Beyond - Legends The Lonely Goddess (Winter Introspection)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Briannakin , Jun 15, 2016.

  1. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 25, 2010
    Title: The Lonely Goddess
    Author: Briannakin
    Timeframe: Sometime post all the EU novels.
    Characters: Winter Retrac Celchu
    Categorization: Legends Canon
    Genre: Introspection (/poetry?)
    Notes: I was working on something else but then this horribly sad thing came to me, AKA: woohoo! Return of the 3AM muse!

    I remember. I remember it all.

    The view of the blue grey mountains covered in crisp white snow, overlooking gleaming towers that radiated the pinks, oranges, and yellows of the Alderaanian sunset. The view from the palace veranda was always so beautiful. When I close my eyes, I can be there. But now it only exist, abet in perfect detail, in my mind.

    I remember every species of flowers that will never bloom again; the taste of artisan wine never again to touch virgin lips; the names of all the children my adopted mother always had time to sit and talk with; their laughs; and their faces.

    They haunt me. They will always haunt me. Even at my age now. Even after all the other orphans of Alderaan have died.

    Yes. Somehow, it is just me now. The woman I consider a sister is dead. My love is dead. I can not even bear to whisper his name.

    In the early days, while war still raged, I became the Targeter. I was the Targeter before the Destruction when I sought information. After, I sought lives. Those lives never atoned for the children, never was justice given. The lives only added to my ghosts.

    The Rebellion had as much innocent blood on their hands as the Empire. And mine are stained red. Eventually, after even I too have passed, the truth will come out and history will know all.

    My mission was to be unassuming and ruthless, targeting those who could cause… issues for the Rebellion, those who were not directly linked with the Empire: Banking Clans-beings, large company owners, and those that otherwise had power that had benefited from the old regime. I was never discovered. I was heartless. Mara Jade had nothing on what I have done.

    And I remember everything: the last moments of happiness I have been witness to, the smothered cries for help, and when those cries cease.

    I was never a hero of the Rebellion. Look inside of me and you will see hatred. That isn’t victorious. That isn’t something to celebrate. I was a monster.

    I am a monster.

    Luke Skywalker always said I was Force sensitive, perhaps even powerful enough to rival him. My memory is not one of beings, but of gods. But Luke always understood why I never wanted to be trained. Why I never should be trained.

    Because I didn’t have to be trained. Because I felt them. I felt my world turn to dust and ashes and oblivion!

    And I remember that feeling every time I breathe.

    My rage and hatred long ago turned to ice, and that is what I became.

    I could destroy worlds if I had the knowledge to do so. To rid myself of my pain and anger would rid myself of me.

    The orphans of Alderaan all coped. They were able to cope because they were able to forget. Even Leia could laugh and forgot that I did, once upon a time as well. But I must carry the burden because I am unable to forget.

    So I shall remember for them. To live with this pain for eternity.

    So I shall be their lonely goddess.

    But. I am oh so tired now. So I shall rest, and Alderaan along with me.
  2. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    oh, that was so heartbreaking! Her perfect, damning memory left every scream, every horror fresh and vivid. Not just the memories of Alderaan, but the memories of those who paid dearly for its destruction. Forgetting is a balm that was denied to her.

    She's old now and lost the last people who connected her to Alderaan, and then soon she will die herself.

    Creepy and scary, and yet you can't help but feel for her in her unforgettable pain.
    Ewok Poet and Findswoman like this.
  3. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 19, 2007
    OH MY GOSSSSHHHHH! This is so good. I'm SERIOUSLY blown away. Going to crash asleep now, but will come back and R&R in the morning.

    Have I mentioned you're amazing?!

    EDIT: And I'm back!! Holy cow good! This part got me:

    The orphans of Alderaan all coped. They were able to cope because they were able to forget. Even Leia could laugh and forgot that I did, once upon a time as well. But I must carry the burden because I am unable to forget.

    So I shall remember for them. To live with this pain for eternity.

    So I shall be their lonely goddess.

    But. I am oh so tired now. So I shall rest, and Alderaan along with me.
    Nuts girl!!! That was so incredible! I love the idea that everyone else could move on with that passive forgetfulness that your mind uses to heal you. Except for Winter. Its almost like she's a living monument to everything they went through as a people. A brokenhearted, slightly-unwilling but also dutifully-willing testament to all the pain and suffering and the extinguishment of Alderaan, but also to all its beauty. Just amazing!!

    Not sure I can see her as a killer...I mean, its totally plausible! I guess I just see her as a bit more of the silent spy who get crazy info nobody else could have. But I suppose, in that way, she does have a ton of blood on her hands! So I can 100% see that.

    You're awesome!!!!^:)^
    Findswoman likes this.
  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    I think the Word Race - which you set up yourself - did more wonders for you than anybody else. Not that I think I'm great for suggesting prompts which then lead you to somehow picking prompts that are perfect for first-person stuff and suggesting diary entries...err, yeah! XD This format just...just couldn't suit you better!

    This is the kind of a story that makes a person cry. And cry I did. There's a dying-Rose-at-the-end-of-Titanic vibe, I'm not sure how else to call it, because, just like so many bodies were not recovered from the corpse of the ship of the Atlantic Ocean and became plankton, the bodies of Aldeeranians are now stardust.

    And there's that idea that Winter is the last living Alderaanian, which Millvina Dean in some way.!

    And then...she goes to the stars, to the gods, because her beliefs are so.kriffin.complex. WOW.

    Paging leiamoody - wondering if the Titanic expert here would see what I see, or if I'm just being nuts here. [face_blush]
  5. whiskers

    whiskers Jedi Grand Master star 4

    May 19, 2005
    Holy crap...

    I don't know how to best put words to the thoughts I have after reading this, but I'm going to try.

    The opening four paragraphs are just absolutely superb and I love the mental image of such loss.

    I loved this line. She tries to avenge Alderaan but does nothing but add more memories that haunt her.

    Great work, Bri!
  6. gaarastar58

    gaarastar58 Jedi Master star 3

    Dec 19, 2010
    One word: Awesome. And you weren't kidding about it being incredibly sad, but you handled it in such great way. Winter doesn't wallow in her sadness, in a way her sadness is part of her, she embodies it in a way others don't. I always felt sorry for Winter, I remember listening to the Thrawn trilogy by Zahn and just feeling so sad: "For Leia he [Luke] knew the destruction of Alderaan and the loss of her family was a painful but slowly fading ache. For Winter, with her perfect and indelible memory, the pain would probably go on forever" (I dug this quote out of my memory, so that may not be the exact words). I also love the title, and the idea that she is the last child of Alderaan.
    Superb writing.
  7. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Tol Fanfic Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    What a stunning and heartwrenching miniature you have here! It's not going to be easy for me to say much that hasn't already been said, but you really captured the constant, unfading pain that someone like Winter, with her perfect, Funes the Memorious-like memory, would feel in the very long aftermath of a disaster like the destruction of Alderaan. Like whiskers, I loved the image of her being almost literally unable to "unsee" the blood on her hands from her attempts to avenge her homeworld; I can totally imagine that Mara Jade, the Empire's foremost assassin, has nothing on her, because Mara wasn't motivated by anything like the kind of pain Winter was. It is a sobering thought to consider that "The Rebellion had as much innocent blood on their hands as the Empire"—but again, with a motivation like that, one can just about see where it would come from. :eek:

    Love the ambiguity of the ending too. On one hand, it almost looks as though Winter has reconciled herself to her position as the "lonely goddess" of the Alderaanians who have gone before her. On the other, that last couple of sentences is so ominous... to rest along with Alderaan? That strongly, strongly hints at [hl=black]suicide[/hl]... but alas, for the memorious Winter, perhaps that is the only way to end the pain. :_|

    Bravissima, Bri! =D=
  8. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    I never imagined how dreadful the destruction for a mind like Winter´s would work. For somebody with the perfect memory. I read the Zahn books, too, but somehow it always escaped my attention.

    Thanks for correcting my memory with this short fic! @};-
    gaarastar58 likes this.
  9. Annia Piet

    Annia Piet Jedi Knight star 2

    Feb 7, 2015
    Wow! This is a stunning re-imagining of Winter with a huge amount of impact!

    Winter has always been one of my EU faves, but it never felt like we really got inside her head - I think maybe the writers shied away from the complexity of her circumstances. You've really taken it head on, and it's an amazing vision. And the idea of her as the last Alderaanian - just a completely appropriate end to Alderaan's story. I think I will be headcanoning this story!
    Briannakin and Findswoman like this.
  10. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Wow!!!!!! A compelling unique take on someone with flawless memory retention and the unwanted consequences. =D=
    Findswoman likes this.