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Saga - PT "The Demons of the Dark Side" (OCs, clones wars short story COMPLETED)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kurisan, Feb 2, 2017.

  1. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
  2. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

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    Jul 31, 2014
    Was waiting for this. :) Hope it goes slow enough to be enjoyed properly.

    As usual, the very beginning is ambiguous, to the point where I wonder if Krell and Dragon are switching personalities. So, I'll wait to see what happens next, because I can't tell if Maya had a nightmare or if this is real.
     
  3. Findswoman

    Findswoman Kessel Run Champion star 5 VIP - Game Winner

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    Feb 27, 2014
    Tekken, Krell, Mandalore—ohmigosh, all of Maya's recent (and less recent) adversaries are all present and all ganging up on her together, and she with no lightsaber! I hope this will turn out to be some sort of extreme Force vision rather than reality—though the wracking pain is making me wonder, and it's very worrying to imagine that the mysterious Dragon is feeding off that pain in some way! [face_worried]

    So glad to see you back and your stories continuing, though! We missed you. :)
     
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  4. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

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    Jun 14, 2005
    Glad that you bring action and a cool "kick-arse" character back to the boards!
     
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  5. The Ascendant

    The Ascendant Jedi Knight

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    Apr 26, 2014
    I certainly don't envy Maya's predicament. She faces not only wielders of the Dark Side, but the highest echelon of Mandalorians, which brings his own brand of tactics and weaponry to deal with. I am going to guess this is a dream, or in Maya's case, a nightmare. ;)
     
  6. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Mar 18, 2008
    Agreed. Very possibly, this is Maya's subconscious working through things ... or, it could be a long-range Force attack ... [face_worried]
     
  7. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
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  8. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

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    No welcome committee is even worse than having one! I have a bad feeling about this.
     
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  9. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

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    Jul 31, 2014
    It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right...:p

    Fantastic description of Xam here - especially how his eyes stand out and look kinda...haunting. At the same time, what Maya wakes up to, his telepathic method of communication, appears to be very similar to her exact nightmare.

    And yay, Flint is back. These two definitely have chemistry. The bickering just confirms it.
     
  10. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Mar 18, 2008
    Polis Massa, uncommunicative? Ack. [face_worried] (An aside - I remember how difficult it was to hold as a map in Battlefront II; hard to get from point A to point B with that much vacuum ... [face_thinking])

    Anyway - glad Maya's awake, but she should've known her choice in reading material was risky, at best. :p Looking forward to the next chapter. :)
     
  11. Findswoman

    Findswoman Kessel Run Champion star 5 VIP - Game Winner

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    Feb 27, 2014
    Great to see the whole cast back—and of course a relief to see that it was all a dream after all, though as Onderon1 notes, it's kind of not surprising to see a book On Force Demons and Sith Possession Rituals engendering those kinds of dreams. Now I wonder if that book has some other surprises hiding within it as well—none that will ruin Maya's vacation (a much-needed one, at that)! I will be interested to see how the rest of this vacation proceeds: from the cutely flirtatious banter with Flint (and I love the idea that she will now get to show him "part of her world," too) on the positive end of the spectrum to the ominous lack of a welcome on the other end, it's definitely going to be eventful! :cool:
     
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  12. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
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  13. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    gg.​
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
  14. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Mar 18, 2008
    Interesting ... the Polis Massans are natural telepaths; could they be detecting
    Flint's conditioning and/or biochip related to Order 66?

    But, now something's stirring from the depths of P.M. I'll be intrigued by what you develop from this; I have some fanon ideas about connections between the Polis Massans and the Kaminoans, but I'd rather not clog your thread ... [face_blush]
     
  15. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

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    Jun 14, 2005
    A chill brushed her spine and Maya shivered. The Force rippled. She sensed trepidation from the other Polis Massans abruptly turn to outright terror.


    Reading your fics always has the excitement of a Doctor Who episode. There is a doctor, strange things happening and a lot of running at a point. [face_love]

    But do I really want to find out what made that roar? [face_nail_biting]
     
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  16. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

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    Jul 31, 2014
    I had the same thought as Onderon1 ...either that or...[hl=black]Maya is being controlled through some dark side technique[/hl]. Either way, something bad is going on.

    And in a way, this is a sort of a reverse of the stuff in the Original Trilogy. Xam seems to be treating the Clones like the Empire would later treat non-Humans. Or, even worse, like machines.

    BRUTAL.

    Maya is, on the other hand, trying to find something individual in each of the clones and she does not manage to get them to appreciate art, and they would rather keep things...generic, like that shuttle name.

    This was chilling, too. It's almost as if Flint's personality switched completely, in a matter of minutes. Plus, the ripple in the Force sensed by all the Polis Massans is just another indication that this could be [hl=black]Order 66[/hl].

    AND THEN, UGH, ANOTHER CLIFFIE. :p
     
  17. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    gg​
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
  18. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

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    “You always have a bomb, right?” Maya called back. She stabbed at another questing claw with her blade and it reared. The roars of anger bruised her ears. Maya and Flint circled the beast to meet at its flank.

    “Sorry. Thought this was a holiday,” breathed Flint. Maya wracked her brain for inspiration as the monster faced them again, eyes blazing.

    “Yes, that’s it,” Maya said.


    Their chemistry is really fun. I like seeing them being stuck together in action scenes.
     
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  19. Findswoman

    Findswoman Kessel Run Champion star 5 VIP - Game Winner

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    3: What a cutely crusty spoilsport Flint is being here. News flash, honey-bun: even on vacations people actually Do Stuff, See Stuff, and Learn Stuff! (I almost wonder what his idea of R&R actually is!) Then again, Zam is right on target: this is a man whose mind is basically wired for only one thing, and getting him to expand his horizons of aesthetic appreciation may be an uphill battle. And Zam is kind of right to point out that what Maya is doing, in so relentlessly trying to get her clone friend to appreciate the beauty of his surroundings, is really just a bit heartless. In any case, I do hope they'll soon be able to see this Prof. Maneeli and get a few answers about this Niorde business—both the strange rumblings and the Polis Massans' telepathic wariness don't bode well. (I'm having similar thoughts and guesses to Onderon1 and Ewok Poet about that.)

    4: Oh my gosh, this... thing that's just appeared...! At first I was having flashbacks to the Dragon of Dagobah in the Maya installment preceding this; after a closer read I think this terentatek may more likely be something different, but definitely seems related. Another one of your enjoyably-thrilling-but-not-hard-to-follow action sequences here—so glad Flint and Maya were able to fend it off, and they did so together, as fellow warriors, at that! Just another way they're working to understand each other better—mutual understanding is what relationships are about, after all. [face_love] And I just love Flint's little deadpan remark:

    [face_laugh] I wouldn't blame him!

    But then... it transpires that the two Polis Massans who should have been there to welcome them (and who eventually came, but late, and we now know why...) were... conspiring somehow with whoever was controlling the terentatek, and deliberately led our two heroes into the beast's clutches? I have a bad feeling about this... because I greatly fear that the "he" they refer to is [hl=black]none other than the very Prof. Maneeli whom they're hoping to see—either that or the "patient" he's supposed to be with[/hl]. Once again, I'm getting Dragon of Dagobah vibes...! [face_nail_biting]
     
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  20. The Ascendant

    The Ascendant Jedi Knight

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    Apr 26, 2014
    A very enjoyable battle scene, Kurisan! The pace was very well-timed, and allowed me to follow the frenetic action from all sides. Everywhere from Maya's acrobatic maneuvers, to Flint's ground assault. The movements and motivations of the Terentatek also seemed true to cannon, as I could actually see the beast's every swipe and lumbering step as though I was right there, which again, lends credit to your talent for descriptions. Brutal finish, too. Well done! =D=
     
  21. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

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    Jul 31, 2014
    I apologise for being late - this week was a story of its own, the kind of a story that I kind of don't want to go through again. And yes, I know that I begged you not to update before I commented, but I was sure I'd comment on the day I said that. Darth Real Life is a bad dude, okay?

    First of all,

    It's in my nature to do that to everybody whose point does, even my own mother. I am all like PERSONAL VALUES FIRST. Even the personality tests I take indicate that, all of them. So, if I ever do that, feel free to set me straight.

    So, the most recent chapter...the very ending had me swallow a lump. I won't make any guesses so as to who he is, but it was shivery. You led us through a whole set of moods here, but the chapter begun and ended with fear. I can sense that the betrayers


    One thing that made me laugh was...

    And one thing that made me worried for Maya was her fear. We know where the fear leads to. :/ And she escaped a brush with it so many times, so I wonder if she will have a taste of the dark side here.

    The action sequence was great and the monster was dead creepy.

    P.S. You've got to be the king of evil cliffies. :D ANOTHER ONE. OMG.
     
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  22. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
  23. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

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    Jun 14, 2005
    Your story shows that a Jedi will always be in need for an astromech droid. Always! [face_love]

    Besides I like Maya´s quick thinking and resourcefulness.

    Did you think of a certain Greek goddess of the air when you chose the name? Or where you inspired by a little bee that also exists as a German cartoon figure? That Maja is feisty and inventive, too.
     
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  24. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
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  25. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

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    Jul 31, 2014
    First of all, this exchange was E.P.I.C.

    Maya and Flint really have an interesting kind of chemistry going on...and yes, I know I have been saying that since the very first moment they were in a scene together, but yeah, I have to repeat it all over and over again.

    Dznori's theatrical explanation of what a Quarren is was also dead cool.

    And...Trandoshians, of all beings? Those who enjoy hunting for their prey? This ain't gonna be good... :/
     
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