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Before - Legends The Bright Shinies - WINNER for Best Canon in the 2009 Before the Saga Awards!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by p_stotts, Nov 25, 2008.

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  1. p_stotts

    p_stotts Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2001
    The Bright Shinies
    by ? p_stotts
    Category ? JA, angst, Obi-Wan is 15
    Summary ? When Qui-Gon seemingly disappears during a rescue mission, Obi-Wan must convince the locals that all is not lost ? a difficult task when those same locals view him only as a child in need of their protection.

    Prologue

    Carmac watched the team of Jedi check their gear. Wind moaned in the mouth of the cave that yawned behind them ? a mournful sound. Stalagmites and stalagtites visible just inside the entrance gave the appearance of a monster about to devour its prey. He shivered at the thought and returned his attention to the Jedi? a master and his young apprentice. Both dressed similarly right down to their boots and lightsabers. Having finished the inventory of their supplies, both now faced him with their hands hidden within the sleeves of their brown robes and identical looks of polite attention on their faces.

    According to information sent to him by the Jedi Council, the apprentice was barely 15 standard years old but had a remarkable record of success on field missions despite his young age. Carmac admired much of what the Jedi stood for, but he strongly disagreed with their nonchalant attitude regarding exposing children under their care to dangerous situations. This boy should be laughing and playing with his friends, not carrying the weight of the galaxy on his slender shoulders.

    He had to try once more. ?Master Jinn, I implore you, these caves are treacherous. Surely you don?t wish to expose this child to that? Allow me to accompany you in his stead.?

    Jinn inclined his head. ?Once again, I thank you for you concern. Let me reassure you that Obi-Wan is more than capable of handling any situation that might arise.?

    Obi-Wan?s eyes widened a fraction, the first indication of emotion Carmac had seen on the boy?s face ? although he couldn?t tell what that emotion was.

    The master looked over at his apprentice.

    The boy looked back at his master.

    They stared at one another for a moment.

    The corner?s of the boy?s mouth twitched in a grin, an expression that quickly morphed back into one of calm readiness ? its appearance so fleeting that Carmac questioned if it had been there at all.

    Carmac drew in a deep breath and pushed his frustration down deep inside him. ?Master Jedi, I think you underestimate the danger of this situation. Fifteen citizens from this province have disappeared into those caves over the past standard year? including my own wife and son. Do you wish this child to become another victim??

    Jinn bowed his head. ?My sympathies for your loss, Minister Carmac. I pray the Force will show us a way to return your family to you along with your other citizens. Please let me reassure you that Obi-Wan?s exposure to the danger will be minimal. As his master, it is my duty to protect him as much as circumstances allow, and I shall do so now to the best of my ability.

    Carmac realized the futility of furthur argument. He stepped back and crossed his arms watching the pair hoist their packs and disappear inside the cave, the apprentice two steps behind and to the right of his master. ?I pray you are right, Master Jinn, but how can you protect him from something you can?t detect until it?s too late.?

    TBC

    A/N - I won't be able to post to this as regularly as I'd like. I still haven't worked out all the angles. This is just a teaser to peak your interest.
     
  2. JediXManSerenaKenobi

    JediXManSerenaKenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Ooh this looks really cool, Peg! Looking forward to more.

    - Serena
     
  3. Falcon

    Falcon Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 7, 2002
    Interesting thought Carmac had at the end. More soon?
     
  4. Seremela

    Seremela Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2008
    I agree, it sure is interesting. Caves no one comes back from...?

     
  5. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004
    I sense Obi-Wan is going to have his hands full convincing
    Carmac to let him help them.[face_worried]

    Another spot of bother Qui-Gons got them into.:p
    Sounds interesting and of course I want to see how it ends.[:D]
     
  6. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    You've definitely peaked my interest.

    I hope Obi-Wan really is ready to handle whatever awaits them in the cave.

    Please PM me when you update

    Looking forward to more

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  7. Lolly_Tolly

    Lolly_Tolly Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2008
    Ooohh! Bright shiny new story! *strokes thread* Shiiinnyyyy!

    Yeah, ok. I'm going to bed.

    Please PM me when you update.
     
  8. jedidas3

    jedidas3 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 25, 2007
    Consider my interests peaked. Please continue to PM me with updates!
     
  9. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Good start! Better PM me too, you vile temptress. :p
     
  10. p_stotts

    p_stotts Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2001
    Thanks all for the great interest in my new story. Here's chapter one. Enjoy!


    Chapter 1 - Luminati

    Obi-Wan trudged down the dark tunnel behind his master, his ignited lightsaber held aloft to help light the way. He felt fortunate he hadn?t hit another growth spurt, because the tunnel ceiling came to just inches above his head. Momentary guilt flashed through his mind. Master Qui-Gon had spent much of their descent bent halfway over. He showed no sign of complaint. Still, the position had to be uncomfortable.

    ?Don?t fret, Padawan. The Force supports my body, and thus, saves my lower back from the strain of such an awkward position.?

    Obi-Wan checked his shields, but found them firm. ?How did you???

    ?I detected a small spike of anxiety accompanied by a slight stumble in your gait. That, coupled with your devotion to my well-being, led to the obvious conclusion.? He glanced back over his shoulder with a grin and sent a feeling of pride over their bond. ?After three years, I know you quite well, just as a good master should.?

    Obi-Wan ducked his head in shy pleasure. ?Thank you, Master.? A blast of wind through the tunnel sent a sudden chill through him. Glad of his heavy wool robe, he wrapped it tighter about his body and kept walking. ?How long have we been down here, Master??

    ?Not as long as you think. We still have a ways to go.?

    Obi-Wan?s stomach growled; the sound echoed through the tunnel.

    Qui-Gon turned around and lifted one eyebrow. ?However, a short break for midday meal might be in order. What do you say, Padawan??

    Using the Force, Obi-Wan willed his stomach to settle. ?Only if you?re hungry, Master.?

    ?I believe I do feel a bit peaked. Perhaps a bit of sustenance would help.? He unslung his pack from his shoulders and squatted down. A bit of rummaging brought forth a hand light, which he turned on so they could extinguish their lightsabers while they ate.

    Meanwhile, Obi-Wan set down his own pack and pulled out a flask of water and two ration bars. ?Here, Master.? He handed one to Qui-Gon before taking a bite of his own. ?Do you think it?s much farther to the excavation chamber where the first workers disappeared??

    Qui-Gon took a sip of water and handed the flask to Obi-Wan. ?What do you think??

    Obi-Wan took a sip of water as well then put the lid back on tight and stored the flask back in his pack. He thought a few moments, using the Force to gauge the passage of time as well as distance. ?I believe we still have half the original distance.?

    ?Very good, Padawan.? He shouldered his pack once more and started walking again.

    After several more hours, the tunnel split into two passageways. One consisted of rough-cut walls like the outer tunnel. The second, however, had a smooth, rounded ceiling and walls. The black rock reflected the light of their sabers like polished marble. Obi-Wan drew closer and ran his hand along the surface. Gold sparkles immediately showed in the wall, outlining his hand, as if his touch somehow triggered their appearance. His skin tingled; a rush of consciousness not his own resounded through the Force.

    ?Obi-Wan, don?t touch the walls.?

    He immediately stepped back, leaving a gold handprint. After a brief moment, the gold sparkles faded, and the rock returned to its original black polished surface. ?What was that??

    Qui-Gon stood beside him and crossed his arms. ?That is what the locals call the Bright Shinies.?

    Obi-Wan looked up at his master. ?You felt it as well??

    ?Yes.? He started down the polished tunnel. ?We must proceed with caution. Stay clear of the walls and ceiling.?

    ?Yes, Master.? Obi-Wan trudged behind his master. The farther they went, the more the passage narrowed, until they walked single file. He did his best not to brush against the sides, pulling his cloak even tighter about his body. If they didn?t reach an opening soon?.

    Qui-Gon stopped so suddenly that Obi-Wan nearly collided with him. They?d finally reached the excavation chamber. The light of the
     
  11. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Step up to the challenge, Obi-Wan, you can do it.

    So, sentient "bright shinies" they are, seeking return of their own. What a neat twist.
     
  12. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Neato! Good story so far, keep it going!
     
  13. Seremela

    Seremela Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2008
    Aw, love it. But I do fear for the kin of the Luminati that have been taken.... [face_worried] Can they even still be alive?

    I hope so, or otherwise, what will happen to the ones taken by the Luminati?

    And... will the 'surface dwellers' believe Obi-Wan? He has his work cut out for him :eek:


     
  14. JediXManSerenaKenobi

    JediXManSerenaKenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Ooh, wow, this is so interesting!! Please more!

    - Serena
     
  15. Lolly_Tolly

    Lolly_Tolly Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2008
    Oh, no! I hope Obi can do it soon!

    Thanks for the PM!
     
  16. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004
    Oh my, such faith Qui-Gon has in Obi-Wan. It is nice that they have a good relationship.

    Obi-Wan will have trouble convincing the surface dweller's
    This will be a true test.

    A wonderful start.=D=
     
  17. p_stotts

    p_stotts Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2001
    Yep, that about sums it up. :)

    Here's more.

    Read on to find out, and yes, Obi-Wan has his work cut out for him. Remember, he's only 15, so he might have to try a few different things before he hits on a successful plan.

    Okay!

    Now Lolly, you know nothing is simple for Obi-Wan. ;)

    quote=Gkilkenny]Oh my, such faith Qui-Gon has in Obi-Wan. It is nice that they have a good relationship.

    Obi-Wan will have trouble convincing the surface dweller's
    This will be a true test.

    A wonderful start.=D= [/quote]First he has to get them to believe him, then he has to get them to trust him. Not an easy task.


    Chapter 2 ? Poor Lost Little Boy

    Complete darkness surrounded him. Even with the help of the Force, he still saw nothing. How considerate. Fine then! Leave me on my own! Obi-Wan first impulse was to head back to the surface, but then he thought of Qui-Gon?s final words. ?Remember all I?ve taught you. Follow the urging of the Force, and you shall succeed.?

    He sank to his knees on the floor of the excavation chamber, and, with a deep breath, opened his mind to the Force. Extending his senses outward, as he?d done earlier, he detected similar currents. The Luminati were still present in the walls and ceiling of the cave; they?d simply chosen to hide their appearance.

    Obi-Wan scrunched his shoulders at the prickly feeling that always ran up his spine when someone was watching him. Ignore them. Concentrate on the Force. Slowly, he drew his senses inward and sought out the place in his mind where his bond with Qui-Gon resided. Finding it still intact, he breathed a sigh of relief. **Master?** The query bounced back to him unanswered as if a wall of some sort separated them. Does that mean Qui-Gon is cut off from the Force? The weight of that realization settled heavily on his shoulders. It really is up to me then. If I don?t succeed, Master might never return.

    He pounded his thigh with his fist and climbed to his feet. ?Why do you always do this to me?? He hoisted both his and Qui-Gon?s supply packs onto his shoulder and ignited his lightsaber. One more perusal of the chamber confirmed that his master truly was gone. ?Kriff! He waited for the customary rebuke from Qui-Gon, but all remained silent. ?KRIFF! That?s right, I said KRIFF!? He paused one last time. ?Hmph!? He walked back up the tunnel that would take him to the surface. ?Well at least I?ll have plenty of time to meditate on a plan.?

    He emerged from the cave at dusk. The sun set on the edge of the horizon painting the ground and trees in hues of purple and orange. The air temperature was much warmer on the surface, but Obi-Wan kept his robe closed. Considering Minister Carmac?s view of Jedi youth, it was probably better to keep his lightsaber out of sight.

    An encampment of several canvas shelters had been set up under the branches of the encroaching forest. Four men sat around a table lit by a solar lamp.

    Well, here goes nothing. Obi-Wan walked into the light of the camp.

    Minister Carmac saw him first and rose from his seat. He looked over Obi-Wan?s shoulder. ?Young one, where is Master Jinn??

    Obi-Wan swallowed heavily. He?d meditated long
     
  18. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Woot! First post here, too! :)

    That has to be the foulest language in any post I've ever read. [face_hypnotized] Just kidding. :D Poor Obi, he gets all the hard assignments while Qui-Gon lounges around. I always hated it when nobody listened to me, either. He should just kidnap Minister Carmac at lightsaber point and be done with it.

    Buuuut, then again I never was much of a negotiator... Great post! Keep it going!
     
  19. Jinngerbread

    Jinngerbread Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2007
    Oh what a great interesting story, very very unique. The Bright Shinies are sentient indeed!

    I just hope that Qui-Gon hasn't gotten himself in over his head.

    Obi-Wan will indeed definitely be tested, both in getting the settlement agreed upon, and in keeping his own emotions in check.

    Can I be added to the PM list of this one? :D
     
  20. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Poor Obi - to be so capable and so underestimated and misjudged. I agree - the worst language (hah!) that I've seen yet (wink) - I had to laugh how Obi "knows" Qui will find out.
     
  21. Seremela

    Seremela Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2008
    :D Frustration can be even worse than danger sometimes [face_laugh]

    Love how Obi-Wan tried for keeping some things hidden, just a little of course. Too bad it didn't work...


     
  22. JediXManSerenaKenobi

    JediXManSerenaKenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Poor Obi! I as well despise frustration. It makes me so.... frustrated. Haha, that was redundant!

    Anyhoo, great update, Peg!!

    - Serena
     
  23. Lolly_Tolly

    Lolly_Tolly Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2008
    No, nothing ever comes easy for Obi-Wan. That's why there's so many good stories that include his DEATH! *hint, hint* :p

    That Minister is horrible.

    Thanks for the PM!
     
  24. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004
    I'm going to laugh so much, if it turns out that Qui-Gon heard
    every word Obi-Wan said.[face_laugh] I wonder if Qui-Gon will wash Obi-Wans mouth out with soap.[face_sick]

    Obi-Wan is up against a hard man in Carmac. He is devious I can tell.[face_shame_on_you]

    Obi-Wan will have to keep his wits about him.o_O

    Excellent.=D=
     
  25. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    I JUST found this. How is that possible? [face_thinking] Anyway, I love it! Please add me to your PM list.

    =D=
     
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