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Before - Legends The Fields of Elysia - (Qui/Obi, OCs, JA) - *9th Update - 23/9*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ithesock, Jun 5, 2005.

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  1. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 30, 1999
    Ooh, I just found this story! It's very nice! I loved everyone's reactions, especially Qui's Mom. Hmm, I hope Obi's uncomfortable feeling is unfounded, but somehow I doubt it. ;)
     
  2. ithesock

    ithesock Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 12, 2005
    Kynstar: Sweet, you say? Hmm...not so sweet, methinks. [face_thinking]

    -Darksaber-: Very strange. :)

    Kadi: Thanks. More...now. :)

    dianethx: Emotion has suddenly increased about a hundred fold. <shudders> that's the way it wrote itself out. :)

    Master_Noi: Obi's not feeling too good at the moment... :(

    VaderLVR64: LOL. Thanks. [:D] And the neighbour makes an appearance... :D

    LuvEwan: Thanks, LE. Trust you to pin-point Obi-Wan's feelings. :)

    Seven: :D In the next, some fireworks...of sorts.

    kateydidnt: Your insight serves you well. :D Thank you!

    LilQui-Gon: Weird? Hmm...[face_thinking] And it only gets weirder...
    Thanks. :)

    PadawanKitara: Thanks, PK. :)

    maychorian: Welcome, may![:D] Glad you liked this stuff - it's mostly...emotional. Sort of. I suppose it's time someone did a meeting of the master and his family. :)

    Jedi_Tigris: What the neighbour thinks, indeed. :D . That comes up next.

    Bastet: Welcome! (I love your sig!) - thanks :)

    And now, for the next. Again, it flew off in an unforeseen direction. :p Hope you like. :)

    And oh...'Warriors Of the Force' was a title that just popped into my head. It has no connection with any story by that name. ;)

    *********

    V


    ??and then the knight jumped a hundred feet to the Palace?s left wing??

    ?Kaft! No one can jump a hundred feet into the air.?

    ?Jedi knights can! I?ve seen them??

    ?On ?Warriors of the Force??and that?s just a clutch of...fantasies.?

    ?How would you know? Have you seen Jedi??

    ?No?? the older voice faltered slightly, but managed to retain a wealth of scorn in it. ?But I?m old enough to stop believing in silly holo-vids.?

    ? ?Warriors?? isn?t silly!? The other voice rose, with a shrillness that indicated its youth. ?You used to watch it too!?

    ?There?s no such thing called the Force?and you?re old enough to understand that, Kasche. By the Goddess, you?ve completed ten cycles!?

    ?You don?t know anything!? The young voice shook with mortification.

    ?Hush now, you two,? came a feminine voice, from the front of the transport. ?Rayfe, you must know better than to start on ?Warriors...? with him?and Kasche, you?re old enough not to squabble with your brother every single moment. Stop arguing?there?s Nan?el?s home, now?remember your manners and? Kasche, don?t bounce!?

    ?Never mind, mother?I?ll see to him,? replied his brother with such a remarkably grown-up tone that Kasche made as horrible a face as he could, before bouncing away around the courtyard.

    Jesetta Jinn-Eldarim stepped down from the public transport, shook her elegant, yet comfortable dreslin skirts, and sighed. Behind her, the rusty-brown doors of the ground-car swished shut. She turned her attention to Rayfe, who gave her an eloquent look that seemed to be reserved for grown-up seventeen year-olds who were much too old for their youngling brothers.

    Abruptly, she chuckled. Rayfe was his father?s son in many respects?still, she knew that the Jinn genes lurked underneath the dusky skin. Rayfe may profess to be an adult, but he was not averse to indulging himself in mock sabre-fights when it suited him.

    ?Make sure he doesn?t break a leg, tane?el,? she murmured. Rayfe nodded and flashed her a grin, before vanishing behind the large homestead.

    Jesetta walked the short distance from the road to the house?and paused when she reached the edge of the courtyard. Her childhood home remained as it had been during her youth; warm, comfortable, and filled with many agreeable memories. Never in all her dreams had she ever imagined that she, born into a farmer?s family, would marry into the House of Eldar?one of the first families of Naboo. Her home-world?s ancient customs and traditions could be remarkably archaic (extraordinary intellect notwithstanding); certainly there had been enough trouble when her fiancé had
     
  3. -Darksaber-

    -Darksaber- Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 22, 2005
    *thunderous applause*

    Wow. What can I say, my dearest sock, that was simply magnificent.
     
  4. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Oh, loved it. The emotions just flew through the room. I loved that Setta was such a mother, the squabbling boys were perfect and the introduction of the holovid series was very funny and quite sad since they were about to meet the real thing. Her confusion just added to the mix of emotions. The scene seemed so very real to me almost as if I were right there, part of it.

    The jealousy rearing its ugly head in both Obi-Wan and 'Setta was marvelous, a matched set it would seem.

    Loved it. More please!!![face_praying]
     
  5. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Bloody (yes, that was for you :D) hell, I'm running out of adjectives to describe this. Let's try magnificent this time. Perfect balancing of all the emotions and dead-on portrayals of all of them. I particularly liked Jesetta's anger - it hadn't occurred to me that a) the siblings wouldn't know about Qui-Gon and b) that they would be angry about Qui's appearance. That she was angry at Obi-Wan too says a lot. Also liked how Amri-Lon appears to be getting attached to Obi-Wan in much the same way he's attached to his son.

    Great, great job. It's always a pleasure to see that this one's been updated. Hope to see more soon. :)
     
  6. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    I actually jumped a little in my seat when I saw this was updated. :D Again, you've woven a believable character, and I loved watching the emotional chaos in the Jinn home from her utterly confused, and then envious, perspective. Breathtakingly beautiful.
     
  7. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Jealousy indeed :( if not a tad upset otherwise! [face_laugh]

    Love the Sister! Poor thing... she doesn't understand until the end and still somewhat doesn't.

    I soooo feel for Lenora :( not certain due to other family members appearing. I wonder if she's afraid that her other family will blame her for having their brother taken away from them, robbing them of getting the chance to know him. :( So sad :(

    Great job!! =D= Love it!
     
  8. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Whew! What an update! Everyone's confusion and tumultuous emotions so well portrayed! =D=

    Loved it.
     
  9. PadawanEstel

    PadawanEstel Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 23, 2004
    Wow... this is really awesome! Like the idea of Qui-Gon finally meeting up with his family again, but- poor Obi-Wan! He's going to feel really out of place and left out now, especially with Qui-Gon's sister telling him to go away... :( Hope they get it all worked out!
     
  10. Seven

    Seven Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2000
    Master! ~bounces in her seat happily~ You are the bestest Master EVER! [face_love]

    I just get back from work, having to put through about sixteen live lobster ~shudders~ And I find that my beloved Master has granted me a wonderful post! Yaaaaaay!

    Now, this was wonderful. I loved the fact that Master Jinn's sister was a jealous as Obi. Poor them! Maybe they'll bond over how mush they dislike the situation.

    ~smiles~

    I feel bad for the Lady Jinn. She's having such a time... ups and downs, wanting yet not wanting to loose, ~sigh~ I feel poorly for her. It shouldn't be so hard to regain the love of a son... and a jealous insecure grandson no less. :_|

    ~settles down again~

    I loved the way Qui-Gon reacted to her, and the way she was feeling. Very civil of the man. ~nods in aproval~ Good man, that Qui-Gon. :)

    More soon please Master? Please??? [face_praying]

    With all Devotion,
    Seven
     
  11. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Bravo Bravo

    That was great!!!!
     
  12. Jedi_Tigris

    Jedi_Tigris Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 7, 2005
    Wow! I loved it! The two kids are cute, bickering with each other. I liked the verbal sparring between Jesetta and Drie too, lol! The emotions were all over the place, wonderful job describing them! I feel bad for Obi-Wan and Jesetta, both are feeling jealous, and trying so hard to be rational in this difficult situation. =D=
     
  13. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Oh . . . wow.

    I loved the two boys! Their bickering was perfect and funny. And Jesetta was quite the mother. I loved the glare she sent shooting at the intruders, the same kind she used on her boys.

    And that neighbor! Oh my. She needs a whack or something.

    Brava, dear sockie! Very chaotic. Can't wait to see how it all comes down.
     
  14. LilQui-Gon

    LilQui-Gon Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2004
    Ohhhhhhhhh. Okaaaaayy. Now I understand the weird feeling. Crrraaazzzyyy. 8-} [face_laugh]
     
  15. Master_Noi

    Master_Noi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Such sweet chaos. :D Oh, all the emotion and the neighbor, squabbling kids, nearly fainting mother, protective daughter, two Jedi ... wow.

    ?I will leave when my master sees fit to do so,? he replied in a soft voice?Jesetta had a sneaking suspicion that that voice could turn very hard when needed. ?Forgive me?but until then, I shall stay.? Yes, don't get into a battle of wills with Obi-Wan. [face_laugh]

    Oh, oh. Obi-Wan is jealous too.

    Just great.

     
  16. ithesock

    ithesock Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 12, 2005
    [:D] to you all, for the lovely comments. And @};- too.

    And now...I have a question to ask, if you will.

    I never intended '...Elysia' to be a one-poster - in my mind, it sprawled across several chapters, giving in detail the reactions of as many people who were likely to come into contact with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. That's the way I visualized it. But I'm struck by doubts now...about whether the fic's too slow-moving, whether I'll have to go...'Qui-meets-family; family-meets-Qui;laughter-tears;end of mission;back to Coruscant.'

    As much as its my story (even if the characters aren't), and I can take it the way I want...ultimately, the readers decide whether a fic is good or isn't. Do you think it'd be okay to go at this pace?

    I'm waiting with a half-finished post at the moment...I'd like to know what you think, frankly.
     
  17. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004

    I think it's moving rather well myself. And I like how this is going. Shoot he could keep in contact with them over the years and even visit with them in between missions. :D I can see this! ;) Shoot he could become the designated Jedi for helping that planet out whenever things rise up and need Republic assistance. :D

    I'm totally enjoying your tale! Truly am! [:D]
     
  18. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Your pacing's fine. Get on with it. :D

    And truly, it really doesn't matter what a single one of us thinks. You said it yourself - it's your story. Do what feels right or it won't come out nearly as well.
     
  19. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    I like it as it is! :D This story is ABOUT reactions, that's the whole point of it, and you've made that clear. People who want stories with action and stuff can go read something else. I like this fine.

    More?
     
  20. Kadi

    Kadi Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2004
    Your pace is just fine. I like how you're taking your time to show everyone's reaction. Not too slow-moving at all.

    Great job with that last post. [:D]
     
  21. ithesock

    ithesock Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 12, 2005
    Kyn, May, Kadi...Thank you for that vote of confidence. I'll proceed the way I'm supposed to. :D

    Shaindl: Your words, my dear, never fail to bring me back to earth (from my Room of Nerves, ie.) :D

    Now I'll go change that title...
     
  22. Seven

    Seven Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2000
    :eek: Master, Please don't think like that! Your story is beyond wonderful and I think it flows beautifully.

    I love it just the way it is.

    [:D]

    With All Devotion,
    Seven

    Edit: Man... I've gotta stop writting replies while your posting....
     
  23. ithesock

    ithesock Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 12, 2005
    S'okay, padawan mine. :) Thank You. I've just been having a bad week. And you're welcome to post whenever you want. [:D]

    "Blood is thicker than water." Ponder that, if you will. :D

     
  24. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    YOur pacing is perfect for this story. I loved all the background people, the neighbors and Qui-Gon's sister and parents. You are doing an excellent job.

    But it is your story. Do what you will with it! I'll still read!:D
     
  25. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    [blockquote][link=boards.theforce.net/user.asp?usr=ithesock]ithesock[/link] posted on 6/22/05 8:51am

    Glad I could help - and it does happen to all of us. Just a couple days ago, I was quizzing my betas about whether the quality of my last post had dropped. I think one's response was 'shut up' and the other's was 'I'll look, but no.'

    So. Now that that's said and done... [face_whistling] do we get a post soon? :D>
     
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