JCC The JCC Watches Movies! (this Friday night... STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE!)

And as promised...

HARD ROCK ZOMBIES!



Be there or be square!

 

I will be joining for the first time tonight. I registered on CyTube... Now what do I do? And what time is it?

 

10pm Eastern! Just show up around that time!

 

Show up where though? Is there an exact link?

 

https://cytu.be/r/JCCWatchesMovies

 

ty

Looking forward to it!

 

1 hour to go!

 

Damn, now I don't know if I will make it as I am still watching an international skating event like the dork I am.

 

rock hard zombies

 

But it's art and sport together! I love it!

 

^ lol that would have been interesting

 

You're all welcome

 

This was the 1985 that Libertarians want.

 

Are we on hiatus for Halloween? Or do you guys have no life too?

 

Personally, I have probably no life as usual.

 

I'm glad you axed!

Because this Halloween night we are capping this month of horror by opening up the septic tank and getting one of those movies that are considered by the crap experts to be one of the Worst Movies Ever Made.

The 1992 horror horror AX 'EM!


It didn't even get a trailer


I usually post one of the iMDB summaries here, but this time I'm going to post some snippets from the user reviews instead:

"Think of the worst movie you have ever seen. Think Plan Nine from Outer Space. And then lower your standards."

"Gleefully bad."

"I was once happy. There was a time for me when life seemed worth living. [...] That was the time before I saw Ax 'Em."

"Even though I give Ax 'Em a 1/10 I still want people to see it."

"It simply has to be seen to be believed, and even when I was watching it I could hardly believe what I was seeing."

"The people responsible for this movie should be required by law to never make another movie, under penalty of death."

"This is bad filmmaking at its best. Thank you, Michael Mfume, for this wonderful gift."

"This is a good movie for people who like bad movies."

"[...] There is about a 10-minute window where the film becomes the funniest movie I've ever seen in a long time."

"This movie is only worth your time if you enjoy watching absolute garbage like I do."

"Don't hold this movie against me PLEASE!!!" [literally the editor of the film apologizing in the review section]​

So be there... or be axed!

 

This reminds me, for a future night, The Amazing Bulk is...... well, i have a lot of questions about the decision making process behind it.

 

This is happening TONIGHT!

Come for the movie, stay for the scareoriffic afterparty!

 

As Ax 'Em is ridiculously short, I might as well announce the second Halloween movie...

HACK-O-LANTERN!



A murderous satanic cult sacrifices its victims on Halloween.

All we need to know, I think!

40 minutes to go!

 

my god, imdb wasnt kidding

 

it gets an A plus from me just for the pun. Watched It Chapter one (B plus) now watching Chapter 2. B so far.

 

Axe 'Em was really remarkably horrible. I'm pretty sure that watching this film is similar to being in some kind of vegetative state. People's voices blend together into an incomprehensible wall of babble, or else 98% of it is in a distant murmur, which sounds like: "muhmuhmuhmuhmuh muhmuh muhmuhmuh muh muh? muhmuhmuhmuh I'LL BRING THE WHIPPED CREAM AND CHERRIES muhmuhmuh muhmuh muh." The video is mostly very dark and blurry, so it's never really clear who anyone is. Usually you can tell men from women, and the black characters from the white ones, but not always. During what is possibly the climactic battle, there are points where the scene is so dark that all you can make out is somebody's light-colored shirt as they frantically do . . . something.

It's not the fault of the DVD rip, either. Online reviews make it clear that the source material is genuinely an Impressionistic mud puddle, which is about what you'd expect for a film made for the cost of a contemporary Happy Meal (c. 1992). At least the soundtrack goes "REET REET REET REET" whenever the killer is onscreen, so you know to squint really hard to catch the victim's moronic expression as they pitch over and die unconvincingly.

So, yeah. Dim, incomprehensible sensory input that sparks no thoughts and no emotions, only a vague sense of boredom and impatience. I expect no less from my failing electrochemical network as I expire, right before the man in the bright light tells me to **** off and I find myself in hell.

I don't know how to rate this, since I'm not sure whether it's good or bad when a slasher film makes even the audience feel like they are dead by the end. ??/10

Speaking of hell, Hack-O-Lantern is a super fun movie about murder, incest, Satanism, the cool kind of heavy metal from before it became a dull posturing contest between drug-addled Angora bunnies, and the best small-town Halloween party ever thrown by persons or powers unknown. Unless you are a very bad person, you will want to scream "Eeeeew" and throw things at the screen every so often, but somehow that just adds to the film's repulsive charm. Perfect film for Halloween night.

8/10