Phx The Great Big Thread of Useless Information or the Seinfeld Thread about Nothing!

Thanks to a retired Alaska Airlines Captain for sending this "paraphrase" of a memorable safety PA from their flight attendants. In his own words.....

I was flying to San Francisco from Seattle this weekend, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like "what the heck?" (Getting Seattle people to look at each other is an accomplishment.)

So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

Before takeoff...

Hello, and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to San Francisco. If you're going to San Francisco, you're in the right place. If you're not going to San Francisco, you're about to have a really long evening. We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most
important safety feature we have aboard this plane is ... the flight attendants. Please look at one now.

There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad
idea.
Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit. Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did.

We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones along the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.

In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, these baggy things will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen
there, I promise. If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting
like a small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask first. If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your way down.

In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and play with it now.

Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing-not a pushy thing like your car because you're in an airplane-HELLO!!

There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide.
There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We
do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight....hold on, let me check what it is. Oh here it is; the movie tonight is *Gone with the Wind.*

In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button.

We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for choosing Alaska Air, and giving us your business and your money. If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask.
If you all weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing ovation,
wouldn't you?

After landing...

Welcome to the San Francisco International Airport.

Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the captain's fault. It's not the co-pilot's fault. It's the Asphalt.

Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in
history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't

 

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

 

Useless trivia. If a thread is six months old, it will be closed. Seems to be automatic.

 

More specifically, if it's gone that long without any new posts it is locked. They can be unlocked if you ask nicely though.

 

Hey! I have worked too dang long and too frellin' long to see our beautiful thread get locked!

Long live the thread of useless information!!!

BTW . . . did you know there is a town/city in Michigan called FRANKENMUTH?? It is the home of Bronner's Christmas Shoppe

I wonder if it is named after the unknown last experience of Dr. Frankenstein or maybe if he came to America and took on a different last name and started a very special Christmas shoppe???

 

My mom used to go shopping in Frankenmuth about every year for christmas stuff, so yes I knew it was there.
More interestingly to those of us from Ohio, is that Hell is in fact in Michigan. Grr, markups playing along. Enter it into mapquest if you like. Not surprisingly, its actually rather close to Ann Arbor.

 

Hell is in Michigan! And here all along I thought Tucson was hell!

Well, here is somemore useless info just in time for the holidays:

Office Party Etiquette
So you've been invited to a holiday office party - now what?



Ø Even though the music is playing, food and alcohol is being served, and people are laughing ? the office party is a business function. Keeping this in mind before your every action can only lead to successful behavior.

Ø Remember that a lot of women are now in business. No matter what type of business, the women in attendance could well be the boss, manager supervisor, or CEO.

Ø Office parties are usually mandatory. Thus, you cannot avoid them. That doesn't mean you have to be there from beginning to end, unless it is held during the workday. Arrive on time, mingle, speak to the boss, eat a few hor d'ouevres, thank the host, make a graceful exit.

Ø If the party is not actually at the office, make sure you have accurate directions, so as not to arrive late.

Ø Upon arrival, don't head straight to the bar or food table. You are at the party to socialize with your co-workers, boss, and to make new connections. Circulate the room before you make your plate or get a drink

Ø When being introduced to someone, make sure you look the person in the eye, and greet them with a firm but not knuckle crushing handshake.

Ø Speaking of handshakes- always keep the right hand clean and free to shake hands. Balance your food, drink, and napkin in your left hand to prevent having to switch items from hand to hand. This may take some practice, but it can be done.

Ø If you have clients that are attending the party, remember they are your responsibility. You should stay close by, make sure they have plenty to eat and drink, and introduce them to the most important people.

Ø Make sure you chat with your co-workers and tell them how great it was to work with them all year. Remember to thank those that worked with you on projects throughout the year.

Ø Eat and drink in moderation. It is better to go back for seconds than to put the entire buffet table on your plate. Keep the alcohol to the barest minimum. This is the worst place ever to get drunk.* This action usually leads to the undoing of many. If you do plan to drink, it is a good idea to eat a little before you arrive to reduce the effects of alcohol.

Ø Avoid salty, greasy, or sweet foods. These tend to make you thirsty, giving you an excuse for having an alcoholic beverage. Instead, eat foods that are rich in starch and protein. These stay in the stomach longer and slow the absorption of alcohol in the bloodstream.

Ø If the party is being held away from the office determine what is the proper attire before you and your companion arrive. If the party is formal, wear formal dress. Women should wear conservative party dresses. Leave the revealing and bright colored dresses for strictly social affairs and not the office party.

Ø If spouses of employees are invited, make sure they are recognized and treated as real people and not as an appendage. Include them in your conversations and talk to them about their own interests.





*Trust me, take this advice!!!! [face_shocked]

 

"If spouses of employees are invited, make sure they are recognized and treated as real people and not as an appendage. Include them in your conversations and talk to them about their own interests. "

if this also includes mere significant others of employees, then it also applies to me this weekend.

 

Got this from YJCC (yes, I know I need help now!):

([Frodo]: All right fellow Hobbits *cough*And Smeagol *cough*! Ready to sing your song?
-I'll say we are! -Yeah!
-Let precious sing it now!
Okay, Sam? -Okay!
Okay, Pippen? -Okay!
Okay, Smeagol? Smeagol? SMEAGOL!! -OKAYS WE HEARS YOU!!!!)

[Sam]: The fire, the fire of Mt. Doom is near
Time for orcs and time for tears
[Smeagol]: We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry Shelob, hurry fast
[Pippen]: I want to fight to serve the king
[Smeagol]: Me, I wants that ******* ring!
[All]: We can hardly stand the wait
[Smeagol]: Please Shelob, don't be late.

(Okay fellas get ready.
That was very good, Sam. -Naturally, if only that traitorous Gol--.

Shut up, fat hobbit!!!!!

Very good Pippen. -Ahhh.
Ah, Smeagol, you were a little flat, watch it.
Ah, Smeagol. Smeagol. SMEAGOL! -OKAYS!!.)

[Pippen]: I want to fight beside the king
[Smeagol]: I still wants the ******* ring!
[All]: We can hardly stand the wait
[Smeagol]: Please Shelob, don't be late.
[All]: We can hardly stand the wait
[Sam]: Let's pray we are not too late.

([Frodo]: Very good, boys
-[Pippen]:Lets sing it again! [Smeagol]: Yeah, let us sings it again!
[Sam]: No, That's enough, lets not overdo it
-[Smeagol]:What does precious mean overdos it?
-We wants to sing it again!
[Frodo]: Now wait a minute, boys
-[Pippen]: Why can't we sing it again?
-[hobbit chatter]
Smeagol, cut that out..Pippen, just a minute.
Sam will you cut that out? Guys...)

written by: Eva_Pilot04

 

OWIE OWIE OWIE!

 

Powerful Anti-Cancer Compound Found in Coffee
Have Some Espresso With Your Daily Bran

University of Munster - Germany

Drinking coffee may help prevent colon cancer, according to a group of researchers in Germany. They identified a potent antioxidant compound in the popular brew that appears in animal studies to boost the activity of phase II enzymes, which are thought to protect against colon cancer, the second leading cause of cancer death in the United States.

The study appeared in the Nov. 5 issue of the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, a peer-reviewed journal of the American Chemical Society, the world's largest scientific society.


=============================
Researchers Have Long Suspected
Coffee Protects Against Cancer
=============================

Although researchers have suspected for years that coffee consumption may offer some protection against cancer as a result of the drink's high antioxidant content, this study represents the first time that a specific, highly active anticancer compound has been identified in the beverage, say study leaders Thomas Hofmann, Ph.D., professor and head of the Institute for Food Chemistry at the University of Munster in Germany, and Veronika Somoza, Ph.D., deputy director of the German Research Center for Food Chemistry in Garching.

"Until human studies are done, no one knows exactly how much coffee is needed to have a protective effect against colon cancer," says Hofmann. "However, our studies suggest that drinking coffee may offer some protection, especially if it's strong." For example, espresso-type coffee contains about two to three times more of the anticancer compound than a medium roasted coffee beverage, he says.


=========================================
Compound Found Only in Roasted Coffee Products
=========================================

The anticancer compound, called methylpyridinium, is found almost exclusively in coffee and coffee products, but is not found in significant amounts in other foods and beverages, Hofmann says. Its anticancer activity was unknown until now, he adds.

Methylpyridinium is not present in raw coffee beans but is formed during the roasting process from its chemical precursor, trigonellin, which is common in raw coffee beans. It is present in both caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee, and even in instant coffee, says Hofmann.


========================
How the Test Was Conducted
========================

To investigate the theory that coffee fights cancer, Hofmann and his associates prepared a conventional coffee beverage using roasted, decaffeinated beans from Columbia. Specially prepared extracts of the brew were then exposed to laboratory preparations of human intestinal cells for three days and results were compared to cells that were not exposed to coffee.

In the cell study, coffee extracts significantly boosted activity levels of phase II enzymes in a dose dependent manner, the researchers say. In other words, the higher the quantity of coffee, the higher the increase in the activity level of the enzymes. Analysis of the extract showed that the most active anticancer compound was methylpyridinium.

To determine whether the compound had a similar effect in living systems, a group of 24 rats was evenly divided into three groups and each group was fed either a standard diet, a diet mixed with coffee extract, or a standard diet containing pure methylpyridinium.

Blood tests showed that rats fed the coffee extract had a 24 to 40 percent increase in phase II enzyme activity compared to control animals. Pure methylpyridinium also significantly boosted the enzymes' activity levels. The results provide strong support for coffee as a cancer fighter in living systems, Hofmann and Somoza say.

The researchers plan to conduct additional tests in the future to determine whether methylpyridinium is an effective cancer fighter in humans and whether it has any side effects.


=========================
Hope For Caffeine Teetotalers
=======================

 

Hello all! This is completely off topic but then again... I think that's what this thread is designed for

If you donated for Toys For Tots and want to attend the RETURN OF THE KING VIEWING, please check out the thread about it ASAP. All names must be posted by the 5th! That's when I am sending TOY ANXIETY the PFF Head count. Thanks!

As always, please check the thread regularly for updates! Thanks!

-Joel

 

And again, unfortunately, I cannot attend

 

Awww!

I'm sorry, Jada. Your participation in the TFT drive though will have you at the movie in spirit!

 

THE PACKERS JUST LOST!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! No more playoffs. No more season. Well, I hope the Colts don't do this to me too.

 

why do I have to buy presents for two birthday parties in one week????

 

The Weather from a New Englander's Perspective:


60° F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.

50° F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.

40° F: Italian & English cars won't start. People in New England drive with the windows down.

32° F: Distilled water freezes. Maine's Moose head Lake's water gets thicker.

20° F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.

15° F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0° F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.

10° below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.

25° below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.

40° below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.

100° below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."

460° below zero: All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in New England start saying, "cold 'nuff for ya?"

500° below zero: Hell freezes over. The Red Sox win the World Series.

 

Agian, reading from the begining to the end of this thread... yes, I am BORED at work, but I got a raise...I have to say that all of my friends are really really weird AND they talk to thier socks! WHASSAP!!!!

 

Bueller? Bueller?
PS: THanks Jada for the Airline humor, all the agents at the Travel Agency I work at, who are as bored as I am, are grateful.

 

My socks and I aim to please. The airline one is especially good

 

We are a pleasing bunch, aren't we!

 

[sally_fields]You like me! You really really like me![/sally_fields]

 

[Gollum]Shut up, Sockme! Nobody likes you! **** off! You're all a bunch of ********s [/smeagol]

 

And they say I'm cranky! [face_shocked]

 

Freedom! Oh, thank the maker I'm out of the drawer that sideshow and Void made jada put us in! It stank in there!