JCC The JCC Watches Movies! (this Friday night... STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE!)

If you've seen E.T. you know the specifics.

 

It's Paul Rudd's favorite movie.

 

One hour to go!

I'm going to the room to play weird videos. I'm bored.

 

Hell yeah, preshow.

 

Well, that was certainly a thing.

 

Edit: Oh my god it was used for real once:

 

Terrible movie, lovely company!

Next week our double session program is back for a very special JCCWM in honor of the best thread to grace these boards in years. Get ready and put on your very best clothing...

Because our guest of honor will be the Prince of Darkness himself: SATAN!

See you!

 

Sounds like next week is the perfect opportunity to hop on board with this.

 

Hello, children of darkness.



For no real reason, I, as sometimes-host of this thread, have decided it's time to shake things up a little bit. As we all know, here in JCC we take our task of spreading Satanism and Occultism to the vulnerable minds of children, addicts and nerds very seriously. Thus it's my dark pride to announce the first ever...

666 SATAN WEEK 666​

Rejoice, my pustulent children, my unholy spawn! For the rest of the week I'm going to be presenting here in thread a series of terrible, terrible Satanic movies that will make you a little more likely to pour menstrual blood on your head and chant Ave Satani with the rest of us. Out of all those movies we will watch two because yes: this also marks the return of the double session that so much joy gave us back when this thread was young and energetic.

We will start by presenting these two disturbingly demonic films:


BLOOD ON SATAN'S CLAW (1971)

Horror thriller set in 17th century England about the children of a village slowly converting into a coven of devil worshipers.



Okay, this is a cheat somewhat, as this movie isn't that bad. Why, some horror nerds consider it a classic. I wouldn't go that far. But I wanted to get some pure 1970s Satanic exploitation in here, and The Exorcist and The Omen are way too high-profile for this thread, so here's their red-headed British stepchild!


EVILSPEAK (1981)

An outcast military cadet taps into a way to summon demons and cast spells on his tormentors through his computer.



This is more like this! A terrible Satanic movie starring terrible actor and ultraconservative knob Clint Howard! Satanic computers, folks. Like Hellraiser for the 4chan crowd. Is fanboy a slur? Yes, it is, and I'll get Lucifer to flay your skin off for daring to say it!


See you tomorrow with more terrible candidates. Until then...

A̸͖͚̦̖̘͇͖̺̜̘L̶̢̳͖̣̦̬̖̟̜̞Ļ̸̤͙͚̦̹̬̻̟̼ ̸̧̝̗̗̦̰͉̩̖̼H̷̢͙̮̖̦̲̭͔͔͚A̶̡̺̲͈̗̰̻͕͇͍I̴͉̭͓̰̼̳̰̙͚ͅḺ̵̢̱̬̫͔͚̯͔̲ ̴͕̥̜̠̤̬̰̫̬̠T̶̖͓̙̤͎̪̬͙̙͜Ḫ̵̠̥̞͖̫̹̺͍̘Ę̸̥͍̬̯͇̰̺̪ͅ ̶̧̢̘̖͕͈̖̙̱̬P̸̧̢͉͕͍̱̰̭͈͜R̷̨̢̻̮͖̪̝̬̦͜I̵̹̙͉̙̣͈̩͙͜ͅN̶̫̩̟̥̞͓̦̦̮͙C̷̡̨̠͔͈̙̬͈͓̮E̵͔̼̭͍͚̘͈̲͜͜ ̵̨̦̩̺̭̗̰̖̺͍O̴͇͎̬̗̲̥̯͍̼ͅF̷̢̤̟̤͙̞̪̤̥͜ ̸̱͇͚̘͈̞̜͉̦̤Ḍ̴̡̯̣̝̬̭̞̘͜A̵̧͈̤̳̞͈̤͍̯͜R̸̡̫̻͔̹̼̦̮̜͖K̵̢̨̞̫͍̮̫̗̫̥N̸̤͖̖̞̟̖͙̺̜̦E̶̹̠̗̪͙̩̫̫̯ͅS̴̢͙͎̦̫̹͓̜͚ͅS̵̨̨͚̻̟̳̟̺̳ͅ​

 

Just come back tomorrow.

 

Too classy. We have The Devil's Daughter, a terrible TV movie!

 

Just watch Hellboy or Freddy Got Fingered

You're welcome

 

Summoning @WormieSaber

 

Did you intentionally drop the title of a third movie in your tagline as some sort of hidden message for the true believers?

 

The Devil's Advocate is a position taken by many here but they are not Satanists.

 

As Chorus kind of spoiled, here's today's option in our Satanic buffet:


THE DEVIL'S RAIN (1975)

A satanist cult leader is burnt alive by the local church. He vows to come back and haunts down, and enslave, every descendant of his congregation by the power of a book of blood contracts, in which they sold their souls to the devil.



William Shatner versus Satan! I don't think you need to know much more, but what about Ernest Borgnine as a Satanic priest? What about John Travolta? What about Anton LaVey himself?! Satanxplotaition at its best.

 

So I skipped a few days of this because my workplace decided this week was "just work and sleep and back to work again" week, not SATAN WEEK. So, as I don't think posting five trailers today is fair, SATAN WEEK is getting delayed until next week!

So just a regular grindhouse movie tonight:



YES, MADAM!

Ultraviolent 1985 Hong-Kong action film in the "girls with guns" subgenre, starring Michelle Yeoh (wait what) and Cynthia Rothrock (more like it) as two badass cops taking on the Triads. More kicks to the face per second that is allowed anywhere in this country, except for Texas!

Asprin (Mang Hoi) and Strepsil (John Shum), two petty thieves who inadvertently become involved in a murder case when they steal items belonging to a murdered man. The man had hidden an important microfilm in his passport, which the thieves pass onto a forger friend Panadol (Tsui Hark). Inspector Ng (Michelle Yeoh) is assigned to the case, along with Inspector Morris (Cynthia Rothrock) from Scotland Yard. The investigation leads the cops to the bumbling crooks and soon they are on Triad leader Tin's (James Tien) tail, he will stop at nothing to get the incriminating film back and with his hitman and bodyguard (Dick Wei) at his side, he proves too much for the inspectors to catch using legal means, in frustration they give up their badges and go after Tin alone.

But who cares about the plot?! If you are good, we might even watch that viral fanvideo with the final fight choregraphed to Carly Rae Jepsen!

 

I like Yes, Madam. The only HK girls with guns movie I did like because of Dick Wei and Michelle Yeoh. My copy walked some time ago so I’ll just post my thoughts now. While I respect Cynthia Rothrock as a martial artist, the only remotely good movies she was in were this one and Sammo Hung’s Shanghai Express (Millionaire’s Express) - which should be perfect for this thread if you can track it down. That movie is such a delightful train wreck featuring some fun characters and fights (the samurai looking ninja trio stole the movie).

Anyway, back to Yes, Madam, which was both Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock’s first movie. While @JoinTheSchwarz described the plot perfectly, that is not why you watch this. The end fight is everything. A great deal of glass was harmed making this movie. And Rothrock claims Dick Wei broke her jaw, which was why she hated working with him. In 80s HK cinema a great deal of the punches and kicks were real, so it wasn’t only Jackie Chan getting hurt.

Enjoy it, folks.