Saga The Cell (Obidala, Ep. III AU, very dark - Complete. Vignette added July 14, 2005)

Senator_Leia73: Sorry! I will try to update soon, I promise. Within a week, maybe. That's about as soon as I could even possibly promise.

darth_keladry: LOL!

 

Congratulations on the nominations, my dear! Didn't I tell you this would be popular?

*dodges thwack and runs*

 

Right back at ya!

Going Up...

Keladry the

 

Gabri: Thank you, darling! And actually, I don't remember that.

darth_keladry: Thanks. Some good news: the next post has been started.

 

Hooray!

Going up.

 

*hands oba gingko*

 

Can't wait to read it!

~aeryn

 

Hello Master!

As your Padawan, I am popping in here with a gentle reminder that you mentioned that you had started writing the next post?

hmmmmm...

So that means an addition, soon. Right?

*huggies*

 

jedi_keladry: Thanks.

Gabri: *takes ruefully*

AERYN_SUN: Thanks!

Jedikma: Hello, Padawan. Yes, that means an addition soon. My version of soon. I've got about two pages at the moment, and it's definitely darker. *huggies*

 

Dark! Hooray!



-sj loves kevin spacey

 

Up again!

I was gonna say I'm waiting patiently, but if I was, I wouldn't have brought up the fact that I'm waiting at all. [sheepish_grin]

 

Dark is good. I love dark, angst filled Obidala.

~aeryn

 

Going up, my dear!

 

solojones: You're a ... something.

jedi_keladry: LOL! Well, the patient wait is almost over.

AERYN_SUN: Awesome. You'll love the next post.

Darth_da_Vinci: Thank you. Love the username.




Author's Note . . . I am about to send off "Pain" to my beta, assuming she's still willin' and able.

 

The wait hasn't been very patient from this end, but I'm glad I haven't seemed too rude from your POV.

If your beta isn't willing and able, I'm up for grabs! (That way, I get to read it sooner. )

 

I just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed this story so far and can't wait to read more. You have a very powerful voice in your writing, and I love the way the characterizations in this story feel true to both the movies and psychologically.

 

OMG *whacks herself over the head for not finding fic sooner*

This is the best read I've had on this board. Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!

[face_applaud]

...loving the plot bunny by the way...however evil it may be.

 

Darth_Chickweed: Yet another interesting name. No, you haven't been rude at all. And my beta was willing and able. I just got the beta back, and you know what that means.

isola: I'm glad you've enjoyed , and thank you! In writing this, I've had to think some bit about what kind of effect living like they are would have on a person's mental state. It's been interesting, and I'm glad it feels real to you.

Cheeky_Droid: We all have our faults! Thank you. Glad you're enjoying, and yes, it was a good plot bunny, though extremely evil.



Post in a few minutes. Must. Go. Through. Beta.

 

Pain.


It was the time of day when they talked.

?It seems simple, but think about it,? Padmé challenged, sitting cross-legged, eyes closed, but facing in Obi-Wan?s general direction. ?The main character has a twisted relationship with his lover, but the whole thing says much more than that ? it?s a commentary on culture, on how ingrained beliefs complicate and change things hopelessly.? She paused. ?Kind of like the Jedi, in fact,? she noted with a teasing tone.

Obi-Wan laughed lightly. ?It?s just a play, even if a very good one. I doubt it was a commentary on the Jedi.?

?But does that mean it?s not applicable, nevertheless?? Padmé returned, more serious.

A slight pause, and Padmé wondered if he was shrugging. ?No,? Obi-Wan admitted. ?However, culture tends to be blind, and the Jedi are at least aware of those differences, traditions.?

Padmé cocked her head, considering that. ?I?ll accept that answer,? Padmé said finally. She rose to her feet, aware Obi-Wan was still sitting. Two steps to the left, and she was just to his right. Out of sight, in a bizarre way, or that?s how it felt; he couldn?t quite look at her here. Silly, how such conventions still bound her in moments of uncertainty or nervousness. ?Do you think Anakin realized that? That . . . the Jedi were aware of it??

?The limitations, possibly damaging, of Jedi culture?? Obi-Wan said rhetorically, then answered his own question. ?I don?t think so. Aware of the flaws, perhaps, clearer than any of us, raised to it more cleanly, but he always had difficulty seeing both sides of an argument.?

No real hesitation to his reply. None of the brusqueness of before, certainly; that tacit permission arising again, more clearly this time. ?I know,? Padmé said softly. ?But he did try, sometimes, and he did see.?

?I . . . do love him,? Obi-Wan said hesitantly. ?Whatever part of him that is left that I would recognize. He was a good person, and I have not forgotten that.?

Padmé turned her head sharply, as useless as it was. ?Yes,? she said at last, to have something to say, not sure if she was agreeing or confirming.

A moment more. ?Did you ever read the play . . .? Obi-Wan began, and the topic shifted, not abruptly, but in its due time.

^~~~~~~^

It wasn?t that she liked to watch him, precisely. For one thing, there wasn?t anything to watch. But there were times when she let herself become hyperaware of him, of what he was doing, of every breath and every movement. When she focused on him, she didn?t exist in her own mind, and that was sometimes a comfort.

And sometimes, just sometimes, she would be aware of his regard, and she would close her eyes and take that in, because she understood and it was all right.

^~~~~~^

They cracked the routine slightly. They didn?t break it, the routine was still there and they still followed it, but it was altered slightly.

Padmé counted the paces wall to wall, and Obi-Wan let her.

^~~~~~^

They worshipped their routine. It was everything to them, and thus, it was their god. In it, life was structured, apparently meaningful; without it, there was nothing. But like many worshippers, they did not always obey, and it was always bad for them when they didn?t. Obi-Wan felt a sense of spite when he did not follow it; so did Padmé. He?d asked her. But it was also a delicious sort of self-destructive freedom, one they could not seem to help but seek. Their nature as human beings, perhaps.

Still, they followed the routine. Mostly.

There was the occasional argument over whether to change the routine. It always ended the same: the routine must be unchanged. It lost validity if it were changed. They both knew this, instinctively, and did not argue over much over it.

The routine was too precious to lose.

^~~~~~^

It almost seemed like everything was a whisper, when no thing but themselves made sound: ?Four plus six hours plus twelve days plus one year . . .?

^~~~~~^

?Silly things,? Padmé murmured. Obi-Wan was five steps away, and she knew he heard her cle

 

Was just about to logout when I saw this.

It was well worth the wait. YOu did an excellent job with the dialogue and the pacing of it.


Some of my Favorite parts:

It wasn?t that she liked to watch him, precisely. For one thing, there wasn?t anything to watch. But there were times when she let herself become hyperaware of him, of what he was doing, of every breath and every movement. When she focused on him, she didn?t exist in her own mind, and that was sometimes a comfort
And sometimes, just sometimes, she would be aware of his regard, and she would close her eyes and take that in, because she understood and it was all right.

This was just perfect, showing how a person may not be able to see someone but yet is still very aware of that person.


They worshipped their routine. It was everything to them, and thus, it was their god. In it, life was structured, apparently meaningful; without it, there was nothing. But like many worshippers, they did not always obey, and it was always bad for them when they didn?t. Obi-Wan felt a sense of spite when he did not follow it; so did Padmé. He?d asked her. But it was also a delicious sort of self-destructive freedom, one they could not seem to help but seek. Their nature as human beings, perhaps.

I like this one also because you point out to us how important the routine is to people in this kind of situation.


?Time for play?? he murmured into her ear, so close she could feel his warmth

I hope you don't mind me saying that when I read that I could have sworn I felt his warm breath in my ear. Don't know how to explain it but the phrase was just perfect. Maybe the timing of when it came or what. But it was perfect.


His hand was settled on her waist, and her arm lay over his back. The warmth between them was delicious. It felt like home. They did not, now, see things in relation to what they were, but how they made them feel. Obi-Wan realized that when Padmé started describing things in how they felt to her ? not how Alderaan fruit tasted, but the memories behind them. The red ones were her mother, the yellow her older sister. Things became immaterial in their minds; emotions and memory became tangible.

Just perfect Just perfect Just perfect.

I enjoyed the converstation between them especially over him keeping up with jedi practices, his control, and how she talks about anakin. It was very real.

I thought putting in the part where she hits Obi-wan was excellent. It shows that there are times when even though we know its wrong the only way to show how we feel sometimes is thru some sort of physical action like this, in this kind of situation. (just my opinion) if that makes any sense. I'm not saying physcial volience is okay.

I enjoyed the part about whether Obi-wan played with toys/games. I like how you still have the "steps" in here and I also like the several references to warmth.

He kissed her, softly, on the forehead. She exhaled warmth.

Perfect ending for this post I thought. The only thing I would wish for is that it was me. Of course I'm sure I'm not the only one.

 

Ahhh too true! This was excellent!! Totally a great post as we see our two heroes starting to feel the lengthy of their 'stay'. hehehe Great!! Loved it!

The last bit with the kiss on the forehead was heartwarming!

 

this is a really great story. I love the way you write about the darkness, it makes me go crazy just thinking about it. Nice obidala action too, sweet, but a possible indication of more to come.

 

I loved the conversation that they were having about the themes of the play having application. First of all, it led nicely into a bit of a timid discussion of Anakin. Also, though, I think it?s very true that things like books, plays, and films can be great ways to exemplify a point that applies to real life? kind of like a lot of things in Star Wars


A moment more. ?Did you ever read the play . . .? Obi-Wan began, and the topic shifted, not abruptly, but in its due time.

Ah, I just adored this, Obi-Wan switching the topic, but stating that it was a natural thing for both of them. I don?t know if Padmé really wanted to linger on the subject any more, either. It?s something both of them are going to have to face eventually, but it?s so horrible for them both


And sometimes, just sometimes, she would be aware of his regard, and she would close her eyes and take that in, because she understood and it was all right.

I absolutely adore the way you?re progressing with this story and the whole kind of romance aspect of it. It?s so much more slow-paced and believable than others I?ve read. Sorry to any Obidala fans, but I just don?t see it happening? I was sure there might be some circumstance it would happen under, but didn?t know for sure. I?m glad you?ve found a way to show the kind of way that two people with similar things to mourn about and in such a circumstance can bond in a way that?s so much more than just physical. Obaona [face_clap]


They cracked the routine slightly. They didn?t break it, the routine was still there and they still followed it, but it was altered slightly.

Cracked but not broken. I love that image, very nice.


?Four plus six hours plus twelve days plus one year . . .?

Over a year? wow?it?s just? wow. These little flashes of them kind of getting to the breaking point of their sanity and then coming back are wonderful. It?s like I can feel the immense passage of time myself and it?s making me want to go run around outside (now *that* is amazing ). I can imagine that they will be pushed even further in the future? but how long will this go on?!





Would they always play the games so much, these games where it did not depend on sight?

Yes. Yes.

All their thoughts are getting a little more sporadic, a little more desperate. The way they try to cling to the outside but are so consumed by their current situation is just incredibly sad. I can tell they are losing track of themselves And reverting in some ways to childishness, trying to recall happier times.


?You always have to be in control,? Padmé said matter-of-factly. ?Never show anything. Just . . . shunt it away. Stifle it. Do your job. Whatever the hell that is, here.?

Uh oh. I sense that point when you?ve been around one person too long (in this case, *way* too long) and you start to become annoyed by them. You start to recognize their bad qualities and you just can?t help but rant at them sometimes. I sense it could get much worse?.


Woah, that whole section that was very curt, describing in one word how each thing was said. And then it started to get confusing, and it was like I was completely there in the cell with them, not being able to see, but being able to hear everything and being able to sense things.


And still not, he rather thought. He brushed his fingers over her lips, and felt her smile. He felt the quirk of her eyebrow, the intensity of her blind stare.

He kissed her, softly, on the forehead. She exhaled warmth.

So poignant, so calm, and gentle and somewhat reluctant?. And so infuriatingly beautiful! Ahhh! Ok, I don?t want to be mean, but I hope you can continue ASAP. Because this story has completely sucked me in and it makes my skin crawl but makes me happy and sad all at once. Look what you?ve done- you?ve driven me insane too!

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

Obaona, you are a wonder.

The routine was too precious to lose. That whole section was so powerful. You've really captured how such a captivity must be.

?Time for play?? he murmured into her ear, so close she could feel his warmth.

Sigh...

*Clunk*

That was the sound of me falling backward off my chair.

?Go to hell!?

?We aren?t there??

I was about to say that being stuck anywhere for months on end with Obi-Wan Kenobi could never be hell, but hey, that's me. (For all I know, it would be hell for him, being stuck there with me. )

The twitchy/angry section was paralyzing. The majority of that section was dialogue, and that really drove home the reality of their situation, having to live in the dark for so long. Sound is sight to them now, and each other's words the only stimulus they receive.

Loooove the slow pacing of your story, how little by little they're getting closer. The intimacy here is exquisite.

!

I look forward to more from you!

 

I was about to say that being stuck anywhere for months on end with Obi-Wan Kenobi could never be hell, but hey, that's me.

Even if he were dead?


... I'm such a mean person


-sj loves kevin spacey