Saga The Cell (Obidala, Ep. III AU, very dark - Complete. Vignette added July 14, 2005)

Awesome update! Everyone else seems to have cleared this chapter. So, great work, can't wait for more!

 

Beautifully written obaona. The transition from how they were in the beginning to how they are now hasn't been easy or quick and that comes through loud and clear. I find it very easy to empathize with their situation.

I'm also finding their growing closeness very believable. The faults and disagreements are so honestly portrayed - especially the ones concerning Anakin. They are very much the center of each others' worlds locked there in the dark.

 

Even if he were dead?



Ha. Ha. Ha. You're hilarious, solojones; you should host a talk show.



Actually, I did laugh when I read that. Well, okay, I mean when he's alive and at least moderately well in mind and body.

 

This was wonderful. So scary in its own way as they lived in darkness. Making the time pass with meaning even though there was none. Very clautrophobic, incredibly sad. Well done.

 

Incredibly moving and poignant chapter! I can't even begin to describe the feelings it brought to life.

They worshipped their routine. It was everything to them, and thus, it was their god. In it, life was structured, apparently meaningful; without it, there was nothing. But like many worshippers, they did not always obey, and it was always bad for them when they didn?t. Obi-Wan felt a sense of spite when he did not follow it; so did Padmé. He?d asked her. But it was also a delicious sort of self-destructive freedom, one they could not seem to help but seek. Their nature as human beings, perhaps.

Still, they followed the routine. Mostly.

There was the occasional argument over whether to change the routine. It always ended the same: the routine must be unchanged. It lost validity if it were changed. They both knew this, instinctively, and did not argue over much over it.

The routine was too precious to lose.

This rather reminded me of the accounts of prisoners of war, which they are really. Again, simply wonderful.

 

Keladry, what I didn't tell you is that the 'dead' Obi-Wan in the cell with you is a fake. The real Obi-Wan is with me in a large suite in a hotel in Hawaii . Must have slipped my mind.

How d'ya like them apples?

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

Wow! A new chapter!

The characters definately go through an array of emotions in this chapter, but it seems to me that they are mostly just slowly going mad. It's really eerie.

Here is the passage that really caught my eye and made me think about their situation:

?Go to hell!?

?We aren?t there?? And Obi-Wan laughed, the sound coming out more sarcastic than it felt.

A quick step ? hard, the sound was hard, she was moving fast. The first blow landed on his shoulder, telling him where she was, the position of her body, and he grabbed for her wrists, catching one and getting the upper part of the other. Her nails, long and sharp, dug into his skin, and he heard her harsh breathing.

You have said very little about their physical appearence, but the mention of Padme's long nails inspired an interesting visual in my own head. After more than a year in this cell, while it is dark and they can't see each other, they still have to look a sight. Hair, nails, grown out of control, etc. And dare I mention that they haven't bathed either? (Sorry, I don't care if he is Obi-Wan Kenobi, I wouldn't want to be in that situation with him. ) They both have to look less than human at this point.

This chapter was full of interesting insights into the human psyche. I'm just curious but when you mentioned the play at the beginning did you have any one in particular even vaguely in mind?

Great Job, Master! So will it be another month until the next post?

(Damned cheeky Padawan!)

~ Jedikma

 

Obi-Wan? Give up his Jedi thinking? He'll go crazy if he's not in control.

Btw, liked the ending to, sweet and simple.

*sighs* Yes probably another month before a postie, but at least they're long and well worth the wait. Great job!

 

Wonderful job.

I love how they feel that they must stick with the schedule and not break any of it. Because the schedule is their life. And they feel like they failed if they mess it up.

I also like how you show the arguments that they would go through. Even if they were over the smallest things like counting the spaces and being sad and angery.

You did an execellent job on this peice. I hope you post more soon. Don't make us wait as long as we did last time.

 

solojones, you're sure you don't have a clone of him? For all you know, I've got the lovely original wrapped around my little finger in my apartment as we speak.



Or is it me, wrapped up in his cloak?



You never know...

 

CrystalKenobi: Hehe. Perfect timing? And thank you. You really got what I was trying to do with the different scenes. I almost cut out the part about the routines, just because it's very - I don't know. I still think a routine would be that important, but reading the way I wrote it now gives me chills.

I love that it felt like you were there. And who would want Obi-Wan breathing in their ear?

My intent with the whole bit about Obi-Wan's control and Padme thinking of Anakin is to show that they're letting go of those things. That holding onto them is just hurting them - why, after all, did Padme start counting, when she knew she shouldn't?

I understood what you meant about the hitting. Sometimes physical action just seems more real than words. In their situation, I think that would be even more true. I'm glad you caught the 'steps' thing. I want things to reoccur, like a reoccurring theme.

Kynstar: Thank you. Yep, this is one is darker, which (to me) means showing more of how this whole situation is affecting them, and how they're being changed by it. Glad you liked the kiss - that was one of the first things I wrote, but it fit so well at the end, I kept it there.

tvdunlop: Thank you. I'm glad, actually, that it affects you that way - means what I'm trying to do is working! And yep, 'twas my intent to show a deepening of their relationship.

solojones: Believe it or not, getting them to talk about Anakin was actually semi-difficult. They wanted to philosophize. And yes, I agree with you, books and plays and whatnot aren't real, but they can have very real applications and meanings. Animal Farm, anyone?

Neither of them wanted to linger over it. They keep touching upon it, lightly, but it's still very painful for the both of them. I'm glad you like how the romance aspect is going. To me, it feels very subtle but charged. It's always there, but it's not necessarily the focus. I think it's so interesting that it's turning out that way, because it's good - but I didn't intend it, really. And after reading your comments, I'm really wondering why I thought of Obidala to put in this situation.

So you like the short flashes? I was curious about that - whether or not readers would care for it. Because most of the time, we have real scenes, and there are always a few things here and there so short they're really not scenes. If you know what I mean. I'm glad you could feel the passage of time, too - because I have no idea how that's working. How long will this go on? I don't know. A while.

For some reason, the way I've been writing this has changed gradually. I'm using less description, it's more curt now. But it does seem to fit with their mental state - and as you said, shows their desperation and how they're cracking. (Interesting, I want to say, because I hadn't thought of it that way. )

Padme and Obi-Wan really haven't been fighting much, have they? I don't think that will change. Unlike, say, Luke and Mara, I don't picture them as teh type of couple who would fight constantly. They're very alike in some ways, but different in enough that there's still that back and forth. I'm glad you liked that curt part, where it's mostly dialogue - I was worried about that one, 'cause it's a little weird.

Thank you! Glad you liked the ending of the post. It felt warm (and yet slightly reluctant) to me, too. (I know that sounds weird, but sometimes I wonder why I write the things I do, so it's like someone else did it. )

LOL, that's not mean. I hope to get the next chapter out sooner. But I do have other projects, so for the next week or so those will probably take precedence, unless I'm really struck to write something. And I'm just that you feel that way about this. Thank you!

darth_keladry: Thank you. I'm

 

I just found your update! We are really seeing how the captivity is affecting their thoughts and questioning their beliefs. You show their suffering so well through their actions and dialogue. Well done obaona! There are moments when you think they are going to lose it and then they fall back to their routine. They grasp it because its the only thing between them and insanity.

Really interesting to see how Obi-Wan and Padme are changing throughout this. I'll be looking for the next part

 

She rose to her feet, aware Obi-Wan was still sitting. Two steps to the left, and she was just to his right. Out of sight, in a bizarre way, or that?s how it felt; he couldn?t quite look at her here. Silly, how such conventions still bound her in moments of uncertainty or nervousness.

I really like that little part; it rings very true. And interesting (in a probably overly analytical way ) that it immediately follows Padmé herself pointing out how ingrained beliefs change and complicate matters.

?I . . . do love him,? Obi-Wan said hesitantly. ?Whatever part of him that is left that I would recognize. He was a good person, and I have not forgotten that.?

That must have been hard for Obi-Wan to say.

But there were times when she let herself become hyperaware of him, of what he was doing, of every breath and every movement. When she focused on him, she didn?t exist in her own mind, and that was sometimes a comfort.

I can really see this happening too.

There was the occasional argument over whether to change the routine. It always ended the same: the routine must be unchanged. It lost validity if it were changed. They both knew this, instinctively, and did not argue over much over it.

The routine was too precious to lose.

Have to agree that this is an extremely important observation, and well written, dear.

?I never had them,? Obi-Wan said simply. ?Must have been a toy craze that missed the Temple.? He didn?t move; that meant he was thinking serious thoughts.

Padmé wanted to squint. ?Do they ever get any? There?? Curious, a light leaning forward, but no decisive movement. Obi-Wan would sense that.

?Oh, sometimes,? Obi-Wan assured her, and she was relieved; what a normal thing, then.

*grins* I'm relieved too, for whatever that's worth. I'd never thought about it before.

Counting was a bad thing. Counting meant obsession with their captivity. In the beginning, it was time they had counted ? which they still did, but to a lesser degree. They carefully, ever so carefully, controlled how they did it. No repeating. It was part of the schedule, when they would estimate time, when they would add it all up.

True enough, but how could you ever truly not be obsessed with your captivity under those circumstances? I don't think I'd have lasted as long as Obi-Wan and Padmé have.

?You always have to be in control,? Padmé said matter-of-factly. ?Never show anything. Just . . . shunt it away. Stifle it. Do your job. Whatever the hell that is, here.?

?I?m doing nothing of the sort,? Obi-Wan responded, unshaken. ?I am attempting to meditate.?

?Attempting to stifle,? Padmé responded in an agreeable tone.

Very interesting. It's a very accurate description of Obi-Wan, and I love how they argue without arguing.

?Isn?t this our reality now?? Obi-Wan whispered. ?At least the dreams will stop hurting, if we can hold onto each other, instead of what?s gone . . . lost to us,? he said, struggling with the words, searching for the right ones and only coming close.

That's rather profoundly sad.

A moment more of breathing. Then Padmé spoke ? not of their situation, but of what would be. She explained, in soft tones and harsh words, how she would destroy Palpatine?s political strength. She described every dirty trick she knew and had never used, every piece of blackmail information she had ethically ?forgotten?. It was laid out before him, clear as day, and he smiled, because it was so perfect.

He didn?t think her weak for thinking of revenge. She was strong. And he was suddenly reminded of the optimistic fourteen year old Queen, diligent and aware, yet not cynical.

I think this is my favorite part, but I'm afraid I can't quite explain why. It just is. It's perfect.

 

To me, it feels very subtle but charged. It's always there, but it's not necessarily the focus. I think it's so interesting that it's turning out that way, because it's good - but I didn't intend it, really.

I wholeheartedly agree. I think it?s very realistic and I do love that it?s not the sole focus of the story. It is subtle and I think that?s how it should be here, at this point. I?ve never been a fan of mush because I just don?t see things happening that goo-ily and perfectly. The way you?ve managed to mix in the subtleties of the relationship has been great, because it?s not just some sappy, convenient thing. It?s an actual, deep, and tacit connection and understanding because of so many things.


The short flashes have worked splendidly! Sure, it might seem like an abnormal writing style but it?s a writing style, and it fits this story perfectly. And I do think that, whether you intended it or not, this curt style definitely shows that they?re cracking and makes *me* want to crack as well. I honestly think it?s just splendid and you should definitely not be afraid to use it.


I know what you mean about feeling like someone else wrote your stuff sometimes. I especially feel this way when I set out to write a section and the characters take it somewhere else because they?re just being themselves. I yell at them, but they just run away with it, and I have to let them. They?re like rambunctious children. *sigh*


I definitely know how it feels to have a lot of projects swimming around your head and such. It can be really hard to focus on any one thing. Anyway, don?t worry about it. I?m willing to wait because this story is honestly so amazing. Not to mention, I?m having company next week so I won?t be online much anyway And a big to you for creating this wonderful thing. You?re doing great, just keep it up at your own pace. Wouldn?t want to rush you into something and I know how bad it feels to not be able to update for a while and then feel like you?ve lost half your readers. Don?t worry, I?m not going anywhere. I can?t when you?ve trapped me inside a tiny cell


Thanks for the mental image of Obi-Wan's rotting corpse.

Well, I do aim to please.


Evil evil evil.

And there?s that

*snuggles up next to Obi-Wan as Keladry tries to convince herself that wooden cutout really is Obi-Wan. The poor woman's gone mad *


As for the comments, don't mention it. I myself feel that if an author spends this much time crafting a story that effects me as a reader, I have an obligation to let her/him know just how I feel. It's the only way an author can gauge their own work. And you definitely deserve all the comments!

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

tangled_sphere: Thank you. I'm glad you're seeing all that, that's what I was going for! Yeah, they're pretty much holding onto sanity through the routine - which they realized would be necessary in the beginning. Thank you again.

Gabri: Well, I hadn't thought of it that way, but that doesn't mean you're overanalayzing! I imagine it's really hard for Obi-Wan to say his emotions at all - and I don't think that's necessarily a guy thing, or even a Jedi thing. You're relieved that Jedi have toy crazes, too?

Well, there's obsession, and then there's obsession. I might call writing fanfic an obsession, but I don't spend all day doing it. I'm glad you like the last part, though it's interesting you're really not sure why. For me, that's a departure from the rest of the story - because it's the first time you really see Padme as Senator, as a politician, and her personality in that respect. At least, to me. Thank you, darling.

solojones: Thank you. I think mush has it's place - I mean, ever seen young love? People really can be that way. But not in this situation, I agree. I'm honestly surprised, but very pleased, at how this story is turning out. Not to sound arrogant - but it's been fun. It's great when things turn out better than you expect.

*whew* Glad about the writing style thing. I didn't intend it, but it's something interesting to keep in mind during future posts - since I know how you're viewing it, how it affects you, I can better write what I do really want you to feel or realize or other synynoms.

Characters. *sighs deeply* I tell you. The whole 'Paddy Frog' and 'Oafy-Wan' and 'Toy Craze' bits were ALL their fault. I thought they were tangents when I was writing them, but I must bow to my character's wisdom - they ended up working out. And even added a bit of lightness, so this thing isn't as bloody depressing as it could be.

Thank you. I'm glad, which is a phrase I'm overusing, but I mean it. I went at this last chapter at it's own pace, and that worked out, so I'm slightly more relaxed about the next one. LOL that I've got you trapped into a cell.

You needed a by that 'aim to please' comment.

And thank you anyway for the thorough comments. I do really appreciate it.

 

Changed over to mischievouSithlywicked just to respond...

Obi-Wan being Obi-Wan, what would you do with him all day?

Whaddya think I'd be doing with him?!





But I digress...

And watch it, solojones. Or I'll beta your lovely little dead Obi-Wan (need I say more?!)vignette right into the ground.

The bloke in whose cloak I'm wrapped up is the one and only Obi. He has the trademark wyvern eyes.

 

Excellent update to the story. I enjoyed how it was portrayed that at this point they've grown accustomed to knowing where the other is and what they're doing just by sound which fits with longterm captivity.

And at this point I'm dying to see when (I hope it's a when) they get out to see how and where they go from here.

 

I think mush has it's place - I mean, ever seen young love? People really can be that way. But not in this situation, I agree

Oh, trust me, I'm in high school so I see more than enough of it. Maybe that's why I dislike it most the time so much. It just reminds me of those kids who seem so fake and are in love with someone one minute (whom they don't really know) and then hate them the next


And watch it, solojones. Or I'll beta your lovely little dead Obi-Wan (need I say more?!)vignette right into the ground.

By all means, Keladry, do. I like my betas to be mean, it makes the stories better

You can have Obi-Wan's cloak all you want when I have the man who was in it

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

The last bit with the kiss on the forehead was heartwarming!

I agree Kynster.

~obi's girl

 

GREAT JOB,obaona!

More soon,PLEASE!

 

darth_keladry: I'm not sure if it's wise of me to say this, but I'm loving watching the two of you go at this.

Vampi_Digitalwytch: When? I'm glad you saw that - I don't want to just say that they've been stuck in there for a year, I want the reader to really feel it, and feel how it's changed them. Thank you!

solojones: Ah! [face_comprehension] Yes, that may be. Though, you seem to like dark quite a bit, so maybe . . . I'll be quiet now.

AERYN_SUN: *pleased to bits*

Lady-Kenobi: Thank you. And I'll try, though no promises - 'tis not going well so far.

 

Sorry to hear about that.

 

*Keladry harrumphs*

Say hello to page one, obaona!

 

Thanks, keladry. And good news: I wrote some. I'm not sure if I actually like it , but definite progress has been made.

 

Bump! Keep it up, can't wait


-sj loves kevin spacey