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Saga The Cell (Obidala, Ep. III AU, very dark - Complete. Vignette added July 14, 2005)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, May 13, 2004.

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  1. Pallas-Athena

    Pallas-Athena TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2000
    Okay, a reply, as promised :D

    By far the most believable Obidala I have ever read (not that I've read much, being the A/Per that I am) - somewhere, probably as early as the third post I was thinking, "kiss, kiss!" I like how you didn't make Anakin the metaphorical bad guy (even if he literally was) or the third side in a love triangle, but allowed Padme over a number of years - which is how long it would realistically take, methinks - to slowly move past her love for him. Not replace her love for him with love for Obi-Wan, but to love them both in different ways.

    The psychological aspect was wonderfully done as well, the counting, the routine. It was dark and haunting, but so true in a situation like that.

    Overall, I think this fic, while it did have its dark moments, captured me more with its moments of beuatiful humanity, the way they know each other, love each other, survive with each other, it was all so moving and bittersweet and, yes, this sounds strange, made me proud to be human.

    :p

     
  2. InLoveWithLordVader

    InLoveWithLordVader Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2005
    I never have read Obidala before, but if they are all like this I am a convert to the genre!:D I generally always stick to A(V)/P, but I saw "very dark" in your header and I got all giddy. I have a passion for the darker and morbid side of life so I thought I would give your fic a try.

    Brilliant!!! This was absolutely brilliant!=D= I did not want this ever to end. The flow of this was so smooth it was like poetry. Please, please, please write a sequel![face_praying]
     
  3. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Vampi_Digitalwytch: Thank you. [face_blush] [face_blush] Plausible is definitely what I was going for. Subtle dark is more creepy, I agree - in fact, gory movies have never scared me, and usually I just find that silly and offputting. :p It's the ideas that stick with you, not the bloody images.

    I'm glad you like the mystery. :D 'Twas a struggle deciding on the ending, and I thought I'd be hanged for it, but I like it. It fits. :) Thank you again. [:D]

    Idrelle_Miocovani: I've never been fond of Obidala myself - I'll read just about anything if it's done believably, but I'm not an Obidala 'shipper. Thank you! [face_blush] @};-

    Knight_Dilettante: Wow, thank you. [face_blush] Though you forgot? [face_shame_on_you] :p I don't blame you for wanting to know - I actually do know what happens next, but I don't really intend on writing it. :p

    Quasi_Jedi: Thanks! [face_blush] I've written other stuff, but this is one of my best, I think. :D

    Pallas-Athena: Oooh, that early? [face_mischief] By the third post or so, I was thinking, are these two ever going to have more than UST? :p I actually like A/P, and I like Anakin, so I didn't want to go the typical route of making Anakin the 'bad guy', though he is. He did love Padme - I really believe that, and I believe she loved him back. I wasn't going to dismiss that because it was inconvenient. And yes, it took years for her to get past Anakin - and to Obi-Wan - but I agree, it couldn't happen any other way. They're too loyal for that.

    I'm glad you liked the psychological aspects. I didn't even do research for this one, just went with my own knowledge of human nature. And that it makes you proud to be human - that makes perfect sense to me. Because overall, Obi-Wan and Padme got through this. They survived, they didn't give up. And that's the human spirit at it's best, I think. :D Thank you, darling. [:D] [face_blush]

    InLoveWithLordVader: *laughs* I really can't answer that question ... :p Sometimes I'm in the mood for very dark, too. :D And thank you. [face_blush] [face_blush] But no sequel, I'm sorry. I just don't think it's going to happen. ;) [:D]
     
  4. raisedbywolves

    raisedbywolves Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jul 1, 2005
    Oooh. That was great... I loved the way you could feel the claustrophobia! As a person who has trouble describing physical environments in stories, I'm very impressed. Especially since here there was hardly any detail to go off of in creating the setting.

    Gotta say, I'm against the sequel. Have you guys ever seen The Shawshank Redemption? The great thing about the ending was that you just knew those two guys were going to enjoy living out the rest of their lives in peace and relaxation, and I felt the same way about the end of this story. I would be sad to see a "Shawshank Redemption 2" where the characters get hauled back into prison or hunted down, and I'd be even sadder to see a sequel to this where Obi-Wan and Padmé have to do anything other than enjoy each other's company on a beautiful, peaceful planet, wearing their hot designer sunglasses as they readjust to the light.

    Thanks for the great work!
     
  5. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Oops, had a reply I didn't know about. [face_blush]


    raisedbywolves: Thank you. :D I really just tried to 'see' it in my head, and then describe what I was seeing. But I took a lot of time with this story getting it right. :)

    I love The Shawshank Redemption. :D I'd say it's probably my favorite film (not including SW - SW gets it's own category). I've watched it at least 10 times. :p But I understand what you're saying, about knowing without being told that they live their lives in peace. And you really can't write about peace - stories are always about conflict of some sort, external or internal.

    But ... I hope you like what I post in a second, anyway. @};- Thank you, again. :D


     
  6. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Okay. I did a fic meme on lj, and the ever esteemable Pallas-Athena requested: "Obidala. Pokey."

    She thought she'd stump me. ;) Instead I wrote this. I wouldn't really call it a sequel to The Cell, though it's set in that universe and occurs after that story left off. The fact is, I don't give too much detail about the events of the universe. It really is just a snippet. However, Atty reminded me of this the other day, and asked if I was ever going to post this. So here we are. :D

    Feedback is appreciated. :p



    When he slept on the bed, he was all elbows. No longer the warm form that enveloped her so easily and gracefully, he slept askew on the bed, like he couldn?t get comfortable on anything other than a hard, cell floor.

    It was odd, Padmé thought, how they had adapted in the smallest ways to that cell, and how it was those small things that continually crept up on them.

    In the natural darkness, something within them eased, some control that was lost during the day was found again in the familiarity. This ? was reality that could be controlled.

    She knew the days were real, of course. Real in the way the light was so harsh and unceasing, in how things were sharp and hard and hurt.

    Closing her eyes, she stroked Obi-Wan?s arm, up the warm skin, disturbing the hair that had lain flat, to the inside curve of his arm where his skin was so soft, and then around, to the sharp bone of his elbow. He did not shift in his sleep.

    ?Obi-Wan,? she murmured.

    She was certain he was awake; not because she could tell, but because she knew him.

    ?Stop poking me,? she added softly.

    ?Sorry,? he whispered. He got up out of their bed, in this place that was theirs. He silently held out his hand, brushing her knuckles, and she turned her hand over, palm up, and his hand took hers. She rose out of bed, awkward to the movements of the softness beneath her.

    They curled up on the floor, him behind her and his arms around her, and there was something perfect and easy in that.

    ?Your fault for being so pokey,? she muttered, shifting her weight to lean against him.

    He said nothing, just kissed her on the shoulder.

    They soon slept.

    They always slept better on the floor; why neither would say. There was something perfect in it, and they did not care to define it, to make its beauty something recognizable and chartable.

    They knew the world outside, with all its understanding and sharp lines, could not have this perfection.


    [finis]>
     
  7. Pallas-Athena

    Pallas-Athena TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2000
    snags first reply because it is mine :p
     
  8. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    *snags second reply just because* :p

    Lovely little addition, oba! :D I like that it doesn't tell you much about what else might be going on for them. The ambiguity of the ending is one of the best parts of the story, so it's nice to leave that intact. :) And the vignette is quite nice all on its own, too. ;) Talented young one. [face_love]

    Edit: Atty - yes to your own sig. :eek:
     
  9. bobilll

    bobilll Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Awwww, nice little addition!

    ?Your fault for being so pokey,? she muttered, shifting her weight to lean against him.

    So cute! This reminds me of the movie Castaway, when the guy goes home and sleeps on the floor cuz he can't handle the bed.
     
  10. GuerreStellari

    GuerreStellari Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 23, 2003
    All I can say is SQUEEEEEEEEE!!! And I think I just spontaneously combusted. And *tear*. I love this fic so much, I want to laminate it and put it up on my wall. And I love these two, even though I'm not an Obidala shipper. And I love how you write it all - it's always so perfect and wonderfully human and real. I can't get enough, I tell ya!

    And at least the vignette tells us they weren't just tortured and killed (a rather dark scenario I had always dreaded; it was either that or the Rebels coming to save the day). They have a home! With a bed! And they live in it together! Happy days indeed. Huzzah!

    Beautiful vignette and a beautiful story altogether. I bow to you, oh great writer.
     
  11. MidnightRain

    MidnightRain Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 2003
    Oh, wow. I've been sitting here for the past hour just absorbing this beautifully crafted story, enjoying every word. The vignette at the end is just perfect. Bravo, obaona.
     
  12. raisedbywolves

    raisedbywolves Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jul 1, 2005
    Ahh, that was perfect, obaona. Pretty much the kind of vignette/sequel that does go with this story. If cuddling up in bed or on the floor are the kind of heartwrenching choices those two have to make, well, that's not too much conflict to ruin the happy ending ;) And you have durned good taste in movies, too. loved it.
     
  13. Quasi_Jedi

    Quasi_Jedi Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2005
    Obaona! You continue to wow me. I loved the little vignette. We still don't know who got them out of the cell, why they did it, or how they came to be in the little house together. Wow it really makes your imagination run wild! Hopefully Obiwan will be less pokey, and they will get used to the bed one day. Thanks for the great little update!
     
  14. CrystalKenobi

    CrystalKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2003
    A perfect little addition . I like how even with one could only guess was more luxury then their previous circumstances, they would still perfer the floor. I also like the ending . :)
     
  15. ThePodSquad

    ThePodSquad Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 25, 2001
    Well, let us see if I still know how to do this after so long. ;)

    I told you after reading the vignette the first time that I was going to go read 'The Cell', however, in all my Hannah-like glory, I managed to not only delay, but it eventually slipped my mind all together.

    But, luckily, you posted the vignette here, and so I read the whole thing. In one sitting.

    I really cannot even describe how truly wonderful it was. You managed to describe it in a manner that reminded me just exactly why I don't like being in dark, enclosed spaces, ever (I leave my TV on at night, the silence bothers me).

    It's just beautiful, and dark, it grabs you. And in the end there is that hope, the hope that throughout the fic I couldn't possibly see materializing into anything real.

    So, thank you for the wonderful read. And for catering to my super, secret weakness...ObiDala. ;)

    [:D]

    Hannah
     
  16. ithesock

    ithesock Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 12, 2005
    Gods.

    I generally don't read even A/P fics - and Obidalas aren't my cup of tea at all, at all.

    Having said that - this blew my mind. I read this one a really, really loooooooooooong while ago - and then I saw this 'little vig' added, and whoa. How so perfect. I loved the way you 'imply' things, rather than go flat out and give everything in excruciating detail. Detail has its strengths, but its sometimes over-done. Yours was....[face_love]

    These two belong.

    **=D= like crazy**
     
  17. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    LOL, interesting follow-up.
     
  18. AERYN_SUN

    AERYN_SUN Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 1, 2001
    [face_dancing] Very nice, little follow-up!

    ~aeryn
     
  19. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002

    Oba, dear, you never cease to amaze with your abilities to take something so oddball and mundane seem so very absorbing and profound.

    Great job with the vignette, although I do like the story the way it ended the best :)
     
  20. InLoveWithLordVader

    InLoveWithLordVader Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Really nice vignette! I am so relieved that they appear to be at peace with few serious side effects from their imprisonment. Being the glass is half empty type of person I am I had always imagined a horrible fate for them. I am so happy that this didn't end that way. Wonderful writing!
     
  21. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Pallas-Athena: *giggles* :p

    Gabri_Jade: :p Thank you. :D It actually really insisted on being ambiguous - I thought since I was doing a viggie with them anyway, I might as well explain what happened, but it just wouldn't do it. :p So ... yeah, funny how that works. I'm glad you like how it turned out. [:D]

    bobilll: Thank you. :D I vaguely remember that from the movie ... [face_thinking]

    GuerreStellari: *giggles* [face_blush] Thank you. [face_blush] And I'm not really an Obidala shipper either. :p And yes, it tells some things - that they haven't really 'recovered', but that they're happy and, well, not being tortured and not-dead. :p Thank you again. [:D]

    MidnightRain: [face_blush] Thank you. [:D] I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and that the viggie ended up upping the story so you would find it ... :p

    raisedbywolves: Glad to know! :p Yeah, I think this is kind of oddly sweet, as well as a little sad (just because of how they've never really 'left' the cell behind). Which is the story, really. :p Thank you! :D

    Quasi_Jedi: Yes. [face_mischief] I mean, I know, but yes. [face_mischief] I like leaving things to the reader's imagination - I did that a lot with that story in general, in fact. :p Thank you! @};-

    CrystalKenobi: Thank you. :D The floor is what they're used to. ;)

    ThePodSquad: *giggles* [:D] I guess it's a good thing, then, that Atty prodded me to post this. ;) I know what you mean about dark spaces - I used to be terrified of the dark, and would have to have noise of some type all night long so I could sleep. I still listen to music when I go to bed. :p [:D] Thank you. [face_blush] @};-

    ithesock: I'm so glad I got a non-A/P and non-Obidala person to like this. [face_mischief] Interesting comment on implying and detail - I hate overdone detail, and over time I've really grown to like the process of implication, rather than stating things directly, and seeing how clear I can be without actually saying anything. ;) Thank you. @};-

    DarthIshtar: Thanks, I think. ;)

    AERYN_SUN: Thank you. :D

    LadyPadme: :eek: [face_blush] Thank you. [face_blush] And cool. [face_thinking]

    InLoveWithLordVader: When I first wrote the story (The Cell, not the viggie) did think it would have a dark, unhappy ending, but I actually rarely do that with a long story - in fact, I'm not sure I ever have, completely. :p I'm glad you liked the viggie, too. [:D] Thank you. @};-
     
  22. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2005
    Aww, the vignette was an excellent addition! :)
     
  23. Jaira

    Jaira Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 3, 2005
    Okay, I normally don't reply to things this old, but I have to ask (even though I know I won't get an answer :( ) Did they get revenge on the Emperor and Vader?! Did Vader ever find out they were there?![face_worried]
     
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