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Before - Legends The First (OCs/Palpy Pre TPM) - Last Night- Update - 22 Sep (Sorry for the lateness!)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kynstar, Apr 12, 2004.

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  1. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    It's my first attempt... might have some editing later on. Here's the first chappy.

    Title The First

    Author Kynstar

    Timeframe Few years prior TPM

    Characters OC's and a few main characters

    Genre Drama and some action

    Summary The first of many things for 2 individuals. An initiate becomes a Padawan of a Knight who has never trained a Learner before. The 2 go on their first mission as well - later on during the story.

    Disclaimer The main characters that were in the movies and Star Wars in general belong to George Lucas. The 'other characters' are mine. I receive no monetary profits from this.

    2 main character?s descriptions:

    Knight Lindoro D?Lockens
    Species: Human (Corellian)
    Ht: 6?4?
    Age: 40
    Wt: 220 lbs (slightly muscular)
    Eyes: Dark blue
    Hair: Black (long w/pony tail)
    Facial Hair: Mustache & goatee (neatly trimmed)
    Lightsaber color: Dark blue
    Tunic coloring: Light brown shirt & dark brown leggins
    Boots: Black and knee high
    Robe: Dark brown

    Padawan Learner Menaria Darce
    Species: Human (Alderaanian)
    Age: 12
    Ht: 5?
    Wt: 120 lbs
    Eyes: Emerald green
    Hair: Red (shoulder length w/Padawan braid)
    Lightsaber color: Dark green
    Tunic coloring: white shirt w/beige leggins
    Boots: Dark brown
    Robe: Brown


    Excitement was evident upon the face of the newly made Padawan.
    I?m not going to have to leave! I?m a?a?I?m a Padawan Learner! Her green eyes shimmered with the tears of joy she longed to shout but did not.
    I must keep my bearing?yes?Jedi calm. Though hard to do and as well as hard to keep from fidgeting, the young girl kept still. Face flushed slightly, she smiled and nodded her thanks to those who congratulated herself and her Master.
    Master! I have a Master! Her smile widen at the thought. Her mind a whirl as the memory of when Knight Lindoro D?Lockens asked the most important question a Knight could ask of an initiate.
    I never knew he was even interested?

    Flashback from yesterday

    The day was proving to be one of her roughest ever. Test after test was being administered in each subject being studied. At the end of each year, all initiates were tested on how much they had learned throughout the year.

    Uggg! I?m gonna fall asleep against this wall!!! Menaria thought as she was leaning against the wall, fighting off a yawn and waiting her turn at being tested. Arms crossed, she watched one of her fellow students sparring against the kata instructor. Master Lenart was working the student hard.

    He isn?t holding back at all?not good for Seriu. She thought as she saw the boy stumble slightly after executing a near perfect flip over the Master. The boy?s gruff ?hmf? could be heard as he recovered and pressed forward, striking low on the bulky instructor. Master Lenart might not be very tall, but the man made it up in his broad shoulders and chest. The Master wasn?t even sweating at all. His long blond hair had been pulled back into a ponytail for the testing of the students. The hair extended well pass his shoulders and nearly even with his belt. Seriu?s short-cropped hair was drenched in sweat. If one had not known the boy, they would have assumed his hair was black instead of dark brown. The sweat had caused it to darken. The boy?s clothing was beginning to stick to his body due to the exertion of his work out.

    At last the boy stumbled again and Master Lenart disarmed him. Seriu leaned over, trying to recover his breath as the Master used the Force to retrieve the boy?s saber.
    "Well done, Seriu. But you once again did not allow the Force to guide you. You must work on your focusing, young one. When a Jedi tires, the Jedi must focus even more upon the Force. The Force can re-energize you for a while. Go shower, once you are through you are released for the day like the other students were." Master Lenart smiled down at the boy while giving him back the saber. Seriu nodded his thanks and grasped the saber.
    "I will try harder and practice more on my focusing." He bowed and passed Menaria. "Good luck.
     
  2. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Cool, I think I get first reply. I know that you read a lot of the same stories that I do, so I just had to check yours out.

    I'm really impressed. I've always found OC's very tough to write, because one really has to flesh them out to make them work. You made it look easy. I'll keep an eye out for this one.
     
  3. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Thanks! Yeah, OCs are kind'a tricky, it's the main reason why I thought I'd try this one out. :D I should have another post soon. I've got the next two kind'a done, juz trying to stay ahead so I don't get caught in a lag! :D Thanks again!
     
  4. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    You're braver than most to go with OC's on your first fic. I look forward to that second post.

    I still love that icon. It's gotta be the long hair. :D
     
  5. Xeana

    Xeana Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2003

    Yeah, it's up! :D
     
  6. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Opal - Yeah *snrk* Prob the hair! It does it to me too! ;) *grumbles* still upset about GL having Obi with short hair in Ep III... oh well! ;) I'll post the next one here in a bit. I think it's a little short, but I got the 3rd one ready too. Juz working on the 4th. I got the outline juz gotta add the input. :)

    Xeana - Thanks! :D
     
  7. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Well here's the next installment. Kind'a short, but had to cut it off due to the next one entails the ritual. Thanks for reading!!

    ---------

    While allowing the heat from the water to beat down on her weary shoulders, Menaria?s smile faded.
    I?m at the top, but how is that gonna help me if I?m not chosen? I only have a few months left until I?m 13. She lowered her head as the water streamed across her back and onto her hair. Her tears mixed with the water. Sighing heavily she reached and turned the water off.

    Drying off quickly, she forced the negative thoughts from her mind, as she hurriedly got dressed.
    I must not think on that. Live the moment and enjoy what time I have left.
    She nearly sobbed as the thoughts of never seeing her friends ever again passed through her jumbled thoughts.
    Stop! Get a grip on yourself! You?re a Jedi for Force sake!
    Clenching her jaw she rushed back to the training room.

    As she walked back into the room, she saw Master Lenart conversing with a tall knight. It appeared to be one of the Jedi that had been observing the tests. She came to a halt a few feet away and waited patiently for the two to get done. But to her surprise the two immediately stopped talking at her approach and turned to her.

    "Initiate Darce, this is Knight Lindoro D?Lockens. He wishes to talk with you for a few moments. I?ll get the paperwork in order, and once you two are done then you can sign the form."

    Lenart?s warmth and pride radiated through Menaria and shattered the gloominess that had fallen upon her heart. She nodded and smiled back at the instructor. Lenart walked away to a desk that was at the end of the stands.

    Menaria turned her attention to the tall knight and bowed respectively.
    Tall isn?t the right word. She thought as she looked up and up to meet the man?s eyes. Deep blue they were, darker than cobalt. His serene expression was laced with?uncertainty? Menaria furrowed her eyebrows slightly before she could stop herself.
    What?s he uneasy about? Is something wrong? I don?t remember ever meeting this knight before today?

    "Would you sit with me?"
    The man?s baritone voice seemed to reverberate through her thoughts jarring her back to him.

    "Yes if you wish, Knight D?Lockens." She lowered her head slightly in submission. The man smiled and motioned toward the stands. Menaria followed and sat next to him. He seemed to fidget with the edge of his dark robe. Glancing at his long, thick fingers, she noticed how callused and worn they were. Several scars lined both hands in numerous places and a few that looked like they might continue up the arms that were hidden by the robe?s sleeves.
    He?s seen many battles I bet. She thought to herself as she looked back up to the man?s face.

    The black mustache quivered slightly as he prepared to say something then stopped. His right hand left the robe and caressed his goatee nervously.

    "This is not an easy thing for me, Initiate Darce. I?" He sighed as he gave up on maintaining his calm outlook. He gathered her small hands into his larger ones.

    Menaria?s heart stopped and her breath caught in her throat the moment he grasped her hands.
    What the..? Had one of her friends been seriously hurt?or died? Fear sped through her being as her thoughts went out for her dear friend, Malen. He had just become a Padawan a few months ago and left for his first mission last week. They had yet to return. Malen had been so excited.

    "What I?m trying to say is?I?ve been watching you for several months now. Monitoring your progress. Master Lenart is correct on stating your improvements. You have improved your skills in not just with the blade, but also with the Force. That is the most important thing to learn is controlling your emotions and allowing the Force to guide you in all things. I am totally impressed and astounded by your progress, young one." He smiled warmly down at her. Even though he was sitting next to her, his height towered over her.

    She nearly gapped in shock
     
  8. jeday

    jeday Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 4, 2004
    Woww, Kynstar didn't know your are a author, and such a good one! I like how you describe the mixed feelings between uncertainty and excitement in Menaria an D'Lockens. I'm loking forward to the next post! :)
     
  9. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Thanks :D yep yep me first attempt at sci-fi ;) and SW for that matter! It'll be up in a few days. I gotta make sure I get the 4th one done prior to posting my 3rd chap otherwise there will be a lag and I don't wanna lag to much! :D
     
  10. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Awesome work. :) Your doing a great job.


    hmmm. spy/investigator. Regardless i'm sure she's in for lots of action. :)
     
  11. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    I agree. Great work. I thought your second post was even better than your first. You seem to have put a good deal of thought into setting up your main characters. It will be interesting to see where you take them. :)
     
  12. tangled_sphere

    tangled_sphere Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 28, 2003
    Great characters! I was sweating with Menaria as she was dueling with Lanart.

    I was so happy for her when D'Lockens asks her to be his padawan. That was such a sweet moment :D

    Looking forward to seeing more of Menaria!
     
  13. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Thanks you three! Yep they're gonna go far if I can work it out for them :D

    Jacen - Glad ya liking it!
    T_S - I tried to be as feeling and descriptive as possible! Glad it worked! Thanks for reading!
     
  14. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Once again thanks for your comments! Thanks for being my beta Xeana! I have one more to post after this one before a small lag might start...but I'm hoping to be able to get another section done so there won't be a lag. :D Gonna try to post twice a week from now on. Hopefully that'll be ok, though with our base fixing to have major exercises & inspections going on it might be reduced to once a week. But I'll see if I can sweet talk my boss in allowing me a few mins online at work ;)

    THANKS again for your enthusiasm!! Here's the awaited Ritual!! Hope you like it... ain't never seen anything for the Master/Padawan bonding so I kind'a grabbed out of the blue for this one!

    -----------------


    This is it?can I go through with this? Menaria thought as she stood in front of the Council?s door. Knight D?Lockens stood behind her fidgeting with the edges of his robe?s sleeves.
    He?s nervous? Well I guess he would be?this is an important step for the two of us. It is nice to know that even Knights get ancy. She grin slightly at that. Fingering her belt she tried to find her center to calm her anxiety.

    Is she as nervous as I am? I?ve never had this problem before when meeting with the Councilors, even in my Padawan days. What?s gotten into me? I?m as jittery as all get out? Lindoro pondered as he stopped messing with his sleeves. He put his hands into the sleeves and grasped his arms. Unconsciously he edged one of the ends of his mustaches inside his mouth and began to chew on it.

    After what seemed like an eternity but in actuality 10 minutes, the door finally opened. Lindoro immediately dropped the mustache and withdrew his hands from within his robe. Placing a comforting hand upon Menaria?s shoulder, he gently nudged her forward.

    At the gentle push from the Knight, Menaria walked in and nearly jumped at the sound of the closing door. It seemed to echo in the quiet, circular room. Being the girl?s first time in the presence of all the Councilors at once, she felt lightheaded. Lindoro?s warm hand kept her from passing out.

    The Councilors all looked upon the two standing before them. Lindoro bowed and Menaria joined a half-second later as she followed his lead.

    Master Windu nodded at Lindoro and waved his hand slightly giving him the OK to start.

    "Masters, I come before you asking permission to take on a Padawan Learner." Lindoro stated.

    Several of the Councilors nodded. The oldest present, Master Yoda, smiled. His long ears lifted somewhat, expressing his happiness. This was not lost upon Lindoro.
    He has always been partial to the young ones. He thought as he stopped himself at the last second from smiling. His previous nervousness vanished at the little Master?s expression.

    "I have asked Initiate Menaria Darce to become my Padawan Learner and she has accepted." Lindoro placed his other hand upon her right shoulder, now both hands held her gently to emphasize his claim.

    Master Yoda eyed Menaria. "Accept Knight D?Lockens as your Master, do you?" His voice was gentle and calm, reflecting the Master?s demure.

    Menaria started to nod, but stopped. "Yes, Master Yoda. I do." She focused upon the elder Jedi as she attempted to keep the butterflies in her stomach from escaping.
    Well, they feel like what butterflies might anyways?

    "Then proceed with the ritual." Master Windu commanded as he waved Lindoro to continue. The dark skinned Master sat up taller in his seat as he observed the 2 in the center of the room.

    Lindoro cleared his throat as quietly as possible and gently turned Menaria around to face him. He could feel her excitement and slight anxiety mixed in through the Force.

    "Master and Padawan is a bond that has existed for centuries. It is a special ritual that can not and never has been taken lightly. They are two that become one. One of trust and of honor. The duties of a Master are a long and continual task that deals with instruction of the Code and guidance of the Force. The Master and Padawan are an extension of each
     
  15. jeday

    jeday Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 4, 2004
    Ohhh, wonderful! :)
     
  16. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Oh, my goodness. That was nothing short of beautiful.

    You must have really enjoyed writing that part, because I honestly felt like I could feel your love of these characters in that one.
     
  17. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    jeday - Thanks!! :D

    Opal - Yep! I truly enjoyed this chapter the best! And yep, I love Knight D'Lockens and his new Padawan. :D Glad you enjoyed it! :D
     
  18. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Very nicely done.
     
  19. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Thanks Jacen!
    I should have the next post up w/in the next couple days. Glad ya all liking it!
     
  20. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    That was sweet. I liked that they exchanged vows and that they took them so seriously. The braiding was cool as well.

    Good job so far. Keep it up!
     
  21. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Thanks dianethx! That means a lot to me coming from you! I love your stories and your style of writing! :D :D
     
  22. tangled_sphere

    tangled_sphere Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 28, 2003
    I am really enjoying your story Kynstar :)

    Your writing is wonderful of the padawan and Master bonding. This is a very special story!
     
  23. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Thanks tangled_sphere! I do love the 2 with all my heart! ;) Glad you're enjoying it!!

    Here's the next chappy. I'll have another post w/in the end of the week.

    --------

    After the councilors had congratulated the new Master and Padawan, the two saw themselves out the door.

    Once the door closed behind them, Menaria paused in mid step. What am I supposed to do now? She looked up over at Lindoro, who in turn was eyeing her.

    ?Now, young one. Go and retrieve your items and meet me at the Master/Apprentice Quarters level. We?ll both go to our room together. We?ve been assigned one already. I took care of it prior to our morning appointment.? Lindoro smiled down at her.

    ?Yes, Master.? Her grin spread across her face. Master?he?s my Master! She couldn?t control the giddiness that she felt.

    Lindoro chuckled at her enthusiasm as she took down the hall and entered the turbolift. He turned and stared out through the window at the ever-continuing flow of Coruscant's traffic.

    This will definitely be a twist on my life style as well as work. I have lived and worked alone for these past 10 years. This will take time in getting used too. He sighed as he put his hands in the sleeves of his robe. Observing several senatorial cruises speed by, he shook his head slightly. I've lived too long out in the Rim. Sometimes forgetting what I truly am. A Jedi. A representative of the Republic. But while I was there I wasn't?well sorta wasn't. He chuckled sarcastically. Ironic to have been called back just when things were getting hot and heavy. Definitely getting exciting.

    A smirk formed on his face as he narrowed his eyes slightly.
    Mumbling under his breath in his best imitation of Master Yoda, "A Jedi craves not these things." He chuckled at his feeble attempt. His expression then became hard as steel. "Yeah, well some have to have excitement to stay sane when things get hairy?" He whispered as he turned on his heel and left for the turbolift. His things were already in the quarters that the two would be staying in. He would wait for her at the level. As the doors closed and he began to descend a strange thought crossed his mind. My room is larger than what I was used to as a Padawan?definitely gonna have to get used to this?

    I wonder how big my room is? I know that Masters and Padawans have separate rooms. Never had one of my own! I can?t wait! Her mind whirled with ideas and questions as she wished the lift would go faster. Once at the initiate level she ran out into the hallway and headed toward her clan?s quarters. Realizing that she was running, she slowed to a trot. Don?t need to run over anybody! She giggled to herself as she entered the Welan quarters.

    Nobody was present as she went to her bunk and dresser drawer to gather up her tunics and what little possessions she had. She stopped as she folded up her last tunic. It will just be the three of them now. I do hope they get chosen? She thought as she realized that the others would probably be in mathematics class at the moment. I'm sure I'll have to work in what classes I have left in the schedule that Master D'Lockens comes up with. I guess we'll be discussing that eventually as well. Stacking her tunics and then gathering them up in her arms, she grabbed the small bag of possessions and headed out the door. Her possessions didn't consist of much but several datapads, a drawing pad, and a few nick knacks that friends had discovered and brought back to her as souvenirs. She whistled quietly as she headed toward the turbolift and told it her destination. "Master/Apprentice level." Whistling away, her mind was giddy as excitement coursed through her.

    The turbolift opened to the level, Menaria stepped out and saw Lindoro waiting. "Hello, Master." She grinned widely as she fell in step beside him and followed his leave to their quarters. Upon one of the many doors she spotted one a few feet ahead that was labeled D'Lockens/Darce. She came to a dead stop at seeing his
     
  24. tangled_sphere

    tangled_sphere Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 28, 2003
    I really like getting to know Lindoro here. He is such an interesting character! I love his reactions to Menaria. Interesting twist about the death of one of his friends. I have a feeling we may be hearing more about that!? *looks at Kynstar hopefully* :D

    Looking forward to meeting Lindoro's Master. :)
     
  25. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Thanks! Glad ya liking the interactions of Lindoro and Menaria. I'm going to be puting a lot of emphasis with the 2, especially later on down the line.
    Yeah... about Jaffron - Yep there will be more later on!
    Hope Master Banz isn't a disappointment! He's upcoming.
    I'm gonna try to get another post by mid week if not then definitely by Friday eve.
     
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