Do you ship Mace Windu, Anakin, or Obi with Cad Bane? Do you think any of those three could have an epic romance with Cad Bane? If your answer is no, the comparison is irrelevant. As has been mentioned, rape is about power. Rey was strapped to a table against her will. Kylo invaded her personal space and she recoiled away from him crying. Then he forced his way into the intimate parts of her thoughts and feelings. He told her not to be afraid with a dismissive tone while he pushed against her tears and restraint to see into her lonely, sleepless nights, to mock her private feelings for Finn and Han. As she tried to fight him, he told her not to bother because he could take whatever he wanted. That was a calculated, manipulative way to scare the crap out of her and make her feel powerless and hopeless. He did this supposedly to find information on a map that would allow him to murder his uncle, a mythical figure that Rey looks up to, but he deviated off course to screw with her emotionally by going to anything intimate he could draw from. He did that while she cried and hated him. Thankfully, Rey overcame him and fought him off, despite being strapped to a table. The coward that thought he had power over her ran away with his tail between his legs. I struggle to see what else JJ could have possibly put into the scene to make the mind probe into more of a rape parallel without actually raping her. Regardless, JJ confirmed the obvious. We were meant to hate Kylo in that scene. If some people were turned on, cool, we all have our freaky crap that we're into, but there is no mistaking the actual intent of the scene.