Beyond - Legends The God of Second Chances (DDC 2015) 12/23/15 (OCs, Solos) Complete (Cover posted 4/24/17)

Ain't that the truth - Bree and Blue both have their demons, but they've found each other to live for, as well as their new family - they keep growing closer and more open with every day, and that's beautiful to read despite the rawness of learning more of Blue's past, and Bree's own struggles.

 

I was at the point where my interest in living was only slightly stronger than my indifference to not living. In desperation, I gave up everything and walked away, willing to give the Force one last chance to guide me to a better place, to give some purpose and comfort to my meaningless life. The Force delivered me to Blue. We all have the dark places that we hide in our hearts, hidden corners where we shove the hurt and pain in vain hope that if we just ignore it, it will wither and die instead of seethe.

Fantastically insightful and poignant, this passage and the earlier reflections about Jaina and Jacen, and their coping choices.


Each thing Blue reveals, to Bree, and to us, deepens our respect for him, because everything, literally everything, has contributed to making him - not a horrific predator, a person without compassion or caring, but just the opposite! We marvel at his choices to be better in spite of, to be able to reach out and give and share!

Large huggles!

~!

Turtle pie or turtle desserts in general are caramel/pecan filled confections. There's chocolate too.

Best thing. LOL

 

Very emotional piece for them - adds another layer to their relationship. No one is perfect and I think Bree is seeing that they need each other even before the 'baby'.

 

Thank you everyone for your insightful replies!

They aren’t perfect people by any means. There is still a lot of unresolved grief in Bree and unresolved anger in Blue. But as you point out, they have found each other and they know how to care for each other’s wounds with love.

I’m glad that comes through.. It’s a conscious choice of his to put his traumatic experiences to use to help others, and not to engage in self-pity or anger. His attitude about handling his sorrows influences Bree to do the same. It’s slowly bringing her out of her cycle of depressions.

YUM! Sounds delicious! I’ll have to check it out!

Very true. Bree sees Blue as literally the answer to her prayers, and for him, she is the focus of his entire life. They are in some ways scarily dependent on each other. But there is great love there, and patience. Blue’s unfolding of his darkest secrets binds them even closer.

 

[14]

Blue will be going to the resupply station tomorrow with Saphra and Thom, and of course with Captain Sia or with Derek, the first mate. He’ll be gone all day, but I have plenty of work to do to keep me busy.

I’ve been feeling much better lately. Blue gave me some medication to get the nausea under control, and he promised to try and find some herbal tea for me that will help also. (He is amazing at finding things in these little places. He got my necklace at a space station, and sometimes he picks up things for the refugees, like kids’ shoes or toiletries.)

I got back to our quarters earlier today, and Blue had set up a device from the infirmary on a cart beside our bed. Blue patted the bed. “Hop up,” he said.

“What is this?”

He smiled. “Just indulge me.”

I lay down on the bed, as instructed. He carefully pulled my shirt up over my stomach. “What are you doing?” I laughed. His hands were cold and they tickled.

He shushed me. Then he took out a small device that fit into his palm, and positioned a holoscreen so that we both could see it. “Relax,” he said, as he put the device over my lower abdomen. “I think it might be time to hear a heartbeat. I didn’t want to leave without finding out if we could hear it yet.”

I lay back and watched the holoscreen. Against the blurred background, a tiny little figure appeared. It looked more like a blob of tissue than a human, but when it moved, I gasped. Blue adjusted a control and then we heard it: the rapid beating of a miraculously small heartbeat. I stared at the image in amazement. “Is it a girl or a boy?” I asked.

“It’s too early to tell. A human fetus doesn’t develop a visible gender until about sixteen weeks, and you’re only about six weeks along. I could run a genetic test, but without any specific need to do so, I’d rather not. The test is invasive.”

He made an adjustment and a holo image began to rotate. I recognized it as a DNA double helix. A second one appeared next to it. Blue picked up the datapad and began to swipe commands into it. “Watch,” he said. “The one on the left is your genetic code. The one on the right is mine. When the baby is old enough for me to get a sample, we can run her code too and see what hers looks like.”

“Or his,” I reminded him.

He smiled broadly. “True. We could be having a son. But anyway, see? If we look at his code and this section appears,” he said, highlighting a strand from my model, “Then we know he’s going to have his mother’s beautiful brown eyes.”

“So we can know ahead of time what he’ll look like,” I said, fascinated. I rubbed my abdomen absently. In my imagination, I pictured a little boy with a shock of blue hair and dark brown eyes.

I gestured to the holo of the little being. “Can you record this?” I asked him.

“Already recording,” he said. He looked at me and smiled. “A gift for you, my Bree.”

I turned my head back to the image on the holoscreen. That little figure was our baby. Our baby. Suddenly, I felt such an overwhelming wave of love for this child and for the man who helped to create him or her that tears began to fill my eyes.

Blue turned off the machine and put the device away. When he looked at me again, he was taken aback with alarm. He sat next to me on the bed, leaned over me and wiped the tear off my cheek with his thumb. “Why are you crying, Bree?” he asked, frowning.

I reached up to cup his face in my hands. My fingers traced the tattoos on his forehead. “I don’t know,” I admitted, smiling through the tears. “All I know is how much I love you. I love you, Ryoki, and I love our baby already.” He smiled tenderly and kissed me, his lips warm against mine.

He’s sleeping now, and I have a couple of minutes to write before he has to wake up and get ready to leave for the station. I don’t know if it was the hormones or the emotional impact of seeing our baby for the first time, but I couldn’t help crying again while we made love last night. He cried a little too. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more loved and cherished than I do right now.

 

Oh, it is so pleasant to become a gooey squeeing mess first thing! Happy, happy feels with this update! Can we just linger here? In this non-angsty place.

 

Aw, this update gave me the warm fuzzies!

Loved the tech behind the DNA sequencing, but I hope it's not foreshadowing that they're going to discover something wrong with the baby when they are able to here it's sequence

 

This left me all warm and awwwwwing!!!

 

Thank you for replying. Oh, non-angsty is a great place to visit but makes for a dull story! Bree and Blue are happy, and she realizes how very much he means to her.

Thanks! They’re adjusting to the idea of having a baby around, and they are starting to think of themselves as a family and not just a couple. As to the DNA sequencing, there may be some foreshadowing going on, but it isn’t in the direction you’re thinking.

Thank you! They’re happy, and they have discovered that they love their baby as much as each other.

 

[15]

Blue got back from his resupply visit with not only the herbal tea that can control my pregnancy nausea, but with our first purchase for the baby: a little baby blanket. The blanket is adorable. It has a pattern of romping little orange pittens on it, and it’s so soft. I wish I could have watched him buy it. No man can haggle a street vendor like he can, and to see him all rough and blustery over a baby blanket must have been funny. I can’t help thinking about what an amazing father he’s going to be.

When Blue got back to work, though, he discovered three of the refugees developed fevers while he was at the resupply station, and no one was sick before he left. I wasn’t there so I’m not sure how this happened; I had been in our quarters editing the interviews the whole day that Blue was away. Blue seems concerned enough to spend most of today in the cargo area. I told him I would go with him to help out but he said no, and he wants me to keep away just to be safe. Zara has been a good assistant to Blue, and he asked Thom to help him out so I could stay put. I know he’s only looking out for me but really, I’m a big girl and I can handle myself. Blue wants to run some tests on the sick people, but it is probably just some slow-evolving bug that has finally started to kick in now. Give it a week and it will have run its course. Three weeks from now, when we get to the end of the trip, it will be just a memory.

I spoke with Mom today. She wants me to come back to Ossus for the birth. That’s probably a good idea; we clearly aren’t going to be taking the baby with us on the ship. It might be nice to have a couple months off, just the three of us: me, Blue, and Baby Blue. (We’ve been playing with names. I said we should name it Brue if it’s a girl and BIee if it’s a boy. Blue hit me with a pillow. But seriously, we do have a couple names that are good possibilities.)

I know that my parents would love to see their grandchild. I wish Blue had family that he could share this with. His parents have no idea that Blue even has a girlfriend, never mind a child on the way. His sister Khori won’t find out she’s an aunt for another five years. It has to weigh heavily on him, although he doesn’t complain. I hope he knows that my parents and my sister and brother love him like part of the family (which he is).

People forget that my family happens to be just regular people with very bizarre jobs. Most people know that my dad likes to tinker with his ship for hours on end, but they don’t know the other mundane things we do. Mom sings when she thinks no one is listening to her, Jaina likes to play word puzzles, and Jacen is an avid limmie fan (he follows Team Fondor). Blue and I may not be Jedi or hot-shot pilots or skilled diplomats, but we know family when we see it, and my family has taken him in like one of our own. And now that we are having the first baby in this generation, Grandma and Grandpa and Auntie and Uncle are all excited for our new arrival.

Well, excited for the baby at least; maybe not for the side effects of the pregnancy. Jaina told me not to get too fat or else I won’t fit into the gown she ordered for me for the official engagement ceremony. She said that if she wanted a Hutt for her attendant at the ceremony she would have gone to Nar Shadda and recruited one. Thanks, sis.


------

Thanks ginchy for suggesting the baby names!

 

Aww on the blankie That fever sounds worrisome. Love Bree's reflections on the plain-folksyness of her family. Happy they've taken Blue in like one of their own. He makes her happy, that's what counts to them.

 

I loved the little family tidbits - it's so nice to read about them all as alive, happy and healthy! Little touches like Leia singing and Jaina playing word puzzles are very sweet.

 

I just caught up on your last three entries -- sorry I'm not a regular reader these days, it's DRL's fault, but I'm not dropping out!

Entry 13: using Zara's presence to bring out Blue's backstory was a great idea. Not only is Zara shaping up to be an interesting character, if nothing else for what she reveals of the overall refugee situation, but I find the fact that Blue hasn't told Bree everything about himself yet to make sense -- and for us as readers discovering his past bit by bit is a great way to build the character in our mids.

Entry 14: awww all over the place! (I'm getting into that territory soon, so it was nice to read your version of the same scene).

Entry 15: somehow I sense that this fever thing isn't something that happened just like that and that will run its course in a week, but I hope I'm wrong?

Oh, and this:

... was simply precious. I don't have a Hutt attendant, but I can provide a hairdresser if you want

 

Thank you so much, guys, for your thoughtful replies!

Bree loves her family very much, and as the only “normal” sibling she sees the commonality rather than the differences between her family and the rest of the society. Han and Leia know not to judge on appearance and that a person’s past doesn’t define them.

I really rewrote this as I wanted to see them. In my mind, Jacen never went sithy – it was PTSD and not sith brainwashing that he was dealing with. (And no nasty bug invasion, either.) That doesn’t mean that they are perfect people, but they should at least have a chance to recover before the next disaster, I think.

Thanks! I appreciate it! I can’t imagine how you do it all with your legal work and writing so prolifically.

Blue is someone who under other circumstances would be a “damaged person,” but instead he is just incredibly guarded. He has been hurt badly but refuses to let the pain define him. It reveals a lot about Bree, too, in that she knows there is more to him that he hasn’t told her, but she can wait for him to tell her when he is ready. They trust each other implicitly.
Zara comes across as a bit ditzy but how much of that is, again, a front that she puts up to cover her own pain?

Hmmm. A medical mystery emerges…

LOL! Maybe not a hairdresser, but I have put some easter eggs from your story in future chapters.

 

[16]

Well, Blue and I had another fight yesterday. We were in the galley getting breakfast, and he sat down with me, in that serious way he has, and informed me that he really wants us to get married. Captain Sia can do the legal procedure, he told me, and we could follow up later with a bigger ceremony with our family if we wanted to. He said it matters now more than ever. “You’re carrying my child,” he said, “and even if you won’t marry me, I deserve at least to be recognized as this baby’s father. I have that right.”

He has a point. But I’m still reluctant. The less that people know about him, the safer he will be. He said what does it matter who knows– everyone on the Alisander already knows we’re a couple. Even the refugees like Zara consider us as a couple. I told him that’s different – these people are our friends and wouldn’t hurt us. Then he asked me if I was ashamed of him. Was there some part of me that resented the fact he was a parolee? Or that maybe, on some level, I felt that the sludge news was right, and he wasn’t my equal and I should be involved with someone of higher wealth and social class? I got really insulted. How could he think I was that shallow? Of course not. I knew his status and it didn’t change how I loved him.

He asked me how it helps that Jacen and Tenel Ka don’t officially acknowledge their relationship. I explained that that was a different situation: Hapan politics are so convoluted that bringing an off-worlder like my brother into the picture was just asking for trouble. (Do you know there are court sycophants who have actually amputated their hands and forearms to imitate Tenel in an attempt to gain favor? Sick. The last thing they want to hear is that their queen favors an off-worlder over one of them.)

Then he said he doesn’t want to be this baby’s sometime father, the parent who hides in the corners. “What are you going to say when your pregnancy starts to show and the press starts asking questions? What will you say to your family’s friends?” he asked. “What are you going to tell them when the kid’s born with bright blue hair? How do you plan to cover up the fact that you obviously slept with a Barolian, and I’m the only Barolian male who’s been within 30 Imperial klicks of you in the past six months?”

When I didn’t answer, he leaned back, shook his head, and crossed his arms. His mouth was a thin line. Then he turned his gaze to the storage area in the corner of the galley – the one where I know Derek keeps the liquor. “You’re kidding me, Blue,” I said.

“What?”

“Are you actually thinking about having a drink? Because we’re having a disagreement?”

He slammed his hands on the table. “I’ve had it. How many times, Bree? How many times are you going to accuse me of this?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything.”

“Yes, you are! You think I’m going to start drinking again. Why don’t you believe me when you know I promised never to lie to you?”

“You don’t lie to me, Blue, but you lie to yourself.”

He stared at me. “What the kriff does that mean?”

“You still want it. You say you’re sober and in control, but whenever things get difficult, that’s literally where you turn.”

“Oh, by the Elementals. You have no idea what it’s like for me. And instead of supporting me, you judge me.”

"Blue, I’m not judging you.” I rubbed my temples. “Can we not argue?” I was really too tired to deal with his insecurities right then.

He grabbed his medical backpack from the chair beside him and waited. I told him I would think about marrying him. He waited for more of an answer, but that was all I could give him. Then he slung his backpack over one shoulder, turned to me before he left, and said, “Don’t deny me my right to be named as the father. That isn’t fair to me, Bree.” He spoke in measured control, but I could hear the hurt in his voice. “I take care of you and give you everything I have, and all I ask is to be treated like I’m your equal. I ask you to marry me, I offer you the best part of me, and you treat it like a liability.”

I had said I would think about it, but that wasn’t really true since I already know the answer. What am I supposed to do? I can’t protect him if people know he’s the father of this baby. They’ll destroy him, and then I’d be left with no father at all for my child. But he just doesn’t get it.

 

Taking Bree's assertion first: it's on a subconscious level but it's still there. When he's stressed or frustrated, Blue's instinctive reflex is to "want" if not take up a drink.
Right at this particular moment in time, he's in control enough not to act on that impulse, but Bree is right.
There could be, usually is, a time when the impulse is followed through on.

But Blue is even stronger on this argument: if I were a close friend or family member, I'd weigh in on his side.
It feels like, walks and talks like rejection, even though she is not meaning it that way. He feels inconsequential - like a part time, just for special occasions type presence, and he naturally wants a full-time thing, a formal acknowledgement.

If, for instance, they never tied the knot and she eventually had a talk with their child about who your daddy is, and the child asks why daddy isn't around?
And Bree says: I couldn't/didn't want to marry him. The kid'd go: Huh?

 

Arguments are always difficult, and I see both Bree and Blue's points of view - each of them may need to give a little bit to come to a compromise. Blue is perhaps asking a bit to much by pressing the marriage question, and Bree is in denial about being able to protect the knowledge - I feel for both of them.

Nice little tidbit about Tenel Ka and Jacen - perhaps a cautionary tale?

 

Okay, Bree needs to get real about her mother avian impulses here, doesn't she? She wants to protect Blue from the rest of the world and that's absolutely fine and sensible, but hiding the father of your baby becomes kind of impossible once you have the baby (or enough of a baby for you to show, anyway). She comes across as so obsessed with a specific aspect and issue of her life that she's in denial as to the damage she might cause on every other level.

The moment when Blue gets upset and looks at the booze cupboard was worrying for him, but if this sort of scene repeats itself on a regular basis it could very well become worrying for them as a family

 

Thank you everyone for your very thoughtful replies! I apprecite it..

Blue has fallen into some very bad habits. Bree sees what he is doing but he refuses to admit that there is a problem with his behavior. But her frustration comes across as criticism to him.

He still feels a little insecure about his relationship with her. However, demanding she marry him isn’t going to win her over. The pregnancy just worsens the rift: the more he wants the relationship out in the open, the stronger her instinct to bury it deeper.

Compromise is always a healthy thing, but they are both being stubborn. Blue points out to her that she can’t hide the baby forever, but she refuses to deal with the conundrum in a more productive way. And then he takes her “no” to his proposal as a rejection of him, and his insecurities flare up.
As for Jacen and Tenel Ka – they are kind of parallel in their unacknowledged relationship. Of course both Jacen and Bree are following the example set by their grandparents Anakin and Padmé – now there’s a cautionary tale!

She is very obsessed with personal security, but she has been brought up thinking that she is the weakest sibling in the family. Then her brother Anakin, the strongest one, gets killed, so now she feels that unless she is hyper-vigilant and overprotective, things will get very bad very quickly. She spends her life expecting an attack and it frustrates her that Blue doesn’t think the way she does. It clouds her judgment, and she doesn’t realize the effect it has. She acts out of love but her love for him is smothering him.

That’s just the one time she caught him. How many times does he consider it when she isn’t loolking? He told her that she has no idea what it’s like for him, dealing with his addictions. You're right; this is not a stable situation for a family at all.

 

[18]

I don’t have a whole lot to do lately. Blue has made it clear he does not want me to go with him into the cargo area to work with the refugees. He says until he can figure out what exactly is going on with the fevers, he doesn’t want me to risk getting infected since he has no idea what the fever might do to the baby. I don’t like him telling me what to do, but he does have a point and I guess I should be more careful with my health now that I’m pregnant.

There are another four refugees sick, and our friend Thom is sick. Since Blue won’t let me into the cargo area, Thom had been helping Blue with the refugees instead of me, so I guess he picked it up there. Marsh Tor, the first one to come down with this, is so ill that he is in the infirmary now, which means that Blue has to split his time between the infirmary and the cargo bays. He spends longer hours away from me. Now that Thom isn’t capable of helping him out, Blue depends on Zara even more. Like Blue, she doesn’t seem to be that affected by the virus.

I noticed he has taken out the contamination gear. Usually he just wipes sterilization gel on his hands when he sees his patients but now he’s wearing gloves and biofilter masks. He wouldn’t do that if he wasn’t worried. I can’t help wondering why the biofilters didn’t block out any contaminants. I know it’s working correctly since Blue did a diagnostic scan for it when I thought I had picked up some flu. And why are people just getting sick now, six weeks after we left Tanis?

This is, understandably, making the refugees very anxious. Pim said that they are starting to get suspicious of each other, and Thom told her (before he got sick) that there was an incident where someone tried to steal the belongings of one of the sick refugees. He almost had to get Marcus down there to straighten it out, but Thom and Blue managed to get the people involved to clear up the dispute. Marcus is one of our shipmates and just about the hugest human I’ve ever seen. He looks horribly intimidating but really he is gentle and shy and wouldn’t hurt anyone. He’s good to have around in a potential fight, though, because one look at him and you reconsider if you want to fight at all. He’s supposed to be an environmental systems specialist but Captain Sia often uses him for security. He is so sweet that he agrees to do this extra assignment, for her. Just to be safe, I’ve taught him some basic martial arts moves so that he could defend himself if necessary.

(The almost-fight scared Zara, who started to retreat back into her corner, but then Blue talked her out of it again. All the growing chaos of the fever that seems to be spreading and the upheaval in the social order has frightened her, so now she’s pretty much living in the infirmary. I commed her on the internal channel and had a chat with her. She’s better now, but still shaken up. I worry about her. What will she do when the ship docks and she’s on her own? I sent a request to the DPA for an on-site counselor when we get to Iryllia, but I may have to pull in some favors.)

Since Blue won’t let me go back into the cargo area to work with the refugees and he wants me to stay out of the infirmary too, I’m at a bit of a loss as to what am I supposed to be doing. I feel useless. I’ve asked Captain Sia to put me to work in another part of the ship. Thom had asked me to cover his shifts in the engine room while he worked with Blue, and neither Blue nor Captain Sia sees any problem with that, so I’ll be working there for a while. I know my way around a ship’s engineering section. Anyone who has ever flown with my father better know how to hotwire or else it would be a short trip. The Falcon is so old now that I think there are more of my dad’s patches on it than the original factory installs.

Blue is still kind of sulky over the fact that I didn’t agree with his insistence that we get married just because I’m pregnant. He has no choice but to get over it, though, because really, he can’t stroll out the door on this. (He wouldn’t get too far, that’s for sure.) I thought that living with him would be as simple as it was when he would come visit me for a week or two on Tanis, but I’ve discovered that it’s a lot more work. I guess it is for him, too, since he’s used to doing pretty much whatever he wants on the ship and not having to answer to anyone but Captain Sia.

He’s not here right now. Blue’s set up a little area in the one of the offices near the infirmary to try to figure out what he’s dealing with. He spends hours there, running tests and looking up information in the holonet. He loses track of time, and I have to bring him his food or I swear he wouldn’t remember to eat. I have to admit it’s disconcerting. I know Blue has a tendency to latch onto anything that interests him, but there is more of an urgency to his interest in this fever than simply a professional curiosity. If he’s worried, then everyone else should be too.

 

Oh my! That fever sounds scarily spreadable like Ebola!

Blue's caution to Bree is correct. Even if she herself didn't catch it, it could lead to a miscarriage! An experience best lived without!

Wow, the situation in the mood aboard is totally volatile. One does wonder in such a closed environment where/how the fever originated.

Glad Bree is able to do something productive and fill in for Thom on his duties.

Blue's single-minded focus is the upside of having an addictive framework in your personality. It's frustrating though if it does not lead to answers.

 

I'm certainly worried about the virus!

 

Why do I sense that 1. Blue has every reason to be worried about the virus, 2. that sneaky Marsh Tor character has something to do with it? This is NOT good.

And now I'm trying to imagine the Falcon after years and years of good and loyal services... It makes my head hurt!

 

Yeah -- I am worried about the virus too - especially since her pregnany

 

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful and kind replies! I really appreciate all of them.

I can imagine that watching the people around you get sick and drop would be terrifying, especially when you have no control over the situation and can’t even leave. Frightened people sometimes act out, and sometimes there are those who take advantage of the rising panic and try to exploit it. Blue is not just dealing with the medical emergency, he has to monitor the civil unrest too. Tough day for our boy.

Blue has too much he is trying to control, and his first priority is to keep Bree (and the baby) out of it. Fortunately, Bree tucks in her patented Solo “I got this. Hey, it’s me, remember?” and listens for once.

There’s a good reason to be. This is an exploding crisis.

This is a serious situation and Blue can’t keep on top of it. If he’s worried, so should everyone else. And Marsh Tor is a sneaky sneaker. Could he be involved somehow???
That Falcon. I imagine what it would be like if it were a car. Sort of like the Winchester boys riding around in that Impala on Supernatural, I would think.

Yes, a virus that can’t be contained isn’t good for anyone, but for a baby, this is big trouble.