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Beyond - Legends The New Empire 4: A Powerful Ally (NJO AU, COMPLETED AT LAST 030704.)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Sebulba2179, Nov 11, 2002.

  1. PadmeLeiaJaina

    PadmeLeiaJaina Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 23, 2002
    <<Waves>> Hi Seb! I've started reading this and have to say- I love your writing style. I'm only a page through (trying to catch up ;) ) but I love your use of dialogue and you're great with the way you write the characters.

    For some reason I really loved this line:

    "I gotta wonder if he has an ulterior motive with her," Anakin muttered back, quickly putting an end to that train of thought before Jacen could board it.

    I don't know if the last part of that is actually a saying or not- if it was, I'd never heard it before and thought it was really clever.

    Just wanted you to know I'm interested in this story w/ a Dug in the lead- I'm not one usually to read stories centering around alien creatures- but you've definitely got my attention! Keep up the good work! :)
     
  2. Sebby_the_Snowdug

    Sebby_the_Snowdug Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 17, 2002
    Whoa... one minute this story is dead as a doornail, and the next minute it's jumped onto a fourth page??? :eek: What the heck happened here?!

    Not that I'm complaining, mind. ;)

    Sache: I swore I'd never use a sock, but Christmas cheer got the better of me. What the heck. :p

    Aunecah dear: I was wondering. The screenplay thing may take a while to realise, but I'll be sure to let you know. ;)

    Tych: Maybe it'll be interesting, and maybe you'll be holding onto your seat by your eyebrows...we'll just have to see. :D

    PLJ: Heeeyyyyy, well-come aboard!!! :D Sorry I don't have a race scene to offer you yet--it's coming along in a little while. Thank you very much for your decent comments, I'm glad to have made this pleasant for you. :)
     
  3. Aunecah_Skywalker

    Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2002
    What do you mean a fourth page? [face_plain] It should be the fourth page.

    *rummages around the trunk for a wand and says "Wingardium Leviosa"; watches the thread soar up.*

    Aun
     
  4. Sache8

    Sache8 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2000
    Wingardium Leviosa is fun, Aenucah, but I'm still rather stuck on this new Naboo Royal Slingshot ®. Doesn't it have a nice ring to it? ;)

    Up!
     
  5. Aunecah_Skywalker

    Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2002
    It does have a nice ring to it. ;) Except I am obsessed with HP. 8-}

    Aun
     
  6. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    *reads the posts she missed then trys to sneak away only to run right into Sebulba2179.* Umm, Great posts. :D
     
  7. Sebulba2179

    Sebulba2179 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2002
    Yes, thanks. ;) And now the plot continues to thicken!

    **********
    "Are you sure this is a good place to start, Jacen?" Jerrica asked, watching her step around a sizable heap of pulpwood that had been piled up at the edge of the work site. "I mean, if it's Piroe who's organising the coverup and he's the one you want to bring down, my first thought would have been to go straight for him."

    "Ordinarily, it would be mine, too," Jacen said. "But remember what Elakie said about his influence on Coruscant. If we lean on him without sufficient backup, all he's got to do is rat us out to his buddies in the Senate. We'll turn the heat on Chool first and find out where he stands, then figure out how close Piroe is."

    "He's probably not going to appreciate a pair of nosy Jedi poking around his project, especially after what we did to his workers yesterday."

    "Don't worry about it. I'll bantha-slag him as to who we are." Looking from one side of the work site to the other, Jacen couldn't help shaking his head at the view. In fact, there was no view--just construction droids and Gran workers for an area of 85,000 square meters. Not a single tree was left, and even the stumps weren't spared, being ripped clear out of the ground by the droids.

    "Hey, I've seen plenty better and plenty worse going up in Coronet over the years," Jerrica said, putting her hand on Jacen's shoulder.

    "I don't doubt it. But building such abominations is one thing, booting people out of their domiciles to build them is quite another."

    "Well, that goes without saying. I'm just saying that this is a damn sight better than some of the overstuffed penthouses that could be erected here. And there are still people out there who'll take whatever roof over their heads that they can get."

    "You'd better believe it, Jerrica, and we're going to make sure of exactly that," Jacen said firmly, pointing his finger. He strode purposefully up to the supervisor's module sitting at the northeast end of the work site, and he mounted the short stairs in one large step, ringing the door chime. Presently, the door slid aside, giving him and Jerrica free passage into the module.

    For a construction office, the module was quite well-furnished, Jacen noted. It even came equipped with a small refresher at one end. In the middle sat several large cabinets, two of which were ostensibly stocked with data pads and cards, another containing inspection tools. Beside the door stood a four-shelf archive of computer files, readily accessible from the computer terminal, which shared the other end of the module with a food-prep unit and a brewing pot of stimcaf. Within easy reach of these two units, an average-looking Gran sat at a desk, looking up from his work as the twosome entered.

    "Mr. Chool?" Jacen said without preamble.

    "Yes, I'm Chool," the Gran answered. "Who wants to know?"

    "Jacen Solo of the Jedi Order. This is my apprentice, Jerrica Sulvecto. We were curious about those six men who were arrested and removed from the work site yesterday afternoon."

    Chool noticeably perked up at this, and Jacen knew instantly that he'd hit a nerve. His left eye cocking off to one side, Chool motioned at two plush, metal-framed chairs that sat behind his desk. Jacen and Jerrica seated themselves, neither one taking their eyes off Chool, who leaned back in his chair with his legs crossed calmly.

    "I was wondering about that myself," he said in a low tone. "You see, my company has a bit of a reputation to uphold for breaking ground in less than a day and completing a project several days or weeks ahead of schedule. We've maintained that reputation for four years now, during which we've made significant improvement over large areas of Pixelito. It does me little to no good to lose six men for a reason that nobody can be bothered to explain to me."

    "We'll do our best," Jacen said. "You see, Mr. Chool, we do all we can to keep an eye out for Jedi Knights who are known to have vigilante tendencies. For all the discipline and objectivity we try to impart during their traini
     
  8. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Ah, the sweet stench of politics. So where's Chool going? A little visit with some co-conspirators maybe? Hmmm?
     
  9. Tych_sel

    Tych_sel Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2001
    Great post, Seb! The way things are going, I'd say that the situation is about a s clear as mud. You know, the thick, goopy kind of mud that threatens to pull your shoes off. Can't wait to see what kind of trouble Jacen and Jerrica are going to get themselves into following Chool.

    Force be with you,

    Tych_sel
     
  10. Sache8

    Sache8 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2000
    Oooh.... shadowing the big sneaking Gran. Fun! :)


    **tiptoes**

    So.... it seems to me that ol' Chool says he has more than enough money for his purposes, and that it's no problem... while the Monorail guy can't get any funding at all.

    Most suspicious....


    Oh, and there's this:

    Lakrus the Dug who works in public transportation? Coincidence? ;)
     
  11. Sebby_the_Snowdug

    Sebby_the_Snowdug Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 17, 2002
  12. Sebulba2179

    Sebulba2179 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2002
    Guess not.

    RebelMom: Yes, indeed maybe. Funny--this didn't start out as a political-intrigue story, but here it is.

    Tych: Can't wait, eh? Well, you won't have to. :D They might have to take their shoes off anyway later on.

    Sache: Yes, actually, it IS a coincidence. ;) As far as the money thing, a stunning revelation looms on the horizon.

    And now, gang, starting with tomorrow's post, prepare for the action to heat up! :D MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!!!
     
  13. padawan lunetta

    padawan lunetta Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 15, 1999
    OoOoo wonder what Chool's up to.. :D (I love politics, specially if they're corrupt... outside of the US anyway ;))
     
  14. Sebulba2179

    Sebulba2179 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2002
    Like I said. :D Kudos to Richard Donner for the inspiration of this post.

    **********
    Jacen and Jerrica had seen Chool's attire up close earlier that day, thus they knew what to concentrate on as they followed him through the hustle and bustle toward the subterranean monorail platforms. The crowd lessened somewhat after Chool passed the airbus bays; then he turned, trotting down one of the long escalators to the monorail station. Keeping to the same leisurely pace he was taking, Jacen and Jerrica descended the escalator and followed him through a long, vaulted corridor that housed the monorail concourse. Then they reached the ten platforms, six of which were occupied by waiting trains.

    "The third track," Jacen observed, watching Chool hang a left onto one of the platforms. "You didn't happen to see where that train's headed, did you?"

    "On the timetable? No. Want me to check?"

    "No, we can't afford to lose him." Jacen led Jerrica to the concourse end of the platform and paused, watching Chool walk ahead. The train had six cars being loaded one at a time, and the locomotive was out of sight, sitting under an exhaust ventilator in the mouth of the tunnel. Chool strolled almost jauntily to the fourth car and waited for a few more people to enter before he passed inside.

    "Okay, I'm going in," Jacen said. "Make sure he doesn't double back." Jerrica nodded, receiving a pat on the arm from Jacen as he strode forward, heading for the door through which Chool had vanished.

    When he entered the car, he paused in the vestibule, standing to one side to let passengers continue to board. His brow furrowed as he looked from one side to the other. From behind, one Gran looked like another, and even more so when they were sitting in the rows of double seats on either side of the car. He would have to walk to the opposite end and see if Chool was in here anywhere, then hope against hope that he'd find him before the train left.

    It was a slow walk anyway, with people shuffling from seat to seat, stowing briefcases and travel bags in the overhead compartments. As he edged between and around passengers of infinitely various shapes and sizes, Jacen looked constantly from one side of the car to the other, trying to see if Chool was here. He was nowhere in sight, but looking ahead, Jacen could see that the next two cars were still empty.

    On the platform, Jerrica was moving slowly toward the mouth of the tunnel, looking from one end of the train to the other. Chool could have gone in only one direction after boarding, since the last two cars had been loaded and secured. The train's windows were tinted; she couldn't tell if he was on board. She was now standing beside the third car, and when she next looked to the forward end of the platform, a movement caught her eye. Somebody was getting off the first car--it was supposed to be empty.

    It could be, and was, only one somebody.

    "Jacen, he just got out of the first car!" Jerrica called into her comlink. "I'm on him!"

    "Okay, I'm on the way," Jacen answered, sidling through the mass of people jostling for seats in the front end of the car. He was just about to debark from the train when he found a long, solid arm blocking his way--the arm of one of the train crew, holding him back while the next car was loaded. The door at the opposite end had already been secured. Jacen threw up his hands in frustration, fidgeting about as the next batch of passengers boarded.

    Jerrica's heart fluttered mildly as she watched Chool walk ahead, glance furtively about, and then enter the tunnel, taking an "authorised personnel only" path. Well, she was a Jedi, albeit in training, but that still authorised her. What made no sense was Chool entering the tunnel to begin with. Something as deep and dark as the tunnel itself was going on here, Jerrica had no doubt of that. She looked behind her, seeing no sign of Jacen, and little knowing that he was fighting against the flow to get off the train.

    She couldn't wait for him.

    Chool was already at the end of the platform inside the tunnel.
     
  15. Sache8

    Sache8 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2000
    The near-clash with the train had my heart a-poundin! The tension was so well-written and palpable. **chills**
     
  16. Tych_sel

    Tych_sel Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2001
    Definite;y one of your better posts, Sebby! The train bit was great, as was Jacen's apparent inability to recall the fact that Jerrica isn't quite as trained as he is. Can't wait to see where the tale will take us next.

    Force be with you,

    Tych_sel
     
  17. padawan lunetta

    padawan lunetta Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 15, 1999
    Ohhhh very nice action in this one :) I loved this line: "You know, Jacen, sometimes you might try telling me what's on your mind besides hair," Jerrica said sardonically. "I can't sense other people's thoughts yet and it's anybody's guess if I ever will." :D

     
  18. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Oh my. I'm out of breath from that one. Trains that close ... scary.
     
  19. Sebulba2179

    Sebulba2179 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2002
    Woo, looks like everybody loved the train face-off! :D Seems like in each story, there's this one scene that everybody enjoys. In NFS there was the Solo kids' first encounter with Zorba the Hutt, in TNE there was the escape from Baroonda, in CTTR the water ride, and now this. Must make sure to keep coming up with these scenes in the next three (yes, THREE) fics. :)

    Sache: ::tosses Sache a blanket covered with HMs:: Thankyouthankyou. :)

    Tych: I think they're both pretty well "trained" by this time. ;) Next, the story will probably take us all over Pixelito and then beyond, once the race begins. :D

    Luney: Thank'ee. I think you and I both know why Jacen won't tell her what's on his mind. ;)

    RebelMom: Probably a wee bit more scary than watching three fish heads playing chicken with a Boston subway train once. [face_plain] And they weren't even following a crook.....
     
  20. Sebulba2179

    Sebulba2179 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2002
    There'll be a new post along shawtly, folks. I just thought I'd make a special announcement with regard to the in-progress fanfic awards; to begin with, I can't possibly begin to express my appreciation to whoever sent in the nominations. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected to get my posterior into one category, much less THREE.

    First off, TNE overall is up for Series. :D

    Second off, this story is up for Underrated Story...and will probably remain just that, with my luck. :p

    And finally, yes folks, our own darling Jerrica is up for Female OC/Supporting Role!!!! :D THAT one was a shocker...Let's hear it for our dearest Pod-awan!!! ;)
     
  21. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Congratulations, SEB!

    Hip, hip, hurray!

    *throws confetti*
     
  22. Sache8

    Sache8 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2000
    **sets of Gandalf-style fireworks**

    (You know, these things really come in handy ;)


    Yay! Congratulations Seb! Congratulations Jerrica!

    And Pod-awan! Lol- That's a fun word :)
     
  23. Sebulba2179

    Sebulba2179 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2002
    Thank you, one and all!! :D As I say, they were genuine shockers all around! Mind you, I'm not expecting any stunning victories, so I'll just be happy with the noms. Anywé, enjoy this 'un. :)

    **********

    "You think Ray's going to like this?" Anakin asked, pointing at the data on the monitor screen.

    Biting her lip thoughtfully, Jaina turned her head and glanced quickly around the archive in the city planners' office. Nobody was nearby, and nobody was casting a curious eye on her and her brother. As long as nobody had hacked into the computer they were using, she felt quite safe about what she was doing, for there was no telling what the fallout would look like if a third party got wind of this.

    "Maybe not, but I don't care what he thinks," she muttered back. "He said himself we'd probably hit head-on. Like it or not, we've got mutual interests now."

    Anakin opened his mouth to answer, but no answer came. He spoke only after staring off to Jaina's left for several seconds: "Well, I've got a feeling whatever we have to do has been done already."

    Jaina followed Anakin's gaze, and her breathing grew a tad shallower as she saw Sorveli entering the city planners' office. He rarely looked happy in the first place, but even more so as he walked toward them. Jaina was reasonably sure it wasn't because of anything they had done, but one never could tell with the hotheaded detective.

    "All done messin' with the bad guy's head for one day?" Sorveli inquired.

    "What're you talking about?" Jaina responded, confusion in her tone.

    "Looks like Piroe's office hours are subject to change without notice. I thought I'd follow up that lead on the hit man you busted, so I dropped over there to bust his chops, and his office was hermetically sealed. So then I went over to the job site, only to find that Chool took the day off early as well. Damned shame, too. I was kinda looking forward to picking his brain about who he's working for."

    "Ray, I swear to the Force, we've been here all..." Jaina broke off as the realisation dawned on her. She turned her head slowly to look at Anakin, who had had nothing less of an epiphany. "You didn't happen to run into my thickheaded brother and his thicker-headed apprentice on your way to the site, did you?" she queried.

    Sorveli chortled, scratching his forehead with his thumb in a habit of exasperation that he'd gotten into long ago. "Thickheaded is an understatement for those two," he grumbled. "I shoulda known they wouldn't even think about minding their own business."

    "Well, Ray, what if it is their business?" Anakin said, pointing at the screen. "Look at this. We're all in agreement that the city violated a federal law. But Al-Rees Chool still has his building permits, they're still signed by the city manager, the alderman and the notary public, and they're still filed in triplicate. Now you tell me why they signed off knowing full well that they were breaking the law."

    "That's what I was going to ask both of 'em." Sorveli had already taken two long steps over to the computer terminal and leaned on the desk between Jaina and Anakin, staring hard at the screen. "And it wasn't all I wanted to ask after you came up with that lead. That's why it didn't surprise me too much when Chool took off."

    "I thought you said Borga the Hutt was still in prison," Jaina said. "And I'd have thought that would send the Besadii clan downhill faster than an R-two unit."

    "Gardulla the Hutt is still alive and slithering," Sorveli enlightened her. "She's Borga's sister and she's even hungrier. We've been trying to nail her for monopolising the petroleum industry and she knows it. That explains why those workers tried to knock you over, if Gardulla has a hand in this and wants to keep it under wraps."

    "Why didn't she come up the last time we talked about this?" Anakin said with a puzzled frown.

    "Gardulla's much bigger into black-market oil than contracting and extortion. It wasn't until your hit man's name came up that I thought there might be a connection. This wouldn't
     
  24. Sache8

    Sache8 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2000
    Eeep! How close? **bites fingernails**

    Dang it Seb.. :p


    This part was fun:

    ""Well, we're on the right track," he observed.

    "In a manner of speaking."



    **snicker** You do love those puns, don't you? ;)


    **hands on hips** It was not very nice of Jaina to call poor Jerrica thickheaded. I mean, it's okay to pick on her brother, but honestly... :p

    I really enjoyed the lighthearted bantering between Master and Padawan. She's not making it easy on the poor fellow, is she? ;)
     
  25. Aunecah_Skywalker

    Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2002
    *takes off the One Ring and comes back from the World of Invisibility to the World of Reality.*

    *takes a step and collapes out of exhaustion, and drags herself over to the couch.*

    Yeah, that wasn't an exaggeration. I officially hate school now. :mad: I have practically no free time. :(

    Anyway, Seb : Congratulations on your nominations. :D *takes out a platter of brownies and various varieties of chocolates that don't have peanut butter and which read: "To our friendly neighborhood Dug."*

    Anyway #2 -- I think "uh-oh" pretty much sums up the whole story.

    Anyway #3 -- Yee-haa! Up.

    Aun