main
side
curve
  1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

Beyond - Legends The Red Web (L/M vignette --- Winner of Best Vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, May 8, 2004.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Thanks for clicking! :D

    This was a gift for the wonderful Gabri ;) , who helped me with my English paper for my horrible English teacher. :) I told her I'd write her something - and when I finally did write this, and sent it to her, I said, "You didn't say it had to be happy, normal, or not strange." That's all the warning you get. [face_mischief]

    Title: The Red Web
    Summary: In a single moment . . . {L/M vignette}
    A/N: It's a bit odd. :p Nothing is directly stated, either, so you have to pay attention.


    ~*~*~


    He is putting his foot down, body moving forward, ready for that next step, when the pain comes. It sparks in his mind powerfully, sharp and unyielding, his immediate repression having no effect. It is hard like a wall of diamond. He grabs his head, instinctively, though that is not the source of the pain; it is from something beyond his flesh.

    Mara is gone. The little webs of her touch in his mind have vanished, leaving empty, gaping wounds in their wake. The warmth is gone, and the tangle of his mind is cold and shivering.

    He feels weak. His body begins to relax, loose the tenseness of awareness. There is a dull thudding in his chest, and it is slowing. It is a hollow tone in something newly empty. Something bruises his arm, taking hold of his bicep, the pressure strong and yet not quite unyielding as the pain of his mind. He looks up, and sees Han is holding his arm as he falls, trying to keep him up. Panic is in his eyes, new yet; there is still hints of mere concern, even affection.

    The relaxation continues as the pain increases. He reaches out in every direction, questing for some response. He finally feels the warm touch of her, the deep red faded and blurred, fading off into nothingness, far away. He tries to grasp that wisp.

    He slowly blinks, and there is darkness for a moment; the wisp is growing ever farther away. He pulls himself after it, and it is hard to open his eyes.

    Leia is turning away from the kitchen table, her body shifting forward, the same desperate concern in her eyes. Her hands are before her, still relaxed and open, fingers slightly curled and arms comfortably at her sides. The skirt of her dress is pressed against her legs, momentum not having yet carried it to the proper drape.

    The wisp of Mara?s mind is almost out of reach. He follows it with new determination, and finding it, pulls himself closer to it. He feels her warmth, her gentle touch; it is faded, still, but the fiery spark, while small, is still there. Pleasure without the pressure of tiny spots of pain and discomfort reaches his mind, and he knows that is what she is feeling. She is calm, and opening the arms of her mind to him, welcoming and loving. It is total acceptance.

    He is still falling. Han is putting his other hand on his arm, and putting the other behind his back to reach his back, to cushion his fall. He sees more than concern in Han?s eyes now; there is fear.

    He blinks again, and tries to catch himself, pull himself forward, but the effort is distant and not accorded much attention. His hand touches Han?s, covering his friend?s, and he squeezes tightly. He sees Han speaking and hears nothing.

    Mara?s touch is healing, perfection. He draws near to her and all is well, yet he is still apart from her. He feels only the barest edges of her fiery spirit. She is beyond his senses in the Force, part of it still, yet some strange and new part of it. He realizes that his wife was not simply gone from his mind in that moment of separation; it was a greater separation than that. She left him a month ago, went on a mission . . .

    Leia is facing him now, running forward, arms before her and reaching for him. He is against Han?s shoulder, and Han is lowering him to the floor, taking his weight and bracing against it. Han touches him on the face, and he looks at his old friend, trying to convey his calm and love in his eyes. Han begins to shake his head, eyes becoming unfocused as his head begins the first turn away.

    He begins to blink again.

    He is still pulling nea
     
  2. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade VIP star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002

    I told her I'd write her something - and when I finally did write this, and sent it to her, I said, "You didn't say it had to be happy, normal, or not strange."

    Though I notice that you did manage to work in my request for romance, in your own inimitably strange way. [face_love]

    He is putting his foot down, body moving forward, ready for that next step, when the pain comes. It sparks in his mind powerfully, sharp and unyielding, his immediate repression having no effect. It is hard like a wall of diamond. He grabs his head, instinctively, though that is not the source of the pain; it is from something beyond his flesh.

    Wonderful beginning! It catches the entire moment and pulls the reader into the story immediately. :D

    Mara is gone. The little webs of her touch in his mind have vanished, leaving empty, gaping wounds in their wake. The warmth is gone, and the tangle of his mind is cold and shivering.

    Exactly the sort of effect that I would imagine the breaking of their bond would create, but better phrased than I could have done. ;) :D

    The is a dull thudding in his chest, and it is slowing. It is a hollow tone in something newly empty.

    :_| :_| :_|

    Leia is turning away from the kitchen table, her body shifting forward, the same desperate concern in her eyes. Her hands are before her, still relaxed and open, fingers slightly curled and arms comfortably at her sides. The skirt of her dress is pressed against her legs, momentum not having yet carried it to the proper drape.

    Fantastic capture of the moment, dear! :D

    Pleasure without the pressure of tiny spots of pain and discomfort reaches his mind, and he knows that is what she is feeling. She is calm, and opening the arms of her mind to him, welcoming and loving. It is total acceptance.

    See? Romance amidst the despair! :D :p

    She is beyond his senses in the Force, part of it still, yet some strange and new part of it. He realizes that his wife was not simply gone from his mind in that moment of separation; it was a greater separation than that. She left him a month ago, went on a mission . . .

    Mara! :eek: :_|

    He is still pulling nearer to Mara, and it is easier now. The movement is natural, and that smoothes the unfamiliar path. The web of her mind is becoming clearer to him now, though it is still difficult to see. He sees the complexity, the beautiful design and wonderful sharp edges and smooth curves. He feels her love, and he feels her reaching for him, those wisps taking hold of him with as much strength as possible.

    Beautiful, darling. Just beautiful. [face_love]

    Mara is a beautiful, masterful maze before him. The strings of her thoughts spreads out before him like the universe, connecting the little webs of dreams and memories. She is no longer wisps now, but a firm hold on his mind, and the gaping empty places inside are being filled. She fits perfectly, and the pain is fading, still fading, and he?s so relaxed.

    Sheer brilliance. ;) :D

    Leia is by him now, holding his head in her arms. He cannot move any longer, save to meet her eyes, and tell her through them that he loves her, that it is time, that it cannot be undone.

    :_|

    The path is nearly ended. He takes the last steps easily, and then they are together again, fully. He feels like he?s inhaled fresh air, but air not like any other, so fresh and sweet is overwhelms him. He feels Mara?s love, and his own, and they hardly seem separate. He can feeling nothing but her and the Force now. She fills all the places inside him, as he does her, and the maze of her mind is no longer a maze, but a wonderfully complex door to the soul. His mind is open to hers as well, and he feels her relief and new comfort. There is completion, and the past has no place; awareness remains, but is beyond their reach now.

    The Force and their own minds ? complex and heavy with memory, experience, and life ? spread before them like fields, and grasping each other, they go out to run and play. He
     
  3. Stormtrooper_Shrink

    Stormtrooper_Shrink Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2004
    "You didn't say it had to be happy, normal, or not strange."

    No stipulations? ;)

    Amazing. Simply amazing. The present tense gave it such a 'now' feeling, the sort of feeling I hope to have when Luke finally kicks it. *wince*

    I want a happy vignette now! There's too much angst and despair around these boards. But I suppose that when it's as classy as this, one can hardly complain!
     
  4. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    Oba, Oba, Oba. I should have figured it would be something like this. I like it a lot, even if it is "strange." You are a great writer, and I'm glad to read your fics. Want to help me on my English paper? ;)
     
  5. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    Ugh, I'm sorry about the double post. My Internet Explorer went crazy and I had to end the process. Then the first one didn't show up on the thread, so I posted the other one. Still, it's really good.
     
  6. Jedikma

    Jedikma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Sad and yet not sad. It is beautiful and moving.

    I always like something spiritual (bet you didn't know that ! LOL) ;)

    ~ Jedikma :)
     
  7. JediArwen

    JediArwen Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Oba this was a masterpiece. Although, I was having second thoughts on reading the "You didn't say it had to be happy, normal, or not strange." , :eek: I am glad I did read it. :) And it isn't sad. Not at all! Or strange. It is joy after dispair.

    I second Gabri on describing what the breaking of their bond would create. Exellent!

    Although I admit I would like and something on the "happily ever after" path as the next story! ;) As I have said to you on the "Nameless" thread I adore happy endings.


    Gabri: I'll have to do you favors more often.
    See, that you do! See, that you do this, my friend! ;)
    Then, I could do something for you. Perhaps a glorious green dress and a date with certain rogues, [face_mischief] or with a certain farmboy... [face_mischief]
    :eek: Oh, forget the farmboy, we would fight over him, not mentioning that Mara would have to say something... :D Just stick on the rogues. [face_love]
     
  8. Tekli_theInsane

    Tekli_theInsane Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 22, 2004
    :( That was so sad, but so beautiful... (And so strange, but I'm not complaining. ;))

    The little webs of her touch in his mind have vanished, leaving empty, gaping wounds in their wake.

    *sniff* I'll second everyone who said that that is what it would be like when the bond left. *sniff*

    There is completion, and the past has no place; awareness remains, but is beyond their reach now.

    The Force and their own minds ? complex and heavy with memory, experience, and life ? spread before them like fields, and grasping each other, they go out to run and play. He feels joy, and Mara matches it. He can feel her laughter, her surprise at her own delight.

    Luke Skywalker lives.


    Wow. Just - wow. :eek: That was so incredible! I really admire your writing.


    That was wonderful. No matter how strange. :D
     
  9. J_M_Bulldog

    J_M_Bulldog Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2003
    That was beautiful, bittersweet, but beautiful. How do you write such beautiful, amazing death scenes?

    *wipes tears outta her eyes*
     
  10. Jedi-2B

    Jedi-2B Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    Will you remember all of us little people when you become a world famous author? ;)

    Wonderful, wonderful piece, dear! And I considered it as having a happy ending. Happy for L&M; sad for H&L and everyone else.
     
  11. Jaina_and_Jag

    Jaina_and_Jag Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 19, 2003
    That was awesome!!!!! :D Kinda strange, but that's quite alright. ;) I had to read it twice to completely understand it but now I do. ;) lol. Wonderful oba! :D
     
  12. AnakinsHeir

    AnakinsHeir Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 2, 2004
    The Force and their own minds ? complex and heavy with memory, experience, and life ? spread before them like fields, and grasping each other, they go out to run and play. He feels joy, and Mara matches it. He can feel her laughter, her surprise at her own delight.

    Luke Skywalker lives.


    Beautiful, that is all I have to say. Beautiful...

     
  13. MJSLSBS

    MJSLSBS Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 15, 2003
    wow that was good i'm nearly crying it was so good and sad. i loved it. good job
     
  14. Ariapaige

    Ariapaige Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2002
    Wow Oba, this is absolutely amazing. I loved the way you described the breaking of their bond and the way the whole thing moved in slow motion. I didn't really find it to be too incredibly strange, but maybe I'm just different like that... heh. Wow... for something like this, I'd help you with English any day of the week.

    ;) Paige
     
  15. _JM_

    _JM_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2001
    Beautifully written and I agree that the present tense really showed how Luke sought out Maras mind and then in finding it followed her into the force. The way he realised that she had moved beyond life and also that he didn?t care, he would join her anyway to restore their bond.

    Only thing I have read that is similar would be Anne McCaffery?s descriptions of what a Dragonrider of Pern feels when their Dragon who they have mentally bonded with dies and they are left incomplete. Like Luke most of them follow their Dragon into death (opposite is true as well if it is the rider who dies).

    Hopefully this is when Ben is old enough that Luke?s actions are not selfish, that Ben will be able to handle losing his father as well and so Luke hasn?t put his desire to rejoin Mara ahead of his responsibility to his son.

    Lovely work.
     
  16. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Gabri: Yes, true. ;) In my own strange way. [face_mischief] I'm so glad you're letting me call this strange! :eek: Can I call it weird? [face_hopeful]

    I find it easiest to write things like this, once I have the idea. I can pause, consider every sentence, because if I move slow, so does the story, and obviously, that's the intent with this one. :p Thank you, darling. [face_blush] And yes. ;) Think you'd be willing to look over my next English paper? There's one more left. :p

    By the way, NO IT WON'T.

    Stormtrooper_Shrink: She said later on that she mentioned 'romantic and witty'. Or something like that. [face_blush] But it wasn't a stipulation, per se . . . :p

    Yeah, I think that's why I went with present tense. I started in past, but it just wouldn't cooperate in it, so I went to present tense. :p And hey, I do write happy stories, you know. 8-}

    TheCrazyRodian: LOL! [face_laugh] Thank you, I'm glad you like it, even if it is strange. ;) And I only help on English papers if I'm not doing mine. :p

    Jedikma: *shakes head solemnly* I never would have guessed. [face_mischief] Thank you. [face_blush] :D

    JediArwen: Well, that was the idea of that comment, so people wouldn't be able to say, "Why didn't you warn me?" We won't go into the strange thing ;) , but in a sense, this is sad, but I don't think it ends that way. I kinda wanted to show that this sort of thing happens, it's inevitable, but it's not all bad. :)

    And if I do write something sad, I usually write something happy next. ;) Do I get more favors, Gabri? 8-}

    Tekli_theInsane: *giggles* Thank you. :D I spent time over the parts where id describes the bond breaking - I spent nearly 40 minutes on this, which is a lot of time for me on something this short.

    J_M_Bulldog: I have no idea. 8-} Thank you! :D

    Jedi-2B: Absolutely. ;) Though my mind may be kinda forgetful, thirty years from now. [face_mischief] And yes, that's it exactly - some happiness, some sadness. Thank you! :D

    Jaina_and_Jag: Sorry you had to read it twice, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D Thank you!

    AnakinsHeir: Thank you. :D

    MJSLSBS: Aw, don't cry! It's not that sad. ;) Thank you! :D

    Ariapaige: I've always been curious about their bond, and what would happen if it broke. This is one of the possibilities that I had in my head, due to the ever viligant plot bunnies. 8-} I think it's a bit strange, but hopefully in a good way. [face_mischief] Thank you! :) And can I take you up on that English offer later? [face_mischief]

    _JM_: I'm glad you liked the method I used! :) I think this is one possibility for how Luke would react to Mara's death.

    I've read all the Pern books - I love them. [face_love] I hadn't even made that connection, but that's an interesting point. Also, I never actually state when this happens, so Ben may or may not exist yet. I'm pretty sure, anyway. 8-} Thank you. :D
     
  17. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade VIP star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Yes, I'll look over the next English paper if you want me to, and YES IT WILL.

    [face_love] [face_love] [face_love]
     
  18. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Thank you :D and no, it won't.
     
  19. kayladie97

    kayladie97 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2003
    :eek: :eek: Wow, Oba, I had to read this one at least twice...not to understand what was happening (that was all too painfully clear :( ) but to simply let it sink in.

    It was so beautifully tragic. Or tragically beautiful? :p I could really 'see' every moment of this, how Luke began to fall between one step and another, how Han tried to catch him and both he and Leia tried to hold on to him. I loved the vivid descriptions of his senses and emotions as he moved further away from them and closer to Mara.

    I guess it is so sad for Han/Leia and everyone else, but I imagine that with a bond as strong as the one Luke/Mara have, something like this would be bound to happen.

    Now you've done gone and made me cry! :_| :_|

    BTW, still waiting on #12 of The Temperature Series. :D ;) :p
     
  20. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    kayladie97: Wow, Oba, I had to read this one at least twice...not to understand what was happening (that was all too painfully clear ) but to simply let it sink in.

    [face_blush] Wow, thank you! :D

    It was so beautifully tragic. Or tragically beautiful? I could really 'see' every moment of this, how Luke began to fall between one step and another, how Han tried to catch him and both he and Leia tried to hold on to him. I loved the vivid descriptions of his senses and emotions as he moved further away from them and closer to Mara.

    I'm glad. :) Most of the time when I write, I really try to visualize things and write down what I 'see', but I tried even harder with this one, because that element is so important to the story. I'm glad I succeeded! :D

    I guess it is so sad for Han/Leia and everyone else, but I imagine that with a bond as strong as the one Luke/Mara have, something like this would be bound to happen.

    I've always thought so. This possibility has been bouncing around in my head for a while now, but this is the first time I've actually written about it, verbalized it, so to speak. ;)

    Now you've done gone and made me cry!

    BTW, still waiting on #12 of The Temperature Series.


    *huggles* I'm planning on finishing the Temperature Series soon - completely rewriting Kindling the Flame, which is my least favorite, and writing another, possibly Frosty the Jedi. [face_mischief]
     
  21. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    I read this when you posted and somehow forgot to reply. Sorry about that. ;)

    My favorite aspect was the descriptions you used to convey the slow motion sensation Luke is experiencing. It really conveyed a sense of the unreality he must be feeling...

    Poor Han and Leia! :_|

    The description of Mara fading, and then Luke reaching out to her and joining her was very powerful. It was an interesting idea of what experiencing the Force might be like, especially when sensing the death of someone you literally can't live without... :(

    Great job. :D
     
  22. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Darth_Lex: You're forgiven. ;) I think the slow motion parts were probably the hardest, because I was trying to find the right balance, where things were happening, but not too slowly. :p Not entirely sure where the description of Mara came from, but I'm glad you like it. ;) :D I think it collected in my subconscious and I was somehow able to spit it out. [face_mischief] Thank you. :D
     
  23. Jaded_Girl

    Jaded_Girl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 9, 2001
    Wow...wow...

    That was beautiful! Oh my gosh, that was so beautiful! I have always been a proponent of the theory that if one of them should die, the other would too, so thank you so much for holding that up!


    ...wow...
     
  24. Jedi-Tahiri-Veila

    Jedi-Tahiri-Veila Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2003
    Wow... as sad as that was, it wasn't depressing at all, and as much as I wanted to cry, I couldn't because of the beauty of your descriptions. The way you describe emotions, actions, even the soul is so wonderfully artistic with the way you capture all of the intangible ideas you used. I loved every word of this vignette. You've truly found that balance many people just don't get or understand.

    And so, it was a bit odd. If the world wasn't a bit odd, what would there be to interest us? :confused: :D

    Wonderfully loverly. :)
     
  25. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Jaded_Girl: Thank you! :D I've always thought it possible, but hadn't given it much thought beyond that - as far as writing it - until this. :) I'm glad you like. :D

    Jedi-Tahiri-Veila: [face_blush] Wow, thank you. :D I thought, too, that this had elements of both sadness and happiness, which is a rather odd mix. :p And - just thank you. I don't know what to say! [face_blush] And yep, oddness can be great. ;) Keeps things from getting too normalized. [face_mischief]
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.