That sounds like it could have been really interesting or really awkward I think it is a shame what Hollywood does to child actors in general. This story is certainly guilty of "the blind monk" trope, although tbh I was inspired by Hundred Eyes from Marco Polo more than anything else! Love Baze and Donnie (yeah I know he has a name, but he's always gonna be Donnie Yen).

 

Very good first and second chapters, which was as far as I have read.

Very authentic sounding on the state of the nerveless legs, especially the drooping toes when a spasm thrusts one limb off its stand.

Excellent descriptions throughout; characterisations, visuals, emotions - such as Anakin speeding along corridors, lightsabre derring do.

And those little victories.

Excellent job.

 

Part 1.
What an amazing and absolutely plausible twist you’ve put on this! Anakin is young and strong and healthy and like every kid he assumes that it will always be like this. I can completely see him going out and finding racing circuits to participate in – he was so involved in that back on Tatooine that I really can’t see him giving it up altogether on Coruscant. He craves that adrenaline rush.
Your descriptions, as always, are amazing and I can visualize all of this so well, the sound of the traffic, the darkened midnight hallways of the temple. Loved Master Yoda – wise and a bit of a wise guy. But he is caring and he does understand Anakin.

Part 2.
Master Forgo is amazing. And he’s a good teacher, tough but truthful. These young fighters think fancy tricks will protect them but unless you have the skills behind the flash, you don’t have anything. Any opponent worth any talent will cut (literally) right through them. When he says that “One Sith Lord could make mincemeat of most of the Jedi in this Temple,” he doesn’t know how accurate that statement will prove to be.
I like the description of Anakin’s mind as being like a tornado, and I am very curious as to what kind of assignment Master Forgo has in mind in which a paralyzed boy with a chaotic mind can be a help to a blind Jedi master. One thing’s for sure – Anakin won’t be getting any pity from him, and that’s a good thing.

Part 3.

Exactly what Anakin needs to hear. He’s still Anakin. This reminds me of Christopher Reeve’s memoir Still Me – he continued to be the person he had always been but now he is immobilized

I understand Obi-Wan’s guilt here. After all, it was Qui-Gon who had taken Obi-Wan in at the last minute as his Padawan, and I’m sure Obi-Wan is forever grateful for that. I often thought that leaving Anakin’s training to Obi-Wan was a real burden for him to bear, but then again, what was Qui-Gon to do? Nobody else understood the boy.

The Misfit’s Enclave! This is going to be fascinating. And I don’t think the intent here is for Anakin to be the student, but instead become the teacher. This will be interesting.

OH NO!!! COME BACK HERE AND UPDATE THIS! You’ve left me at the door of the Misfit’s Enclave and I can’t get in!

Seriously though, this is a fascinating story and I sincerely hope you’ll be back to continue it.

 

Please tell me there's a part 4 to this

 

Sure, there will be one, after the lord and master (me) is done with a proper review that I owe to this wonderful young gent. Things stop because of me.

Seriously, mooooooreee soon, pls.

 

Umm... meep!

I'm afraid I never got around to finishing this story off. I tried a couple of times but just ended up bashing my head against the wall! Maybe I will take another look at it over the next couple of days, it is the story I've had more requests to continue!

So I've become the "young gent" now, have I? I guess things are different now that I'm not a forty-something

 

I did that on purpose to see what you say.

OK, stopping here, I need to catch up with sixteen stories - including two of yours - and write two stories and a magazine column myself.

 

I need to read more from you folks. I've been wanting to do an "introspection" type of piece with a particular character, and this has just the sort of tone I've been trying to find, plus it reads in a certain staccato-style that I love. Fantastic!

 

still hopeful this will be updated

 

Me too!