The Fortress *Ladies Only*

lol!!!


THIS IS JUST AWESOME!!!!


A note before I start my piece of (crappy) action, lol, DAMN YOU PATRIOTS!!!!!! I waited to see which team would catch my vote...well, after about 4 minutes of play, it was the Eagles...and CRAP! They lost! AH! I'm pissed!

It was a very good game though! Football just ROCKS!

And a final note of me saying: PAUL MCCARTNEY FREAKIN' ROCKS!!

Okay, that's done and over with....on to the war!

------------------------------------------------------

Will puts his fist to her heart and swears solemly."On my honor, M'lady, I am yours. I would die for you!"

As he says this Jack Sparrow dashs by, flailing a sword and a bottle of rum about and shouts in passing..."Oh good! I love weddings, DRINKS ALL AROUND!" Princess That was hilarious! Good thing you woke up! We could use your help by the looks of things!

*Solo watches in amazement as Captain Kirk's crew arrives to the rescue...

Solo: Hum...this is awesome....instead of being outnumbered probably thousands to 4 we're now about what? thousands to 150....not a bad bit of improvement....oh what am I saying? We're screwed


Gollum: Those elves stole my chicks!

Solo turns to Gollum who is now in the Darth Vader suit and thinks. *What a waste, really....Darth looked so hot and intimidating in that suit...now the suit is reduced to THIS?*

A very large boulder flies mere inches from Solo's head bringing her back to Fortress reality

Solo: Crap! Thinking about Darth Vader's hotness can be really hazardous to the health!

But before she has time to recover, look around for a target she receives a shot to the side of her thigh..

Solo: OW!!!! That vappin' hurt! While you little prissys, let me get my lightsaber and see how I deal with you!

Clones: We got her! We got her!

Clones: Charge! Charge!


Solo makes a grab for the lightsaber that is hooked to her side, draws it and in one swift move thumbs the thing on.....

But Lo! The lightsaber sparks a few times and refuses to ignite

Solo: *looks at lightsaber* Oh no. Obi-Wan's gonna kill me. So that is why I didn't feel any shot go through my body...thank the force!

Clones: CHARGE!! CHARGE!!!!


YODA, who was busy shooting clones this way and that and discussing some kind of strategy with Captain Kirk turns around to scan the area to see how his battle mates were fairing.

He notices YODACLONE staring intently at some spot in the fighting crowd.

YODA: What are you looking at? Shoot!!!


YODACLONE: I thought I just saw Solo get shot!

YODA: Did she get shot???

YODACLONE: No. But her lightsaber doesn't seem to be working.

YODA: Where?

Both YODA and YODACLONE turn to see Solo get run over by a bunch of clones with a purpose screaming CHARGE!
Before they can react...Solo gets squished and run over by said clones.


Clones: We got her! We got her!

Clones: Run away! Run away!

Before Solo can free herself from the prettiness of the clones, they bind her hands and unceremoneously flip her over one shoulder and start running away.

DAMN IT!

 

^About 1 milllion $$ worth of copyright infringements ^
~~~~~
The feeling of falling stopped. In her mind, AAP crouched on the ground, blind in a black room. She waited for something to happen. Even though she knew whatever happened only occured in her mind, she was afraid. The feeling worsened. She squinted her eyes shut praying for the apprehension to pass. I'm in control. This is my mind. I'm in control. This is my mind.... she repeated. Gaining a little courage, she opened her eyes. As she sat on the floor images began to shoot past her. At first they were too fast to realize what they are. She tried to focus harder. Then she began to realize what they were. They were images of her friends standing in a circle, the clone army surging around them. More quick blurred images. Then one image began to repeat itself. Every time it came it slowed down and grew a little more clear. And every time it came the horrible feeling of apprehension grew hideously stronger. Then the image stopped in front of her and she realized in a moment what it was.

AAP: I have to warn them! I have to! If they don't find out, this is it.... this is the end..... I need to get out of here.

She looked around and seeing nothing else to do, began to run. She ran blindly and frantically in a black pit of nothingness. Tears streamed down her face. She was so.... afraid. This feeling of not being able to do anything was tearing her apart.

In real life, her clone guards watched her, her legs kicking furiously. One of them laughed.
Clone #?????- Run all you want. You're not going anywhere. Yet.

 

AAP: A million dollars? Crap.

*Looks through wallet.*

I've got about $2.35 all in change. You think that will be enough to make paramount call of its lawyers?

These surreal visions are starting to freak me out. Sort of a Dead Zoneish feel to them. I also get the feeling that my death is being forseen or at least the death of someone in the Fortress. Hmmm...

SOLO: And as for the SuperBowl I fogot it was even on. Never was that bg of a sports fan. Paul Maccartney does indeed rock.

Also the Vader armor is not hot (unless if you mean for David whatsis name who had to wear the thing). The suit is however the ultimate sign of movie villian greatness and Dark Side badassery.

 

Jaxx wanders around the Legolas base camp, hoping to find the enemy base camp. The trouble is that all the tents had the same gaudiness attached to them: filled with mirrors.

But there was one tent that was slightly larger and had slightly bigger mirrors. So Jaxx, disguised as a Legolas clone, slipped into that tent.

Unfortunately for Jaxx, the Superbowl was on, and the Philadelphia Eagles had just lost to the New England Patriots. Jaxx then proceeded to curse out a blue streak, rant and rave, and punched a mirror.

When the shattered pieces of the mirror fell to the ground, Jaxx realized that his gig was up. He was captured by a bunch of guards (they all looked alike, obviously), and his wig was ripped off his head, and well, that was pretty much the shoddy disguise.

Clone #1228: I'm taking you to the Original Legolas. He has special plans for you Fortress freaks...

Jaxx: What, is he going to beautify me?

Clone #1228: No, but he will make you sit and listen to "It's a Small World" on repeat!

Jaxx has a surge of panic, and looks around the room, wondering what he can do to escape.

WILL JAXX ESCAPE?

WILL JAXX MANAGE TO WRITE A POST TOMORROW AND BE MORE CONSISTENT WITH HIS POSTING TIMES?

SEVEN DAYS UNTIL VALENTINES DAY! WILL THEY COMPLETE THEIR MISSION IN TIME?!

 

As 34 flies through the air, he sees the clones attacking not the Fortress itself, but yoda's old observation tower. As he nears the besieged structure, the Enterprises NX-01 and NCC-1701 fly in from the atmosphere above.

34: Looks like they got some reinforcements. Awesome!

Picking up his speed, 34 zooms over the multitude of clones, bopping a few on his way. Seeing an opening in the "barricade" that would just about fit him, he continues to accelerate and speeds through the opening. He sees a small group of about 150 beginning to be surrounded by the clones that are streaming through the ruins of the barracades. He touches down.

34: Could you use one more?

Yoda: 34! You made it back!

Yodaclone: What did you find out?

34: Well, I would tell you that the clones are planning a pincer-type attack on the Fortress, but it would appear there's been a change of plans.

Suddenly, the ranks of the clones open, and the Original Legolas strides forth.

Legolas: Change of plans? Yes. Obviously. A couple of my clone minions along the Fortress walls noticed some of their comrades falling to an unseen attacker. We had a hunch of what was going on, so we thought we might as well feed you some information.

Captain Kirk: Good GOD...man, that's...inSIDious!

Natalie: You're telling me! (She tightens her grip on one of her blasters.) Shall we commence with "aggressive negotiations?"

Punisher: (cocking his enormous rifle) I like the sound of that.

Legolas: Of course, we'd be willing to let you live...on one condition.

Gollum: What...condition is that, precious?

Legolas: Give yourselves up. Give up, and no one will get hurt.

34 and Yoda: Over my dead body!

Legolas: That's the idea.

Captain Archer fires his phaser just above Legolas's hair, singing it.

Yodaclone: I guess you can see our answer.

Trunk Monkey: Oook AAAK AAAK AAK!

Legolas: You will live to regret this...or perhaps you won't live at all. Clones, prepare to fire!

34: I think it's time I officially decked myself out for battle.

Reaching behind him, to the back of his belt, 34 pulls out two objects. The first is his Cyclops-ian Visor, which he puts on. The ruby quartz glitters in the setting sunlight. The second item is a small circular icon that he attaches to the center of his chest. The circle of the icon is cut in half by a line and on either side of that line is a triangle. The top triangle of the icon is colored black and the surrounding area is shaded bronze. The bottom half is the exact opposite of this. It looks something like this.

[image=http://www.freewebs.com/calfandciniproductions/ReBoot.JPG]

34: (reaching up and tapping his icon) ReBoot!

He is enveloped in a swirling blue light. When he reappears, he is decked out in a silver body armor that conforms to his body perfectly. Glamdring and his Wizard staff are slung behind him in an X shape.

The clones notch arrows to their bowstrings, tighten them, and aim...

 

*It is at this point that Excal swoops in out of the sky, directly out of the sun, cape fluttering behind him.

EXCAL: Hey! Bleach Boys! Here's some added gaudiness for those godawful outfits of yours!

*At super speed, he hurls down a gold coin at the army of Legolais. The Aztec medallion is held on a chain.

CLONE 3418: What is this new devilry?

CLONE 1834: I don't know, but it's gold, it's shiny and it matches with this hunter green outfit. It's so hard to find jewlery that doesn't clash with leather brown and forest green. (puts on a medallion)

CLONE 3418: What makes you so special?

EXCAL: Don't worry boys! Plenty more where that came from. (he hurls down more)

ClONES: GIMME GIMME GIMME!

EXCAL: Well, while they take care of that...(he flies down to the sinking bow of The Horizon) I did NOT snap this damn thing into existence just to see it sink below the seven cyber seas. (He uses heat vision to seal up the gaping hole in the metal bracings. At a blinding pace, he quickly pieces the ship's deck back together, effectively plugging the hull)

YODA: You know, you could have just snapped it back into ship shape form.

EXCAL: Yeah, but then I don't get to write this cool part about using my powers. Come on! While you clowns snap in The Punisher and Natalie Portman, I'm working my butt off to save the day.

PUNISHER: Last time I checked, you just gave out party favors to the freakin enemy bub.

EXCAL: Hey, Dirty Harry Jr., cool your jets. And a note to you for the future- the Logan Weapon X sound? Not your thing. And Clint gave up on the whole Dirty Harry deal a while ago. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, the pen (or in here, keypad) is mightier than the sword. Or in your case, bazooka.

*Excal reveals a sawed off shotgun, which he uses to blast Frank Castle's bazooka out of his hand. The bazooka's blast sends a Legolas clone falling off into the moat where he is discovered not by an alligator but by a pack of rabid fan girls!

EXCAL: Okay listen up you primeval pinhead- THIS...is my BOOMSTICK! Usually aimed at the dorks with the compact mirrors, now at you. So chill, okay? Before I call Dolph Lundgren. I heard he wants to option another movie.

PUNISHER: You wouldn't.

EXCAL: Try me.

YODA: Don't push him man. He has a bad day. And the whole time travel thing is worse than jet lag.

EXCAL: Seriously. No one mention that in Back to the Future. Sheesh.

EXCAL hears shouting off in the distance. He notices 34 Reboot and get surrounded by clones. Meanwhile, Jaxx is taken hostage by a dozen clones after the dramatic but tragic Eagles loss.

EXCAL: Apparently I'm not the only one having a rough go of it. Time to do my thing. (points at Yoda) YOU make sure Natalie gets out of here okay. And while you're at it, could you tell Jennifer Garner that our date is going to have to wait? The combination of my girlfriend in real life and the whole war here has kind of made it difficult to call her back.

YODA: You have Jennifer Garner's phone number?

EXCAL: It's on my desk. The Rolodex.

YODA: You think if I ask her not to make any more Elektra movies, she'll listen?

EXCAL: Maybe. More importantly, can she disassociate herself with Ben Affleck and convince him to stick with Kevin Smith movies?

YODA: Touche.

EXCAL: Be right back.

*Excal zooms past Jaxx, who looks prepared to grab his hand for a departure. Instead, he is handed a bottle of Mountain Dew.

JAXX: Have I mentioned I hate you yet?

EXCAL: Oh. Sorry. Thought you were thirsty.

*Jaxx gets poked by a dozen arrows by suddenly alert Legolai clones*

CLONE 1855: It is the flying one! The one they call The Protector!

EXCAL: What is this? Land of the Terrible Dialogue.

CLONE 8957: This is the land of Legolas and our supreme overlord! All shall bow before him!

EXCAL: ZOD?!?!?!

CLONE 4978: No...it is the land of Supreme Overloard--

EXCAL: Save it Patsy.

JAXX: Now you're just ripping off Dr. Cox on Scrubs.

EXCAL: Hey, they look like girls here!

JAXX: I think he's more of a Bernice, per

 

Just as 34 is about to speak the incantation to replace the sun with the moon, the sky suddenly darkens.

Excal: Uh...34?

34: It's not me!

Jaxx: I coulda told you that, Pancho!

Jaxx points off into the distance, where a man now stands. He oozes darkness and the sound of his heavy, mechanical breathing can be heard. The ranks of the clones part as he walks through them towards the main group of Fortressians.

34: Don't we already have a Darth Vader on the field?

Gollum sidles up and growls at the new-comer, who has clearly stolen his look.

Clones: The Supreme Field Commander! The Supreme Field Commander.

Excal: The Supreme Field Commander is Darth Vader?

Jaxx: It looks like he's had his uniform expanded to house a pot-belly!

34: No! The Supreme Field Commander is NOT the real Darth Vader! At all!

Captain Kirk comes up alongside 34.

Kirk: Then...WHO...is it?

The new figure of Darth Vader begins to have a stand-off with Captain Kirk, as he removes his mask.

34: This is what I was afraid of!

Field Commander: Surrender! Or...I will MAKE...you surrender.

Excal: That can't be who I think it is.

Jaxx: The clones are commanded by HIM?

Kirk: You...STOLE my...likeness, man!

34: It's CHARICATURED WILLIAM SHATNER!

Jaxx: Great, now we've got two William Shatner's on the battlefield.

Kirk: I am...NOT...William Shatner. HE...is my...ALTER...EGO! And I have a...SCORE...to settle with him!

Captain Kirk draws his fist back and lays one on Charicatured William Shatner. The elves gasp in horror, grab him, and drag him towards the back lines for him to recover.

Kirk: My GOD! I've...never felt...so...alive!

Excal: Okay, before we have anymore surprises like that, why don't you do the moon-sun switcheroo.

34: I'd love to.

Jaxx: Did you just say switcheroo? You've got to be kidding me!

WHAT EXACTLY DOES EXCAL HAVE IN MIND? AND WHAT NEW DEVILRY WILL SUPREME FIELD COMMANDER CHARICATURED WILLIAM SHATNER BRING TO THE FIGHT?

 

Jaxx throws his hands up in the air.

Jaxx: Ok, that's it, I'm pissed.

excal: What? We have a plan, relax! Let's just chill, man.

34: I think I see what excal's up to, so relax.

Jaxx: No! I will NOT relax! The Supreme Field Commander is not the overall commander of the Clones!

Everyone is silent for a moment.

Yoda: How do you know that?

Jaxx: It's in the script.

excal: What page is it on?

A clang sounds, and a split second magical appearance by DarthKimballDreamer is made.

Kimball: It's on page 34, of course.

And just as quickly as she arrived, she disappears once more.

Jaxx: Look, I gotta re-infiltrate the Legolas Clones and find out where this mystery uber-boss is. This time, I'm not going to use a disguise, we all know how well that worked last time.

No, this time, I'm going to use my skills as a NINJA!

Jaxx snaps his fingers and he is clothed in Ninja garb, and leaps off the Fortress battlements, doing various flips and twists and turns until he lands in the shadows and runs off to the enemy camp. Again.

Yoda: That's messed up, right there.

 

wow! this is just like old times!
tgy I know Darth Vader is the incarnation of evil and badassness and all that, BUT remember! There's this thing (that even *I* can't comprehend) where us girls are really attracted to the bad guy...or tough guy or whatever you want to call it...and Darth is just so tall and bad and whoa! PLUS, when we see how he looks like BEFORE he got in the suit i.e. Hayden Christensen (never mind that it's David Prowse in the suit in the OT) now Hayden will get to wear the suit therefore, he's the ultimate badass hotness...never mind the fact that he has to wear the suit because he's all messed up...it's just a psychological thing methinks...

So us girls ask themselves (at least, I have) Why the crap can't I just like the good boy? Noooo..there's something attractive about the bad one..can't understand it. But it's there...

END OF ESSAY.....
-------------------------------------------------------

Solo doesn't realize that all this is going on because she's too busy trying to get out of her binds..

Solo: How the crap did I get myself captured??? Shame on me!

Clones: Run faster! Run faster!

Clones: The protector is here! The protector is here!

Solo: The protector is here?? AH! Finally! More action to come for sure..I wonder what the boys are up to.

Solo finally gets herself out of her binds and gives the clone that is carrying her a prompt knee in the stomach....

As the clone doubles over in pain, Solo makes a run for it.

Clones: She's running away! She's running away!

Clones: Get her! Get her!

Solo is desperate to get away from these pretty clones who seem to repeat everything they say twice. How annoying! Is this what prettiness comes with? Ugh!

In her haste to get away, Solo wasn't even looking at where she was running.
She decides that looking forward would probably be a better idea since after all, she knew that behind her were tons of clones running after her.

SHe turns around and sees a wall of black armour. She tries to skid to a halt but can't stop in time and she promptly collides with said body armour and bounces back a few feet landing with a huge thud on the ground.

She tries to recover but then she feels 2 pairs of arms yank her upright and hold her in front of....OMG!!!

BLACK ARMOURED MAN: And now General, we will discuss the location of the secret entrance to the Fortress.

As soon as those words were said..Solo feels a needle inserted in her neck and everything turned black.

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

SOLO: Yeah, why can't the girls like the nice guys instead of the bad boys? Then I would at least have half a chance. Maybe I should start wearing black armor and killing people. Maybe I should be a bad boy.

Wait, I've tried that before and it only frightened the girls(for that matter the boys too). I'm gonna die a lonely hermit. I just know it.

As for the clone wars: Teach me to start a battle and then got to sleep. 125 more posts. Better keep going.

*Takes a quick look at the notes he has written down on where everyone is and then dives in.*


*With the arrival of the Supreme Field Commander there is a momentary lull in the battle which allows for witty repartee all around. After Jaxx ninjas off into the distance the battle resumes. Kirk does one of his famed WWF style drop kicks, hitting Supreme Field Commander Shatner in the jaw.*

KIRK: Damn you! You were the one who...has been making me speak funny. I don't ...pause...nearly... this often... normally. HAVE YOU NO COMPASSION? Who are you really, you monster?

*The Supreme Field Commander gets up and throws a right hook that sends Kirk staggering back.*

SUPREME FIELD COMMANDER SHATNER: Denny Crane.

*Kirk kicks Shatner in the gut*

KIRK: No, Denny Crane would be a better fighter. You're as lousy at hand to hand as TJ Hooker.

SHATNER: Aw, go back to hosting Invasion Iowa!

*Kirk dodges Shatner's next blow. Even though he has not been hit Kirk's shirt rips to reveal one manly pec (this is TV show era slim Kirk of course). A Kirk fight would not be a fight without his shirt getting ripped.*

KIRK: Too slow. Maybe if you hadn't spent so much time around the Iron Chef you would be fit enough to keep up with me.

YODACLONE: Three Shatner related copyright violations in a row.

*Yoda ducks the blade of a Legolas clone as he responds.*

YODA: I'm not sure if my pocket book can take many more pop culture references.

*The Punisher who up to this point has been spinning around in circles, firing wildly (hitting friend and foe alike), and screaming "TAKE IT, BIZNATCH! TAKE IT!" pauses to reload.*

PUNISHER: You must have paid a bundle for me.

*Yoda backflips over a charging clone.*

YODA: No. Marvel wanted to get rid of you so bad they let me have you for free.

*A MACO bumps into the Punisher who freaks out and opens fire, hitting the MACO and several red shirts.*

EXCAL: Looks like he was worth every penny. Hey 34, hurry up with that spell, bud!

34: Maybe if you could keep the war down a little I could concentrate enough to cast it!

*Shatner and Kirk circle each other as the cheesy TOS fight music crescendos.*

SHATNER: Do you really want to know who I am you Has Been?

YODA: Damn it! Stop that!

YODACLONE: Wait, only one man could be insidious enough to keep doing that.

YODA: It's not the Supreme Commander of the Clone Forces at all! It's Tiberius!He's here to settle his score with Kirk!

TIBERUS: That's right.

NATALIE: Who?

YODA: The evil version of Captain James T. Kirk. Not the transporter duplicate from episode 6 "The Enemy Within" (Which is actually episode 5 in the production order), mind you. He was merged back together with the good side of Kirk at the end of the episode. No, I mean the Kirk from the mirror universe that was first introduced in season 2's classic Episode "Mirror, Mirror". He later made his return in the novels Star Trek: Specter, Star Trek: Dark Victory, and Star Trek: Preserver. All of which were written by William Shatner. Actually, they were written for the most part by Judith and Garfield Reeves Steevens but Shatner got the credit and...

*The entire battlefield has fallen silent and is staring at Yoda.*

YODA: What?

EXCAL: Exactly what geeky type of fan boy are you again?

YODA: A multi tasking one. Star Wars and Star Trek are tied for me. Would you please stop looking at me like that?

*Yodaclone punches the original Legolas in the face in order to remind everyone of what is truly important, and the battle resumes.*


NEXT TIME ON LEGOLAS CLONE WARS 4.

 

Gah...last post lame...running out of funny material...must regain muse.

 

HAHAHAHHAHAH OMG I was sooo high when I wrote that last post (not on drugs though, on lack of sleep ) WOW That was really odd. Anyway, I will continue onward.
~~~~~~~~~~
AAP woke up suddenly and sat straight up. She was in a white room, with two Legolas clones were huddled around a small stereo.

Clone #9275- Crap! Stereo broke!! Stupid Energizer batteries..... can't even get the Duracel ones.

Clone #4272- Without "It's a Small World" playing her alternate reality thingamabobber will be broken!

AAP: Too late.

*performs some pretty sweet kicks rendering the clones unconscious*

AAP: Now.... just to get out of here.

*seeing the door, she immediately tries the knob. As soon as her fingers touch the knob however, an alarm sounds.

Alarm Voice: Prisoner fingerprints. Prisoner fingerprints....

Immediately four more clones rush in and grab her.

Clone #3332- HE doesn't want to see her yet...

Clone #2178- Well, there's not much else to do. We'll bring her in now.

AAP: Bring me where? What? I demand to know what's going on! *kicks and struggles*

However, the clones are silent and carry her down several halls until they reach a large dimly lit room. It's long and narrow with dark purple curtains shading a person at the end....

The four clones threw AAP down on the floor in front of him. Knowing she'd get no other chance, AAP found herself running her mouth (yeah she put her foot in her mouth, she can't help it. She's a girl)

AAP: Listen! I know what you're doing! I know all about the Death Star waiting just a few hours away! I know you plan to take over all us Fortressians and force us to comb your clones' hair for all eternity! I also know you plan to take over our cloning pits and produce thousands more clones and take over the entire theforce.net!! I DEMAND YOU RElEASE ME.

MysteriousMan- You seem to know a lot. Do you know who I am? And why should I release you if you know so much?

AAP: Well, um, I *twiddles thumbs* hm...... because.... I really don't know either one. I do have this "Get Out of Jail Free" card from Fortress Monopoly the other night....

MM- Well, if you have the card.... Wait! What am I saying? *to the guards* This one knows too much. Dispose of her immediately.

Clones- Dispose Dispose. This one won't fit in the garbage disposal though....

MM- You do have a point there... Wait, that's not what I meant.... *mutters to self* Off the cliff with her.

Clones- Right right. Cliff cliff.

AAP- WHO ARE YOU?

*from behind the curtain Indiana Jones appears, minus his hat*

AAP: INDY?!?!?!?! What?!?!?!?! You're on their side?!?!?!

Indy: *pointing to his head*

AAP: They're holding your hat for ransom?

Indy: Mm hm.... *sigh*

AAP: Whatever. You're in charge of everything then?

Indy: Not quite... There's higher-ups than me. I'm not exactly holding my own hat for ransom to force me to fight for myself or ..something like that... *trails off trying to make sense of his thoughts*

*AAP begins to be carried away*

AAP: AND YOU CAN CONSIDER OUR PLANS FOR THIS FRIDAY COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY CANCELLED!







EDIT: bah some really bad type-o's

 

Not Indy! The ESMV seems to have everyone under his control.

 

*gasp!*


Indy's in on this too????

My lord! We really did drag EVERYONE in here didn't we?


[Saruman voice] TO WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/end Saruman voice]

 

Well, Aragorn and Gandalf are still on my cameo list. I was serious about trying to bring everyone who has appeared in the last three years into this.

 

Mwa ha ha. Believe me my list of cameos is NOT OVER YET! *cue evil laugh*

C'mon people!! Page 400 in 1 week. That's about 2 days per page, about 13 posts a day. If 6 of us are posting we have to post at least twice a day 'til this is over. We have it in the bag.

 

ally: lol, yea, I couldn't help myself, i had to put will's bit in there....sigh, I just have a thing for that poor misguided honorable lad. and on a side note.....I loved your post AND I agree with your essay! hayden..........sigh.....hehe

 

C'mon people!! Page 400 in 1 week. That's about 2 days per page, about 13 posts a day. If 6 of us are posting we have to post at least twice a day 'til this is over. We have it in the bag.


Let's not promote posting just to meet some deadline.

 

Pardon me for questioning you, but trying to reach a deadline set purely in fun that has no adverse effects on the fan fic boards is worthy of a mod warning...why?


We want to get to post 10,000. We are using a traditional Fortress tactic for revitalizing posting in the thread (this is the fourth Clone War after all) and with the exception of one line in Jaxx's signature I don't think the rest of the boards is any more or less aware of the events in the Fortress than the were before.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, nor am I trying to question your authority. I am honestly curious as to what we are doing wrong. If there really is some adverse effect to us socializing in one of the board's longest running social threads I would like to know so we can avoid doing so in the future.


If you prefer you could answer my inquiry by PM. That way your post would not bring us any closer to the 10,000 mark nor make our self-imposed deadline any more realistic.


EDIT: A second question. Is this a thread that you normally read or is your visit purely official?

 

If it makes you feel any better, I changed my signature slightly.

* * * * *

Jaxx, in ninja garb, runs to the Legolas main camp once more. The Original Legolas, having been distracted by being at the front lines, is gone. Only a mild sentry guard is there.

Jaxx, sensing a sort of a Star Trek-ish theme, uses the Vulcan neck pinch on the two guards standing outside the tent. He hops inside, and finds that the tent is empty. He promptly goes about searching for any clues that may indicate who the grand leader of the Legolas Clone Wars may be.

He looks left and right and practically turns the tent inside out. It isn't until it occurs to him to look through the mirrors to search for clues, since all Legolas clones have a tendency to stare at their mirrors. Jaxx then extends his hand, touching every mirror in the room.

Most mirrors are solid, and his efforts are starting to prove fruitless until he finally finds a mirror that transcends his arm into a different realm. Jaxx hesitates for a moment, then steps through.

He steps into a cavernous landing area, one filled with darkness, with stalagmites and stalactites abound. He hears a deep, booming laughter overhead, and a voice cries out:

VOICE: You have chosen...poorly. There is no turning back. You must face the long dark of Moria...er, I mean, Earth! There is no hope for escape. All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

Jaxx: What you say!!

VOICE: You have no chance to survive make your time.

Jaxx: ALL RIGHT! Enough of this ridiculous Japenglish, I'm coming to get ya!

 

Uh oh! Jaxx has gone through the looking glass!

I hope you didn't take what I said about your sig as me dissaproving. I was just trying to make a concession so that he wouldn't think I was being a total jerk.

Now that he has said his piece he seems to have vanished. Either that or MODs got to bed at reasonable hours. Whatever.

 

No, TGY, I took your comment the way it was supposed to be taken. It is I who is being a smart aleck.

I'm trying to make light of the situation, add some humor to it. Herman's point is well taken, but we ARE doing this for fun, not because we're trying to set a speed record.

This is the most fun I've had on the Fortress in a long while, so I want to take advantage of it. Even if it means posting multiple times a day. Which, I checked, is perfectly legal unless it's spam or posting for the sake of posting. I do not want to post for the sake of posting, because that would tarnish a momentuous event in the Fortress.

We're going to do this the right way. We're going to do this the legal way. We're going to do this the fun way.

ONWARD!

 

*Hey Herman, no offense my friend, but compared to some of the other comings and goings on this board, I really wouldn't concern yourself with this little arena. If I hadn't already released all frustration towards tfn in general, I would be sort of offended for criticism of this event. Not many social threads have reached 10,000 posts. Once these boards turn over, it's a good bet you'll be losing me and possibly Jaxx and maybe a few of the other oldies who came back on here NOT to deal with board politics, but to have fun with old friends one last time. There are no troll postings here and in fact, I think some people take quadruple the time to write up these elaborate story-esque plot posts than a majority of the people over in the social threads in the Amphitheater and all of those. We're playing nice, have no fear.


*BACK TO THE STORY*

*Excal sees a familiar form on the horizon, sans famous fedora and immediately bolts away from the action after slamming a wave of Legolai back with Anduril Earendil.

EXCAL: Wait a second. What are you doing here?

INDY: Me? I was created by Lucas. I have every right!

EXCAL: Look, we had an agreement, remember? Only one fedora-wearing hero within the Fortress. Note my hat on the wall? That means me.

INDY: It's not like I had a choice! I wasn't expecting to get drawn into this mess.

EXCAL: Then DO something! You outrun boulders! You destroy armies of Nazis! This makes you powerless?

INDY: *shrugs* It's not the fistfights...it's the wardrobe.

EXCAL: Oooh....that's it. No one depresses my nicknamesake.

*he flies back to his office in The Fortress and grabs the fedora*

EXCAL: This better work. I like this hat...(puts it on Indy's head)

INDY suddenly seems rejuvenated. cue the John Williams theme as Indy looks up, lopsided smile on his face, all signs of fatigue gone

EXCAL: Hurry up, we've got work to do!

INDY: Right....(looks back) but first, we have to rescue the girl.

EXCAL: You take care of that. And no denting the hat! I got your promise, not a scratch!

INDY: Would you get going pirate? Wow...that sounded vaguely familiar...

EXCAL: Hey, if it's a pirate's life it must be, then call me Bloody Tom Rackham, Captain!

*he flies away as Indy snaps the bullwhip, in preperation for a rescue. Excal looks back over his shoulder.

EXCAL: Man, talk about a birthday present. I get to save Indiana Jones. Can life get better? I submit that it can NOT!

*he spots a blonde haired 21 year old dressed in black, waving a lightsaber in a distress pattern. Excal shakes his head to clear things, but sure enough...

LUKE SKYWALKER: What's going on? One minute I'm dealing with Jabba's crew and the next, here I am in this weird castle place, battling guys with really clean hair...

EXCAL: Okay. I take it back. The day just got better. (deep breath) I'm Excal the Protector, I'm here to rescue you.

LUKE SKYWALKER: You're who?

EXCAL: *sigh* I'm this world's equivalent of you, thus I need to get you out of here and into battle so that you may help us destroy the army of Star Trek crossover invaders, a slew of Legolas clones and bring balance back to the Fortress.

LUKE SKYWALKER: You seem really stressed out.

EXCAL: Ever try saving the world before dinner?

LUKE: Once. They called it a Death Star.

EXCAL: Yeah. Mine's called college.

LUKE: Tackled a crazy father bent on turning you into his henchman focusing on bringing misery to all around you?

EXCAL: Sure. Darth Dad.

LUKE: He'd be friends with Vader then for sure.

EXCAL: We're going to be fine. Feel like joining the fight?

LUKE: Why not? I've got time to kill before this crossover ends.

*Excal snaps in a speeder bike for Luke*

EXCAL: Follow me. We have to get to 34! He's making a spell to change day to night?

LUKE: Why?

EXCAL: You'll see....


DUN DUN DUN

My first post as a 21 year old! And I get to rock with Luke and Indy. My birthday present to myself. Let's keep this baby rolling!

 

Happy Birthday Excal!!!

I can't wait to see you this weekend. Medieval times will be so cool...we'll FINALLY have the opportunity to say, "I'm gonna get MEDIEVAL on his [bum]" and MEAN IT!

Booyah!

 

First things first....

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Jaxx - I absolutely LOVE your sig!

tgy - You're my hero!

excal - EXCAL: Okay. I take it back. The day just got better. (deep breath) I'm Excal the Protector, I'm here to rescue you.

LUKE SKYWALKER: You're who? That line was just AWESOME!

Princess - Thanks! I try! I figured that since I can't really write awesome action sequences like all the others, then I have to self-sacrifice myself for the others, be encassed in carboni...I mean, yeah, I didn't just give that away....


AVANTI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------


Solo wakes up in a black cell with no windows lying on a hard bunk that couldn't even be called a bunk.

This is soo strange...this place almost looks familiar, yet, I've never been here before.

Just then, she hears the sound of booted footsteps approaching her door.

She immediately sits up only to find herself face to face with THE MAN IN BLACK.

Solo: DARTH VADER! Only *you* could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this! When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic vessel-...(Wait a minute, why does THAT sound wrong?!)

VADER: Don't act so surprised, General. I know you joined this band later than the rest but nevertheless they've shared information with you.

Solo: I don't know what you're talking about.

VADER: You're a part of the Rebel Alliance...and a traitor. Take her away!

Solo: Wait a minute! What Rebel Alliance?!?!?! I really have no clue what you're talking about!!!!!

Solo is unceremoniously dragged away and thrown into another cell. She hears some movement off to the dark corner of the cell....*oh great, the last thing I need now would be a rancor*

She cautiously moves as far away from the corner as possible but then rustling of fabric can be heard.

*Hello?*

*Is there someone or something in here with me?*

Then, out of the shadows and into the light came the tall figure...

Solo couldn't help but notice the red booted feet. Then the cape....and then, there he was..

Superman?!?!?!!?

Solo: What the kriff are you doing here? How did YOU get captured? And why do they want YOU??

Superman: I've no clue what the want with me...I overheard them saying they were going to inject me with some kind of stuff to make me their minion so that I could break some kind of wall or something, a Fortress or something.

Solo: Dang it! And now I'm stuck here and I can't warn them! They're gonna get rammed! By you! (Solo points an accusing finger at Superman)

Superman: Hey hey! I havne't done it yet! And small consolation as this may be, if i do it, I don't mean it!

Solo: right right. Say, why don't you use your superpowers and get us out of here then? Can't you ram this wall instead of ours?

Superman: I'd love to but I already tried..they've got kryponite in the walls or something. Not enough to have me lying on the floor in pain but enough to have me neutralized.

Solo: crap then. We're screwed.