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Saga The Dear DAIRY Challenge: Being the Udderly Cheesy Adventures of Luke (multiauthor)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Findswoman, Dec 10, 2016.

  1. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    [​IMG]

    Once in a while, a plot bunny comes along that just gets the butter of you—one that you just have to milk for all it’s worth. And indeed, that is exactly what happened near-simultaneously to four of us one Thursday in late October, when the inimitable Gamiel posted the following in the Plot Bunny Donation and Index Thread:

    As the wild, wacky story ideas started churning in our minds, we four— Briannakin, Ewok Poet, Findswoman, and Raissa Baiard—decided we would whip up this little anthology of stories centered around Luke’s encounters with nonblue milk at various points in his life and career, in both Legends and NuCanon continuities. And the results, if we do say so ourselves, are whey cool.

    So sit back, relax, and lait yourself be transported to a far-off galaxy of udder fun! :D

    Wishing you all the dairy best,
    Finds
     
  2. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    AzureAngel2 and Ewok Poet like this.
  3. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Author: Findswoman
    Title: The White Stuff
    Era: Saga—Legends, with individual NuCanon elements mixed in
    Characters: Luke Skywalker (teen years), Aunt Beru, Uncle Owen (mentioned)
    Genre: Humorous vignette
    Summary: A young Luke, while running errands for his aunt and uncle on Tatooine, comes across something he has never come across before: dairy products that are not blue but . . . white!
    Notes: Like the other stories in this collection, this one was inspired by a plot bunny proposed by the inimitable Gamiel in the Plot Bunny Donation and Index Thread: “Luke finding out that milk also comes in white.”


    The White Stuff

    “Remember . . . milk, cream, eggs, power converters . . .”

    “Yes, Aunt Beru.”

    “And see if Halava finally managed to get in some of that marbleberry yogurt your uncle likes.”

    “Yes, Aunt Beru.”

    “Oh, and remember, we’re having the Darklighters and the Sunstreamers over for lunch, so don’t forget to be back by 1300!”

    “I won’t, Aunt Beru!”

    With those words Luke adjusted his poncho, donned his cloth sun cap, tucked a large wicker basket under his arm, and set out over the desert sands. Today was market day in Anchorhead, and as usual his Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen were counting on him to bring back groceries and necessities for the week. In particular, the weekly market was the only place the local residents could purchase fresh dairy products of any kind. For years the Lars-Skywalker family had procured their milk, yogurt, cream, and cheese from the booth of a plump, cheerful Twi’lek matron named Halava Wara, whose skin was the same clear-sky blue as the bantha milk and cream she sold. From his earliest childhood Luke had enjoyed visiting her booth. Part of it was the indescribable fresh dairy smell wafting up from the cool cream, the newly churned butter, the array of fine cheeses whose colors ranged from avian’s-egg-blue to lightly moldy aqua-green. Part of it, too, was that Halava always used to treat him to a small flimsicup of ice cream—an extremely rare treat on torrid Tatooine.

    So it came as a bit of a jar when, after making the long trek over the sandy wilderness and finally arriving in central Anchorhead, he could not find her or her booth in its usual place. She always used to set up right in the center of the marketplace’s northern edge, so that her wares would not spoil in the fierce heat of the two suns. But today that booth was occupied by a stern-looking Abednedo selling glass bottles of some kind of questionable-looking opaque whitish liquid. Luke walked around the marketplace, once, twice, scrutinizing each booth and each vendor—but no one seemed to be selling dairy.

    This was worrisome indeed. Aunt Beru needed milk and cream for the meals she had planned that week, and she was hoping to serve some nice cheese at today’s lunch party. And if Uncle Owen didn’t get his marbleberry yogurt . . .

    “Looking for Halava, are ya?”

    “Wh-wha?!” Luke spun around. It was the Abednedo merchant who had spoken—the one with the strange bottles of whitish liquid.

    “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya there. Y’seemed to be looking around, an’ I thought—”

    “No, no, it’s okay . . .” Luke took a few breaths to regain his composure.

    “Guess I should introduce myself. Name’s Mlek. How d’y’do.” The Abednedo extended a grizzled, gray-brown hand.

    “Luke,” returned the farmboy, accepting the gesture. “So . . . do you know Halava?”

    “Yup, sure do. Worked many a market together, we have.”

    “Well, do you know where she is? I’ve looked all over and I can’t find her anywhere!”

    Mlek shook his head regretfully. “Hate to tell ya this, young fella, but . . . she was shut down by the IBFC.”

    What?!” Luke recognized the baleful initials of the Imperial Bureau of Foodstuffs and Consumables. “Why?”

    “Some silly trumped-up excuse about abnormally high levels of Lactokokkus gulbaricus in her yogurt.”

    Luke sighed. The IBFC seemed to have it in for all the best establishments in Anchorhead. Just last season they had closed down Fixer’s favorite tako joint when a single womp rat was spotted on the patio. Not even inside the restaurant—on the patio. Another reason to hate the Empire—but, once again, there was nothing he could do about it right now.

    “So what am I going to do?” Luke threw up his hands, causing his basket to swing dangerously close to the glass bottles on the table. “My aunt and uncle sent me here to pick up some milk and cream and yogurt and stuff for the week, and if I don’t, they’re gonna—”

    “Calm down, calm down, young fella. Everything’ll be all right. Ya want milk and cream? I got it, right here.” And Mlek gestured to his table full of bottles.

    “Wait, what?” Luke wasn’t sure he had heard correctly. Was this crazy old Abednedo trying to tell him that the . . . stuff . . . on his table was milk and cream?

    “This here”—Mlek pointed to a row of liter-sized jugs—“is my farm-fresh, grade-aurek whole milk. That’s the three-percent and skim milk there next to it. And this here”—he indicated a series of small, squat bottles—“is my triple-strength, hand-churned heavy whipping cream. Buy two, get one free.”

    Gingerly Luke picked up one of the liter-sized jugs and eyed it with a face of incredulous disgust. It simply made no sense. Proper milk and cream were the light-azure color of a clear springtime sky. Everyone knew that. This stuff looked more like the icky honeydew-like ooze excreted by the sand mites that sometimes got into the vaporators.

    “I—I don’t get it . . .” He found himself stammering. “This c-can’t be milk . . . it’s the wrong . . . c-color . . .”

    “Oh well, now, if you’re used to that factory-farmed bantha swill, then yes.”

    “Hey! Halava’s stuff wasn’t factory-farmed! It was from local banthas raised right out here in the Jundland Wastes!”

    “Doesn’t matter. Studies have shown that bantha milk contains high levels of oxycalifragic acid, which is known to cause gout and kidney dysfunction in laboratory nunas. Now this, m’boy”—the Abednedo’s chest puffed out proudly as he gestured to his bottles—“is made from only the finest free-range bovid milk from family farms in the Mid Rim. No antibiotics, genetic engineering, or artificial growth hormones. Never have, never will.”

    Luke sloshed the thick white liquid gently around, still eyeing it askance. He had never had bovid milk before, and he was pretty sure Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen hadn’t either. He wasn’t even sure he knew what a bovid was, much less that they gave milk suitable for Human and near-Human consumption. With that sickly white color, it sure didn’t look suitable for Human or near-Human consumption.

    “I don’t know . . .” He thrust the bottle back down on the table. “I’m not sure what my aunt and uncle would say . . .”

    “You wanna get the very best for your aunt an’ uncle, don’cha? Then this is the stuff to get. But don’t take my word for it.” He produced a small flimsicup from underneath his table and began to pour the contents of one of the jugs into it, then offered it to Luke. “Try it for yourself.”

    “Um, okay.” Trying not to look too hard at its contents, Luke took the cup, raised it to his mouth, and began to tip it slowly in.

    The liquid was cool as it rolled over his tongue; it was creamier and less chalky than the bantha milk he was used to, and the flavor was milder. There was something relaxing, even calming, in that creamy mildness—something that seemed to waft him away into azure (azure!) skies far away, where billowy white (white!) clouds floated above endless rolling green (green!) grasslands dotted with contentedly . . . grazing . . . quadrupeds . . . (white! with black splotches!) . . .

    * * *

    “Y’all right there, young fella?”

    “W-wha? What happened?” Luke blinked awake to find himself slumped against one of the poles of Mlek’s market booth. The Abednedo was hovering concernedly over him, and the flimsicup, now empty except for a few white drops, lay on the ground beside him. A few other marketgoers were clustered around. Luke scrambled to his feet, Mlek helping him.

    “Thought we’d lost ya for a second there. Yer eyes were buggin’ out into space and you were babblin’ somethin’ about never knowin’ there was so much green in the whole Galaxy. I was about to call emergency medservice when you finally came ’round.”

    “Oh, uh, sorry about that . . . I think I’m okay now . . . Yes, I think I’m okay now,” he repeated, eyeing the assembled gawkers. They dispersed accordingly.

    “Aw, no big deal. But I was worried there for a bit. I been sellin’ grade-aurek bovid dairy for near on four decades, now, and I’ve never seen my stuff do that to anyone. You either got one heck of a lactose sensitivity or else you’re some kinda . . . wizardy-type person.”

    “No comment on the latter,” chuckled Luke, lowering his eyes in half-embarrassment. People were always saying things like that to him, and he wasn’t sure why. He quickly changed the subject. “Say . . . wh . . . which one did I have?”

    “That was the three-percent.”

    Luke shuddered inwardly. If just the three-percent could have that effect on him, who knew what the whole milk would do? “Well, I guess I’d like . . . two liters of that.”

    “Sure thing.” Mlek set aside two of the glass bottles. “Anything else for ya?”

    “Um . . . you said there was cream, too?”

    “Yup. Triple-strength, hand-churned. Buy two, get one free.”

    “I’ll—I’ll take three.”

    “You got it.” The Abednedo placed three of the small bottles next to the two liter-sized bottles. “An’ anything else?”

    “Yogurt?”

    “Yessirree. Live an’ active cultures, no added sweeteners or thickeners. Plain, vanilla, marbleberry, an’ Geldan sun-apple.”

    “Pint of marbleberry, please. Oh, and, um—”

    “Yup?”

    “Do you—do you have any sort of soft cheese that would be good on crackbread or crispers? Halava had this bantha-groat blend that we liked, but . . .”

    “Boy, do I got just the thing for you.” Mlek opened a large plasteel cooler that stood beside his chair and rummaged in it for a few moments before emerging with a cylindrical roll of something crumbly, soft, and—again—white. “Top-quality gourmet chevrino made from the milk of the famed tree goats of the Forest Moon of Endor. With a hint of golden truffle oil. Whaddaya say?”

    “Oh, uh . . .” Luke thought again for a bit. He had never before heard of this Forest Moon of Endor, much less of its famed tree goats. It sounded like one of those no-account Outer Rim places that was occasionally trying to make a splash on the Galactic gourmet market. But time was running short, and he still had the rest of his grocery list to take care of. “Yeah, sure, sounds good.”

    “Fan-tas-tic. I’ll get that wrapped up for ya, then.” He did so with the help of a large roll of rough brown flimsi that was also produced from beneath his table. Then he took a datapad from his pocket and tapped out a few figures. “That’ll be twenty-nine eighty-six, please.”

    “Here you go.” Luke paid his credits before gathering the merchandise in his basket. “Thanks, M . . . Melk?”

    Melk’s what I sell. Mlek is me. But you were close.”

    “Mlek. Thanks.”

    “Yer most welcome, young fella. Enjoy!”

    Luke turned and made his way back through the rest of the market. Part of him breathed a sigh of relief; part of him still worried how his aunt and uncle might react to these unusually colored products. But at least there was still ample time to grab those last few things on the list—power converters and all.

    * * *

    Aunt Beru’s face was even more worry-lined than usual as she unwrapped and examined the bottles of opaque white liquid that her nephew insisted were milk and cream. But, being the good sport that she was, she nevertheless proceeded to incorporate their contents into her herbed nerf-topato chowder—a dish almost as well known around Anchorhead as the stew that bore her name. And, indeed, even though the lunch guests eyed the thick white substance in the soup pot askance at first, it took only one taste for them to unanimously declare it the best of its kind they had ever had. (“Because, after all,” remarked the Sunstreamer matriarch in the conversation that ensued, “bantha milk has been shown to cause gout and liver dysfunction in laboratory nunas.”)

    The soft, white cheese with the golden truffle oil was praised with similar gusto, though all present were obliged to confess ignorance of the Forest Moon of Endor and its tree goats. (“I wonder if there are wineries there too,” mused Anya Darklighter, upon which her mother, Silya, scolded her not to get any ideas.)

    Even at breakfast the next morning, the marbleberry yogurt was received with relative equanimity by Uncle Owen. (“Hmph, not bad,” was the official verdict—though little did he know that Aunt Beru had first mixed in some leftover marbleberry pie filling to enhance the blue color.)

    And Luke? If he had any further visions of green pastures and grazing quadrupeds, either during the lunch party or in the days that followed, he kept them to himself. But now there was no doubt in his mind that the white stuff was the right stuff. ¶



    The dairy merchants are all OCs, and their names come from words for “milk” in various Earth languages: ḥalav (Hebrew), wara (Yorùbá), mleko (Serbo-Croatian—hat tip Ewok Poet).

    chevrino: fanon, named (of course) for Earth chèvre.

    golden truffle oil: fanon. Because pretentious, overpriced foodstuffs must exist in the GFFA, too! :p

    Lactokokkus gulbaricus: A fanon takeoff on the Earth bacteriumLactobacillus bulgaricus, one of the live cultures used in the production of yogurt. The point, of course, is that Halava is being taken to task for bacterial cultures that are supposed to be in yogurt anyway.

    “never knowin’ there was so much green in the whole Galaxy”: Yes, I know this is based on a Rey quote rather than a Luke quote, but what the heck . . . foreshadowing, maybe? :D

    oxycalifragic acid: fanon, and complete techno/Trekno/Warsnobabble. :p

    sand mite: fanon.

    Sunstreamers: fanon, designed to harmonize with similar Tatooinian and GFFA surnames (Skywalker, Darklighter, Loneozner, Sunrider, etc.)

    takos: fanon. The real-life basis should be painfully obvious. :p

    “the stew that bore her name”: There is indeed an established GFFA dish called Beru stew (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Beru_Stew).

    “there was nothing he could do about it right now”: Based on one of Luke’s quotes from A New Hope: “It’s not that I like the Empire. I hate it! But there’s nothing I can do about it right now.”

    “when a single womp rat was spotted on the patio”: This happened (with a regular Earth rat) at one of Findshusband’s and my favorite taco joints during our California years. But because it was just out on the patio, it did not keep us from going back to said taco joint, which really was (and likely still is) a fantastic place.

    Wookieepedia links:
    Abednedo: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Abednedo_(species)
    Anya Darklighter (Biggs’s cousin): http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Anya_Darklighter
    topato: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Topato
    Geldan sun-apple: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Geldan_sun-apple
    groat: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Groat
    groat cheese: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Groat_cheese
    Fixer: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Laze_Loneozner
    IBFC: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Imperial_Board_of_Foodstuffs_and_Consumables
    ice cream: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ice_cream
    Jundland Wastes: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jundland_Wastes/Legends
    marbleberry: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Marble-berry (Yes, I know the Wook uses the hyphen. But the word is more stylistically correct, and I think prettier, without.)
    nuna: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Nuna
    Silya Darklighter (Biggs’s aunt): http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Silya_Darklighter
    tree goat: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Choreamnos (For another story of mine featuring the dairy of these creatures, see “A Blaze of Blasé.”)
    vaporator: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Moisture_vaporator/Legends
    womp rat: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Womp_rat/Legends
     
  4. Briannakin

    Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic & Costuming/Props Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2010
    You already know I love the milk-induce Force-trippin about grazing quadrupeds in green pastures! Funny every time. No wonder Luke wanted so much. I really enjoy the image you create of Luke wandering though some Tatooine market. There's just something so relate-able of being sent to the store, only to find out they no longer have whatever you were sent there for.

    Also, the fact that the Imperial Bureau of Foodstuffs and Consumables is so concerned about what is going down on Tatooine cracks me up!
     
  5. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Oh man, the puns in that opening post. I LOVE them!! :D

    And the story... [face_laugh]. So much fun!
    I imagine that if you'd had something look one way your entire life and you found it came in other colors, it would be quite the shock, not to mention the hallucinations (visions?) that come with it for Luke. (That cracked me up!) But I do wonder why that happens to someone who is Force sensitive.

    Poor Halava getting shut down, she seems like she was so nice! :(

    Great job!
    =D=

    I look forward to more adventures in Luke discovering non-blue milk!
     
    AzureAngel2, Kahara and Findswoman like this.
  6. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    I'm chuckling at the Tree Goats...if people knew where Argan oil came from... LOL! Come to think of it, that carcass that the Ewoks used to bait the trap for Chewie had to come from somewhere! I'm pretty sure it had horns of some type!

    And I like the bit about the bureaucracy shutting down the yogurt because of what it was supposed to have anyway. A fun little story, Findswoman!
     
  7. Briannakin

    Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic & Costuming/Props Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Title: Milk Men
    Author: Briannakin
    Timeframe: Pre-ESB (can be Canon or Legends, pick your preferred milk)
    Characters: Luke, Various Rogues, OC
    Notes: This vignette was inspired by the “Luke finding out that milk also comes in white” plot bunny (like all the other stories in this thread). However, that’s not the only thing Luke finds out :p A special thanks to Gamiel for his plot bunny, Findswoman for organizing this collaboration and Ewok Poet for fixing a couple of my mistakes. Also, twi’lek and other species names are not capitalized on purpose - it is not a reflection of my coconspirators’ skills, I think it’s a great injustice to capitalize “twi’lek” when “humans” don’t get a capital.



    “Are we sure this is milk?” Derek “Hobbie” Klivian said as he dipped his index finger into the cup of watery liquid with the slightest hint of blue colouration. “Because I don’t think it's milk.” He glanced to his companions at the table in the mess hall. Despite being inside the Rebel base, everyone was bundled in his or her snow-gear. It was a scene as bleak and boring as the liquid in their cups and what passed as “breakfast” in their bowls.

    “It’s powdered bantha calcium substitute,” Leia sighed as she passed by the table with her tray. She clearly was not in a mood to eat breakfast with this collection of members of Rogue Squadron. “It was inexpensive, but the seller assured me it had all the calcium and vitamins as whilk, moof, and nerf milk.”

    Luke perked up as soon as he heard the word “bantha” and picked up the cup, eyeing the mysterious liquid. It certainly wasn’t the smooth, silky appearance of bantha milk. This, while mostly thin, had thick chunks, probably where the powder had coagulated.

    Wedge wrinkled his nose. “You aren’t actually going to drink that, are you Luke?”

    The rest of the table stared as Luke shrugged. “I practically lived on blue milk from banthas back on Tatooine. I love the stuff. How bad can it be?”

    The anticipation of the other members of Rogue Squadron was palpable as Luke sipped from the cup. His body instantly rejected the sour flavour and watery, yet chunky texture. His body heaved forward and he spit the foul liquid into his bowl of uneaten breakfast. It was going to stay uneaten. He grabbed a napkin and began to lick it, just to get rid if the taste.

    In unison, the rest of the table pushed their breakfast trays away from themselves.

    “Well, this place officially sucks,” Wes announced. “I say we hail the empire right now, just so we can get a new base.”

    “Anyone here from when the rebellion was on Dantooine?” Da’yre, a male pink twi’lek and one of the Rogues who had been with the rebellion the longest, asked. “Remember the white bovine milk?”

    Wedge let out a guttural groan of pleasure as he closed his eyes and threw his head back. “We used to get it fresh, right from Avalon’s farm. It was the purest of whites and so creamy.”

    “Hey, you lived on a farm, right Luke?” Wes asked.

    “Not that kind of farm,” Luke deadpanned, still confused about the prospects of white milk. All milk he knew was blue.

    “Still, how hard could it be to milk a mammal?”

    Da’yre rolled his eyes. “And what, pray tell, are you going to milk on this planet?”

    Wes thought for a moment. “Well, do wookiees produce milk?”

    Hobbie had the honour of slapping Wes upside the head while the rest of the table fell apart in hysterical laughing. “Chewbacca is male, you moof-milker.”

    Once everyone had composed themselves, Wedge shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Wes might have a point - not about poor Chewie. Tauntauns are reptomammals. Perhaps we can find one that just had babies.”

    * * *

    “Look,” the Rebel non-sentient creature specialist, Ivi Koolar said, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know what you beings want to do in the tauntaun pen, but it can’t be good.” The stout man blocked the entrance to the pen of smelly bi-pedal creatures set up in the main hangar bay.

    “Luke here just needs to try his powers out, orders from Princess Leia herself. Perhaps if he can give direct commands to tauntauns through the Force he can do it to more ferocious creatures,” Wedge said, trying to sound convincing.

    Ivi eyed the group, but then stepped aside. “I’m going to get something warm to drink so I can’t be blamed for whatever you are up to. The gate is automatic so I suppose there shouldn’t be too much danger.” He cautiously left, letting Rogue Squadron enter the pen.

    Luke looked around. Most of the creatures were sitting with their legs under their bellies, on the floor, which had been covered with dirt unearthed from the planet. A couple tauntauns were feeding from a trough. There was one tauntaun in the corner, lying on her side, cuddling with a young calf.

    “So,” Wes said, digging out two stacks of cups from the large pocket of his coveralls. “Who’s going to do this?”

    “It was Wedge’s brilliant idea,” Hobbie pointed out.

    Luke watched curiously as Wedge took one of the cups and knelt down to the tauntaun’s belly. His hand searched through the thick white fur.

    “Okay, I think I found something,” Wedge reported. “I’m going to squeeze it. Are we sure this is a female?”

    “Well, you’re the one to know,” Da’yre quipped.

    Wedge shifted slightly, but then the tauntaun groaned and stood up. The creature was not threatening, but Wedge fell back in fright, causing the other Rogues to laugh.

    “I got a drop!” Wedge exclaimed, holding up the cup. “Who’s going to try next?”

    The others stepped back, but an unknown hand shoved Luke forward. He turned to the group. “Why must I be the one to suffer today?” he whined as he took the cup from Wedge.

    Luke approached the now standing tauntaun and placed his hand on her neck. “Hey girl,” he said affectionately, rubbing her until he got to her underbelly. He felt through the fur to a bare patch. He felt around for the anatomy that he figured must resemble bantha udders and gently squeezed, trying to emit a sense of calm to the creature.

    He heard liquid gushing into the cup. Once it was full, he handed it back to Wedge and Wes, oddly quiet, handed him another cup.

    “Wait. What? It’s pink?” Wedge noted sniffing the bright pink liquid.

    “Let’s not worry about that now. We need to get as much as we can before someone finds out we are using our transport as a milk-bar,” Hobbie said, putting a lid on the cup.

    Luke, and the tauntaun, managed to fill five cups before Ivi came back. “What are you guys doing!” he shouted, clearly angry, but the members of Rogue squadron were already evacuating the pen.

    * * *

    In their bunk quarters, Luke, Wedge, Hobbie, Wes and Da’yre all stared at the cups of bright pink milk on their common table. It looked fine to drink: the colour and texture were consistent.

    “So, who’s going to drink it first?” Da’yre asked.

    “I say we all do it, together,” Luke suggested, not wanting to be the only one to suffer.

    The rest of the group shrugged. Wedge held up his cup in a toast. “To many more adventures. May the Force be with us.”

    The other men rose their cups, and then cautiously drank. The milk was smooth, probably a bit on the fattier side, but mildly sweet.

    “It’s not bad,” Hobbie observed with a nod.

    Luke then felt something odd, like lurching in his stomach. His companions were either all turning pale, or grasping at their abdomen. “Uh, did anyone check the HoloNet to see if tauntaun milk is safe for humanoid consumption?”

    No one answered as they were all clamouring for the use of the single ‘fresher stall.
     
  8. leiamoody

    leiamoody Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 8, 2005
  9. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Both of these are awesome. :D

    Findswoman's The White Stuff

    Suddenly, this line seems familiar. I thiiiink I know where it came from. There's exactly 1 (one) person in the universe who is somewhat verbally aggressive when she doesn't get her yoghurt. And people's subconscious works wonders sometimes!

    The whole existence of Imperial Bureau of Foodstuffs and Consumables is kind of comical, absurd. Out of all problems there are, they need THAT? I guess it's a good cover-up for bad things they're doing, LOOK, WE CHECK MILK FOR BACTERIES. And, then again, the Galaxy might have its own Trip Advisor on HolONet, and people might be threatening to call IBFC on small business owners.

    This is so, so, so very young Luke. :D

    Conspiracy theories galore. :D


    Nice nod to TFA.

    AND YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES HERE THEY ARE THE BLASE TREE GOATS. NO STORY EVER IS COMPLETE WITHOUT THEM.

    Owen took this surprisingly well, tho. One'd think he hates new stuff.

    Briannakin's Milk Men

    Run, Leia, run! This is what turns beings into nerf-herders.

    The number of implications here is...well...as well as mental images...ummm...HELP HELP I WANT THIS PICTURE OUT OF MY HEAD, NOW.

    Here, too.

    Nice use of both animal friendship as a Force power and, well, general gentleness in Luke. :)

    AND YES, YES, 'FRESHER HUMOUR. PERFECT. There's not enough love for it in fanfic!
     
  10. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    OK, trying again a second time with this entire thing, as it got zapped by my browser the first time...

    First, some comments on Briannakin 's superb story: This was absolutely hilarious from start to finish! [face_laugh] On a place like Echo Base, out in the middle of absolute nowhere with no possibility of agriculture of any kind, I could totally see where they'd be stuck with such ornery things as blecchy powdered milk. And naturally, remote location + blecchy provisions + thirsty Rogues = the perfect highjinks-disaster mixture. All the elements are here! :D

    Though what a comeuppance they got after all that trouble [face_sick]... I bet Ivi is gloating. [face_laugh] I have to say just love him—his crusty demeanor is such a fun foil to the goofiness of the Rogues (though understandably so—though Wedge's little yarn about practicing Force control of animals is a pretty good one). It's just plain cool that you address the issue of who it is who actually takes care of the tauntauns on Echo Base—because someone's got to, after all. Gotta love the udderly punny Da'yre, too, of course. :D

    And thank you so much for being part of this little project—it's great to have you! :) I said it in the PM thread too, but I'll say it again: it's so cool that these stories are working out to cover all stages of Luke's life. :)




    And now to respond to comments from all you wonderful readers...

    Thanks so much! That is indeed a feeling I've had myself way too often. (The "shop no longer carries what you're looking for" feeling, not the "Force tripping on grazing quadrupeds" feeling—for some reason I feel compelled to make that clarification. :p ) I just couldn't help taking the opportunity to gently lampoon the slightly overused "cows grazing in green pastures" image so ubiquitous in dairy ads in our own galaxy—as well as to riff on the color difference that's at the very heart of our common plot bunny. :cool:

    Oh, isn't that the way it is with big, overstuffed bureaucracies everywhere, isn't it—find a nice, easy straw man to pick on. The bored, overpaid bureacrats need some way to occupy their time, after all! :p

    Thanks! Glad you enjoyed. :) Color's an important part of how I personally perceive the world, and so that very thing is true of me to a certain extent—to this day I still haven't quite gotten used to yellow watermelon, yellow tomatoes, or those few rose varieties that are very light purple in color. A to Luke, I kind of imagine his Force sensitivity to be highly untapped and untrained at this point in his life, to the point where just about any little strange and different thing—good or bad—has the potential to set it off in surprising ways.

    That's another feeling I've had way too many times—the disappointment of finding out a favorite shop has closed. :(

    Thanks again! And more will indeed be coming soon—just stay tuned. :)

    Oh, those tree goats are indeed a bona fide, established GFFA thing—take a look in the explanatory notes at the end of the story! I don't remember offhand exactly what that carcass looked like, but it certainly is a possibility. :p As for argan oil, I thought it just came from the seeds of the argan tree in Morocco, though who knows what they actually cut it with when they use it in shampoo and the like! :eek:

    That was indeed exactly the point of the whole yogurt business, because that too is yet another tendency of toxic bureaucracy: find not only a good straw man but also the puniest, trumped-up-est little reasons to pick on said straw man. (For a really super effective example of this kind of thing, check out Ewok Poet ’s stories set on Sacorria—a world that frequently out-Empires the Empire when it comes to toxic bureaucracy!)

    Woo-hoo! Great to see you too jumping on the pun bandwagon. :D

    Dairy has always seemed to me like it must be one of those galactic universals—the product of a specific variety of in-harmony-with-animals-living (yes, I studied German in college—don't judge :p ).

    Oh, just you stay tuned, because there's an even more prodigious array of milk colors and flavors to come in future stories in this thread! :D I can totally see why mint milk would have been a wash in this galaxy. Seems very much like one of those "two great tastes that don't go together" type of situations. :p

    Thanks so much! Given the volatility of Luke's Force sensitivity at this stage, who knows but the Force very well may have been sending him visions of Switzerland... Vermont... or even my very own Wisconsin. (Though not at this time of year. Right now all the rolling hills are blanketed with snow and no bovine in its right mind would want to be out grazing on them. :p )

    And yes, I feel for Halava too. I'm thrilled to see that she's gotten so much love from the readership so far, even as just an offstage character. Hmmm, perhaps she'll be vindicated in a future story... [face_thinking]

    Thanks so much! So glad you enjoyed, and of course I'm very much looking forward to seeing your contribution, too. :)

    Ah ha! Are you thinking, by any chance, of Hyacinth Bucket, protagonist of the 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances, who is occasionally known to give her milkman an earful when he doesn't deliver her "extra strawberry yogurt"? :D Because that's kind of whom I had in mind. Though I would maybe prefer getting yelled at by Hyacinth than by Uncle Owen. Though would I? :p

    Exactly! Once again, it's that whole straw-man bureaucracy approach. They check milk products for bacteria even when the bacteria is supposed to be there, for Taung's sake. Because they're bureaucrats who probably have a quota to meet and who have nothing better to do. And as to people threatening to call the IBFC and similar agencies on local businesses, alas, I could totally imagine things like that happening at this era in the GFFA. :( Indeed, something like that could certainly be an interesting premise for a serious story, too... I'll keep it in mind.

    I do love his flustered-teen moments in ANH—and the fact that they don't totally go away in the later installments of the saga, either! :D

    Indeed, indeed! Pseudoscience, fad diets, food scares—all that sort of thing can't be limited to just this galaxy! (I will admit too that this was partly inspired by a similar little disclaimer-type passage in Raissa Baiard 's story for this project, which you'll see soon—though hers is tons cleverer than mine.)

    Also, I'm afraid the video you posted at this point is not showing up for me. But I think it may be because I'm on the bus and the wifi is gimpy.

    Thanks! Another "just couldn't help myself" moment, because that moment in TFA was so memorable. (It was, really!) :D

    You know I had to get them in there somehow! :D This now makes two, count 'em, two entire stories in my oeuvre that feature blasé tree goat dairy. Plus, I'm a sucker for a good goat cheese even just here in RL, which added to the "couldn't help myself" factor. :p

    Usually he does! But how can anyone resist something this INCREDIBLY FARM FRESH? (Lucky for Luke that it was, eh? :p ) Maybe he too was experiencing a few visions of grazing quadrupeds himself. (Hoo boy, an Owen with Force sensitivity, now that's a scary thought... :eek: )

    Thank you all once again, readers and fellow writers! You're truly the cream of the crop! [face_cow]
     
  11. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    @Findswoman's The White Stuff
    I love this vision of farmboy Luke visiting the familiar Anchorhead market only to discover...gasp! No blue milk :eek: only something like
    Yum! Who wouldn't want to drink that? (The irony being, that' sthe reaction most people in RL would have to suddenly finding only blue milk).

    Mlek is quite a smooth talking salesman; he's certainly got his pitch down. Talking up one's product with the most superlative of superlatives: check. Putting down the competition with wild, "scientifically proven" scare tactics: check. Free sample: check. And then milk--milk!-- sends Luke off into the trippiest of trips. ;) The bucolic scene that's so common here in the Midwestern U.S. is truly a fantastic vision to the Tatooinian farmboy! I love the echoes(echoes!) of all the beautiful, pastoral colors he experiences, particularly those
    Nice use of call outs to the movies with Rey's line from TFA and Aunt Beru's shopping list including power converters. :)

    @Briannakin's Milk Men
    Moooving forward in time...it's breakfast with Rogue Squadron. I think anyone who's ever tried to mix powdered milk has wound up with something like the "that's-no-milk" substance they're confronted with. Leia, you should only accept genuine ANGRY MACE ARTIFICIAL MILK PRODUCT, though it does seem to have the same effect on some people:
    Growing up in farm country, the Rogues' "how-hard-can-it-be" approac to milking--once they find a suitable candidate--made me laugh. Their reputation obviously precedes them, even into the taun-taun pens. Ivi is quick to give himself plausible deniability from their antics. And at last...success! Sort of...it isn't "proper" blue milk, or even white, but shocking pink. The color isn't the only thing shocking about it. Looks like there's a good reason no one ever heard of taun-taun milk before. Ivi was right to distance himself from this escapade!

    Both of these stories are such fun takes on the dairy theme; bravo to both of you =D=
     
  12. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    And now it's my turn to add to the fun! :D

    Title: Blue Milk Run
    Author: Raissa Baiard
    Time Frame: After the Saga, Legends
    Characters: Luke Skywalker, Mara Jade-Skywalker, Ben Skywalker
    Summary: When Mara sends Luke to get milk, he finds more than he bargained for.

    "We're out of milk."

    Luke Skywalker looked up from the pod race that was currently playing on the holo. Mara stood in the arched doorway between the kitchen and the conversation circle, jiggling a crying Ben on her hip. She looked frazzled, about 12 milliseconds away from lobbing thermal detonators at someone, possibly him. "Okay..."

    "Ben won't eat his oatmeal without milk."

    "Okay," Luke repeated. He supposed this was useful information, but he really wasn't sure how it applied to him at this moment.

    "Skywalker, you need to go get a liter of blue milk, NOW, so your son will eat his lunch and take a nap and your wife won't go all Imperial civil servant on you." Five miliseconds away from lobbing thermal detonators, definitely at him.

    "But it's the Boonta Eve Classic!" A whining note crept into Luke's voice as he shot a glance at at the holo.

    Mara sighed. "Fine. I'll go get the milk and you can watch Ben." She tried to hand the boy to Luke, but he clung to her like an ysalimir on an olbio tree, his wails rising steadily to an ear splitting pitch.

    "Er...I guess I'll go get the milk."

    "Good choice."

    ------------------------------

    It never would have happened if they'd been at home on Yavin. There, even if they'd run out at home, a glass of milk would only have been as far away as the Academy's refectory. But they were visiting Han, Leia and the kids on Coruscant, and Luke didn't have the slightest idea where the nearest marketplace was. He hailed a speeder cab. "Hi," he said to the cab driver, a small furry Squib whose head was barely visible over the head rest. "Is there somewhere around here that I can get a liter of milk?"

    The Squib smiled and nodded, his ear tufts twitching, but he made no move to pull the cab back into traffic.

    "Milk? You know, to drink?" He mimed holding a glass to his mouth.

    "Drink?" The cabbie brightened. "You bet. I know all best cantina, you bet!"

    "No, no, not that kind of drink. Oh, hmmm....is there a marketplace nearby? Where you can buy food? And milk from banthas?" Luke tried pantomime again, this time pretending to milk an imaginary bantha.

    The Squib's ears twitched again as he considered this bizarre display. "Oh...mart place! Sure, sure, I know! You bet!" He slammed the cab into gear and jumped into the stream of speeders flying by. Luke fell backwards against the the seat. He struggled back up and almost wished he hadn't. The streets of Coruscant were whizzing past in a nauseating blur and the cab wound such a zigzagging path that he wasn't sure exactly where they were going or where they'd been. He was grateful when it jolted to a stop and the Squib cabbie announced proudly, "Mart place!"

    The massive gray building looked like a giant warehouse except for the sign that proclaimed "Galaxy Mart" in three-meter high screaming green letters. Beings exiting the store were pushing carts that could have held a full grown nerf, full of everything from jumbo-economy sized boxes of powdered topatoes to power converters. "I just need a liter of milk!"

    "They have milk," the Squib insisted. "They have everything here, you bet!"

    At this point, Luke thought, he really didn't have much choice. He needed the milk. He paid the cabbie and ventured inside.

    The Squib wasn't exaggerating when he said they had everything. At the front of the store, a holo-screen projected the Boonta Eve Classic nearly life size. Dozens of smaller screens behind it created a kaleidoscope of pod racers whizzing by. Nearby displays offered data pads, com-links, aurodium jewelry, utility droids and cheesy Gamorrean snack crackers. Tall industrial metal shelves full boxes, crates and canisters stretched off seemingly to infinity. Luke goggled at it all; this was not what he'd had in mind when he'd asked for a marketplace. Somehow, he'd pictured something smaller and with more Jawas.

    "Welcome to Galaxy Mart, sir, where a galaxy of bargains awaits you," said a gravelly voice behind him. He turned to see a protocol droid bow stiffly. The old droid was a model that had been retired twenty years earlier, and it clearly had been around the Galaxy a few times. Its body was dinged and dented but buffed to a high gloss. "Would you like to see a flimsi of our latest specials? We are currently featuring exceptional deals on five kilogram bags of StarFries, family sized boxes of fungus chips, and multi-canister packs of tok nut butter."

    "Um, thanks." Luke felt like he'd been transported to some bizarre parallel universe where Threepio was reduced to shilling groceries. "But I really just need milk."

    "Milk! Of course, sir. The dairy case is aisle 1138, in the northwestern quadrant of the store. Please take an easy-to-read Galaxy Mart map for your convenience."

    ---------------------

    The map was not, as advertised, easy to read, but after trekking through the labyrinth of snack foods and frozen quick serve meals, he arrived at aisle 1138. The frosty expanse of glass and steel cases spanned the entire length of the store.

    Luke liked to think he'd come along way from the pronvicial farmboy he'd been on Tatooine, but for the second time that day, he found himself staring, mouth agape like he was fresh off the moisture farm. "I didn't think there was this much milk in the whole galaxy." He opened the nearest case, and drew back when he discovered that the milk inside was....white. All of the milk in the case was white. He peered inside and inspected the label on the multi-liter jug: bovid milk. Bovid milk? Who'd ever heard of such a thing? Not only was there bovid milk, but there was whole bovid milk; bovid milk with 2% fat, 1% fat, and no fat; organic, grass-fed, free-range bovid milk, and chocolate, vanilla and beebleberry flavored bovid milk. "Huh. I had no idea this stuff was so popular."

    The next case also did not have the milk he was looking for. Instead of wholesome blue bantha milk, it was pale yellow groat milk in a similar array of options. The case after that was slightly darker yellow jerba milk. Luke was starting to feel a bit desperate when a young Twi'lek in violently green Galaxy Mart apron carrying a tray of tiny cups approached him. "Good afternoon, sir! Would you like to try a free sample?" She held out a cup of creamy, bluish-gray liquid with multi-colored sprinkles floating in it.

    He was tempted, but he was a Jedi on a mission. "Bantha milk; do you have any bantha milk here?"

    "Yes, sir!" she answered with a perky smile. "Bantha milk is in case 13A. We're currently offering a special on all our dairy products: buy two multi-liters and get the third free!" She proffered the cup again. "Are you sure you wouldn't like a sample?"

    With his goal now in sight, Luke felt he deserved it. "Yes. Yes, I would"

    ---------------

    When Luke hadn't come back after half an hour, Mara loaded Ben into his high-chair and attempted to feed the hungry, cranky child his oatmeal without bantha milk. Predictably, he refused, and after what seemed like a hundred rounds of "here-comes-the-x-wing," he flung the bowl across the room. The gooey porridge splattered everywhere; the kitchen looked like an asthmatic Hutt had a sneezing fit there. While Mara was cleaning up the mess, Ben proved he had his father's talent for escaping confinement undetected. She found him playing merrily in the 'fresher. Another tantrum ensued when she explained that the 'fresher was not a toy. He finally exhausted himself and fell asleep snuffling on the floor. Mara trundled him off into his crib before heading to the conversation circle, where she slumped on the couch and groaned. She wished she'd told Luke to pick up something stronger than milk while he was out.

    As she sat there with her eyes closed, Mara heard a noise in the next room. She sensed her husband's presence and stalked into the kitchen. "Where have you been?"

    Luke gave her his trademark innocent farmboy look. "Getting milk."

    "For an hour and a half? If you were over watching the race with Han, Skywalker, I swear I'm going to...." She stopped. He wasn't listening, too busy pulling bottles out of a large crate. "What is all this?'

    "Milk!" Luke grinned childishly, holding up a jug in each hand. "You wouldn't believe how many different kinds of milk there are! And it was a great deal-- buy two multi-liters get the third free. If you price it out, it wasn't even a credit per liter."

    Mara bit back an exasperated sigh as she looked into the crate and pulled out a jug of orange-tinted liquid. "Nerf milk?" Pink milk. "Eopie milk?" Yellow. "Gualama milk?" Green. "Umgulian blob milk? How...no, I don't even want to know." The last container bore the visage of a crazed looking, dark-skinned bald man. "ANGRY MACE Artificial Milk Product....now with 95% more vengeance sprinkles? Wait, didn't they stop making this twenty years ago because it caused hemorrhoids and extreme hair loss in clones?"

    "Huh? I don't know...They were giving out samples at Galaxy-Mart. It's good."

    She threw up her hands. "We only needed a liter. We're going back to Yavin in less than a week. Ben's never going to be able to drink all of it."

    "Don't worry, I'll help." Luke already had a glass out of the cupboard was reaching for the ANGRY MACE carton.

    --------------------

    Six weeks later...

    "We're out of milk."

    Mara looked up from the latest issue of Youngling to see Luke standing in the doorway with an empty carton in his hand. "Again? I thought your hot chocolate addiction was bad, but this is ridiculous. Cilghal says your cholesterol is through the roof and the only reason you don't look like a Hutt with legs is that you still get exercise during lightsaber practice."

    "But milk is healthy!"

    "Milk is healthy. Artificial milk product with radioactive vengeance sprinkles....? Not so much." She took the milk carton from him. "I will go over to the refectory and get more. We are drinking nothing but fat free organic bantha milk in this house from now on."

    As she left, Luke plopped down on the sofa with a pout. After a moment's thought, he pulled out his comlink. "Hello, is this Galaxy Mart? Do you deliver to Yavin?"
     
  13. Briannakin

    Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic & Costuming/Props Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2010
    BAHAHAHAHA. This is just so great. I love seeing Luke and Mara in "typical parent mode" with a very suborn Ben (though, when you look at his family, his determination should surprise no one), and Luke having to go to the GFFA's version of Costco.

    But this gets me every time

    We seriously need to call Disney and make this a real thing.
     
  14. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    @Briannakin's Milk Men
    [face_laugh] I spent just about the whole time reading thinking, "Oh man, this is such a bad idea!" but that is a perfect explanation for this group.
    I loved them looking to Luke since he grew up on a farm, even though it wasn't even close to the same kind. Also Luke's reaction to the powdered milk was spot on. I've use it in baking for things and that's fine, but it's not good for consumption.

    And I loved how they all drank it and then wondered if it was safe for humans. :oops:[face_laugh]

    Great job, that was so much fun to read!!

    ~*~*~

    Raissa Baiard's Blue Milk Run
    [face_laugh] That was so much fun!

    I love this look at Luke and Mara in the typical parent way. The kid is screaming and nothing can stop it but one thing and someone has to go get that thing to fix it. It's something so simple and common, that's a lot of fun to see with our heros of a GFFA!

    Vengeance sprinkles.... bah ha ha ha... I loved that! I may have to start calling all sprinkles vengeance sprinkles!

    I also really liked that the milk was in isle 1138! :D

    Great job!
     
  15. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    WELL EXCUSE YOU CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK ANGRY MACE IS A REAL THING AND IT TOTALLY DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANGRY AFTER YOU HAVE CONSUMED IT CAPS LOCK.

    *ahem*

    One thing I liked here that might not be obvious at first is how Luke, surrounded by those he loves, exhibits the same whiny traits that he did in his youth. Back then it was going to the Tosche Station to get the power converters, this time it's the Boonta Eve Classic, out of all possible races. *snort*

    And this Squib cabbie - I so, so, so hope that he is some grand-grand child of Findswoman 's character Gleebaloola.

    Of course that a place like this is a "mart" and not a "market". It kind of reminds me of Sprawl Mart from The Simpsons. What a bunch of bordok poodoo for nothin', you bet...oops, this is contagious.

    Aaaaaaaaand this is how Luke fell to the dark side of milk - a protocol droid that should've been decomissioned, the confusion with violently green aprons and something "bovid".

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This was just perfect, all of it - the setup, the comparisons, everything.

    And then, while Mara is acting beyond irrational given that this is just milk and that they can afford anything, Luke...acts like a complete baby. And the product obviously has new side effects. :D
     
  16. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    "Blue Milk Run; or, What Happens When Your Husband Does the Shopping!" :D

    You know I love this from start to finish! The whole depiction of the parent-toddler ordeals and power struggles is so believable—I can tell it comes from experience ;) —and the way you have Luke and Mara reacting to those ordeals is very much in character. I can just hear Luke's whiny voice in his Boonta Eve Classic remonstration—but what a relief it is that he acceded to his wife's demands on this one, because the prospect of Mara going "all Imperial civil servant" is a scary one! :eek:

    And hey! If he hadn't gone, he wouldn't have made an important culinary discovery of his own—the joys of A Certain MILK PRODUCT with Vengeance Sprinkles. ;) So on top of all its other wonderful qualities (as well as its side effects in clones—break out the Preparation Herf and keep the stuff away from Luuke-with-two-U's! :eek: ), it brightens the day of harried, thirty-something Jedi dads! (Poor Cilghal, though...!)

    I really love how it's not just the milk itself that's new to Luke—it's the whole, entire big-box shopping experience. Sorry, darlin', no quaint marketplaces with rickety booths and Jawas on Coruscant! :p (Of course, the fact that that even crossed his mind as a possibility for Coruscant is hilarious in itself. :D )

    And of course, as you know, the fact that you made the cabbie a Squib just warms all the various itty-bitty cockles of my heart, you bet! :D
    [face_love]

    Absolutely hilarious and very delightful addition to this collection. Thanks so dairy much for being part of this! =D=
     
  17. Kahara

    Kahara Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2001
    Have been reading and LOL'ing at all of these -- highlights including the busybodies of Imperial food quality control, the Rogues' willingness to attempt milking a tauntaun (no, just no! :eek:), and Luke's delight at the plethora of milk options available. (Angry Mace for the win! [face_rofl])
     
  18. leiamoody

    leiamoody Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 8, 2005
  19. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    I had promised to myself that I wouldn't start reading any new stories until I caught up with my endless reading list, but seriously, how could I not read a thread with a title like this one? I started laughing my head off with the very first post, and two days later I'm still laughing. From Findswoman 's milk-induced hallucination to Briannakin 's pilot antics to Raissa Baiard sending Luke on a milk shopping spree -- this is worth its weight in pure gold.

    Oh, and congrats to Gamiel for coming up with the idea in the first place!
     
  20. BookExogorth

    BookExogorth Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 4, 2017
    [face_laugh][face_rofl][face_laugh]
    These three were hilarious! In the first one, the salesman stole the show, with his fast-talking.
    That's my favorite line.
    The second one was great, with Rogue squadron. I can't imagine drinking taun-taun milk. It was great when they got in with the Luke needs to practice excuse.
    The third one was hilarious too. All the bogos were great, and the Angry Mace thing was hysterical.
     
  21. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    I'm proud to say that ANGRY MACE (yes, it needs to be yelled out) is my invention. :D There are two instances of it on this board, soon to be three, but I'm not allowed to link them.

    And I'm not proud to say that I owe the fourth story in this anthology...and that it's almost been a year. :(
     
  22. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016

    Much like BOR GULLET.
     
  23. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    White Stuff: -- they got better stuff than they bargained for: yummy authentic milk and cheese!

    Blue Milk Run: Yay for seeing Legends Mara [face_love] and [face_laugh] Angry Mace™ with Vengeance Sprinkles no less! =D=

    No wonder Luke gobbled it up. Luke has incredible taste; he also likes hot chocolate!

    Wonderful nuances of RL with the buy 2, get the 3rd half off kind of thing. [face_mischief]

    @};- :D
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2018
  24. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Did find this due to @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, because she usually goes to all the fun places were fan fic miracles are happening.

    From now on I will carefully consume each drop of milk and ponder hard were it really does come from.

    Used to get my three school friends mad in summer 1995 by finishing our 1,5 litre plastic milk containers in no time. And it was quiet a walk from our Irish holiday cottage to the convenient store.

    :)[face_cow][face_good_luck]
     
  25. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    An unexpected post:
    I...have an idea for my part that I never wrote. Inspired by The Last Jedi.