Saga - ST The General's Wife (AU): Hux, OC (drama)

Ditto on Onderon1's Dementia is the most, most heartbreaking thing. I read a memoir a few years ago about a woman whose intelligent, compassionate husband was suffering from it and it was poignantly called "Slow Dancing with a Stranger." I can just imagine Breha feels like she's losing her mother slowly.

 

Thank you for reading and commenting. Unfortunately, I have some experience in this area with both my mother and my mother-in-law going through dementia. I have done the "same conversation ten minutes later" routine. It's heartbreaking. In this case, with Leia, it's especially heartbreaking because she has always been whip-smart and in command; she can't do that anymore.

Thank you for commenting! I always look forward to your responses.
Dementia is hard on both the person and the family, because the person KNOWS they aren't right but they can't quite figure out why. Breha is doing the best she can to make her mom's final days as comfortable as she can, and sometimes that means taking on the harder job for yourself. It's a cruel thing to watch someone so intelligent start to lose their control like that. Breha can only give her love at this point.

Thank you very much for your thoughtful comments! I so appreciate them.
Breha is someone who embodies the best of both her parents. Leia revealed a few posts ago that she got Breha back not just for Breha's own safety, but because Leia knew she was dying and she wanted her daughter there. Now Breha has become her caretaker -- a huge responsibility on top of all the other issues Breha is dealing with, but she takes it on in true Organa fashion because the right thing to do is not always the easiest thing to do. And Leia, as always, has set up all of this in advance, already knowing that this is how it will go down, so that everything will carry on without her - her last act of command is to clear the path so that her own death won't be a burden to others.
I hadn't thought of it that much but you're right, Blue and Leia have both benefited from having her around. But Breha needs them, too - a mother to help her get on her feet again, and Blue to help her to see that she can trust and even love again.

That is so true -- I can't imagine not knowing where my child was. The guilt that must be crushing Breha...Is my girl alone? is she hurt? Is she crying? Does she think I sent her away? I know that would about kill me. Way back in the beginning of the story when she was first rescued, that guilt was what held Breha on Arkanis. She was paralyzed by the fear that she would miss some opportunity, however unlikely, that Armitage would let her see Marielle again. Now all she has, literally, is this thin blue ribbon. (Yes, you are right, the color was deliberate...) I hadn't considered it as part of the systemic abuse that Breha experiences but you are absolutely right. And as always, it's due to Armitage not even bothering to think of Breha (or Marielle for that matter) as a person who deserves to be treated with respect. Armitage abuses his own daughter by tearing her from her mother without even a goodbye. And the thing is he doesn't even do it deliberately. He just doesn't care about anything but himself.

As I mentioned above, I went through this in my own family. My mother-in-law had dementia, and my mom died from a brain tumor. Both of them went through memory loss like this so I knew what I was writing about. The repeated conversations, the forgetting of where people are... it's heartbreaking to watch. For Breha it's especially heartbreaking because Leia doesn't remember that Han is dead, so it reopens the wound in Breha's heart every time Leia talks about him.
You're right in the fact that this is a big step for Breha. This is the person they found cowering in a hidden room, expecting an attack - the person was so traumatized by Armitage that she was afraid to leave for fear that it will make him lash out, not just at her but at Poe and the others. Now she has found that she has the strength to make it on her own, and that means taking back control. She's her own person now, with dignity and purpose of her own, and not just the general's wife.


******.

Part 16

The area that they called the medcenter’s “lounge” was really no more than a few cast-off chairs and a set of mismatched cushions, but for Breha, it afforded what she needed: comfort and privacy. She sat in near-darkness with her elbows on her knees and rested her head in her hands. All she needed was a few precious minutes of calm. She was not crying; she had done enough of that over the past few days, and now that the tears were spent, what remained was a mixture of dread, fatigue, and numb sense of inevitability.

She glanced at the chrono. It was well past midnight. In a few hours, she would be expected to report to her duty station in the service bay hanger, where she worked repairing the second-hand vessels in order to bring them up to wartime operations level. Breha sighed and leaned back into the deep cushion of the sofa. Perhaps if she were lucky she might get an hour or two of sleep -- if her mother didn’t take an unexpected turn.

She had just closed her eyes when she heard a familiar footstep, a misalignment that indicated a slight limp. She smiled despite herself and sat up where he could see her.

“Lights to sixty percent,” a male voice said softly.

“Hello,” she said.

Blue turned, startled by her voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here. I can leave.”

“No, no. It’s fine.” She stretched her arms in front of her. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Blue gestured to the small galley against the wall. “I’m just getting off my shift and I was going to make myself some tea. Would you like some?”

She nodded. “That would be nice. Thank you.” She tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “How is she?”

He didn’t answer right away, instead preferring to busy himself with preparing the beverages. Breha suspected this allowed him to choose his words carefully before speaking.

He turned away from the galley and walked towards her, a white mug in each hand. “She’s about the same,” he said as he approached her. He sat beside her and placed the two mugs on a short table in front of them. “She’s comfortable.”

“Still confused, though?”

Blue shrugged. “It’s to be expected. She recognized me yesterday, but then she asked me where my children were. I told her the truth, sort of -- I said that they weren’t here. I don’t have kids. I don’t know why she thought I did. Then she asked me to give them her love, so I promised I would.” He raised the mug to his lips and took a sip before settling it down again on the table.

“Did you have to sedate her again tonight after I left?” Breha asked.

“No. The other night we did, because she was levitating random things around the room.” He raised an eyebrow. “Treating Force users can be a tricky situation. Especially when you don’t understand what they think they’re doing. We couldn’t have her deciding to move her medical equipment around on her own.”

Blue turned to face Breha, and his expression softened. “How are you holding up?” he asked. He held his hand out to her, palm upward. Breha slid her hand inside of his, and he gently wrapped his fingers around her hand. “I’m concerned about you. You need to rest. Let us take care of General Organa. We’ll let you know if anything happens.”

“I know you will. But--” Breha’s mouth drew into a line and she frowned. “She’s my mother. I want to be there for her.”

“Then how can I help you? I don’t want you to exhaust yourself. It’s not good for you or for the baby.”

Blue leaned back in the cushions of the sofa, beside her. Breha moved closer to him and placed her head on his shoulders. “Maybe I could just rest here with you for a little while?”

“Of course,” he said. He lowered the lighting and drew his arms around her.

Breha closed her eyes and drew in the scent of him, the medcenter antiseptic smell mixed with something more personal and intimate. She could relax when he held her, and she found herself craving that comfort more and more often. The room was quiet and the lights were dim, and she detected the sweet aroma of the cooling tea. She exhaled, grateful for the calmness.

She lay her head against his chest and listened to his breathing, slow and steady. Breha raised her hand to rest on the brown vest of his medic’s uniform and detected a hitch in his breathing at her touch. “Are you alright?” she whispered.

He held her closer. “I’m fine. Get some rest.”

Her own breathing slowed to match the rhythm of his. They sat there for a long while, in contented quiet.

Eventually she became aware of the touch of his fingertips as they began to slowly brush her shoulder where her sleeveless top exposed her skin. She glanced at his face. His eyes were closed, and he did not seem aware of the movement he was making. She stayed still, allowing his fingertips to continue to move almost imperceptibly along her skin.

She wondered what his touch would feel like elsewhere, besides her shoulder. The realization that she would very much like to find out surprised her.

Breha drew in a deep breath and nestled herself closer still against his chest. He opened his eyes at her movement and looked at her. She could feel his heart beating more quickly. Slowly, Blue raised his hand to touch the side of her head, behind her ear, and he stroked her hair back.

She lifted her head from his chest and placed her hand delicately against his neck. Her own breathing became slower, deeper. Their eyes met. Her hand moved from his neck to the side of his face and she traced the stubble of his unshaved cheek against her thumb.

“Breha,” he whispered.

She had heard her name spoken a thousand times before, but never like this. Never laden with promise and anticipation behind each syllable. Her heart stammered at the sound of it and she trembled despite herself.

She leaned closer to him, close enough to feel his warm breath on her face. He cupped her head in his hand, tangling his fingers in her dark hair, and placed his lips on hers. She surrendered to the kiss, losing herself in the experience of being with him. There would be time later for grief and sorrow, for worry and fear. Right now, though, she allowed herself to be kissed by this man, this gentle, sweet man, who said her name as if it were a prayer to his gods.

 

That was exquisitely moving, the tenderness and reciprocal sense of serenity and support.

Blue is always honest with her, empathetic and caring. Breha basks in the sense of security and safety.

She is learning to embrace the joys and promise of the moment.

 

Thank you so much for your comments! Breha is finding that she does feel safe and cared for with Blue, and she welcomes him. There is so much going on that is painful in her life right now, the sincere tenderness that he gives her is an unexpected gift.

****

Part 17.

“I told you you’re not coming up here. That’s final.” Rose Tico turned her attention back to pulling the malfunctioning navigation interface out of the x-wing’s cockpit, ignoring Breha, who stood at the bottom of the access ladder.

“I’m pregnant. I’m not helpless,” Breha countered.

Rose raised her safety goggles over her forehead as she stared down at Breha. “Honestly, I don’t think you could even fit anymore.” Rose passed the part down to Breha, then lifted herself up and swung her legs over the side of the ship. She quickly slid down the ladder. “You think you can fix this?” Rose asked.

Breha pointed a scanner at the component, then turned in over in her hands. She pulled at a wire, then thought for a moment. “Yes. I think I see what’s wrong. The ignition module isn’t fused correctly.” She looked at Rose. “Give me a half-hour and access to a reset device.”

Rose wiped her hands on her coveralls. “Good,” she said. “Then you can help me with the ventilation system in cargo ship four. It’s been acting up and the climate controls have been running hot.” She stepped back and folded her arms, then raised an eyebrow. “That is, if you can make it. You’re waddling now, you know.”

“I can make it,” Breha laughed. She ran a hand across her pregnant belly, now prominently rounded. “I still have two months to go. I better make it.”

Rose put her hand on Breha’s shoulder as they walked together. “I have to admit, it’s been really good having you here these last few weeks,” she admitted. “You have a knack for mechanics. It’s been wonderful having an extra person who knows what she’s doing.”

“That comes from my time on the Falcon,” Breha replied. “I learned mechanics from my dad and Chewie. Well, mostly engineering and mathematics from Chewie; I learned how to slap things together in an emergency from Dad. Most of the time we were on the Falcon was spent just repairing whatever was currently broken on the ship in order to keep her flying.”

They entered the workroom and Breha set down the component. A droid scooted over to her desk and presented her with a tool box, and after perusing the various tools, Breha selected a long, thin device.

Rose watched her for a moment or two before speaking. “I just got word this morning that there are some capital ships coming. I wouldn’t be surprised if they need at the least modifications to fit our needs and at the most a total overhaul.”

Breha looked up, surprised. “Where did those ships come from?”

Rose shrugged. “I heard they were Hapan, but honestly I’m not sure. Negotiations isn’t my area. I’m sure somebody made a deal and promised a payoff in the future. However they came, it’s about time. We can’t do anything with just the little group we’ve been working from.” She pursed her lips. “We’re getting more recruits every day. Now that we have a legitimate fleet, we’re going to need personnel to man those ships.”

Breha put her tool down slowly. “What are you saying?”

“Just that you shouldn’t be surprised if there is a shake-up of assignments around here soon. We’re going to need to staff those ships, and I’m sure that they’re going to take people from headquarters and deploy them on new assignments.”

“Are you leaving?” Breha asked.

Rose shrugged. “Maybe. It depends on what Poe decides.” She smiled at Breha. “Well, whatever happens, it’s not happening today. Let’s get these x-wings back in rotation and figure out why cargo ship four feels like a holiday in Felucia, then we’ll be done.”

****

Blue held Breha’s hand as they walked back toward her quarters. It was late, and the corridors were nearly empty. She held his hand more now, he noted; she even walked closer to him as they made their way through the facility. They came to her quarters and stood together before her door. Breha smiled at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow night?” she asked.

He hesitated. “Not sure. We’re trying to organize the transition to the new hospital ship. I might have to work a double shift.”

Breha frowned. “Oh. Well, maybe the night after that.”

“Maybe.” He caressed her hands in his own. “Breha, I need to talk to you.”

She hesitated, then broke away from him to unlock and open her door. “Come in, then. Let’s talk,” she said.

They entered Breha’s quarters, and the door slid shut behind them. She turned to him. “What is it?” she asked. “What’s going on?”

“I’m being transferred. They’re moving me to the hospital ship in a few weeks.”

“When did you find out?” Breha asked. Disappointment tinged her tone.

“Today.” Blue took her hands back in his and took a deep breath. “Breha, before I left, I wanted you to know that I...that I think you’re beautiful.”

She laughed shortly. “How can you even--” She let go of his hands and cradled the pregnant bulge as she shook her head. “How can you even think that way? I’m huge. I’m not even remotely attractive.”

Blue raised his eyes slowly to meet hers. A smile traced across his lips. “When I was in prison, I prayed every day to Lannash, the goddess of safety, for comfort. Lannash radiates life. The ground itself blooms when she walks on it. You are just like Lannash. You are the bringer of life. How can you think you are anything but beautiful?”

Breha absorbed this for a moment, then she raised her free hand and placed her fingertips gently on Blue’s chest. He inhaled sharply and stared at her. Slowly, deliberately, she stretched out her hand, placing each fingertip against the dark fabric of his uniform, exerting an almost imperceptible hint of pressure.

The quietness between them drew out for a moment, then a moment more. Neither moved. Then Blue raised his hand to cup the side of her face, his fingertips barely touching her. Breha leaned into his hand. She closed her eyes and gently kissed his open palm.

He leaned close enough to her that he could smell the sweet scent of her dark hair, touching her only with his hand against her cheek. “I can’t- won’t - do anything without your permission,” Blue whispered.

Breha raised her own hand to cover the hand that cupped her face. She kissed his palm again. Her response was almost inaudible. “You can stay the night if you want. You have my permission,” she breathed.

Blue considered this. “I don’t want to impose,” he said.

“It’s no imposition.”

He continued to feel his way around the unspoken offer. “I could sleep there, on the chair.”

She looked up at him. “Is that where you want to sleep?” she asked.

“Not really.”

He reached over slowly and took her hand. He held it, palm up, in his own, tracing his thumb against the lines where oil and grease had seeped in, then folded his fingers over her own. He could feel her trembling slightly.

“Stay with me tonight, Blue,” she whispered. She set quiet kisses along his neck as she spoke. “I’ve wanted you.”

“I’ve wanted you, too.” He took a deep breath. “I love you, Breha. I’ve loved you since Arkanis. You’re all I think of.”

He drew closer to her, then raised his hands to brush her black wavy hair away from her face. She swallowed hard. He let the back of his fingers trail along her cheekbone and across her jaw, then drew his thumb across her lips. His hand cupped the side of her face, and she closed her eyes. Then he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to hers.

They separated for a moment, and Breha slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. She leaned in and this time it was her lips that met his. Then she brought her hands to clench the fabric on the back of his shirt, pulling him to her tightly. Her mouth sought his, and the flicker burst to flame.

 

Fun banter and respect with Rose.
Necessary and welcome progression getting needed capital ships, but with an unwelcome consequence: personnel transfers... Blue being one of them.

Lovely scene between Breha and Blue-- verbally and otherwise. The sweetness is delicious and you can feel the mutual caring enriching and enfolding them both.

 

Nice chapter, liked the banter with Rose early one, Breha reminds me of Jaina with her mechanical skills and takeing after her father in that direction. Like the shout out to Hapes, a nice refernce. Breha and Blue have defently come to care a lot for each other, its nice seeing them in a sense resume the relationship they had in your ledgends stories.

 

Thank you for your comments! I like Rose, she's a no-nonsense gal who seems to genuinely care about others. I figured that she has probably been promoted to head of the ships' maintenance team at this point. I can see her willing to take Breha on as a mechanic on her team.
As for Blue & Breha, he's fallen hard for her and she has fallen for him too, but she is still too scarred by her marriage to admit it. She shows it, though.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply! Blue is a natural nurturer anyway, and he truly wants to make things easier for Breha. He's willing to let her take the relationship at her speed. If all she wants is literally a shoulder to rest on, he will give her that, and not push her for anything else. Unintentionally, he does exactly what he should do to make her fall in love with him.

Shulma/Zeb have that same kind of relationship - the warrior and the mystic isn't that far away from the general's daughter and the devout believer. Because Breha understands how much Blue's religion shapes him and how much it means to him, to hear her say her name with those same reverential tones confirms to her that he loves her unconditionally and with all his heart. She knows he doesn't take his feelings for her lightly. And you're right, it's the first time in years - maybe ever - that she was held in such a high level of respect and devotion from any man.

I can see Rose being the kind of person who would take Breha as she is - not hold her accountable for Hux's depravity or think that somehow Breha is the "spoiled little rich girl," somehow having a protected status due to Leia's position. Rose would see her as just Breha, and value her for who she is. In my mind, Breha got a lot of on-the-fly training in ship's maintenance while she spent her teenage years with Han and Chewie (while Ben was with Luke). This is a major deviation from my Legends Breha, whose parents never split up and who went to prestigious schools and universities. This ST Breha got her hands dirty.

As for the transfers, it was inevitable that they would have to move out at some point, especially the medical personnel. They have to go where the fighting is. Unfortunately, that means Blue has to leave her, just as they were really falling hard for each other. This will test the strength of their relationship.

There's my "fade to black" scene. You hit it exactly - Blue's hesitancy to do anything that would push her, to demand his needs over hers, is exactly what makes her fall for him. He is 180 degrees from Hux, who treats Breha as his to dominate and to use for whatever purpose he wants, when he wants. Blue loves her so much that he puts her physical and emotional needs first. He's willing to wait until she's ready.
At the end of Bad Romance, Hux is kissing her neck in anticipation of more, and Breha passively accepts this fondling as she stares out of the window, not looking at him. Here, she is completely engaged in the kiss, and actively draws Blue in closer. They are partners in this.

Thank you, Anedon! This ST Breha is actually a LOT more like Legends Jaina. Like Jaina, Breha is very close with Han, and Breha has learned from Han and Chewie how to be a good mechanic. (She has to - someone has to keep the Falcon flying!) I hadn't intended Breha to be so Jaina-y but that is exactly how it came out. And Hapes still exists in non-Legends canon - why shouldn't it be a place where there is a civilization that can do shipbuilding? In ST canon, it's not really mentioned much at all, so I decided to blur the ST/Legends line a bit.
As for the Blue/Breha romance, it's inevitable. They are soulmates. Even in other timelines, fate (or the Force?) will bring them together, where they belong.

Thank you so much for your comments! That was a long read, and I really appreciate it that you took the time for it. In a way, it is completely plausible that Hux has a wife in the ST timeline. He just has so little respect for her that he never mentions her. When he's in his capacity as First Order general, she doesn't exist to him.
Thank you for the comments about the dementia and Leia's illness. I know the toll that having a loved one with dementia can take, and it's very exhausting and emotionally painful to watch someone you love start to unravel. Thank you for your kind words.

 

Part 18


Bree...

Breha’s eyes fluttered open. She raised her head from the pillow and peered into the darkened room. Behind her, Blue’s hand slid from its former position on her hip and he muttered in his disturbed sleep.

Someone was standing beside the bed.

Her eyes flew open and she sat upright. “Mom? How did you get in here?”

Bree...

Breha clenched the bedsheet close to her sleep shirt, and reached out toward Leia with her other hand.

Leia came closer. She smiled warmly at her daughter, and Breha heard her mother’s voice inside her head. It’s time for me to go. You have always been the sunshine of my life, my darling girl… Leia reached down and touched Breha’s outstretched hand, and Breha recoiled from the bitter coldness of Leia’s skin. Leia bent down and placed a gentle kiss on Breha’s forehead. Again, the sensation was one of coldness, as if an icy compress had been placed there instead.

Leia smiled gently. You are stronger than you realize. You will get through this…

Somewhere in the room, the shrill sound of a comm alarm began to go off. The noise distracted Breha, who turned to see Blue groan as he raised himself on his elbows. He reached over clumsily to snatch the insistent device, nearly knocking it off the small side table before catching it. At a glance at the comm he was suddenly wide awake. He threw the blanket off his body and swung his legs out of the bed as he commanded the lights to normal.

Blue stood up and clicked the device off, silencing it. He glanced down, found his pants where he had left them on the floor, and stepped into them. Breha had turned back to staring at the spot where Leia had appeared, and sat motionless on the bed. As he made his way around to her side, he picked his shirt off the end of the bed and shrugged it on. “I’m so sorry, love,” he said. “I have a priority one call. I have to report to the medcenter.”

Breha didn’t move. Blue stopped dressing and stared at her. He sat beside her and looked at her intently, but she just gazed into the empty room. “Breha, what’s wrong?” he asked, touching her arm.

“It’s my mother.” The words seemed to float in the air in front of her.

“Are you sure? How do you know?”

“Because she was just here. She came to say goodbye.”

Blue stared at her for a moment, then let out a long breath. “Then let me help you get dressed,” he said. “Come with me. They’re probably going to be looking for you.”

Numbly, she allowed him to help her stand up. He gathered her clothing and steadied her as she exchanged her sleep shirt for a loose shirt and pants. Once she was ready, he smoothed her hair out of her face. “We’ll go together,” he told her.

“Together,” she repeated. She nodded and slipped her hand into his.

The hall was dark for night watch, but there was a definite activity unusual for such a late hour. The two made their way to the medcenter, where they found a small crowd had gathered. Blue let go of Breha’s hand to log his presence for the priority call shift, and when he turned back to her, she had crossed the entrance room and was headed toward the trauma facility.

People grew quiet as she approached and stepped aside to let her pass. A set of bio-doors slid open as she walked, and Blue followed her into the interior room. Dr. Ha’anook, her countenance somber, came over to greet her.

“What happened?” Breha asked.

”General Organa suffered a major cardiac failure. We tried to revive her, but she had already undergone so much cell damage that our treatments were unsuccessful.” The doctor placed her hand consolingly on Breha’s arm. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said gently. “We knew that she was failing. We didn’t realize that she would go so quickly.”

The words fell on Breha like arrows. “Can I see her?” Breha whispered.

The older woman nodded. “She’s in here.” Breha took Blue’s hand as the doctor led the pair into a small private room.

Leia lay on the narrow bed. Her gray hair was down, and strands of it flowed over the white pillow. Her eyes were closed, and her skin looked fragile and pale. Leia’s hands were folded on her chest, one atop the other. There was no comforting illusion of sleep; no sense that if Breha waited a moment, her mother’s eyes would open and she would greet her with a smile or a clever quip. This was a stillness that defined finality. Whatever spirit or sense of vitality that Leia had once possessed was no longer there, and the form that lay on the hospital bed was simply what she had left behind.

Breha approached her. She slowly placed her hand atop her mother’s hand and stood silently for a few moments, then she choked back a sob and put her other hand on the bed to support herself. Quickly Blue came beside her and held her shoulders to steady her. He leaned in and whispered to her.

Breha seemed unable to move. Blue continued to stand beside her, holding her in support, until finally he left her for one moment to drag over a nearby chair for her. He guided Breha to sit down in the chair beside the bed.

A rap against the doorway startled Breha and she glanced toward the door. Poe stood in the open space, his face filled with sympathy. “Breha, I’m so sorry.” He approached her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “It’s going to be hard to go on without her. The general was the heart of the Resistance, in so many ways.”

Breha didn’t answer. Instead, she continued to stare at her mother, silent tears streaming down her face and falling from her jaw to dot her shirt with their dampness. Poe glanced behind him as Dr. Ha’anook entered the room to join them.

“She was comfortable at the end. She went peacefully,” Dr. Ha’anook reassured her. She paused before continuing. “You don’t have to decide right this moment, but we should start to make funeral arrangements soon. She left directions for what she wanted us to do.”

Breha nodded and smiled faintly. Somehow she found her voice. “Of course she did. That’s exactly what she would have done.”

Dr. Ha’anook addressed Breha again. “We’ll leave you alone for a few more minutes, but then we will need to start to prepare her for the funeral. I’m sorry to seem like I’m rushing you, but we have a very short amount of time to do this before we have to evacuate the base and get our medical staff on board the Solace.”

“I understand,” Breha said with a sigh. Dr. Ha’anook glanced at Poe and gestured with a nod of her head toward the doorway, and she and Poe left the room.

Blue stood beside her for a moment, then turned to her. “I’ll give you some privacy. I’ll be right outside if you need me.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then quietly left also.

Breha sat still for a moment, still processing what had happened. Her mother was gone. She leaned over and folded her arms on the bed, beside Leia’s body, and lay her head down on her arms. The enormity of the loss struck her, and her breath came out in short pants as the sobs caught in her throat. Oh, Mom, she thought. How am I going to get by without you? I can’t do this alone.

After a few minutes, the worst of the sobs subsided and only the tears remained. Pull yourself together, Breha chided herself. Her mother had lost so much more; experiencing her parents’ deaths when she was just a teenager, watching the destruction of her homeworld, losing friends and comrades as the wars dragged on. And yet, Leia had handled her grief with grace and strength.

I am my mother’s daughter, she reminded herself. The granddaughter of two queens. Besides, she had to focus on taking care of her baby; on saving Marielle. Her own children depended on her. She couldn’t afford the luxury of falling apart.

Duty first.

She would carry on.

She sniffed and wiped a stray, persistent tear away. What was it her mother had told her, on that hillside just a few weeks ago? She told me that I would face hardships, but that love would see me through.

She got up slowly, then paused one more time to gaze at her mother. She leaned over and placed a kiss on Leia’s cold forehead, then she straightened herself up and walked out of the room to find Dr. Ha’anook, Poe, and Blue waiting for her.

Breha reached out her hand toward Blue, who took her hand in his and interlaced her fingers with his own. She turned to the woman on her left. “Thank you, Dr. Ha’anook, for caring for my mother.”

Dr. Ha’anook reached over and gently squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. “Of course. Your mother was a remarkable woman. It was an honor to help her.”

She then raised her chin to face Poe. “Thank you, Poe, for taking care of her, too. I know she had a special connection with you. She had great faith in you.”

Poe nodded. “We’ll send her final directives to your datapad. Take your time. We’ll be here if you need us.”

Then Breha looked up at Blue. “She saw something in you,” Breha said. “I could tell. Thank you for being there for me when I need you.” She seemed on the verge of tears again, but steeled herself. “I’ll be in my mother’s quarters,” she announced to the group. “Someone has to go through her things.”

Dr. Ha’anook addressed Blue. “Sargeant, you’re off duty. I’ll log you out. Take care of whatever Breha needs.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” He turned back to Breha, then raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of her hand. “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked her, his voice barely above a whisper. She nodded. He held her hand tightly as they left the room, and Breha stared resolutely ahead.

 

Exquisitely poignant. Yes, we already see Breha's wonderful strength and resilience. I am so happy for the sympathy she is receiving from Poe and Dr. Ha'anok but the most invaluable is that from Blue, who I am glad is going to be able to be at her side as she does the necessary "next thing", which cannot be easy. Her focusing on her children is exactly what is needed to bolster her resolve.

 

Aaugh ... Just gets me, right there.

Excellently written; there is a noticeable difference when faced with the mortal shell of someone who's no longer there (I remember saying farewell to a loved one in the hospital - the sense of absence is strangely tangible).

Hopefully, Blue can support Breha going forward, because she's going to need all the help she can get.

 

Sad chapter, wasn´t expecting Leia would die so soon. Glad she and Breha had at least some time together before it happened and Leia didn´t die while her daughter was still a captive of their enemies. Good that Blue is there to help her with this loss, and that she can find the strenght to go on for her kids.

 

That death came as an absolute surprise for me, too, and the past 3 years I had to deal with 20 deaths of family members, friends, acquaintances and colleagues. But your writing was so sweet and yet honest, that I got through this chapter. But I needed a handkerchief. Plus my mother is a bit confused now. Earlier on I laughed out loud hysterically (the cat story of @gizkaspice) and then all this crying. She even wanted to shut my computer off for my sake.

In the end even suns die, as we learn in a certain SW novel. (Or at a planetarium, when paying close attention to the person guiding a huge audience through the evening.)

No, it was extremely well written and echoed Carrie Fisher´s death in a dignified way. You are a great writer.

(PS: Thanks for the praise of kindergarten teachers earlier on. I just could not thank you sooner, for I had many RL matters to attend to. Like the funeral of my mother´s oldest sister.)

 

Thank you for your kind comments! Leia was right when she told Breha that she is stronger than she gives herself credit for. Breha's just been beaten down psychologically for so long by Hux that she has little faith in her own abilities. I think Poe really respects Leia a great deal, and I've added that respect to the OCs in this story. Breha loves her kids deeply, and she will do what she has to in order to protect them, and that means she doesn't get to fall apart even though her world is collapsing around her. Thank you for your response!

Thank you for responding!
Leia's death was planned from the beginning in this story; in fact, I was thinking of writing a one-shot on that same topic when I decided just to integrate it here. Leia has known she was dying for some time. It's one of the reasons why she ordered the rescue of Breha. She understood that if it didn't happen on her watch it was unlikely to happen at all, and since Leia's "watch" was going to be a short one, she got Breha out of there when she could.
I wanted a scene in this story to parallel the "ghost of Anakin Solo" scene in "The God of Second Chances," so I had Leia's Force ghost visit Breha on her way to the afterlife. Breha, being completely Forceblind, has not seen this before, but she's aware that it can happen. When her mother appears, Breha immediately understands that Leia has died. She's shocked, of course, but she also understands that this is an act of love, a mother saying goodbye to a beloved daughter.
Dr. H and the rest of the gang treat Breha with respect since they had so very much respect for General Organa. Breha is her mother's daughter; as her world explodes around her, she looks to help others (the scene of Leia comforting Luke after they leave the Death Star, even though her own planet was literally destroyed, comes to mind). I think Dr. H is aware of this - that Breha is deferring her grief - and that's why she lets Blue go with Breha. Breha will need Blue's comfort, as only he can give her, when she eventually falls apart from all of the unrelenting losses.

This is a new phase for her. Although she is naturally devastated by the loss of both her parents so close together, she is now no longer tied to this place. Her next moves are going to be about her, about her baby, about trying to recover her missing daughter. There are so many ways she can go here.

Thank you for your comments! I appreciate it!
It's true - there is a sense of something shifted when you are witness to someone's last breath. There's a vivid sense that the person is just not there anymore. I imagine with someone like Leia, who is strong in the Force, the very fiber of life itself, that sense of here/not here is even more pronounced. Breha is really alone now. Her parents are both dead, her brother has removed himself as far as he possibly can, her husband is a sadistic monster who kills with impunity. She needs people who love her to rise up and support her now that her family is gone. Thankfully, Blue is more than capable of both loving her and supporting her.

Thank you for reading and replying! The idea of "time to go" is repeated in the next chapter, as you'll see. (I was probably a little heavy handed with it, in fact. ) Leia was never afraid of death. And true to Leia's personality, she makes sure that all the details are covered before she leaves, including one last pep talk to Breha. I can imagine that raising Ben was difficult, as his tormented Force sense took all of Leia's efforts to try to develop, so in comparison raising non-Force sensitive Breha was a walk in the park. Nobody wanted to corrupt Breha's soul - she had nothing to offer someone as insidious as Snoke. Between both of Leia's children, Ben would have been the darkness and Breha would have been the sunshine.
Thank you again for your words.

Thank you for commenting! I always appreciate it.
Leia knew she was dying, and that's why she got Breha out when she did. It was unlikely that Poe (who Leia sets up as her successor) would make rescuing Breha to be a priority. If it was to be done, then it was up to Leia to make sure Breha was saved from the horrible situation she found herself in. And Leia did make time to spend with her daughter, because Leia knew her time was short. When you know you don't have much time left, your priorities get very clear.
Blue is more of a hero than he appears. He's the one who, more and more, holds Breha together when her world starts to collapse. Because he himself has seen his personal life completely shredded and he has climbed out of a deep abyss himself from his days as an addict and a convict, he knows what Breha needs to recover from these terrible setbacks. He loves her, and he gives her whatever she needs.

Thank you for your generous words! I appreciate it so much! Poor Azure -I didn't mean to send you from laughing at Millicent to crying over Leia. (@gizkaspice has a great story and I am remiss in replying to it.)
I wanted Leia's death to echo Carrie Fisher's death in a way, which is why I had her cause of death be cardiac failure. Such a tragic loss, and just as Carrie left a huge hole in our lives, Leia's death leaves a huge hole in Breha's. But Breha is, as her mother assured her in her final visit, stronger than she knows she is. She will get through this and she will do what she has to do.
I hope that you are doing well. That's a terrible thing to have to go through, all those deaths in so short a time as three years. My children lost all their remaining grandparents (my two parents and my mother in law) over the course of 18 months. I remember my daughter telling me she wants to never wear another black dress again. I understand how it seems when the losses are relentless, although yours seem so unfair.

Oh my gosh, kindergarten teachers are amazing. I couldn't do it. I used to substitute teach, and when I substituted for kindergarten, I was exhausted! Such responsibility! My son teaches preschool and I don't know how he does it (although he's much younger than I am so that's probably it.) Bless you, kindergarten teachers! I will take my teenage students.
Please take care. I think of you and @DarthUncle often.

 

Part 19

Breha moved the last of her mother’s datapads into a pile on the desk in Leia’s office. It had taken three days, but all of Leia’s notes, records, and possessions had been catalogued and filed away. All that was left now was to complete the final disposition of the last items: her mother’s personal effects and Leia’s ashes.

She glanced down at the neatly packed crate at her feet. Here, in this box, was what was left of the grandeur and majesty of the combined Houses of Organa and Antilles: the precious treasures that were saved solely through the luck of them being off-world when Alderaan was murdered decades ago. Breha managed a half-smile as she remembered when she was a little girl, sitting under her mother’s desk, draping herself in a fortune of jewels. Leia had never trusted anyone else with safekeeping the treasures, yet she had allowed her little daughter to play with them. To Leia, these were the last connection to a home she would never see again. But to Breha, who had never seen the soaring mountains of Aldera, who had never felt the brisk north wind of an Alderaanian winter, who had never looked out on the deep green valleys of Leia’s homeworld, the value of these items was strictly sentimental: they had once belonged to her mother. Breha absently twisted the elegant silver ring on her left hand, her finger rubbing across the vivid purple gemstone.

After discussing it with Poe and with Blue, Breha had decided she would give the treasures up. It was time that these belonged to the galaxy, in a museum. A supply ship was arriving in a couple of weeks, and then the vessel would take it to Naboo, to Breha’s only living relatives. She paused. Not my only living relatives. Ben’s still out there, she thought. She sadly realized that she had not instinctively thought of Ben as family - she thought of him as a stranger, this “Kylo Ren” instead of her own brother.

What would Ben think of their mother’s death? After all, it was his attack that had sent her into cold space in the first place. He would surely know soon, if not already, that their mother was gone. Was his goal to wipe clean every possible link to the past he so desperately tried to elude, and did that mean she herself was an unwanted link to be severed? Did Ben wish her dead, too? She had enough of an enemy in her ex-husband. If Armitage ever found her --

She took a steadying breath and willed herself to stop that line of thought before panic had a chance to set in. Focus on right now, she chided herself. Breha pushed the chair back, stood up, and glanced at the chrono. The memorial service was in just a few hours. It was time to go.

***

Breha stood in the first row of a makeshift auditorium created from an x-wing hangar. She smoothed the fabric of her gray gown, a dress of her mother’s that the fabrication droids had adapted to her measurements. The service had been respectful, thoughtful -- loving, even. Breha had spoken first, thanking those who had helped her mother through her illness and recounting the myriad ways Leia Organa had inspired a galaxy while raising a family. After she took her seat again, she had expected a few more people to speak, but she was startled at the number of people who approached the podium. Those who knew Leia before the desperate escape from D’Qar spoke of her with smiles mixed with tears. Finn recounted her courage and her conviction as a leader. Poe noted her dedication to justice and her unwavering support of the oppressed. Lieutenant Kaydel Connix, wiping tears from her face, talked about how Leia was like a mother to her; then she anxiously glanced at Breha as if she had overstepped her place. Breha smiled kindly at the young woman. In a way, it comforted her to know that Leia had someone to watch over while Breha was absent. She herself understood the powerful instinct of a mother to protect and nurture, and if Kaydel took the role of surrogate daughter, then Breha was grateful to her.

The service lasted for a little less than an hour, and Breha waited patiently in line to greet every person who had attended. As the final guests were making their way out of the area, she felt a presence behind her.

“How are you holding up?” a man’s voice said quietly.

Breha ignored the man and smiled at a young pilot who had approached and shook her hand, then watched as the woman walked away before speaking to Blue, who stood behind her. “I’m doing all right,” Breha answered. “It’s been a long day.”

Blue stepped forward to stand beside her and took her hand, sliding his fingers down to her wrist. Breha smiled. “Take my pulse if it makes you feel better. But I’m fine, Blue. Seriously.”

He chuckled, then moved his hand to hers and squeezed gently. “Don’t overdo it. Take a break if you need to.”

Her mouth formed a small, crooked grin. “Yes, doctor. But trust me, I’m fine.” She slid her hand from his grasp as another person made their way toward her to express their condolences. “There are just a few more people to speak with, then it will be time to go.”

***

Later that afternoon, a small group of people made their way to the same side of the mountain where, what seemed a lifetime ago, Breha and her mother had enjoyed a picnic lunch. Breha still wore the gray gown, its collar turned up against the brisk breeze. Blue held her hand as she made her way up the side of the embankment, and Breha held a small box tucked under her left arm.

Security drones maintained air surveillance for the small crew, and all of them (save for Breha herself) were armed. She stopped, caught her breath, and looked around. The mountains had the first hint of frost on the tops, and the trees had turned a fiery shade of orange and red. The wildflowers had attacked their last bloom of the year aggressively, dappling the ground in vivid white, yellow, and blue against the faded green grass. “This is the place,” Breha announced.

Poe nodded. He slung his rifle to his back and took a power hand shovel out of his backpack. Poe worked diligently for a few minutes, then a hole about a half-meter deep appeared. He stepped back and BB-8 beeped mournfully.

Breha didn’t move for a moment, then she knelt down. She opened the box and took out a canister, then placed it gently in the depression. Silently, she took a handful of dirt and let the soil slowly sift through her fingers to cover the canister with a thin layer. She continued to kneel beside the hole as each of the others followed her lead, trickling soil onto the container until the item could no longer be seen. Blue was the last to complete the ritual. He knelt beside her, said some words in a language that Breha didn’t understand, then touched his heart, his lips, and his forehead before raising his hand, palm upward, to the heavens. Then he took a handful of dirt and dropped it slowly over the canister.

Blue leaned back and placed his hands on his knees, then turned to look at Breha. “Is there more you want us to do for you?”

She shook her head. “That’s it. That’s how the dead are honored on Alderaan. Later, on the anniversary of her death, we’ll have a Ceremony of Remembrance.”

Blue nodded, extended his hand and she grasped it, and he helped her to stand up. Breha turned to look at the brilliant landscape, the slanting beams of the afternoon sun lighting the mountains with gold. She gripped his hand tightly, trying to distract herself from the sound of the power shovel refilling the hole.

Finally Poe turned off the device. “Are you ready to head back?” he asked.

Breha turned her attention back to the group. All that remained of the burial was a small area where the ground had been disturbed. “One last thing,” she said.

She glanced around her and then walked into the open field, pausing to gather flowers. When she had acquired a dozen or so, she walked back to the disturbed soil and gently lay the white blooms on the bare ground. “There’s your kabina flower crown, Mom,” she whispered.

Breha stood up and wiped her hands on the folds of her dress. She looked at her friends. “It’s time to go.”

***

The trip back to the base had been silent and somber, each person lost in their own thoughts. Night had fallen by the time the landspeeder had pulled past the security barricade.

Despite her protests, Blue insisted on walking Breha to her quarters that evening. They approached her quarters, and Breha entered the code to unlock her door. She invited him to come in and he followed her inside.

Her quarters were small; a sleeping area containing a bed just big enough for two, a desk and chair, and a dresser, and a small couch and low table in a separate seating area. Breha sat down on the couch slowly and let out a deep breath. “This is the part where I say I need a drink,” Breha muttered.

Blue snorted. “This is the part where I say I’ll take one,” he replied. His expression softened, and he sat beside her on the couch and put his hand sympathetically on her shoulder. “Are you going to be alright tonight? It’s been an awfully long day.”

She sighed and rubbed her temples. “I’ve been so busy finalizing her affairs, preparing for the memorial and the burial. Now that it’s all done, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.”

He squeezed her shoulder. “You were so strong, so brave,” he said. “I don’t know if I could have handled all that. Speaking at her service, greeting all those people, then having to go to the burial…” His voice trailed off.

“I’m not brave.” Breha’s voice was small. “I did what I had to do. I honored my mother.” She reached up and began to unpin the elaborate twists in her hair, unwinding each and letting the hair fall on her shoulders. She piled the hairpins on the table in front of her. “Did you know that Threepio did my hair?” she asked. “Turns out he’s been doing my mother’s hair for years. She uploaded all these Alderaanian styles into his memory files.”

Blue reached out and idly touched a strand of her hair. “What will you do with Threepio?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I thought I’d ask him what he wanted. My grandfather may have built him, but he’s not property anymore. He has the right to decide for himself.”

Breha turned to face Blue, who let her hair slide out of his fingers. He rested his hand on the back of the couch, behind her. “I feel like an orphan,” she said. “Is that strange? I’m a grown woman, and I feel like an orphan.”

Blue smiled sadly. “It’s not strange. When I left Baroli and realized that I’m probably never going back, I felt like an orphan too.”

They sat quietly for a moment. Then Breha turned to him, and he took her in his arms. She closed her eyes, grateful for the warmth of him, for the feeling of his arms around her. “Would you stay tonight?” she whispered.

He pulled her closer and stroked her hair. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Oh, my, what bittersweet musings particularly about Ben/Kylo! Yup, Armitage is more than enough of an enemy to keep in mind of.
Keeping focused is the best way through, otherwise she'll freeze with trepidation.

The public memorial and the private one later at the picnic site at sunset, was breathtakingly touching.

I loved Alderaanian hair styles, and the ritual of letting the elaborate thing down at the end of day. In my heart canon, it's a totally H/L romantic thing to share.

This ... ow!

“I feel like an orphan,” she said. “Is that strange? I’m a grown woman, and I feel like an orphan.”

 

Pretty much yes to everybody else's comments, but my favorite part was Breha recognizing that even though Threepio is a droid, he's not property. He's a person.

 

Nice chapter, I like the reflections and thoughts about Leia, how the people around her saw her not only as a leader but, at least for some, also a surogate mother. Well done.

 

Thank you so much! Always a treat when you reply.
Breha will definitely "freeze with trepidation" - we saw her do exactly that on Arkanis, and it didn't work out well. She can get overwhelmed, and who wouldn't in that situation? But she is her mother's daughter and like Leia, she puts her own pain aside and soldiers on. Breha has important work to do.
I love the idea of H/L and the ritual of unpinning the Alderaanian hairstyles. That is so romantic. (Tucks this idea away )
Thank you for your comments.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate it.
I tried to get the idea across that the treasures had a very different meaning for Leia as they did for Breha. Leia told her to do whatever she felt was best with the treasures, and Breha felt the best thing was to let them go. She doesn't need to hold onto them like Leia did; there are no memories of Alderaan attached to them for Breha. She didn't give everything up, though - she still has her mother's ring.
As for the "feeling like an orphan," I think that's pretty common. We still need our parents even when we are adults ourselves, and the loss of such a profound relationship is staggering. I felt that way when my own parents passed away. You never stop needing your parents.

Thank you for your reply! Let's face it, Threepio has been with this group for what, fifty years? More? He has the right to do what he wants, after all they have put him through. (I think he will choose to stay with the Resistance.)

Thank you for your comments! I appreciate them as always.
Breha didn't really realize the emotional impact that her mom had on everyone. She knew they respected her as a leader, but she didn't realize they actually loved her. Reminds me of the scene in TFA when Lor San Tekka says "She will always be royalty to me." It reassures and comforts her to know that her mother was revered in this way, even if Breha herself wasn't there to love her. Breha has her mom's personality in that she thinks of others first, and she wants those items that meant so much to Leia to find somewhere else where they will be appreciated by others in a like manner. They just don't have the same emotional weight to her as they did to Leia.
As for the hair thing, it seems like Threepio has been Leia's assistant for all those years. Leia's hairstyles are pretty tricky and I can barely put my hair in a ponytail without it looking like a raccoon did it, so I made a leap that at some point Leia said "aw, the heck with it" and taught (programmed) Threepio to be her hairstylist.

Gosh, here I was thinking that I was being inventive. I love that it echoes something that your culture already does! Blue is devout in his own faith and not afraid to show it. His praying to his gods for Leia is a selfless act of love.
The spot is actually perfect for Leia (ought to be, she picked it out herself). Leia has come full circle and is buried in the place that reminded her most of the mountains of her home in the city of Aldera.

It's still a war zone. They are painfully aware of what happened when Hux found their base on D'Qar - how he mercilessly hunted them down and obliterated each ship. They can't take chances. Even a burial for their leader has to be done in a highly protected way.
Breha's most dangerous threats are her ex-husband and her own brother, who murdered her father and triggered the conditions that led to her mother's death. Her family has been ripped apart by this war. It weighs heavily on her.
Now that Leia is gone, things are going to be different for Breha. Blue may be a blessing and a comfort to her, but ultimately she's going to have to figure this out on her own.

Thank you for replying! Don't fret about not commenting right away - I have to catch up on your works, too! (I will! Promise!)

Thank you! Leia was so much more than a leader or a symbol of the rebellion/resistance. She was beloved, to all of us.