Challenge The four words at a time challenge continues

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by earlybird-obi-wan, Sep 2, 2012.

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  1. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    I have begun this on the temp boards and here it is as I have saved it.
    We can continue with the hilarious story of Inigo, Sunblocker and the characters crossing their path

    Four words story

    In a galaxy far but not too far From your nearest Starbucks a lone figure sat atop a throne of undernourished shiitake mushrooms and an assortment of paisley upon which he munched slowly but steadily as he contemplated his next trip to the shrink , a staunch Freudian who liked to go swimming with sharks. His name was Inigo Montoya, and the psychologist's name was Sunblocker.

    Sunblocker was currently applying sunblock to his textbooks, a curious custom he had picked up in his travels to the Hoth shooting location.

    Inigo set off, pondering Why is it so bloody difficult to get a decent cup of coffee in the morning. (He hated question marks). Inigo did not think making coffee himself was a task fit for someone so amazing as Inigo himself.

    He grabbed his umbrella; it looked like a purple mushroom. He tried a bite and promptly spat it out, onto his boots. Umbrellas weren't food, but then, neither is paisley. He loved eating paisley. This was probably because when he was a textile designer, he fell in love with a haberdasher. She was so talented at planting mushrooms that she persuaded him to plant his own.

    Unfortunately, she didn't know that in his land, mushrooms are very expensive signs of a haberdasher's disdain. Still, he loved her in a somewhat small but very sincere manner. He tried to kill her anyway because this suddenly became edgy and he hated edges. This included compact sets. Especially the compact sets and he loved curves. Curves like Inigo Montoya particularly the elliptical ones. The six fingered man, by contrast, enjoyed edges, cheap sunglasses, and tiny chocolate-dipped caterpillars, which wiggled so delightfully as caterpillars can do to slide down your throat with relative ease.

    Naturally, this didn't endear him to the pro-caterpillar contingent so he cried bitterly as the contingent officials burned down his mushrooms and thus, his love. Thus love flamed out. And so it was that the world watched soccer, while Inigo ran to the tune of "Burning Down the House" because he had Lupus. It was always Lupus. He mourned the loss of his Old Yeller, and finally arrived at the shrink's place, where the sunblock supplies were being delivered by the sunblock company's army of highly literate exploding ants. Of course, this meant the sunblock was periodically slightly crispy, and had an unfortunate tendency to cause a diaper rash.

    The shrink's diapers were disposable, hence the rashes. This caused Sunblocker some amount of annoyance, as changing the shrink's diapers revealed two crescent moons in the darkest of burnt skin, and he wiped the detritus off of his lightsaber scar with a fork.

    It flaked off quite painfully to fertilize his mushroom. It wasn't his day. The mushrooms all died, the pigs all flew, and the world screamed "No, not the pigs!" Inigo and Sunblocker screamed at the sight of blood and bacon, everywhere.

    But then, Inigo remembered that Princess Buttercup was was Jedi Padawan to Ahsoka Tano. Ahsoka was feuding with Dread-Pira T'Roberts who was definitely not thinking about inconceivable things.

    Inigo and Sunblocker set off in search of Ahsoka's invisible umbrella, which was a bit like a fresh, crispy tomato. Nothing more useful than a broken shield generator

    "That's REALLY useless!" Inigo moped, wondering why he had to clean the the fresher yet again.

    It is april move-time Somebody screamed out of sheer terror due to the prospect of moving. The scream echoed eerily and then dissolved into whimpering to move to a sound reminiscent of a giant bowel movement.

    "That's lovely," Inigo said. He liked bowel movements. They reminded him of the time he went on a one hundred-day trek through the strange violet garden gnome forest in the forgotten lands beyond the veil of sentient, glowing grape vines. Meaner than nonsentient vines, but nicer than monkeys.

    "Goddamn monkeys," he swore, but he marched on intermittently dancing the macarena and the occasional waltz but never the tango. After all, the tango killed his most beloved pet, the rare blue Caerbannoggian Rabbit. In his memoirs, he described how his tangoing turned lethal when he stepped on a poisonous ant colony.

    "This tangent is silly!" interrupted the Colonel, displeased.

    "How dare he!" Inigo shouted, drawing his mackerel and waving it menacingly while the Colonel drew his trusty rainbow trout in vibrant oil pastels.

    Meanwhile, Sunblocker felt neglected. His shrink, Sunblocker, always preffered salmon, despite his resemblance to a herring. Sunblocker had brought the curtains, but not the tapestries. Good tapestries were sought by Scottish lords since quilts were too expensive thanks to the Great Amish Quilting Strike.

    The Amish's demands were not met by the sunblock company, which had an insurance scam planned in preparation for the day of the comet when the skies would incandescent white and turn children against their mothers. When Inigo heard of the huge comet scam he was filled with raspberry pudding and trifles as well as mild indigestion. The Amish had been quite generous with their horse drawn carriages but they were secretly stockpiling a horde of combat-trained sheep, armed with shrubbery and herring to do battle with indigestion and burps plaguing zombies from the afterlife.

    Meanwhile, back at the Ghetto, the armed sheep with south Bronx accents stormed the large castle, so that they might steal the Grail from the big huge round table of Darth Sidious

    The table was defended by four sentient pastries, armed with manly spears and led by the Cake of Death, Eddie.

    Eddie was Sunblocker’s most loyal and trusted lieutenant who admired Darth Vader Who painted the colorful flag that stood upon the Hill of the man called Hank. He needed therapy because of advanced schizophrenia, which caused uncontrollable Asbergers. This made him hear voices while he obsessed over little horses that resided in the zoo on Coruscant. He loved how the Rancors had tea with the Wampas on Hoth. Eddie's pastry obsession was forbidden by the Code, for the same reason that the use of one thousand words could seriously jeopardise the delicious precision of disciplined silence. Lightsabers cut through cake but the poor frosting splattered across the walls.

    Eddy huffed and muttered "Why do these things always turn out like some bad idea?"

    "It is the will of the Force," said Eddie's serene Jedi Master, formerly named Darth Ramza but now named Bob the builder and a Master Carpenter, to boot. Such a long name was short compared to Tikki-tikki-tembo-nosa-rembo-chari-bari-ruchi-pip-pen-pembo but longer than Al, Sunblocker's real name.

    "But, Master," Eddie objected, "I thought we were talking about going to the annual cake festival at the Alderaanian Embassy."

    "We shall, young Padawan just as soon as we have finished this tangent in the story."

    There was a disturbance in the frosting. The mutilated sugary mess formed a stark inscription; one that read: "Those who eat of this cake will suffer from horrible laughing spells and win dizzy spells and get stomach cramps and bloating!" Despite the ominous warning, he gorged himself on the little bon-bons decorating the cake and the giant roasted rhino nearby.

    The end? Hardly! For the cake split open and out leapt a Ewok in sequined attire! This particular Ewok was highly trained in the art of continuing tangents. This Ewok conjured a powerful tangential spell that caused an outbreak of yub yub commander shouts and other such nonsense. And then he exploded.

    One of those days.

    Close behind the Ewok a desperate Inigo lunged forward, saber aloft, hollering "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

    Ewok yub yub commander Fluffy blocked his path and danced around in delirious ecstasy. He said, "why can't you be someone special, like that great big purple dragon. Because we all know that dragons are lost to legend and coolness."

    "Loss of purple crocodile people to the underground bomb bunkers on Malastare Six," moaned Inigo's Master.

    "Too true, too true," said Fluffy, as he shook his head in wonder. "They should sue you for lies and despicable villainy. But alas, purple crocodile are known to deceive." He then dusted off his dirigible bongo and clambered aboard.

    Meanwhile, down below, the purple crocodile mother was tending to her eggs. While about to blow a flaming sneeze, she instead blew up a planet. This concerned Palpatine, calling Tarkin and Vader a pair of inept dunderheads, who can't even organise a cosmetics night for Daala and her Jedi carbonfreezing GAG-officers and a small ferret. He hired the Techno-Union to assassinate the ferret, but it eloped with Sunblocker, while Inigo complained that he still needed therapy. So he turned to Boba Fett and his rakghoul army from another time. Through them, he arranged for the ferret to undergo psychological evaluation. But he was thwarted by the fact that The Mousetrap's ending was changed by Mace Windu, something that had caused Batman and Robin to say, "Holy Bat-fanfics! It's a non sequitur, Batman!"

    That bit of campy overacting left Batman wondering "Why am I even saving the city in daylight?" Back on topic, yeah, riiiiight, sentient kumquats are the way to a death of uncontrollable tangential traumas and unspeakable horrors from beyond the grave. But then, something happened. Buffy and Angel showed up and continued to argue with Thor for some unknown reason.

    Thor countered: "Thou wouldst not find my wrath to be thine forsaken grammar." Buffy glared at a stray sparklepire and complained, "Not a lightsaber."

    While Inigo looked on, confused by the display flagrant vulgarity, he decided to side with Captain Caveman, which only added to the growing cast of beings wanting to stop Sunblocker's mad scheme to destroy the plot to bring cake to nudist Wookie colonies. So, they all joined forces. But alas, Sunblocker had enough of this tangent to runaway with the absurdity of this entire yub yub commander Ewok pledge. Nevertheless, he valiantly fought against the temptation to end the tangents too soon because he needed them to defeat the ultimate evil. So, he asked Batman, Buffy and young Obi-Wan to go and die. Yeah.

    So instead Inigo asked "green troll help me defeat this tangent and ask Sunblocker to go kill this story's authors."

    "Like this story I am hopelessly lost with ideas on what to do," Yoda muttered and he decided to leave.

    "Why does he always skip out when things are starting to get a little hairy?" Well, Inigo had no clue as to what to do next. But fortunately a brand-new solution was presented by Sunblocker —get back on topic.

    The fourth wall was shattered when the reader realized that the plot was a random collection of completely unrelated tangents, held together solely by a temporary board and duct tape. Upon that board was a drawing of a grotesque, obese cake that inspired Sunblocker to yell to Inigo as he wondered why Inigo wanted on top of the cake. So, Inigo answered him that the cake was filled with delicious chocolate lava that flowed into a puddle. Suddenly, without warning, the puddle came alive with the sound of giant nexus playing a tuba. It then coalesced its way up his frilly pink dress, causing chocolate smudges in his lace. "Egad!" he screamed. "How dare such shenanigans interfere with my tangents!" He then begins earthbending and water-warping to the tune of Greensleeves while his guards dance to celebrate the master cake maker.

    Meanwhile in The Jedi Coucil, master Bob was doing trigonometry homework. he was stuck on tangents, which were jumping out at him. The math, thick as a brick, had new Bantha's fur, confused him to the point that he screamed like jawas in mating season. When a couple of guys heard the screaming they concluded that the 501th was under attack.

    They screamed for their mommies that were eating Jell-O. So then they said: " Don't touch my Jell-O!!!!!" So they did anyway in the process annoying their mommies most severely. Afterward they received a firm throttling. Once that the 501st avenged their leader Darth Vader turning him into a Jawa around to scratch his old lightsaber scar and have him turn berserk.

    Inigo watched the goings-on, thoroughly confused, and wondered "Can it get any weirder?" Well, yes, actually. But it won't. Ahsoka will not be appearing. But she already has, resulting in a paradox! The story blew up.

    No it did not it turned out that Ahsoka time-traveled back to the battle of naboo. Cause desa all broken. And she was attacked by a destroyer droid that was also a copy of Darth Vader more machine than man but no match for Ahsoka's agility and cunning. It soon became scrap but then the real Vader burst out from a giant meat locker.

    Ahsoka cried out and waved. “Qui-Gon! Don’t touch my master and my mint-condition Giant-Sized Man-Thing Annual! But Qui-Gon was unmoved and he left fingerprints on Ahsoka's clothes that were dry clean only along with peanut-buttery smudges. Seeing the commotion, Anakin whined about his life and mangled peanut-butter sandwich but its shield didn't hold against the might of being trapped inside Ahsoka's dry-cleaning bag. But nothing was worse than seeing Chewbacca without fur.

    "MY EYES!" Ahsoka screamed. She staggered back, tripping over a fallen log. Blood oozed from her now-skinned-up butt and she prized a splinter from her butt and presented it to Mace Windu, who gave a contemptoueus snort. "What sort of Padawan gives a woody splinter to a Jedi , I much prefer a boot to the head."

    Ahsoka and the Wookie jumped over each other , desperate to get away from Obi-Wan and Siri.

    Their amarous desires were infecting Inigo and all those unfortunate souls nearby.

    Sunblocker was getting desperate to end all of blaster in the knee distractions and took Inigo down some wooden stairs to a safe place. That wasn't really safe , because antimatter ninjas from the Forest-Moon of Endor that were also dinosaurs and teenage mutant ninja-turtles appeared in a convoluted dancing routine that opened with a rousing number.

    "This story is ridiculous," moaned Qui-Gon as he kicked Ahsoka out of yet tasty manner that doesn't make sense because 'manner' isn't something that one can be kicked out of. But Ahsoka did get kicked-out anyway.

    She threw a tantrum , which got her grounded from now until the death of Yaru Korsin. Which would be in time for the boards to magically reappear, thanks to IGN's pizza run on Fort Tusken’s men.

    With 600 posts to Star Wars Episode 7, random four word combinations will give GL great pleasure to see his flying robot completely intact and piloted by Qui-Gon Jinn. Qui-Gon Kenobi, however, the multi-donor secret clone of a certain Obi-Wan who cried, "The END OF THE TEMP BOARDS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE LOUD SHOUTING (followed by quiet whispering) and solemn Jedi meditating upon the meaning of life, the universe, tacos and Facebook. Zayne Carrick didn't understand how Facebook worked, so he asked for a pink-and-green-striped umbrella and a JCF account.

    A mod eager for The Move banned him.

    Heartbroken, Zayne turned to a different, kinder mod who still banned him , as mods are evil. Except Great Moddess Ahsoka!

    Ahsoka saw Zayne’s plight and promptly banned him.

    Zayne shrugged, deciding to wait out his ban. Then the forums move would give him excellent oppurtunities for revenge against Ahsoka with Sunblocker helping using his phat beats.

    So it was that an epic rap battle between him and Ahsoka was about to commence. But before it could occur, the Move suddenly created a spacetime rift and the Starship Enterprise suddenly appeared, tearing apart the fandom with controversial Trekkie versus Warsie debates that lasted for centuries. And outlasted many generations of bored and competitive arguing on a fruitless endevours as we all shake our heads sadly.

    Zayne won the contest, contacted Inigo and Sunblocker to spread news of his unbanning, which lasted until the actual move and inadvertently killed Jarael. The move destroyed his reputation because it sucked.

    Sunblocker however came with a number of attachments to show off to Zayne but then discovered that the attachments were faulty advertisements to lure him into a serious case of European jumping bean-itis.

    Bean-itis had been spreading via day-old tuna salad, stale chocolate, along with fresh macaroni and cheese. Zayne tracked the source to a whole different reality, finding mushroom spores embedded in toad slime atop a pile of knarled, decript and highly mushroom umbrella that had white spots on it. The fungi detatched from its holdings and began inflating it's oversized cap to a tremendous size.

    Inigo Montoya, however, had followed Zayne, and now was going to eat all of the mushrooms. But instead he vanished. Inigo Montoya realized that getting bean-itis was going to be far more worse than Hepatitis was. So he set off to find something to saute the mushrooms in before riding roller coasters.

    Zayne, meanwhile, had discovered roller coasters were fun and invited Sunblocker to go on the slushbucket and retrieve his prize. While waiting in line for a roller coaster, Inigo found tomatoketchup to put on his manwich before riding the coaster.

    The operator said he was too heavy for the coaster, weird because there is no coaster, thus making him very confused, breathless and sweaty from the bean-itis bug bothering his immune system. So, he hurried to Sunblocker and puked on him.

    Sunblocker - already green from envy – punched him in his belly and began to spout a tirade at all Jedi. "You shall not pass" and other such overused phrases.

    "Do or do not?” quoted Qui-Gon to Sunblocker and got Obi-Wan involved in the bean-itis scandal that had consumed much of the credits of his salary and his time. His valuable time which could have been spent doing other things, was was instead wasted trying to find a cure for Obi-Wan's bean-itis infection, which killed Siri and had Obi-Wan visiting Sunblocker for more advice. Unfortunately, Sunblocker was counceling Inigo and did not have the time to care.

    Obi-Wan went to master Plo Koon to get a new idea for this peculiar story tangent, since everyone else forgot about the mouse and his piece of cheese. Anyway, the mouse's brother Worcestershire had joined the Mandalorians in their quest for more tangents to exploit. Never cosines, mind you.

    Of course, things can't remain in this state forever with Anakin hollering, "GET BACK ON TOPIC!"

    So, Qui-Gon spanked Anakin who kicked Yoda, who tripped up Zayne, who knocked out Daala, who was arguing with Jacen about who was going to go to the prom with Darth Sidious.

    Meanwhile, Yoda and Yaddle were making out when Anakin grabbed Yoda's gimerstick pointed it at both green masters and Qui-Gon and shouted, "What the kark are you trying to do, destroy the whole forum with these ridiculous pairings of Jedi?" "Destroy the forum, what are you, crazy?"

    Yes, the bored poster said, replying to the voices in his head.

    "'JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG and temporary forums are a safe haven for fanfic writers wanting to release their latent powers at a great community. At least it was safe for Jedi hairstylists, until one Jedi got fired. Fanfic was NSFW. Filoni was harassing Obi-Wan because Filoni's a jerk and always gets a a-way with being superior and jerkish. So, the other Jedi-Knights decided to go to the Ewok to get tips on grooming, hair-styling and nit-picking resulting in forming a giant hippie commune.

    Then, Inigo and Sunblocker came and knelt before Qui-Gon who stared blankly at the two and asked, "Where are you going with that... thing?"


    Inigo and Sunblocker continued exploding with violent force the cakes they had in Mace Windu's starfighter.

    The smell was horrible!

    Then Mace's green tiger, named Cringer, transformed into a rather large ninja!

    The reader said, "Huh?" but whatever, tiger ninjas!

    "The fourth wall is broken with four words at a time, and the green tiger is actually more a turqoise with a green lightsaber like yo mamma, dude." But still, the blancmange was standing on the tennis court when the soccer referee came in with Inigo just behind and loudly shouted "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

    "Oh, and Sunspot’s dead cat rose from the grave. Also, Sunspot? Dead." Sad, but true, folks. Sunspot's zombie cat then attacked the blancmange with a nasty claw swipe. Zombie cat's claws struck an artery! Blood spurted from blancmange with a velocity unprecedented for pastries —no, Top Fuel dragsters, were exploding into rainbows! While Obi-Wan's futile tennis interfered with Inigo’s soccer game, it did have the positive effect of making everyone laugh. However, Obi-wan didn't want anyone laughing, because he’s a humorless jerk like that.

    Main cause Filoni subjecting viewers to EU mangling this tangent so badly that its original intent was completely freaking lost on the entire audience including you. Yes, you.

    Inigo and Sunblocker got smacked upside the head.

    "Don't do those ridiculous tangents anymore! I'm tired and hitting a corpse provides absolutely no amusement!"

    "So stop hitting Sunblocker," Qui-Gon then turned and punched Grievous, then screamed at Filoni for harassing Obi-Wan with tennis balls uglier than Cthulhu. Vergere contacted the Yuuzhan Vong to get revenge for Filoni's reckless disregard of Obi-Wan's health and character sheet. "Roleplaying, this is?!?"

    Grand-dungeon-Jedi-Master Yoda rolled the d20, which was... 20! "A critical, I have!"

    Filoni took 1,000,000 points and had to roll a Fortitude save versus his Hit Points and barely succeeded with 17 which had Obi-Wan rolling a 14 for attacking.

    "When did this become a nonsensical DnD riff?"

    "When I touched it." Said Inigo with his disguise removed, revealing jcgoble3!

    "Self-insert? In THIS fic? demanded Qui-Gon who then fnorked the blerm with a lightsaber belonging to Mork from planet Ork. He rolls 1d6 for... Obi-Wan as Sunblocker decided to disguise Inigo again. Sunblocker drowned in the ocean several pages ago, and became shark food.

    "We've jumped the shark!!!" yelled Grimby, who locked the Fonz in jail where jail-master Asajj Ventress was the token dominatrix.

    She subjected him to Rodents of Unusual Size. But Obi-Wan's tennis racket hit her in the foot, causing her to limp awkwardly while swearing.

    Meanwhile, Inigo revived Sunblocker and began to ask and began to ask where is my cactus?

    "Near the freddled gruntbuggly," replied Sunblocker as the gruntbuggly began to grunt, snort, snuff, and sneeze and blow itself apart while Zombie-Sunblocker ate the last brownie! That sneak!

    Elsewhere, the Jedi gathered a huge pile of mushrooms to give Inigo. Unfortunately they made him a mushroom pie, that is trippy, dippy and hallucegenic and cake for dessert. Obi-Wan was scraping the last bits from the cake-batter bowl and got a mouthful of dough and mushrooms. Oh, yuck! So he spit and washed his mouth out and got seduced by that delicious-looking canolli over on Qui-Gon’s plate, next to the luscious Siri.

    She smiled and said: "Is it just me or is something hot arriving on the Bat-Holo-Phone?"

    Obi-Wan took the canolli and said that the spice was like Siri and her saucy line. hot, spicy and tempting body of vocabulary knowledge.

    Hands on knowledge, too, mainly of stuff that's too hot to handle for the adventurous Jedi.

    Still, it was Siri who put on her robe and wizard hat that make her looks something to devour with Qui-Gon’s bucketful of cold canolli and shi-take mushrooms and a Bantha Steak. Suddenly, a superintelligent orangutan devoured the food and ran off with Siri to the Library where he borrowed a copy of My Little Pony and promptly gagged and began to expel chunks of half-digested squirrels and pink manes and glittery adegan crystals from a very small, round, furry hoard of ancient artifacts. One of them had been a golden snitch, one a golden snotch, but the rest were Qui-Gon Jinn action figures! "Not another paradox," groaned Inigo, slapping his forehead and accidentally slapping the great love of Siri, who slapped him back.

    "You slapped me, Obi-Wan!" Siri was utterly incensed. Inigo had no right to slap her like a sadomasochistic ham sandwich from hell. Siri should have filed charges. Elsewhere, someone singing far away horribly off key, still words like Satine, Moulin-Rouge obviously not Obi-Wan’s singing, Because he sings like a grizzly bear in an ice cold shower Obi-Wan's voice is wonderful, melodiously thick like peanut-butter in stark comparison to Jar Jar's screeching and jub jub commander Ewok's constant prattling, which combined to make a cacaphonious noise that felled many Jedi due to the inanity.

    Chewbacca shrugged and roared, "Halt, I am Reptar!"

    But no one listened as they were looking for a pink bow to put in Chewie's bandoleer but were thwarted by Boba Fett and a chorus-line of dancing half naked Irish men.

    "Ah! My eyes!" cried Inigo apalled by the flips and the flops of a beached whale.

    “So sensitive,” noted Qui-Gon while continuing leg kicks to the groin of a singing, dancing merman, who merely laughed and punched Qui-Gon in the rocket launchers in retaliation to have him flying nose first into a puddle of green slime some water buddha found at Walmart.

    Darth Bane shrugged off all this awesomeness and called Zannah (something we can't say) because of the impossible pancake stack with syrup that glued his lips to Allana Solo.

    "That a most sticky situation it is." grinned Yoda planting his own lips in a wide smile. He gave a wheezy before pinching a daisy putting that on his lightsaber. He then leaped light as the daisy to confront Darth Bane only to fall into the Klingons' insidious trap. Yoda's lightsaber made lunch-meat of both Ferengi and Gand villains, slicing them in daisy sized chunks.

    "An aperitif," Inigo sneered to Qui-Gon who raised a glass in salute to the silliest story to ever crawl up and leave great gobs of greasy, grimy gopher hairballs all over Obi-Wan's fastidiously clean and tidy boots. "Gophers!" he cried, "Pathetic animals master are we there yet?"

    "No, Obi-Wan, stop asking,” Qui-Gon chided. "Are we there yet? I'm sooooooo bored!"

    "Temp boards are taunting, this story is haunting, my master is flaunting, so get moving and quit being so daunting." Obi-Wan sang and gave Darth Maul a Christmas salute with a chainsaw to his neck, ensuring that Qui-Gon would live! Except he didn't live.

    Qui-Gon died painfully, leaving Obi-Wan behind being comforted by Jorus C'baoth, who in reality was not Jorus but Qui-Gon in his complaints about four ghostly blue shimmers and four words at a time to make his story more well known.

    Han was in Ohio, making a connection to Sydney, AKA Coronet City, to speak with Sigmund Fink attorney-at-law.

    Sigmund Fink liked to complain about nonsensical plots against Lord Sidious’s life and began to ask what about Mas Amadda? "Where's the goddamn beef?"

    "Gonk beef?" Sidious asked.

    "What is Gonk beef?"

    "Your salvation through destruction," Sidious told Qui-Gon, chained to his padawan and dangled over a bottomless bathtub filled with nothing but cold whipped cream and a ham sandwich.

    Obi-Wan's stomach growled. The to the lovely Tahl dedicated ham sandwich and grammar fails ruined the destruction. A slash with —let's not go there” had Obi-Wan free to do the Safety Dance freeing with his lightsaber to swing at the dangling participle and mangled mess of hard, twisted chains. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan said, "What the kriff?"

    "We escaped the Sidious-trap."

    "Don't be so sure..." Qui-Gon raised a finger ominously. A sinister laughter on the other side carried in the distance. But the fan-ficcer trap, baited with dangling participles drew participants like Inigo to buckle their swashes and they have a party and get arrested.

    Obi-Wan freed Inigo and decried the ensuing hilarity frivolous use of the flying silver swan and —wait, what was that?!?

    The narrator, completely lost in four words of randomly vibrating, incomprehensible, chaotic nonsense asked Sunblocker to translate into basic Basic language which she could post on these are-we-already-there-yet-boards, trying to satisfy the infinitely talented fan-fic authors who torture and maim their respective languages so badly to the point where you can’t understand them. But Inigo interfered with the lilting prose that made him famous by stuttering and giggling like a little girl "Get moving to the Jedi Temple ladies' room his colon started screaming," "I won't go," Inigo muttered, clenching his cheeks, pressing his knees together, and groaning in frustration.

    Sunblocker acted and took hold of the stubborn, but handsome and deranged victim of acute dyspepsia, "Hurt-comfort writers've got me!"

    The writers tortured, comforted and hurt the poor widdle little irritated colon. Inigo gave a relieved exhale, falling into Sunblocker's soft, cushioned toilet seat.

    "This is ridiculous," said Siri to Obi-Wan and promptly pressed her lips to his.

    Obi-Wan was scowling towards Filoni accusing everyone of supporting hurt-comfort, then took Siri’s comfort mixed with some Obi-Torture and fell into bliss.

    Filoni loved Obi-Wan-Ass-Kicking and so suffered retaliation from the rabid, maniacal fans screaming and yelling so loudly that he got new ideas for his outlook on the way. HIS ass was whomped. And then he went crying to Qui-Gon who went "Taken" on him.

    "That should teach him," Obi-Wan cheered, rakishly pumping while poor Qui-Gon screamed "I don't want Filoni to whomp-ass poor Obi-Wan!"

    It was then that Inigo decided to pull a stunt by going to Alderaan's asteroid belt to fasten his pants, search for the Millennium-Falcon, and dance in space. Dancing didn't work.

    Han protested as he twirled with Luke, practicing for the big move party involving drinking, no dancing of rumba and zumba, just Corellian twirlers and ale “I don’t want you in there, R2,"

    A wolf-whistle followed and R2 started to dance the funky jerky Robot zumba with Treepio muttering "This is why I hate this droide so much." "Don't whine," Inigo scolded Artoo and Threepio.

    "But sir," protested Threepio, "R2 began this with Naboo swing dancing recordings and Aldaraanian fast polkas," That makes everybody crazy. Inigo consulted Sunblocker and discovered that, to his everlasting dismay, Sunblocker loved Filoni-Obi-Wan-Ass-Kicking and Robot-zumba performed.

    Inigo in indignation punched that no-good, dirty-rotten traitor until Filoni promised to restore Obi-Wan's reputation and lick Master Qui-Gon’s boots to make them clean . Instead, Jar Jar volunteered to use his tongue to make Filoni repent by lashing him repeatedly over with long tongue wipes then sousing the fellow with honeybee teardrops and stale Italian soda. "No," Obi-Wan whispered, "You can't lick that star-forsaken my ass-kicking piece of Plo Koon fan boy before the Jedi Council does what they want to do with Filoni.

    "Okey-dey," Jar-Jar demurred, "Dissen is Jedi-business mesa outta here." So saying, Jar Jar hitched a ride to the nearest cantina and flapped his tongue to the garrulous barkeep only to be stopped by an elderly hermit who gripped that tongue and swing Jar Jar round, before severing his arm and then sitting down and falling to sleep.

    "OWWWWWCH! Dat hurt meesa!"

    "Next time I shall go after your ears you misbegotten swamp spawn ," intoned the elderly hermit.

    "Yousa gotta bombad temper," muttered Jar Jar turning to what ever he was doing before the assault.

    Inigo stared, open-mouthed, then succumbed to uncontrollable scratching of Ahsoka's invisible itch using occult Force techniques.

    Ahsoka giggled, Anakin glared

    "That's not funny, Snips." He squirmed, itchy himself and recalling Obi-Wan’s lecture on scratching only above one's utility belt, unless one was truly desperate. This went on for a time until Palpatine burned his black robe claiming it scratched THERE while the Chancellior Guards looked on askance, asking, "Paper or plastic, Sire?"

    "Fools! Reusable organic cotton is less scratchy, environmentally sound, and has that panache so often lacking in Jedi undergarments and plushy pink bunny slippers *can't....stop...laughing!*

    Blue lightning made short wear of long underwear. Since it was summer, they discarded even the 20-year old cheese that smelled worse than Jar Jar's poop smeared feet. This was cause for nose blowing and coughing and a mass exodus into the acid pits of the mighty Jabberwocky, where pink flitterflies roam, giant spotted frog-oids croak, vorpal blades go snicker-snack, nerfs lick their nerf-fur and trolls dispense wisdom. This was no place like it in all his journeys through the fantastic and chaotic galaxy Inigo decided, slurping his triple Rodiano blended caff that he was bored. He loved his Rodiano with an immoderate attachment, not unlike Sunblocker's Starbucks obsession, a dark passion that he always kept locked away in the tallest tower of the of the Coruscant drive-in frequented by rather unsavory aquatic ballet dancers from the opera-house. His Rodiano cup of caff was awful and it tasted like something that was poured through an old sock, a coffee filter and a dirty diaper that reeked of chloroform. Sunblocker almost got sedated by listening to weird Bith-generated crooning, but apple cider aroused him to the point of hysteria. His eyes glazed the color of old produce, and his nose spewed green bits of moldy Lucky Charms cereal.

    "By the Force!" exclaimed Yoda, speaking normally because this was extremely exciting (except when it wasn't) “We need Master Qui-Gon ... wait, no, never mind." We really need Obi-Wan!" On one condition and two suppositions, and three dancing pygmy goats. This situation is beyond even Inigo's ability to comprehend.

    "No kidding," huffed the purple winged fluffy draigon upon which Obi-Wan sat with the inherent grace of a prince and Jedi.

    "My Jedi-knight in shining Light cried Duchess Satine.

    "Back off, Satine," warns Siri Tachi, who loved Obi-Wan even more and swung her golden locks, hopped aboard the draigon in Obi-Wan's lap, purring while the Duchess fumed.

    "Whoa get your wings and fly my love," Obi-Wan grinned. "Take Inigo back to Mandalore, where Satine can commune with the great and powerful Doofus of the Dippity DeathWatch, otherwise known as the supremely ineffective pretender which neither protects or reclaims the Mandalore "honor" while guzzling dirty martinis.

    "Be forsworn," Inigo burped "Sunblocker should add mushrooms to his concoction of pear cider and pungent socks."

    "Socks," cried Sunblocker in delight, whipping off his Qui-Gon fuzzy slippers, donating to the stew his only raggedy footwear.

    "Hhhhhhmph," the Grand Master chuffed, "Pink slippers cute Qui-Gon they season my stew well."

    "It smells like feet," Inigo muttered. "And that is Yoda's stew indeed."

    "Speaking of stew, when will Anakin stop pouting about chocolate covered pancakes he wanted Padme wearing on one of her pale yellow feathered and daintily and skimpily clad pet fwit?" Inigo huffed.

    "She owes me," Anakin whined "She is leading me on with banana boat rides that have marshmallow centers and peeled grapes piled in the seats where I try to make sweet love."

    Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow coughed, and admitted that sounded like fun, but this confounded nonsensical loving gestures and movements between two supposedly mature adults was something else entirely for the Jedi used Force touches not physical ones.

    “Stop,” Qui-Gon commanded and proceeded to slurp from the lovely Tahl's drink, listening to a slow ballad play on.

    "A drinking song," Obi-Wan, recoiled, aghast and intrigued.

    "Watch it, kid," Tahl reprimanded, "It's a ballad Master Qui Gon composed.

    Obi-Wan deflated, muttering apologies to both Jedi masters.

    Qui-Gon was affronted, glaring at Sunblocker, who must plug his ears, whistle songs of seven seas and dance a jig.

    Inigo picked up his feet and his drink, looked at Sunblocker and and mooned Qui-Gon Jinn.

    Obi-Wan fainted. Qui-Gon sighed.

    Siri huffed and knelt by Obi-Wan. "Wake up!"

    Obi-Wan responded by tickling Qui-Gon who cradled him in his brown cloak.

    Siri gazed at Obi-Wan wondering when he would tickle or kiss HER.

    "Those inviting lips are a beacon to consciousness and simply beg to be caressed, soothed and be kissed," Obi-Wan whispered and bowed down to lock lips with Siri.

    "Pure love I see,” Qui-Gon said, smiling benignly.

    "Copy-cat you are master," Obi-Wan returned. "Tahl and you were very inspiring so we emulated you."

    "Jedi-love will be forever... boy, this is sappy." Windu boomed, clearly unhappy.

    "Your purple boa," Inigo snerked, pointing with claws "has met agressive negotiations and lost some feathers."

    With a bitter, determined snort, Mace strutted off heading toward the chocolate and booze bar, whistling appreciatively at the tall candlesticks adorning the sumptuous marble fireplace with its golden glowing embers of fake flames and artificial flowers that smelled of logs. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan was massaging Siri's feet with a purple feather and strong, supple warm fingers.

    "Don't forget, love," Siri moaned, "my arches need soft kisses and more."

    "No feet kissing, " Obi-Wan gave a mischievous smile and handed Siri’s feet to the delicious care of a tentacle monster.

    "Monsters and tickling fish what were you thinking!" You little Oafy-Wan! Siri giggled and giggled.

    Qui-Gon rolled his eyes in an expression of pretend horror and true madness. Sheer, brutal madness. Qui-Gon lunged at Tahl, began to tickle her until Inigo roared, "Halt!"

    "Mischievous Jedi what a bunch of tickling idiots have I met," Sunblocker muttered and murmured, aghast.

    "Frivolous using the Force," Yoda agreed, smacking Inigo.

    Sunblocker Force pushed Yoda into a trash can who cackled with delight.

    Trashbear threw the trashcan, bashing Chewbacca and Han.

    "Wesa moving today," Jar Jar burbled, using the trashcan rolling to the exit with all his belongings.

    "We will continue," Inigo stated, throwing in more things to move to
  2. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    the new boards that
  3. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    are open for business!
  4. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    "Nice this is," Yoda
  5. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    approved, his ears a-wagging
  6. serendipityaey

    serendipityaey Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 24, 2004
    while he nodded sagely
  7. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    ; proving once again that
  8. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    he is master of

    WIERD_GREEN_MAN Jedi Knight star 4

    Dec 16, 2010
    teh internets and is
  10. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    not to be trifled
  11. ardavenport

    ardavenport Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 16, 2004
    over, unless a weyr-duck
  12. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    quacks and paddles away.

    WIERD_GREEN_MAN Jedi Knight star 4

    Dec 16, 2010
    Suddenly, a lolcat army
  14. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    pussy-footed up, meowing, scratching
  15. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    Inigo and Sunblocker and
  16. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    licking whatever they could

    WIERD_GREEN_MAN Jedi Knight star 4

    Dec 16, 2010
    while pooping rainbows all
  18. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    all over the land.
  19. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    "Furry feline funny she
  20. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    crapped on my boots!
  21. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    " Obi-Wan smirked. "Siri do
  22. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    not do the same."
  23. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    "Old gundark you know
  24. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 16, 2005
    better, I verbally assault
  25. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    any cat that's doing
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