JCC The FART Thread

Not to brag, but brass band and percussion here.

 

Finding fart jokes humorous is the single most accurate metric of witlessness known to man.

 

I blamed it on the dog today.

 

by smell or audio?

 

Which country has the worst farts? I’ll go first. Australia, because all the worst farts come from down under.

 

The dog just left the room.

He couldn't hack it, the wimp.

 

True story time

My dad told of one time in the army the group was in the back of a truck driving along. Well this one guy ate something beforehand. Can't remember what it was. But he got gassy. And...well when they got to their stop the NCOS were surprised to find them all with their gas masks on. They weren't doing it as a joke either. It smelt that bad

Now I remember years ago my brother ate some food, some sort of Spanish, and was gassing up the car. My dad actually rolled down his window, and said it was almost as bad as that time in the army.

 

On the ceiling of the C-130 flight deck there's a small port for the navigator to insert a sextant so he can sight on stars and do celestial navigation, not that any nav does that anymore, but the port is still there. What's great about that is you can open the port without a sextant in it and when the airplane is pressurized most of the smells get sucked out of the flight deck in just a few seconds. Sometimes, it was either that, or don oxygen masks.

 

I wonder if you stuck your butthole to that port you would do a Ripley clone baby impression. Hmmm...

 

I've always been more of C-5 guy.

 

You're dead to me.

 

@Sarge
My morning fart sounds like a Ju 87 sirene

 

Better a Stuka than a C-5, @Darth Smurf

 

Elon Musk.

 

I prefer burping, but I suppose both are vital bodily functions.

My dad trained me in the art of belching like a dragon.

It's the best way to interrupt others' conversations. Socially acceptable, long as you say excuse me.

 

We should collect all of our farts to replace russian gas.

 

If somebody farts in a forest but there's no-one there to hear it, does it stink?

 

Is it time for farts to get a gritty reboot?

 

FUN FACT

Because of George Lucas's frequent loud farts, the noise onstage was so loud that actually no dialogue from the original shoot was usable/audible. 100% of the spoken lines in this films are dubbed in post-production.

 

The best thing about working mostly remotely is that I can fart whenever the mood strikes me. Now I just have to remember to hold it in on those days that I go to the office (about once a week)...

 

Has fart culture gone too far?

 

I enjoyed a couple of fantastic farts today, you know when you're on your own and free to just give it full unrestrained expression. Wonderful.