main
side
curve
  1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

Saga The Cell (Obidala, Ep. III AU, very dark - Complete. Vignette added July 14, 2005)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, May 13, 2004.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Thanks for clicking. :D

    Title: The Cell ([link=http://www.ralventures.com/The%20Cell.jpg]cover art[/link])
    Summary: Obi-Wan and Padme are left alone in a cell, after being captured by Palpatine. But something goes wrong . . .
    A/N: Unbeta'ed. Plenty of warnings, too. This is dark dark dark, with mature themes, though the later chapters should be dark-ish - the first being the worst. ;) And this is Obidala, to boot. If you don't like any of the above, don't read. Just as a brief explanation, I normally go for Ani/Ami. I have nothing against Obidala ( :p ), but I've always wondered under what circumstances would it be possible, or realistic. I guess this is my own answer to my question, such as it is. What can I say? The bunny bit and wouldn't let go. :p
    A/N2: There will be six chapters. I have two written; when this'll be updated otherwise, nobody knows. :p (Things like TWE get top priority.) I also need a beta, preferrably someone with Obidala experience, as I've never written them before. :) Constructive comments by PM would be appreciated, as well. :)
    Other: Thanks to Gabri and Emmi for asking for more. :D


    Feedback is, as ever and always, adored. :) I really feel like I'm about to step off a cliff with this one. :p


    ~*~*~


    Death.
    Life.
    Pain.
    Faith.
    Love.
    Destiny.


    Death.


    Padmé couldn?t see. She needed light to see and she had none, presently. It hadn?t truly occurred to her ? not with the knowledge of experience ? that darkness, like that of night, was the absence of light. Not the opposite, merely the total absence. Nothing had a new power in Padmé?s eyes. It was that special kind of darkness, where it is so dark your eyes see shapes and things that aren?t there, shadows of a brighter time. There was no relief from it. It was totally still, unchanging, even as Padmé closed her eyes and patterns danced across her eyelids.

    She could hear, though. Obi-Wan was there, somewhere. Not too close, but not on the other side of the cell. She could hear him moving, even, if she listened closely enough, hear the scrape of his hand across the stone wall. She was fairly certain it was stone; it didn?t feel like durasteel, and the sole door was durasteel.

    ?Why do you suppose Palpatine put us down here?? Padmé said quietly. They hadn?t spoken much since being put in the cell, beyond confirming their stories ? Obi-Wan taken in battle and Padmé drugged, waking up here. There wasn?t much to discuss, truthfully, and Padmé was uncomfortable with doing so anyway. Obi-Wan?s reaction to Anakin and Padmé?s marriage hadn?t been the best, and Obi-Wan, she knew, generally had a low opinion of politicians in general. ?I mean,? Padmé added at the silence, ?here, specifically.?

    ?To weaken us, perhaps,? Obi-Wan offered at last. His voice seemed unusually rich in tone, but she suspected it was simply something she had never noticed before. She hadn?t realized how much she depended on the slight visual cues to read him ? or anyone, for that matter. Anakin had an expressive voice, all minute changes that told how he felt. ?Though I don?t why. This has something to do with Anakin, but in what way, I don?t know.?

    Padmé nodded out of habit. ?I would think he would want us dead. To ensure that Anakin stays with him, as Darth Vader.?

    ?To . . . get rid of our influence,? Obi-Wan agreed. He sighed. ?Perhaps he wants to make sure Anakin ? Vader ? has fully turned.?

    Padmé was silent for a moment. ?Anakin would never hurt us.?

    ?You, I agree. Me? Possibly,? Obi-Wan said quietly. His voice went lower at the end, coming closer to silence.

    Padmé had nothing to say that, mostly because she wasn?t sure Anakin wouldn?t hurt Obi-Wan either. Anakin was not entirely Anakin anymore, even to her. He still had his lovely blue eyes and that smile, but it was all tinged with some burning in his voice. She hadn?t seen him in months, but she doubted that had changed. Sometimes he had made her feel ? uneasy, and she distanced herself from him
     
  2. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Creepy. I'm surprised they haven't even tried an escape attempt; Padme seems feisty enough to try it!

     
  3. Fate

    Fate Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2003
    :eek: ...

    Wow... you weren't kidding, obaona. :p But I loved every dark bit of this. I felt like I was crammed into the cell along with Padmé and Obi-Wan, and I even started to feel claustrophobic after a while. It reminded me of the time when I had to go into the darkroom for my photography class. It was so utterly dark it maddened me. It felt like forever before I finally finished what I needed to do and could leave. You've built up a lot of intrigue, and now I'm wondering what will happen to them. :(

    In a word, wonderful. [face_love]
     
  4. PulsarSkate

    PulsarSkate Ex-Mod star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 4, 2003

    You really captured the nothingness of that cell, and the loneliness Padme and Obi-wan felt even though they were together the whole time. I like the way you described the cell, almost as if we were trapped with them...although technically, while I could see it in my mind, I couldn't see anything but blackness ;) Doesn't make sense, but yeah, best way I can describe it. Well done!

     
  5. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    You weren't kidding about dark. :eek: :eek: (And I don't even mean the literally part. :p )

    Wow. I was ready to go crazy right along with them... I can't imagine that kind of torment.

    Well done, if incredibly creepy. *shivers*
     
  6. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Loved it. Loved it. Did I tell you that I loved it?

    It was dark and creepy, and I could really feel their paranoia slowly grow from the start of the post to the finish. I really just can't get enough of that kind of writing.

    I know ,now, why you and Vader Incarnate were a writing team. You have really similiar tone and style and you both blow me away.

    I also like good, realistic Obidala stories, so that's a bit of a bonus for me. Now get crackin on TWE (some of us have been waiting), and get back to this as ASAP.



     
  7. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002
    Ummm...oba sweetie, but what have you been feeding your muse? Goodness, but that really was dark! And in more ways than one. For a normal person, I'd expect them to have cracked long before this, but I guess that the fact they haven't is just a testament Padme's and Obi-Wan's strength of character.

    Is this going to be a long fic or a short story?

    EDIT: I just re-read your preface * thwacks self on head * Well, six posts is fun to look forward to, also.

    * gets out popcorn in anticipation * :)
     
  8. Jedikma

    Jedikma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Obidala , Master? This is heresy! 8-}

    However, I do understand about those evil little plot bunnies not giving you any rest until you write the story. :D ;)

    Obi-Wan found Padmé?s self-induced wound and put his hand over it. It didn?t seem to be bleeding that fast, so she hadn?t dug out the artery. UGH! Ick! Ewwww!

    You weren't kidding about this being dark! You put the above part in at just the right spot, too, because just when I was starting to get tired of being in the darkness (as I am sure, so were the characters) I read that and it snapped me back to attention! My stomach did a definate turn. Good Job! :D

    You may just succeed in getting me to read an Obidala! LOL

    Need I say it? You write so well. :)

    ~ Padawan Jedikma



     
  9. JainaDurron

    JainaDurron Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2002
    This is very good Oba. Very much looking forward to reading more of what you come up with. :)

    ~~Jilly
     
  10. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade VIP star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    You've already gotten my feedback, my dear. I won't bore you by repeating it all. ;) Suffice it to say that this chapter thoroughly, thoroughly creeped me out, yet I still want more. :eek: :p
     
  11. CrystalKenobi

    CrystalKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2003
    Excellent way to describe psychological torture. Using It was just as dark as you said it would be. I was drawn into the cell with them, almost sensing what they were feeling, and their thoughts. I had to blink several times because for a momement there I thought the room I was in was dark, drawn so deep I was. I like how you don't have them falling in love right away and that we see little things that will bring them closer together, such as talking about what could be going on, her trying to kill herself, and the driving Obi-Wan crazy with her doing the counting. Sometimes that driving someone crazy leads to love. I am one of those that I love Obi-Wan being in love or falling in love or tempted to fall in love, whether it be with Padme, Sabe, Siri, Min, or anyother woman, kind of girls. I think you have a great story started here and I look forward to more soon.
     
  12. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Lovely! :) :) :) My only complaint is that this chapter is the Darkest. Not fair! It should get better not worse - em, I mean it the other way round? ;)

    I, too, felt the claustrophobia as well as the manic-inducing boringness of darkness and isolation. Lord, these guys are strong-minded. :eek: I would have been throwing myself against a wall, completely bonkers by the end of the week.

    The most horrifying thing was the hole in the corner of the cell and the fact that they had to ? feel around it. [face_disgusted] I dunno? but I think one of the most demoralizing things about capture, imprisonment, is the gradual but steady erosion of human dignity. :(

    I don?t think you need to know a ship as much as you need to know its characters. I?m newer than you to Obidala but if the job is still available, I?m offering my beta services until Real Life sets in. As long as its Dark and King-ish, I?m so ready to help out. :)

    Incidentally, I think you are actually one of your own characters in this plot.
     
  13. jedimommie2

    jedimommie2 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    May 3, 2004
    Wow!!! Wonderful start-- waiting for more!!
     
  14. LukesTheMan

    LukesTheMan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 30, 2004
    This is just amazing. I can't wait to read more!
     
  15. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    All this wonderful feedback! :eek:


    Mistress_Renata: Thank you. :) Yep ;) - well, I described the cell the way I did to show there isn't really opportunity to escape. The food is shoved in, taken out, but the door is never opened.

    Fate: Thank you. :D No, I wasn't kidding. ;) I'm glad you could really . . . I won't say visualize, but you know what I mean. ;) I wondered if it was even possible to really write the horror of their situation. As for what will happen to them, the chapter titles are a hint. ;) Thanks again!

    PulsarSkate: Yes - I wanted to show that merely being in that situation isn't enough to bring two people together, it still has to be a conscious decision on both their parts. They can't survive without each other in there. ;) And I know what you mean, where you can see it but you can't. :p Thank you. :D

    Darth_Lex: LOL! :p When I wrote this first part, in order to get into the right mood to write it, and feel what they were going through, I turned all the lights off and changed the colors on my comptuer, so everything was black, and only the text could be seen. It worked! :p Thank you! :D

    Opal: Thank you. :D I wouldn't say so much paranoia as despair, but yes. :) Yeah, Elli and I were really compatible, as far as writing went - she's slower than me, though. ;) I really got lucky with getting her as my first co-writer. Here's to hoping this is good and realistic - and I updated TWE. Things have been kinda stressed lately, sorry about not updating. :p

    LadyPadme: I think my muse was chocolate deprived or something. [face_mischief] It was actually hard trying to decide the timeline, what would happen when. I decided it needed to be a while, because they're both such strong people, and even something as maddening as their situation would take time to take it's toll. :) And btw, I don't know how long each chapter will be, so that's also something to keep in mind. And thank you! :D

    Jedikma, my Padawan: I know. :eek: Yeah, I think that's the most graphic part of the story (so far . . .). But how else could it be done, with no knife or sharp object? :) Yeah, it's dark. :p Why do people think I might have been kidding? ;) I'd be very pleased to get you to read an Obidala, since you don't normally. [face_mischief] Thank you. [face_blush]

    JainaDurron: Thank you! :D I'm looking forward to it myself, since I have no idea what I'm doing. [face_mischief]

    Gabri: *huggles* [face_love] Thank you!

    CrystalKenobi: Wow, thank you. :D I'm trying to hint very slowly about how they get closer, how that develops. It won't happen quickly, here. With Ani/Ami, I sorta think their attraction, their eventual willingness to get together, is a given. With Obidala, there are more barriers and different kinds of barriers, and those have to be dealt with first, I think. :) I'm glad you'r enjoying.

    leia_naberrie: If it got any darker, I probably couldn't post it here. ;) Like I think I said to LP, deciding on the timeline was difficult, because I didn't want it to be too soon, because they are strong, or too long, because they're still human beings. 8-}

    As far as the hole goes, I've always been somewhat miffed by how that fact is ignored - I mean, people have to go to the bathroom! 8-} But yes, the demoralizing part of it is another part of the psychological torture.

    The job is still available. ;) The whole story is going to be dark to some degree, but it does have romantic elements. As for King-ish - I have no idea! 8-} I just wanted to put them in this situation. This is dark, but I'm not sure I would overall call it horror. Still interested? :)

    Btw, what do you mean, I'm one of the characters?

    jedimommie2: Thank you. :D Should be updated within the week, though after that . . . 8-}

    LukesTheMan: Thank you! :D
     
  16. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    This was amazing and beautiful and dark. Dark isn't a bad thing, because sometimes life is simply dark. You expressed their despair beautifully. I cannot wait to see what develops next.

    Padmé had nothing to say that, mostly because she wasn?t sure Anakin wouldn?t hurt Obi-Wan either. Anakin was not entirely Anakin anymore, even to her. He still had his lovely blue eyes and that smile, but it was all tinged with some burning in his voice. She hadn?t seen him in months, but she doubted that had changed. Sometimes he had made her feel ? uneasy, and she distanced herself from him somewhat, observing him and trying to understand the changes being wrought in her husband. She had almost chosen another path, one that, had she followed it, would have left her pregnant ? and most likely, her children in danger. She had chosen not to act, and yet, she felt sometimes that she had made the wrong choice, even knowing what she did now about Palpatine and the wars.

    So, no Luke and Leia? It will be interesting to see how this AU differs from canon. Wonderful work, simply wonderful!

     
  17. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Talk about different! And good differ too! The psychological affects are great, totally awsome!

    Them being left there all alone, scary indeed! Who needs to torture them? The darkness and silent treatment does it all!!

    Great work!!! Can't wait for more :D
     
  18. solojones

    solojones Winner, JCC Two Truths & A Lie star 10 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2000
    Wow! How awesome. You read so many stories that are about torture and they get so grusomely redundant. The situation you have the characters in is much more believable and creepy. The constant darkness for that long... it just makes my skin crawl to think about it. Can't wait to see where this goes.

    [hl=darkgreen]-sj loves kevin spacey[/hl]
     
  19. Lady-Kenobi

    Lady-Kenobi Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2003
    My Padawan CrystalKenobi directed n\me towards this fic and I LOVE IT!

    Very Dark, I can feel the tension between our "couple".

    GREAT JOB, OBAONA!

    CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!
     
  20. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    VaderLVR64: Thank you! :D Yes, but life - even in dark times - there's the little happy moments, and I hope you see that, too. ;) Nope, there's no Luke and Leia. How long do you think they'll be in the cell? [face_mischief]

    kynstar: Thank you! :D And yes, exactly. Just being alone, in total darkness, is horrible torture. Normal captivity at least gives you something to fight against. :)

    solojones: Thanks! :D Yeah, torture stories don't appeal to me much. ;) When I got this idea, I thought it'd be really interesting to try, because the final effect of the torture would be different, too - after you all, you might hate your captor, but how is easy is that when you never see him, all you see is each other in this cell? Hope you like the rest. ;)

    Lady-Kenobi: Thank you. :D And thanks to your Padawan, too. :p Glad you like, hope to see you here on the next part. ;)
     
  21. solojones

    solojones Winner, JCC Two Truths & A Lie star 10 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2000
    all you see is each other in this cell

    Or don't see, for that matter ;) A 'dark' story indeed. Ha ha! ... wow, it's late.

    [hl=darkgreen]-sj loves kevin spacey[/hl]
     
  22. Senator_Leia73

    Senator_Leia73 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 30, 2003
    Wow that really was dark. You weren't kidding. Spending three months in a cell that was totally black as in you can't even see your hand in front of your face must be very scary. I would probably snap after awhile in there. Poor Obi-wan. trying to stay sane and then having to listen to Padme chanting over and over the amount of time that they have been in the cell. And then next thing he knows she is trying to kill herself! And where is Ani... Vader? Wouldn't he be looking for Padme? So I say he needs to find her soon. BUt if he does what wiuld happen to her and Obi? And what would he do to Palpatine when he finds out that he threw them in the cell? Wow that is a lot to think about. Post soon.
     
  23. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Wow, the boards went screwy there for a moment. :eek:

    solojones: LOL! :p Does that 'it's late' mean you need sleep? ;) Looks like. [face_mischief]

    Senator_Leia73: I know. ;) It's hard for me to imagine, and I'm writing it. :eek: I think I'd snap, too. Padme may have started keeping track of time, but Obi-Wan actually did it with her at one point, remember? They're cracking together. Oh, bonding moment. ;) As for Anakin/Vader and Palpatine, you'll find out when they do. [face_mischief] Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying! (And gave such nice feedback. :D ) Update will probably be sometime in the next week. :)
     
  24. Vampi_Digitalwytch

    Vampi_Digitalwytch Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 11, 2004
    I'm not much of an Obidala person since the bulk of the fics I've read pretty much fling them together with very little rhyme or reason. That this one's actually taking plausible steps for the pairing's really stood out for me.

    As for dark. I like dark. :D

    Looking forward to see how this progresses.
     
  25. solojones

    solojones Winner, JCC Two Truths & A Lie star 10 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2000
    Yes, I most definitely need sleep when I start making puns like that :p

    Can't wait for more of this story :)

    [hl=darkgreen]-sj loves kevin spacey[/hl]
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.