main
side
curve

Beyond - Legends The God of Second Chances (DDC 2015) 12/23/15 (OCs, Solos) Complete (Cover posted 4/24/17)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by divapilot, Jan 3, 2015.

  1. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha WIP Month Champion star 8 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Oh, divapilot!!! I've been on tinterhooks all week! waiting for this update! There are no words for how relieved I am that things didn't go all crazy. I love how Blue was with Bree and how she melted anyway, despite herself. I also love the things she asked him to do with his friends: not only is that sensible but it doesn't communicate that she doesn't trust him; she just doesn't want him to push his luck. Now, it seems like, when he was feeling less defensive, he was able to hear her concerns for what they truly were, a sign of her caring. And she's right; those things to ask of his friends - they'd be happy to oblige if they're genuine friends. [face_thinking]

    This diary is totally thought provoking besides giveing me a warm gooey feeling and/or a LOL :)

    =D=
     
    Kahara and Gemma like this.
  2. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Aw, this entry was lovely! It must be hard for Blue, because it would feel to him like he's robbing the enjoyment of alcohol from others, but Bree is right, if they love him they will make the effort.
     
    Kahara, Gemma and Nyota's Heart like this.
  3. Gemma

    Gemma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 25, 2013
    I agree if they are true loving friends they will aid/help Blue in avoiding temptations. I loved it when he asked if he could come back to bed and how they woke was nice. I want that too.
     
    Kahara and Nyota's Heart like this.
  4. Kahara

    Kahara Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2001
    Glad to see them having a direct and reasonable talk, though I suspect the storm hasn't truly broken yet. Bree's "flu" is making me think of the kiddo in True Blue's epilogue (as others mentioned.) That... may be difficult timing at best given that this current mess doesn't seem quite over. I'm loving the further development of both Blue and Bree. :D
     
    Ewok Poet and Gemma like this.
  5. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005

    Thank you for your reply. They can’t stay mad at each other, and he knows a good kiss can make a lot of angry feelings go away. [face_batting] Bree just wants him to be safe, and Blue understands that.


    Thank you for commenting! It is hard for Blue; he just wants to be like everyone else but he knows deep down he can’t. But Bree is kind of in the same boat, too.:( They get each other.


    Gotta love a guy who spoons in his sleep.[face_love] Everyone wants someone like that. Thanks for replying!


    Thank you so much! I’m glad you are still interested in their story. They do have quite a ways to go before they work everything out.[face_thinking] And that flu isn’t going away, is it…


     
  6. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    [11]

    I finished up my interviews early today so I left to go back to our quarters. I’ve been really tired. I’m probably just working too hard and still adjusting to the ship’s schedule. I figured that maybe if I just took a nap, my stomach would settle down.

    I felt better for a few days, then my nausea came back. I thought maybe I had caught some kind of virus; in fact, Blue ran a diagnostic on the biofilters to make sure nothing slipped in, but there were no abnormalities. I’m okay when I wake up, then all of a sudden I think I’m going to be sick. It might be some kind of food sensitivity. Sometimes when food is stored for a long voyage they treat it with preservatives, and maybe my system is sensitive to that. That could explain why some foods taste so wrong to me lately. Blue also thought that maybe it was just old-fashioned space sickness. The artificial gravity on the Alisander might be just different enough from what I’m used to, and that can mess with the equilibrium in my inner ear, which would give me motion sickness.

    Whatever the reason, Blue has been so kind to me. He’s been spending a lot more time with me and a lot less socializing in his off-hours. The other day we were lying on our bed, watching a holodrama, when I asked him if he minded not spending so much time with his friends. He said no, he’d rather be with me, especially if I’m not feeling well in case I need him.

    I felt a little guilty about being such a bore to him. “But you could be watching sports or playing cards or something with the crew. I don’t want you to think you have to be here with me.”

    I nestled in beside him and he hugged me. Blue laughed quietly. “It’s all a choice, Bree, and choosing to be with you is easy.”

    All I want to do is lie down until I feel better. This is what I do: Blue stretches out on our bed and I lay my head on his chest, and he puts his arm around me to rub my back or stroke my hair to soothe me. Sometimes he leans down and places little kisses on the top of my head. Of course he’s reading, and sometimes he reads aloud to me. Yesterday it was an article from the Journal of Infectious Diseases. I don’t care. I just like to hear his voice. So I close my eyes and lay there, listening to his heartbeat and the sound of his voice, and I can rest.

    I can’t imagine life without him. That’s why no one can ever know who he is. They can’t hurt what they don’t know about.

    When Jabba the Hutt had encased my father in carbonite, my mother risked everything to get him back. My mom killed Jabba with her own hands to protect Dad, and Chewie and Uncle Luke and Lando. But she confided to me once that it wasn’t that hard to do – he had hurt Dad, and she wanted him to pay for it. She said she was glad she was the one who got to kill him. Every tightening of that chain against Jabba’s throat was punishment for what he had put Dad and her through.

    I think there is some kind of inherited Skywalker compulsion to do anything – anything at all – to protect the ones we love. And I swear that I will do whatever it takes to protect my Blue.
     
    Ewok Poet, Kahara and Gemma like this.
  7. Gemma

    Gemma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 25, 2013
    This is just so loving --- I like cuddling softly or spooning in sleep.
     
    Kahara and Nyota's Heart like this.
  8. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Aw, I like the image of Blue reading aloud, especially dry medical articles! I love the reflections on her mother and the Skywalker determination - and Leia not finding it hard to kill Jabba because she wanted to punish him. It makes sense.
     
    Kahara and Nyota's Heart like this.
  9. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha WIP Month Champion star 8 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    SQUEEEEEE! Blue is so nurturing! :*

    Wonderfully protective resolve from Bree. Yup, definitely a Skywalker compulsion and one we love! them for. [face_love]
     
    Kahara likes this.
  10. aleja2

    aleja2 Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2005
    Catching up - sorry I haven't commented before.

    I love the relationship between Bree and Blue. I can truly see Blue; you've done a great job giving her both Solo and Skywalker and Organa traits and instincts, yet remain wholly her own character. Beautifully done!

    I love the last line from the last installment: "I think there is some kind of inherited Skywalker compulsion to do anything – anything at all – to protect the ones we love." Great insight and I'm curious to see how it will play out as the story continues.
     
    Kahara and Nyota's Heart like this.
  11. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    I just caught up on entries 7 to last and what really stood out when reading all this in one go is how you presented the contrast between Bree and Blue's personalities and how they mirror each other. Neither of them can have a "normal" social life, and Bree accepts for herself that this is how things are, whereas Blue yearns for a semblance of normalcy. Also, as Ny said, Blue is very nurturing, whereas Bree tends to seek control -- she may moan about her mother and the sense of duty her upbringing instilled in her, but she accepts that more than she's willing to admit.

    It's too bad we won't be able to nominate these two for best original relationship next year. Well, Blue is still an option for best OC ;) =D=

    Oh, and I'm pretty sure there's a baby on the way. I read "True Blue", after all :p
     
    Kahara and JadeLotus like this.
  12. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005

    Lol – apparently, so do Bree and Blue.:p Who can resist? Thank you!


    Thank you for replying! Bree doesn’t care what he reads as long as he’s close and she can listen to his voice. [face_love] And the Leia part – I always thought it was fitting that she strangled Jabba – mostly because of what he did to her. But I can see her using this as an opportunity to speak for Han, too, as it were. He put them both through hell.


    Thanks so much! Blue is very much the nurturer while Bree is the guardian. But he protects her in his way, and she nurtures him, too.[face_love] And that Skywalker compulsion is usually helpful – when it isn’t getting obsessive.[face_hypnotized]


    Thank you for stopping in to comment! I really appreciate it. I’m so glad that you like these characters. I did try to make her a bit of the diplomat of her mother and the wiseguy of her father.o_O Those traits of hers will come in handy as she faces challenges ahead. Thanks again for the thoughtful comments.


    Thank you! I have tried to give them two distinct personalities with flaws and insecurities. You’re right, there is a great deal of mirroring going on, and that is partly what holds them together – they both know they don’t really fit in with the society around them, but they fit to each other. This recognized shared loneliness is what brought them together in True Blue. [:D]


    Baby? What baby? [face_whistling]





     
  13. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    [12]

    Blue once told me that there is little point in treating the illness of the body if you don’t address the illness of the spirit. He tries to help his patients not only by attending to their physical injuries but by getting them help for their emotional needs. Let’s face it – you aren’t on a refugee ship if you have access to money. These people are about as poor as they come. And since they only have enough to survive, they don’t have the luxury of dealing with the emotional traumas that they’ve experienced.

    He and I listen to them. We let them tell us what they need, and with any luck we can connect them to social services at the docking end of their journey. I worry about the children who can’t read because their lives have not been stable enough for an education. Blue tells me he sees people who have suffered with treatable ailments because they don’t have access to services for people with disabilities. He told me about one lady who got separated from her family because she was deaf and did not hear the announcement to board an earlier transport. (He contacted the DPA and they reunited her with her family.) There is so much more to his job than I realized, and it’s surprising how much my documentation overlaps with his work.

    One of the refugees falls into that category of being hurt in spirit. She is a young Zeltron, about my age, a pretty thing but scared of her own shadow. I remember when I met her, one of the first times I was visiting with the refugees only a day or two into the run. I was talking with an older woman across the room when Blue commed me and asked me to come over to help him. When I got there, he had crouched down so that he was eye level with the Zeltron woman, and she cowered in the corner, shaking her head emphatically. Her face didn’t look right – there was a significant swelling on the left side.

    I copied Blue and crouched down and spoke soothingly to her. “It’s okay. He only wants to help you.” She shook her head again.

    Blue stayed still, his hands where she could see them. “Would it be alright if Bree took a look?” he asked.

    I nearly toppled over. Me? What? But she slowly tilted her head toward me, exposing the swelling. I turned her face so Blue could see. “Please open your mouth so we can take a look on the inside,” he said quietly.

    The Zeltron girl eyed him mistrustfully, but opened her mouth. It was obvious that there was a massive infection in her back teeth. She closed her mouth and backed into the corner. “What’s your name?” I asked, getting her to focus on me again.

    “Zara,” she whispered.

    “We can fix that for you, Zara,” Blue said. “You don’t have to suffer with it. Would you let me do that? Bree will be there with you. You won’t be alone with me.”

    She hesitated, then she nodded yes. Apparently the pain was so bad that the possibility of eliminating it outweighed her terror of being with a strange man. I can only imagine what horror she must have gone through if someone as gentle as Blue terrified her. Needless to say, that afternoon I became a dental assistant.

    I don’t know what Zara has gone through but it can’t be good. She is slowly opening up with Blue and me, and I’m hopeful that we can get to the truth behind her situation so that we can help her. There must be someone out there, a friend or family member, who misses her.

    Blue’s finished with his rounds today, and he’s busy in the infirmary, documenting the information. I am trying to go through all the intake information on the refugees we picked up. Zara’s dental issue seems much better now and she doesn't seem so frightened anymore. I’ve been trying to get her to open up a little, if she can – if there was a crime committed against her, I want to help her get legal aid. Or maybe she is just traumatized by the whole process of refugee transportation - it can be overwhelming and frightening. It could also be that she was separated from someone she depended upon. However, if she doesn’t tell me, there is no way we can help her.

    There is another refugee who has caught my attention. This man is a slightly built human, reddish hair, about 30 years old, travelling alone. As my dad likes to say, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. There is something off about him. His name (so his tracker says) is Marsh Tor, originally of Bakura. But his tracker history just looks, I don’t know how to explain it, too clean. Like it was set up deliberately or something. Blue says that happens sometimes; maybe he had a defective tracker, so they replaced it. Mr. Tor is travelling alone, and he doesn’t mingle with the others much, either. He has an odd way about him, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

    Interviewing these people takes a lot of time, and today I've been working on indexing this data for hours. But the truth of the matter is, I’m really only trying to keep my mind focused. I threw up this morning, right after Blue left for the mess hall for breakfast. I couldn't join him – the thought of food made me nauseous.

    The thing is, I threw up yesterday morning, too. Blue was still sleeping so he didn’t hear it.

    My shirts are getting tight. I honestly don’t think he’s noticed.

    I’m late. I haven’t told him that.

    He’s going to figure it out eventually, though. Blue knows that I can get into the dispensary, so it’s just a matter of time before he figures out where the pregnancy test went.
     
    Ewok Poet, Kahara and Gemma like this.
  14. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha WIP Month Champion star 8 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    =D= on Bree's details on the work with refugees and healing the spirit with the body. @};- Touched by Zara's story and :eek: over Tor's sneaky demeanor.

    Aha! So the truth behind Bree's "morning sickness" is validated. Definitely complicates things! Big time! :oops:
     
    Kahara and Gemma like this.
  15. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Very moving section with Zara, it's nice to see their work with refugees. And Marsh Tor is intriguing, I wonder what he's hiding.

    Wonderful way to reveal the pregnancy!
     
    Kahara, Gemma and Nyota's Heart like this.
  16. Gemma

    Gemma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 25, 2013
    I enjoyed how Bree got to work with Blue with Zara and was able to convince her that their help would not hurt her. Yeah, I liked how the pregnancy was revealed too. Now how long will it take for Blue to put 2 and 2 together? Look forward to how you present that reveal.
     
    Kahara and Nyota's Heart like this.
  17. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005

    Thank you! I like to think that Blue has a holistic approach to healing. That is what gives him the advantage over a med droid. Plus, it comes naturally to him – like you said, he’s a nurturer.[:D] Zara is a sweetie but terribly lost. And Tor is up to no good.


    She finally faced the truth. Can’t keep pretending it’s the flu.[face_worried] Thank you for replying!



    Thanks for replying! Blue and Bree have found that they have a natural balance in helping the refugees.;) And some of the refugees come with emotional baggage, like Zara and Tor. Yup, Bree has to face the fact that the flu isn’t the flu. She’s pretty sure she’s caught the preggers.


    Thank you for your reply. I can imagine that women travelling alone would be easy prey in such a stark situation. No wonder Zara won’t trust any man.[face_nail_biting] Luckily Bree can connect with her. And yes, it’s baby time for Bree and Blue. Blue’s pretty sharp; he’ll figure it out in 3, 2,…:eek:


    A HUGE thank you to Nyota’s Heart for her sweet, sweet vignette [link=http://boards.theforce.net/threads/...award-prize-for-divapilot.50028757/]Something Sweetly Recalled [/link], which she wrote as a prize for the 2015 awards. I’m so honored to have won for my OCs Bree and Blue, and to have the same lady who inspired them with her challenge also create the prize for their award is a delight. Thank you, Ny, for everything.
     
  18. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    [12]

    I told Blue about the baby. You know what he did? He said, “How did this happen?”

    “Well, doctor,” I said sarcastically, “Let me explain. When a Corusanti and a Barolian love each other very, very much —“

    “You know what I mean. We’re always so careful. We always use protection.”

    “Not always,” I reminded him. “We lost track of things on Tanis. And you know how repressor meds don’t agree with me.”

    Blue looked like he had gotten hit with a stunblast. He sat down and put his hands up to the sides of his head. Next thing out of his mouth – and I swear I am not making this up: “Your dad is going to kill me.”

    Great. I tell him he’s going to be a father and his response is terror over the fact that he knocked up Han Solo’s daughter. That’s when I walked out of the room and went to the crew’s lounge.

    I poured myself a hot ginka tea (say goodbye to stimcaf for the next eight months) and just sat there, trying to wrap my head around everything.

    I looked down at my stomach and instinctively put my hand across my lower abdomen. Of course it’s flat; it’s too early to be showing. I thought about the little life in there. I’m five weeks pregnant. Blue and I are having a baby.

    Now what?

    About ten minutes later, he came in and sat next to me, resting his elbow on the back of the couch and putting his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry I reacted that way,” he said, tucking a strand of my hair over my ear. “I just wasn’t prepared for that kind of news.”

    “Well, I hadn’t planned on it either, you know,” I said. I stared at the wall.

    He turned so that he was facing me, and he gently guided my face toward his with his hand. “I love you, Bree,” he said. “I’m happy for us. I want you to know that you won’t have to worry about anything. My first priority is taking care of you and our baby.”

    I wanted so much to stay angry with him but I couldn’t help it. I leaned against him and rested my head on his shoulder, and he kissed my forehead and stroked my hair.

    We will make this work out. We always do.
     
  19. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha WIP Month Champion star 8 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    "your dad is going to kill me." [face_rofl] Totally a knee-jerk response there. [face_mischief] =D= But his genuine love and caring comes through in the end. Who could stay angry at him, anyway? [face_love] [face_love] He's as sweet as turtle pie, LOL which is my fave! [:D] Not ideal circumstances, of course, but he'll make a breathtakingly lovable loving daddy! D'awwwoon!
     
    Kahara and Gemma like this.
  20. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Aw, this was lovely. Of course he's scared of Papa Han :p - but of course he's surprised about the baby as Bree was - sometimes nature finds a way!
     
    Kahara and Gemma like this.
  21. Gemma

    Gemma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 25, 2013
    This of course was cute and funny.

    I also like how she pointed out to him when they were not always careful; takes two to tango.

    I like how he cuddled to her in the last section.
     
    Kahara and Nyota's Heart like this.
  22. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    "Your dad is going to kill me." [face_laugh]

    So things are moving forward on the pregnancy front :) But now you've piqued my curiosity with Zara and even more so with Marsh Tor. Who is this guy and what is he up to? [face_thinking]

    Oh, and congrats on your award wins!
     
    Kahara, Gemma and Nyota's Heart like this.
  23. Kahara

    Kahara Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2001
    *snort* Never ask a Solo an obvious question. :p Blue's first response struck me as an awful lot like the way that I sometimes respond to really unexpected news (good or bad) by assuming it's false for several minutes. (Luckily, I've actually kind of learned to keep my mouth shut on the first response. ;))

    I've appreciated how you're developing the recovering addict portion of Blue's character. It's not a footnote, but a permanent condition that will occasionally creep up on him and give them both an unpleasant day or three. And they have to watch constantly, both of them -- because Blue isn't entirely honest with himself when it's the subtle things. It's really interesting how you've created a relationship that is never quite going to be a happy fairytale -- but they do have the potential for happiness, I think. They're just going to have to fight a constant battle for it. And, as others have commented, their cuddliness with each other is adorable. A nice mushy counterpoint to the angst.
     
    Ewok Poet, Gemma and Nyota's Heart like this.
  24. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005

    Turtle pie? What is that? (I’m assuming it isn’t pie made out of turtles…) :p
    Thank you! Yeah, Blue did not see that one coming, and he has a healthy respect of his girlfriend’s dad. As all boyfriends should!
    It isn’t the ideal circumstance, but if you wait for the ideal time then nothing would ever happen. And he would naturally be a great dad. [:D]
    Thanks so much for your reply!


    Who wouldn’t be scared of Papa Han? But Bree and Blue would be great parents and Papa Han would be a terrific Grandpapa Han. Can’t you see him bringing the next generation of Skysolos for a crazy ride in the Falcon? Best. Grandpa. EVER. ;)
    Thanks so much!

    Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply. Yeah, Blue kind of blurted out the first thing that came into his head. And Bree isn’t impressed with his reaction. And yes, they both had something to do with the baby. It does take two! But he loves her, and they will always take care of each other. [face_love]

    Thanks for the reply! Yes, the pregnancy is finally official, and now they have to deal with all the changes that come with it. The refugees they work with are from all walks of life, and they never know who they will be dealing with and what emotional damage these people have been through. It isn’t just medical triage, it’s emotional triage, too. Zara and Marsh Tor will be around for a while.
    Thank you for the awards congrats! I really enjoyed creating this couple and their adventures. :)


    Thank you! That was very intentional. Blue is a very flawed person, who under other circumstances might have been a broken person. He is not ever going to be able to fit in with those around him. Bree has to weigh the stress and difficulty of dealing with a chronically ill person against the benefit of being with him. You put it well – This is “a relationship that is never quite going to be a happy fairytale.” They have to fight for their happiness. But they love each other and there is strength in that.
    Thank you so much for your insightful and thoughtful comments. :)
     
    Ewok Poet, Gemma, Chyntuck and 2 others like this.
  25. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    [13]

    Blue invited Zara to help him with his work. I’m okay with it, I guess. I try not to think about such a pretty Zeltron working so near to my man. But I trust him, and he has even more reason to be loyal to me now. Besides, it’s good for her. She seems to be gaining some confidence. And she feels safer being allied with someone, so why not Blue?

    So yesterday I went into the infirmary to see if Blue was ready to break for a meal, and they were sitting together, talking intently. They looked up and seemed unprepared for me. Then Blue smiled and Zara began to play with her plaits of hair. She tilted her head as Blue held out his hand for me to take.

    Zara squinted at me and looked at me intently. Then she smiled as if she had just figured something out. “You and Doc Blue are lovers,” she announced.

    “Yes, you could say that,” I answered. The fact we were holding hands was a clue.

    She narrowed her eyes. “And you’re pregnant.”

    My eyes widened and Blue’s mouth opened. “How did you know she’s expecting?” Blue asked.

    Zara smiled. “Pheromones work both ways. You have each other’s scents all over you, and I can detect her pregnancy hormones. So I guess, congratulations.”

    “Thank you,” I said.

    “But Zara,” Blue said, “please don’t tell anyone. We only just found out ourselves, and we haven’t even told our family. Please keep it quiet.”

    “Okay,” she said. I was a little taken aback by her bluntness, but Zeltrons as a whole are not noted for subtlety. Blue had been allowing her to do some clerical work for him to give her some confidence, so he gave her some work to do to keep her busy while we went together to the mess hall, and we left the infirmary.

    Once we were in the passageway, I turned to him. “So what were you and Zara talking about when I came in?” I asked. Yes, I know, jealousy is not attractive.

    “Why do you ask?”

    I put my hand on his chest and stopped him in the passageway. “Oh no, you don’t. I know your rule about not lying to me, and the way you squirm out of telling me a lie is to answer my question with another question. So now I really need to know: what were you and Zara so involved in?”

    He leaned against the wall and shoulders sagged. “Bree, please – I’ll tell you later. I promise.”

    I was about to snipe at him about putting it off when I looked at his face. There was such sadness in it that it took me aback. When I first met Blue, his life was a raw, barely healed wound and his emotions were far closer to the surface than they are now. So to see him this upset, I knew I hit a painful subject. I relented. I stroked his arm and spoke softly. “Okay. Later.”

    Last night we stayed up late, talking. Blue told me that Zara revealed that she had escaped from a terrible situation, where she had been taken from another group of refugees, lured by the promise of a job but ensnared into a trafficking plot. She had been captive for a month and had only just managed to slip away from her captor and get onto the Alisander. She was afraid of all men, as it had been a man who had abused her so horribly. She had only granted Blue her trust when he told her he understood what she was going through. Then Blue haltingly told me about the family “friend” who had abused him for years when he was a boy. The fear and the pain and the soul-crushing humiliation of that abuse led him to his alcohol use as a teenager, which opened the way for his drug addiction in college.

    His revelation made me think. When I first met Blue, I was still reeling from my brother Anakin’s death. Jaina dealt with it by immersing herself into her role as the Sword of the Jedi with such terrifying ferocity that I truly feared her turning toward the dark side for cruel comfort in her loss. Jacen had been a Vong prisoner, and I know that they tortured him, and our brother Anakin’s death was another chain wrapped around his neck. I remember him screaming in his sleep when he came back home.

    So I did what I thought everyone wanted of me: I became the perfect, obedient daughter, never a burden or a worry to anyone. Until the day something seemed to finally shut down in me and I could not pretend one moment longer that everything was all right. I was at the point where my interest in living was only slightly stronger than my indifference to not living. In desperation, I gave up everything and walked away, willing to give the Force one last chance to guide me to a better place, to give some purpose and comfort to my meaningless life. The Force delivered me to Blue.

    We all have the dark places that we hide in our hearts, hidden corners where we shove the hurt and pain in vain hope that if we just ignore it, it will wither and die instead of seethe. My sister and brother still struggle with their dark places. I have had dark places in my life, and so does Blue. There are certain topics so dark to him that Blue refuses to talk about them, not even to me: his life in prison, the details of the crash that killed his best friend, the months of homelessness after his release.

    Sometimes, though, he lets me glimpse into the depths, and he tells me something that helps me understand the person who was once Ryoki Akahai, who became Parole 735204, and who is now my Blue. I had never known this part of his personal history until just now, when he guardedly opened that dark place to me. And even now, almost twenty years later, it’s obvious that the hurt still burns.
     
    Ewok Poet, Gemma and Nyota's Heart like this.