, summoning with her front paws some kind of levitating ice ball. Extracting the water and elements from the air, the ball was surrounded by tiny blue crystals as it continued to expand in size. The kitten remained focused and then sent the ice ball towards him at high-speed using her powers.

Boba easily tilted to the side and the ice ball hit a nearby Jawa minding its own business, freezing it into a solid statue. The Jawa fell over, its body shattering into ice chunks.

Mando inspected the dead Jawa. “Getting a huge deja vu feeling here…”

“Wait!” shouted Fett, reaching out his hand towards the kitten. “Let's stop this destruction. It's bad for business. Come, cat, let's sit down and have a chat.”

The kitten agreed and Fennec invited her to the main office to discuss future collaborations and business plans.

Suddenly, Han Solo entered the store with his son, Ben, and glanced around at the aftermath of the ninja kitten invasion. “Did I miss something here?”

“Just something that could have ended in a cat-astrophe,” said Fett. “What can I do for you, Solo?”

“Heard you got the best Darth Vader ice cream around here,” said Han. “All the other ice cream shops are closed.”

“I have removed the competition.”

“Ah. Well, congratulations on your ice cream business! Hey, are you still up for dinner with my family? Invitation still open, you know. Would love to have you there.”

“l'll be delighted.”

After Han and Fett exchanged numbers, Fennec approached him. “I gave that kitten a deal she couldn't resist. I suggested we establish a catnip business and she can have all the shares.”

“Selling drugs to kittens is no way to make business,” said Fett. “That stuff is addictive.”

“It’s the only way for her to get off your back for ruining her ice cream business. Besides, we can control the supply chain.”

“We can talk about this later. Right now we're invited for dinner on Chandrila with the Solo family. But before I go," said Boba, turning to Mando and his kid. He took out his tiny black cat who lived in the small dent in his helmet and returned him to the other man. "My cat told me he wants to hang out with you for a while. Do you mind? Just bring him back sometime, I guess."

"No problem," said Mando, accepting the cat who jumped inside his helmet. "I have some matters to attend to as well. Enjoy your dinner. I'll see you later."

They waved as Mando exited back to his new starship with some free pistachio ice cream which was Grogu's favourite.

*********

 

Ice-cream and cats mixed with those characters like Mando and Boba it's a great hilarious fun to read

 

Thanks for reading! I totally agree!

I'll just throw Chapter 2 here.

Chapter 2: The Boy

Mando arrived on the outskirts of the planet Arkanis. It was here that he was to meet someone that was supposed to pick up a package of orange cat stickers he found in his pocket. He took a chance and put up the stickers on SpaceList for 50 million credits and he was surprised when someone accepted the offer–someone named “Mr. H.”

“He should be here by now,” muttered Mando as he waited beside his new starship, hand on blaster just in case.

Grogu’s ears perked up upon the sight of a small red-haired boy dressed in a neat Imperial uniform and accompanied by a few officers and stormtroopers by his side.

“Imps!” hissed Mando, whipping out his blaster. "Should have known this was staged---"

“No need for violence here,” said the boy calmly. “I'm here for the stickers?”

“You?” asked Mando, putting away the blaster. “You're the buyer? How old are you?”

“My name is Armitage Hux and I am 10 years old,” said the boy sharply.

“You sure don’t sound like it,” mumbled Mando, taking out the pack of stickers. “I'm the Mandalorian. Look, I don’t want to take money from a kid. Take these for free. It’s on me.”

The boy laughed. “Oh, please, Mr. Mandalorian, I’m quite filthy rich and much richer than you could ever dream of becoming. Besides, a deal is a deal." And here the child's voice softened and was almost sad. "You have no idea how much these limited-edition orange cat stickers will make me happy in a world that is full of darkness for me.”

Mando was surprised when Armitage took out a big briefcase and opened it, revealing over 50 million credits. His helmet’s visor suddenly made a cash register noise and dollar signs appeared over them.

Ka-ching!

“That was a little bit odd,” said the boy, raising a red eyebrow.

“Uh…sorry. I just…really like money....and uh....that's a bit of the low side."

The boy sighed. "I apologize. How about 200 million credits instead?"

Ka-ching! Ka-ching! Ka-ching! Ka-ching!

Armitage took the cat stickers while Mando took the cash and he held the stickers over his heart and looked to the stars. “Someday, I will have a cat named Millicent and she will wear a hat and I'll sign her up for ice skating and singing lessons. But in the meantime I will cherish these stickers forever.”

“Mr. Hux, your ride,” said an Imperial officer coolly. "It's past your bedtime, sir."

“Indeed,” said Armitage, putting on his cool black sunglasses as the space-car appeared. “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s roll.”

The orange cat-shaped car stopped beside them but instead of going, “vrooooom” like a normal car it emitted a low “meeoooowwwww” sound.

The boy got into the car along with his crew and they drove off into the night.

“Future Millicent rules!” shouted a random stormtrooper from the car’s open window.

Mando watched them go and was all the more confused about what the hell actually happened. He turned to Grogu. “I've seen a lot of weird cat stuff but this definitely takes the cake.”

Grogu pointed to the briefcase happily.

"No, we are absolutely not spending it all on chicken nudgets and chocolate milkshakes," warned Mando. "I need to put some of this cash into your educational fund. School's expensive."

Suddenly, he received an incoming call from his comlink. "What's happening, Greef?"

"Mando, you gotta return to Nevarro! We have a big problem and I have a job for you."

"What's the job?" asked Mando, wondering if he even needed another job with 200 million credits obtained for a pack of orange cat stickers.

"You'll find out when you arrive. Oh, and can you pick up some stew on the way here?"

******

 

Great deal for Mando and eager waiting for the next funny part

 

Thanks for taking the time to read @earlybird-obi-wan ! Here is the next chapter:

Chapter 3: Dinner with the Solo Family

On Chandrila, Boba Fett and Fennec Shand sat with the Solo Family at the dinner table in their apartment.

Leia glared at the ex-bounty hunter, glared at Han, and then glared back at Fett. “I'm so privileged to be sitting across from the bounty hunter who sent my husband in frozen carbonate to a giant slug that put me in a metal bikini. By the way, that was sarcasm in case you didn’t get the hint.”

“Don't take it personally, lady. It was just business. I was paid a lot of money by that giant slug and I couldn't even enjoy it because I fell into the Sarlacc pit soon afterwards.”

Leia grinded her teeth, muttering under her breath: “Probably should have stayed there…”

“Whoa, whoa, Leia!” interrupted Han Solo with a chuckle. “Hey, come on, honey. We’re all friends here now. No need to ruminate on the past. Boba Fett’s no longer a bounty hunter— he's now the proud owner of Tatooine’s only ice cream shop.”

Leia rolled her eyes and sipped her tea. Han knew she would probably send him to sleep on the coach for inviting Fett over without informing her first.

Fennec was just smirking because all of this was amusing as she played her cat game on her datapad.

“Sorry for the wait, by the way, “ said Han. “3PO, our droid, is making some roasted gizka. He's just adding some spice to it.” He turned to the duo. “So Fennec, you’re Fett’s…….friend? Partner? Girlfriend?......wife?”

“I’m his work-wife,” clarified Fennec. “I do his taxes for him because he doesn't know how.”

Boba turned his helmet towards her slowly. “Why would I know how to do my taxes? Bounty hunters don't need to do that.”

“And smugglers,” added Han with a sneer.

Suddenly, Luke Skywalker burst through the door. “Hi, everybody!”

“Hi, Uncle Luke!” replied everyone except Han.

“Uh, yeah, hi, Luke,” muttered Han as he munched on a dried breadstick.

Leia sighed,putting her hand on her temple as she saw her brother with a small red-haired doll again. “Oh, Luke, did you have to bring that creepy doll? I keep telling you Mara Jade isn’t real!”

Luke brought the doll closer to his chest. “You're wrong, Leia. Mara Jade is real! She’s my wife! She just lives in another dimension, the non-canon one. I see her in my dreams all the time.”

“Luke, quit being a weirdo and dragging that doll around every time you visit us. It’s a bad influence for Ben,” mumbled Han angrily.

Leia shot a glare at him. “You know what’s a worse influence for Ben, Han? Having a father who isn't there for his son because he’s busy smuggling stuff behind his wife's back and thinks she doesn't know it.”

An awkward silence followed. Han Solo coughed nervously and cleared his throat. Fennec was happily munching on some salad, enjoying the family drama.

“Wowzers,” whispered Luke, breaking the silence. He finally noticed the ex-bounty hunter at the dinner table. “Oh my gosh, Boba Fett, you’re alive!? I thought you fell into the Sarlacc pit and died!”

Fett sighed. “Sadly, I did. But I lived!”

“Well, nobody's ever really gone!”

“That's going to be your catch phrase or something, Luke?” muttered Han.

“Probably, yeah.”

“When I grow up, I want to be just like Uncle Luke, or a caterpillar! “ said little Ben Solo as he sat beside his mother.

“That’s the spirit, Ben!” said the Jedi. Han face-palmed.

“Dinner is here!” said C-3PO wearing a white apron as he brought the roasted gizka onto the table and served it for the group.

Boba Fett finally took off his helmet and put it on his lap and received a confused look from Han. “Is there a problem, Solo?”

“Uh, no,” clarified Han. “I guess I just didn't expect a human under there. I thought you were a donkey or some kind of a duck.”

"...Really?" asked Boba and then stopped himself there.

“Huh….” said Fennec in amusement as she nibbled on a piece of gizka. She nudged Fett with her elbow. “Looks like the boy got his brains from his father, am I right?"

“What’s a duck?” asked Luke, confused.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know,” answered Han as he cut his gizka piece with a fork and knife. He was surprised Ben was behaving today; Leia must have given him his medication.

********

 

Great scene with Luke and his doll, Han, Leia and Ben and Boba being not a duck.

 

Sorry that I did not catch up any sooner. RL kept me busy, especially in December.

But now I am here, and can't help being amazed. Your puns, your banter, your crossovers of Canon & Legend. You will at least win one Fan Fic Award with this gorgeous idea.

And... boy... I do love ice cream.

 

OMG, this is just a riot. Like all of your cat stories, of course, but a bit more riotous because all these plot lines are going to converge at some point – and I certainly hope this story will be continuing! I also think that you need an illustrator, because Black Krrsantan serving ice cream and Luke hugging a Mara doll are mental images that deserve to be real Anyway, I know that I came a bit late to this party, but now I'm here and I hope there will be more!

 

@Chyntuck Long time no see! Thank you for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it and I'm so happy you enjoyed this cat story. So, this story was one of those stories where I had a lot of chapters planned out but then I started writing another story that retconned this one so I worked on that other story and now I'm working on another one to try to explain whatever happened in the other one and then I forgot where this one was going so I kind of forgot it existed

But I'll see if I can make an effort to bring this one back to life---an explanation for that whole Luke and weird Mara Jade doll is needed! And I agree! As for an illustrator...I'm trying to take on that role, hopefully soon, as some of this mental imagery can only be best imagined as real if they are visual