Saga The Refugee - Dear Diary 07 Challenge - Entry 5 up 06/03/07

Title: The Refugee
Author: PadwanKayla
Timeframe: Saga ? Clone Wars and on
Characters: OCs
Genre: Drama/Angst
Summary: Ashtur, a young woman, has lost her home in the war and is relocated. Her diary entries are her way of coping with the loss of all she knew and her journey to finding a new path. These are her random musings.
Notes: Written for the Dear Diary '07 Challenge. My intention is to have this appear as an actual diary with thoughts spewed out as they come to the character's mind.


Entry 1

Sleep is eluding me. I feel foolish writing this, like I?m actually writing to someone. But they are all gone, there is no one left, no one to actually send this to. This is so different from writing from the college, actually sending this to my friend. She is dead along with everyone else from my village. The army saw to that.

They tell me I am lucky, that I did not become a casualty of the war, that I still live. What is the point of living now that my life has been torn apart? The healer assured me with shallow words that the Force had a reason for letting me live, for delaying my return home. Why did it not just let me arrive on time so I could meet the same fate as my family and friends? It would have been a blessing. Now I am alone and trapped in this sad excuse for quarters on this transport that holds nothing but other refugees, trapped.

They told me it would take some time to relocate us and until then, until they verify my identity, I am not allowed to leave my cell, for that really is what it is. I hate confined spaces. I want to see the forests and the mountains of my home. I don?t want to be relocated. But what I want is of little importance now. I may be alive but I am still a casualty of war.

Serenta!! How could you desert me? We said we?d be together forever, you and I. We promised each other. We had so much still left to discover and now you?ve gone and gotten yourself killed. How could you do this to me?

Oh, dear friend, why are you not with me here, to hold me, to tell me as you always did that there was a plan for us? You were the strong one, not I. You would have looked ahead and seen that there was a reason for all this. I cannot see it. I never could.

The drone of the engines is driving me mad, of that I am certain. Why else would I still be writing as if she would actually read this, as if I could sent it to her? Perhaps, this writing will help me to understand. She would have told me to listen to the healer, to put down my thoughts, to find some reason in this madness. Perhaps I will continue. Perhaps...

 

I may be alive but I am still a casualty of war.

Nice. I look forward to seeing whats in store for this character.

 

Wow, that was hearbreaking! Wonderful and tragic! Can't wait to read more!

 

Most of the other Diary entries have been very light and you?ve gotten at least on good laugh not at them but from them. This was just so sad but so amazing and beautifully written. I?m really looking forward to read more.

 

What a tragic beginning.

I certainly hope Ashtur's idenity is confirmed soon so she can at least get out of that holding cell.

Nice start. Looking forward to more

 

A wonderful start!

The drone of the engines is driving me mad, of that I am certain. Why else would I still be writing as if she would actually read this, as if I could sent it to her? Perhaps, this writing will help me to understand. She would have told me to listen to the healer, to put down my thoughts, to find some reason in this madness. Perhaps I will continue. Perhaps...


Please PM me with updates?

 

My heart breaks for her.

I look forward to more is there a PM list can I get on it.

 

Mira_Jade ? Thank you for reading. I hope she will find some solace!

slow_dawn ? It will be interesting, at least for me, to see how she develops over the year! (Did I actually commit to doing this for the year?!)

DancesWithBlasters ? Thank you so much. The angst just surfaced!

Star_Angel ? Wow! Thank you for those great comments.

KELIA ? She?s getting a little break from the cell but not much. Thanksyou?re your comments.

VaderLVR64 ? Thank you. Wasn?t sure how this was going to start and have no idea where she is going! I will send you a pm.

Lea-El ? I?m glad my OC has made you feel for her. I will add you to my pm list and thanks!

And now for the next installment

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Entry 2

It?s been three days now! Three days and all the might of the Republic cannot locate any record of me. I told them I?d applied for entry to the college on Naboo and to the college in Coruscant but they apparently lost my application as they have no record. It is no wonder I didn?t get acceptance at either place. Not that I wanted to go to Coruscant, that sorry excuse for a planet. It could no longer sustain life if it were not for the artificial atmosphere and climate controls. They paved it millennia ago.

At least they gave me a respite from this hole today and let me walk the long corridor to the dining area. It was only for the evening meal and I ate little before they escorted me back. At least there were others there, people, life. I wanted to talk to those others, but I couldn?t. They couldn?t. I could see it in their eyes. The children mocked us all though. They don?t know what has happened. It is an adventure for them and so they play. But the games have changed. It is not longer ?Chase the Bantha? that they play at. Now, the game is ?Clones and Droids.?

I asked the guards today where we were being sent but no one could tell me. Maybe no one wants to tell me. I think I shall wither away if the place has no trees, no lakes, no life. Coruscant has no life. In spite of all the people, it truly cannot be called living if everything is artificial. And it is artificial. It is government. It is bondage. It is death.

If I am sent to Coruscant, I simply go from one death to another.

I have buried myself in sleep these past days or at least tried to. I only wish the sleep was dreamless. I am haunted by the carnage I saw before they dragged me away. It comes to me here, in this place, in what has become my tomb. The faces stare up at me with empty eyes, with scorched skin. And the smell! Why can I smell the burnt flesh in my dreams? I never did find my family. They were all strangers I saw and maybe that was a blessing.

But I will sleep again. What else am I to do except sleep. The Holonet shows little else aside from the war, the glorious conquests of the Republic, the sound defeat of the Separatists. There is no mention of the like of us. Refugees are the invisible burden of the victors, I suppose. That is how I feel. Invisible, disappearing into the Galaxy where I cannot tell my story for it is not a glorious victory for the Republic if that is told. Still, I will record it here and maybe someone else will gain some solace from these writings. You always said I was a weaver of words, Serenta, like you were a weaver of cloth. I fear my words will never match your talent with a loom, though. I could never match the beauty of your creation. Still, my words may become a coverlet to warm someone. I think that why you always encouraged me in this, that you knew I would someday have a story that needed to be told.

Now, I will sleep and perhaps my dreams will guide me. Perhaps...

 

Absolutely lovely!

But I will sleep again. What else am I to do except sleep. The Holonet shows little else aside from the war, the glorious conquests of the Republic, the sound defeat of the Separatists. There is no mention of the like of us. Refugees are the invisible burden of the victors, I suppose. That is how I feel. Invisible, disappearing into the Galaxy where I cannot tell my story for it is not a glorious victory for the Republic if that is told. Still, I will record it here and maybe someone else will gain some solace from these writings. You always said I was a weaver of words, Serenta, like you were a weaver of cloth. I fear my words will never match your talent with a loom, though. I could never match the beauty of your creation. Still, my words may become a coverlet to warm someone. I think that why you always encouraged me in this, that you knew I would someday have a story that needed to be told.

Now, I will sleep and perhaps my dreams will guide me. Perhaps...

 

A weaver of words a fitting description of writing. I hope she finds a shade tree to weave under.

 

I love her description of Coruscant. Also, I love the little detail you added about playing Clones and Droids. Just perfect. This is really, truly amazing.

 

Now, I will sleep and perhaps my dreams will guide me. Perhaps...

I really enjoyed this post. The description of Coruscant was quite interesting.

Could i get on the PM list, please?

 

It's so sad to see the was Ashtur and the other refugees are being treated.

I certainly hope she is taken to a planet where she can find some happiness.

Great update

 

Oh Kayla this is wonderful stuff, so poignant the style you've chosen as well as the story of this OC of yours. The language is direct but it's imbued with a tempered bitterness and sadness that renders it with much power over the reader. I stumbled on this by accident, I hope you put me on your pm list. You always did have a knack for creating interesting backgrounds for your OCs and I look forward to more from this one.

Well done!

 

It is a very sad story.
I just hope thing lighten up again for poor Ashtur.

 

I missed this first time around, not having read much in the way of SW fanfic lately....Yours however is always an exception! This is wonderful writing and style from you as always honey. Great job!!!!

 

I know that I?ve read this before but I must have forgotten or been unable to reply, silly me.

Well, I loved it, it?s just so powerful. And I'm not sure if you have a pm list but if you do then please add me to it. Thanks.

 

They tell me I am lucky, that I did not become a casualty of the war, that I still live. What is the point of living now that my life has been torn apart? The healer assured me with shallow words that the Force had a reason for letting me live, for delaying my return home. Why did it not just let me arrive on time so I could meet the same fate as my family and friends? It would have been a blessing. Now I am alone and trapped in this sad excuse for quarters on this transport that holds nothing but other refugees, trapped.

Whoa, right into the sadness. A very heart-wrenching first entry.



_


It is an adventure for them and so they play. But the games have changed. It is not longer ?Chase the Bantha? that they play at. Now, the game is ?Clones and Droids.?

Sad. The tides of war.

The Holonet shows little else aside from the war, the glorious conquests of the Republic, the sound defeat of the Separatists. There is no mention of the like of us. Refugees are the invisible burden of the victors, I suppose.

I love how you've captured her wartime sentiment.

Bravo!

 

Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment and my apologies for the delay with this entry.

VaderLVR64 Thank you!

Lea-El Let?s hope she finds some place of solice. Thanks.

DancesWithBlasters Thank you so much for your comments. I always got the impression that as glorious as the tech of Coruscant was, there was really little life left there.

slow_dawn I?m glad you enjoyed the read. I will add you to my pm list. Thanks.

KELIA Not sure where she is going to end up. Hopefully, not Tantooine Thanks for reading.

Dark_Disciple Always great to hear from you and thank you so much for your comments. I am pleased that you are enjoying this new OC of mine. And you will get a pm.

MsLanna I?m not sure how the sadness came about as I was originally going to do something fluffy! Thanks for reading.

AnakinGirl05 Great to see you here girl! Thanks so much for your lovely comments.

StarAngel So glad you enjoyed this and I will add you to the list. Thank you.

correllian_ale Thanks for your comments. The sadness just came pouring out. There doesn?t seem to be much written about the casualties of war in this galaxy rather than just the heros.

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Entry 3

How long it has been now since we left my planet? How long since I last wrote here? I have been through the fires of the Sith, burning from the inside. I don?t know how long I was sick but the fever that raged in me was in more than just my body. I could feel it in my mind, the hate rising to engulf me, the anger adding fuel. The healers tell me that it was an illness that I had not been exposed to before, a virus they called it. Because my planet had been so isolated, the virus had never come there before, they told me, and so I had no defense just as my planet had no defense against the weapons of war. So this is what the great Republic brought also to my planet for it was surely the Republic?s doing. Surely Droids did not carry a living virus. They couldn?t. Yes, the Republic brought more death than just by a blaster. I know the healers say I likely caught it aboard ship, from some of the others who have been herded from their planets. There are so many from my sector of the galaxy, so many different worlds. Who really knows how the sickness came to any of us?

Many of my people died in the hold where they had set up a makeshift medi-centre. It was little more than row upon row of cots really. I suppose I am lucky that they found me when they did. How ironic that the guards were coming to tell me that they had identified me, that I was free to roam around the ship. But the healers say the worst is over now, that everyone who has survived will recover. There were so few remaining from my planet to begin with and the links to my past are now fewer still.

Serenta came to me in the fire, as it blazed around me. She spoke to me of trickling waters and gentle breezes, made me remember those times we spent together at the edge of the great river, sharing our laughter. I asked her why she was torturing me with these memories of things I could never again have, things that were gone forever, the river, her. She told me that I must not forget the wonderous things I had had, that I should not dwell only on the end, on the horrors I saw. Still, they will not leave me and they too came to me while I was in the fire of my illness. They stoked my anger and made me burn all the more. I wanted to go to her, join her where she is but she stopped me. She stroked my burning skin with her cool hands and whispered soothing sounds in my ear. She became the river and the wind in the treetops, softly lulling me to compliance. Her voice returned and she said that it was not yet my time to join her.

I know in my mind that her visit was only my fevered hallucinations, but my heart tells me that it was she, bringing me back, fighting against those invisible forces that were trying t

 

Just gorgeous. Such a beautifully sad, despondant entry but she was comforted at least by the feeling that her friend was with her. You do this sort of thing so well. Loved the parallels between her defenses being breached (her illness) and that of her planet.

Wonderful writing and I am so glad to be on your pm list. Thanks bud! Can't wait for more.

 

Absolutely beautiful!

I don?t know what it is I am still to do, what Serenta meant by those words. I do know that I must record this so that I don?t forget. I have lost so much already. I will not lose this memory. I will tell my story, not only of the past, but the one that is unfolding. My body is still weak from the sickness but it no longer burns. My anger still smolders though. I must find a way to crush the rest of those embers.

 

My body is still weak from the sickness but it no longer burns. My anger still smolders though. I must find a way to crush the rest of those embers.

I loved the imagery you used. This is quite a sad entry but also theres her desire to go on that shows through. Well done.

 

Another great job! This style of writing really suits you well, the flow and the energy that comes from it are wonderful, even with the sadness, it really radiates.

More!

 

Poor thing lost so much and being sick too.

I'm glad her friend gave her a reason to go on. I hope her future is brighter.

good work