The Seamy Lives of Luke and Darth (AU)

Yes, that 8 faces rule has thwarted liberal users of them Darth Cerberus and I shouldn't have to put up with this shabby treatment mad.gif Not even a goodbye card, referral to a rehab center, even a patch or gum to help with the withdrawal! I propose a worldwide rally, a parade maybe, get a few celebrities to sing a song ala We are the World or Candle in the Wind

And it seems to me they lived their life like a smiley in the JC
And the precious mistreated users revolted
Made to wait for days like slaves waiting for their master to get his whip, unrewarded....
I used that Palpatine icon for a reason!

eek.gif redface.gif

This is where the 8th denied smiley would have been. RIP little fella

 

Grrrrrrr mad.gif If you have a good reliaable server that won't arbitrarily disconnect you and treat you like dirt (if any exist) please tell this frustrated soul!

 

Vader: I GOT IT!!!(has an even more psychotic look on his face, is drooling an awful lot, and is pounding a knife into Ronald McDonald)

Ronald McDonald: STOP IT!!! Tell Grimace I love...(dies)

Amidala: Now THAT'S the Burger King spirit!

Palpatine: Good job, my young apprentice! Now will you untie me?

Vader: Gotta kill more beloved fast food icons! Where does Wendy's live?

Amidala: Oh no, I'm not going away from Burger King!

Burt Reynolds: Maybe you can mash up my order and strain it through the bag...

Amidala: *sniff* trapped in a bag and STILL wants Burger King...THAT is a REAL Burger King guy

Palpatine: *sob* my hero!

Vader: Wow, she never usually feeds her kidnap victims. Consider yourself lucky

Burt Reynolds(sarcastically): Yes, I must be the luckiest human being ever! I count my blessings all the time!

Amidala: What a guy (to drive-in thing)I'll have one of everything. What do you guys want?

Han: Kids meal! ALL OF THEM!!!

Server: I'm sorry, we're all out of Pokémon. Would you still like...

With these words Han blocked out all mental reasoning and...

***************************** eek.gif

Mace: All right, I propose we surround ourselves with tiny little people who will die instead of us if Ami tries anything...

Obi-Wan: YOU IDIOT!!! I suggest we fake our deaths like Qui-Gon...

Shmi: Why don't we record a really great album that will make us famous which will necessitate lots and lots of bodyguards!

Everyone(brains and judgement impaired from too much fear): Sounds great!

**************************** confused.gif

Qui-Gon: All right hostages, we are going to dress up in these costumes here and act out an episode of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman!

Bobba Fett: But it's a new episode tonight!

Qui-Gon: DON'T mention that to me again! We will do the one where Dr. Quinn marries Sully. That's my favourite (swoon) I call Dr. Quinn!!!

Bobba Fett: I want to be Dr. Quinn!

Qui-Gon: Hey, I'm the one taking hostages, I get to be Dr. Quinn!!! You can be Sully

Lando Calrissian: I AM THE ORIGINAL SULLY!!!

Bobba Fett: Sully was played by Joe Lando... OH MY GODDDDDD!!!

Everyone drops to their knees and hails Lando

Qui-Gon: Hey! Praise ME! I have the guns, I can kill you all, be afraid of me!!!

Police Chief: Lando's in there???!!! All right boys, call in our secret weapon...

********************************* redface.gif

C3PO: I'm so upset!

Boss Nass: I know, Sully's in danger

C3PO: If he dies, I die!

Boss Nass: Do you care for me at all?

C3PO(miles away): Sully...

C3PO was so absorbed in his Sully trance that he did not see Boss Nass run out in tears, nor did he hear the car drive away and a ring tossed through the window

eek.gif tongue.gif

The real actor who played Sully is really named Lando! That amused me so much I had to add it here!

 

Can anyone tell me how to get italics and bold letters here? I'm really incompetent!

 

The easiest way to find out is just to click on the edit/delete function for someone else's post (don't worry, without their password you can't do anything) and see how they have done it.

I'll put quotation marks around each symbol so you can see them:

For italics: Put "[" "I" "]" at the beginning of the section you want to italicise (is that a word? rolleyes.gif ) at the end of the section type "[" "/" "I" "]"

For Bold - same thing as the italics only use: "[" "B" "]" and "[" "/" "B" "]"

(I don't think its case sensitive so you can use "i" or "b" instead.)

CONGRATULATIONS! You have just composed your first piece of HTML.



[This message has been edited by Darth Cerberus (edited 04-10-2000).]

 

I've just been reading your story...very sick. =) That's a good thing. I can even forgive your killing Mara because you off-ed Jar Jar too. Keep going!

 

ROLMAO!!!!!!
More, I need more!!!
I havent lauhed as much since the last time I read Melrose Naboo!!!

 

Anakin (asleep): "But ... Palpy ... 'Death Star' sounds so lame!"
Melrose Naboo, Episode XIV: TETCHY

 

I totally agree, DJ. Only, this one has been updated far more often than Melrose Naboo... Both this and MN are classics.

Oh, and as long as we're throwing arounf MN quotes....

"YOU'VE GOT A COUNTRY IN YOUR CLOSET!!!!" --Obi-Wan, "The Really Smegged up Episode" or "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe of Doom."

 

I named my production company "The Tetchy Entertainment Group" because of MN. (Yes, it's small and for shorts on video, but it's a production company nonetheless.)

Alas, don't fret, Mistress Sudafed. In my (now indefinitely-postponed) feature-length script, "Seamy Lives" inspired the short bit of dialogue below (which lost its original format in this post):

There are other people in the room in the background, but we're only vaguely aware of them. They're flipping through fanzines.

FANGIRL
(off fanzine)
Burt Reynolds? I just don't see it.

FANBOY
No, when they're leaving to speak to the Senate, you totally see it.

Be aware this is part of a registered script, but it's still evidence of your wide influence.

 

"[" "I" "]" and now my first piece of italiczation (?) which will make me look like an idiot (more so) when it doesn't work "[" "/" "I" "]"

I'm so touched, Vee! It's great that my severely deranged unsound (what an understatement!) mind is affecting people

You're all so great!!! Update in a few minutes!!!

"[" "B" "]" that alien in the Pepsi/SW commercials was cute at first, but I really want to slap it! This is an attempt at bold, and now I look too incompetent redface.gif

 

Damnit!!! eek.gif eek.gif eek.gif eek.gif eek.gif

 

Um, that was a bit more than a few minutes redface.gif
I posted a few minutes after, but I put more than 8 posts and somehow the whole thing got lost confused.gif So I either have to rewrite the post or continue my big hunt for the beloved lost page tongue.gif

 

I BLOODY LOST THE DAMN THING!!! So I'm typing the blasted bloody post again-without the magic


Han Solo had lost all sense of human reasoning when he heard there was no more Pokémon left in Burger King. In a superhuman feat not unlike Popeye, Han lifted up Palpatine's tree and destroyed Burger King!

Amidala: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The magic is gone, my life is ruined

As soon as Burger King was destroyed, the police rushed right over

Vader: Ami, put down that gun! We have to drive away

Palpatine lifts a police cruiser with the Force and takes their guns

Officer 1: Hey, we were just mugged by Burt Reynolds!

Officer 2: Burt Reynolds has the Force???!!! HE WILL DESTROY US ALL!!!(to walkie-talky thing)ATTENTION ALL SQUAD CARS-BURT REYNOLDS IS A SITH!!!

Police Chief: Burt Reynolds has the Force-my greatest nightmare realized. Carl, hit the self-destruct button

Police officer Carl: Self destruct button for what?

Police Chief: The planet, of course. We've put up with that Burt Reynolds because he was too much of a joke to do anything about-but this has gone too far. He needs to be destroyed

Police officer Carl: Whoa, the planet has a self destruct button? How...

Police Chief: I'm a lonely guy

Police officer Carl: Um, don't go on

Back at the former site of Burger King

Burt Reynolds: You, naked freak!

Palpatine: He spoke to me!!! Yes?

Burt Reynolds: Stop trying to be me! There is only one Burt Reynolds

Han: Why don't you use the Force to untie yourself from the tree?

Palpatine: *sniff* I wanted to see if anybody cared for me

Amidala starts laughing hysterically

********************************
Meanwhile, at the OTHER police standoff...

Qui-Gon(looking out the window): Those police officers are watching the new episode of Dr. Quinn!

Bobba Fett: I can't bloody take it!!!(starts ripping out his hair)

Qui-Gon: Lando...

Lando: KING Lando

Qui-Gon(crawling up to Lando's throne): Oh great King Lando, you MUST tell us what happens

Lando: Mmmmmmmmmmmm NO

Police officer(from outside): I CAN'T BELIEVE DR. QUINN DID THAT!!!

Qui-Gon and Bobba Fett visibly flinch

Qui-Gon crawls back to Lando's throne, this time carrying Luke and Leia

Qui-Gon: King Lando, if not for me, then for these adorable children who you will invariably be disappointing, spill what knowledge you hve stored in your giant brain

Lando: They ARE cute, buuuuuuuut you ARE taking me hostage against my will, sooooooooo

Qui-Gon loses it

Qui-Gon(picking Lando up by the neck): DAMNIT, YOU FREAKING SONOFAB-

Bobba Fett: He's not moving! STOP!!!!!

Qui-Gon snaps out of his madman trance and sees he is holding the limp body of (Joe) Lando Calrissian

Qui-Gon: Um, maybe he's sleeping

***************************** eek.gif

Yaddle: Stereotype band, we'll have!!!

Mace: I'll be the bada$s black guy with attitude

Shmi: I'll be the angelic blonde

Yoda: Hunky Latino lover, I'll be

Obi-Wan: I want to be the sexy hunk!

Mace: Benny, man....

Obi-Wan: That's not my name!!!

Mace:...Anyways, you can be the nice guy, the older brother

Obi-Wan(whining): Older brother? Why don't I just wear a big sign that says 'NERD'?

Yaddle: It fits! The rebel, I'll be

Obi-Wan: Why can't I be that?!

Mace: It's taken. Hey, our first single should be about saving the endangered owl!

Shmi: Our first single will be about destroying nuclear weapons, moron!

Obi-Wan: No, galaxywide peace, jerk!

Yoda: Joy and happiness, bleeding nitwits!!!

Mace: THAT'S IT!!!

As usual, the gang gets into another violent fight

****************************** eek.gif

Boss Nass: I'd like some plastic surgery

Nurse: Eugh, you came in just in time

Boss Nass: I need to get away from everything, especially...

Nurse: Yeah yeah, so what are you thinking of?

Boss Nass: I just want a sex change to get away from someone

Nurse: You sure? I suggest a whole species change

Boss Nass: Oh, are you talking to your mirror?

Uh oh, never upset your nurse, especially one that is going to be giving you plastic surgery...

Other Nurse: Dr. Nurse, the OR is prepped!

Boss Nass: Dr. Nurse

Nurse(or rather,

 

mad.gif mad.gif mad.gif mad.gif

Yes, I'm really mad. I'm using the Palpatine icon, which shows I'm mad. It's not even like the quadruple post on the first page with two different versions of Anakin changing his name ("something sassy, something with flare...) because those ones showed up!

-what the hell did my signature say?

 

Yes I'm ladylike

 

MS , at this little lull in the story you take a moment to explain the significance of Burt Reynolds to me? I know who he is and everything but is there some particular reason why Palpy is so fixated on him?

Just trying to understand how us Sith Lords operate.

 

never posted a pic before

There's nothing really special about Burt Reynolds, and I don't even really like him! I was so angry when he divorced Loni Anderson
But I think everyone should get a piece of Mr. Reynolds confused.gif

Yup, Burt Reynolds is just really fun and I am really demented, so try not to read anything deep in this story

I am in LOVE with Palpatine, and I don't bloody well care about the 36 year age difference, but since I know what he will look like when he gets old (yuk!) I guess I can go for someone else

[This message has been edited by Mistress Sudafed (edited 04-11-2000).]

 

Man am I a sorry excuse for a poster! I mastered the art of bold and italics (HAHAHA) but as for pictures....well I'm pretty damn incompetent So out of my really b*tchy mood (yay!) and thinking that our bud Burt looks an awful lot like Valorum, who will be popping up and expiring later in the story
Coming soon: my version of the bad@ss R2D2! I have this vision in my head that I have to share, and will if I wasn't so...incompetent

R2D2-Badder than Bulbasaur(and just as cute!)
[I am aware of the grammatical error-it's for effect!]

 

Lost another bloody post mad.gif I never learn *sigh*


Palpatine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Burt Reynolds: Did the naked freak just scream?

Palpatine: The self destruct button was just pushed!!!

Amidala: Self destruct button?

Palpatine: Yes, a lonely nerd invented one for the planet in case Burt Reynolds became too powerful

Amidala: Lonely nerd? Don't be so hard on yourself

Vader: Yeah, just because we keep you naked on a tree doesn't mean we don't love you!

Amidala: Actually, I don't

Han: I was forced in the car

Burt Reynolds: Ditto

Vader: And you kick in your sleep! I don't like you either!

Palpatine: Fine! DIE! See if I care...

**************************

Dr. Nurse: So, you have a choice between the Lady Hutt look and the ever-popular Princess Leprosy

Boss Nass: Can't I get the super-gorgeous Barbie look?

Dr. Nurse: Sorry, sold out

Boss Nass: How can you be sold out...

Dr. Nurse: Fine! Lady Hutt for you!

Boss Nass: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dr. Nurse: YES! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, do you have insurance?

Boss Nass: Ye-I mean, no!

Dr. Nurse: What the heck, I'll give you a break! But I'm going to have to forego the gas and anesthetic. Cost, you know. SCALPEL!

Boss Nass: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

****************************** eek.gif

Mace: As the bad@ss black guy, I have to say that you guys hurt my feelings *sob*

Yoda: Talk to the hand cuz the head ain't listening!

Shmi: That's IT! I'm going solo! Who's with me?

Obi-Wan: Can't we all just get along?

Mace(snapping, humming): Can't we all just get along, starting with our little song...

Everyone looks at each other

Shmi: THAT'S OUR HIT!!!

Yoda: FAMOUS, WE ARE!!!

Shmi: I'M GOING SHOPPING!!! WHO'S COMING???!!!

Mace: I want a huge diamond!!!

Yoda: Pure gold kidney for me!!!

Yaddle: Hell, I'll make ALL my organs pure gold!

Everyone: wow

**************************** confused.gif

Bobba Fett: YOU KILLED SULLY!!!WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO???

Qui-Gon: Well, you could try out for the role...

Bobba Fett: You really think so? I think my cheekbones are a little high...

King Organa(fron outside): Qui-Gon, I know Sully is in there, so if you let him out safely I won't be forced to have you hung, drawn, and quartered

Qui-Gon: What's that?

Bobba Fett: Well, first they hang you until you are almost dead, but not quite, then you are disembowled and cut in 4 pieces

Luke starts applauding wildly

Qui-Gon: Hmmph, takes after his mother: sick, morbid, yet very girly...

Bobba Fett: What are you going to do?

Qui-Gon: Don't worry, I have a diabolical plan...

*************************** tongue.gif

Vader: Does my skin look oily?

Amidala: A little. Have you been moisturizing?

Vader(slapping own head): THAT is why I am aging so badly! Stupid stupid...

Burt Reynolds: A mud mask with a touch of jojoba oil will do the trick!

Amidala: Ooh, and a touch of mascara to bring out those eyes!

Vader: Ooh, can I get a perm!

Amidala: Yes! And we can rent Soul Food and get a manicure....

Han: Not before that Qui-Gon porn!

Palpatine: WE ARE ON A PLANET ABOUT TO SELF-DESTRUCT AND YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A MAKEOVER???!!! I've always wanted implants...

Everyone starts throwing up, and Chewie tries to claw his eyes out

Amidala: THAT'S IT!I'M LEAVING YOU HERE!!!

Palpatine: You'll have to untie me

Vader: IT'S A TRAP!!!

Amidala: I'm not an idiot! PALPY, YOU ARE GOING TO STAY WITH ME FOR A LOOOOONG LONG TIME!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

****************************

Bobba Fett: You are going to hollow out Lando and put a person in there? You're sick!

Qui-Gon: Do you have a better idea? Now get in the dress!

Bobba Fett: Why do I have to wear a dress anyways?

Qui-Gon: Er, um, it's an essential ingredient in my diabolical plan

Bobba Fett: How?

Qui-Gon: Um, don't argue with your hostage taker!

Bobba Fett: Can I keep the carcass when you are done?

Qui-Gon: NO! IT'S MINE!!! Now start cutting!

Bobba Fett: Awwwwwwww

tongue.gif


A

 

More please !!!!!

 

Amidala finally relinquishes the drivers seat because she needs time to mourn the loss of Burger King

Vader(driving on the sidewalk): Wheeeeeeeeee! I've never driven on land before!

Han(hanging on for dear life): Why did you let that freak drive???!!!

Amidala: Who would you rather have drive, the naked guy, the one in the bag, the hairy thing?

Han(winking): How about the beautiful lady...

The car suddenly swerves into an inanimate object(skyscraper) and Han is once again knocked unconscious

Vader(mischeviously): Whoopsie!

********************************* redface.gif

Bobba Fett: *sniff* I've finished degutting my idol

Qui-Gon: Good, now get inside

Bobba Fett: WHAT???!!!

Qui-Gon: And keep the dress on

Bobba Fett: Can't you see I'm an emotional wreck?!

Qui-Gon(fingers in ears): I'm deaf! LALALALALALALA

Bobba Fett: IDON'TWANNAIDON'TWANNAIDON'TWANNA

Luke and Leia look at the two in disdain

********************************* tongue.gif

C3PO(running outside in the rain in a cape): BOSS NASS!!! NASSY!!!I LOVE YOU!!!DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Passerby: Nessie?

Passerby 2: Wow! The lover of the Loch Ness Monster reveals all!!!

C3PO(to himself): He COULD pass as the Loch Ness Monster...what the hell!

**********************************

Boss Nass: OW! Watch that laser!

Dr. Nurse: When I'm done with you, people will throw themselves off a bridge to look at you

Boss Nass: Why? Are you going to kill me?

Dr. Nurse: I wish! Stupid Human Rights laws. Now I'm going to put a mirror in front of you and don't be surprised at the shockingly stunning person staring back at you...

******************************** redface.gif

Yoda(in a sleazy rich Latino boy suit): Hey baby, back for you later I'll be!

Shmi(in fur coat): Oooh, I just love being rich!

Obi-Wan(always the sensible one): Don't you think we should record the hit song first before we bankrupt the Jedi Order?

Mace: Don't be rdiculous! The Jedi Order has plenty of money...uh oh

Yoda: What uh oh?

Mace: Um, I'm looking at this bank account book here and I notice that somebody spent 48 million credits on a ...Mos Eisley

Shmi: I'm going to blast that place to the ground!

Mace: Hmmm, that explains the Alderaanian Air Force...but what is a Unkick the Bucket Corporation?

Yoda: Company devoted to raising the dead, it is! Burt Reynolds I bought

Mace: Burt Reynolds isn't even dead!

Yoda: Just in case he DOES die...

Shmi: YOU OWN BURT REYNOLDS???!!!THAT'S GREAT!!!

Obi-Wan: He'll be surprised when you tell him...

Shmi: OOOOoooooooooh, I have to see his face!

Mace: THE JEDI ARE BANKRUPT!!!

Yoda: Sell your blood

******************************* eek.gif

Boss Nass: I asked for a SEX CHANGE!!!

Dr. Nurse: You don't think you're woman enough?

Boss Nass: I'M AN EXACT REPLICA OF EX-CHANCELLOR VALORUM!!!

Dr. Nurse: She is all woman, girlfriend!

Boss Nass: HE'S A MAN!!!

Dr. Nurse: No! Burt Reynolds was having an affair with herrrrr...complained she always wanted the lights off...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

******************************* eek.gif

R2D2(on murderous rampage): Must kill rotten wh*re and C3PO...ooh, a fudgeatorium! (goes in)

 

I just realized the link to the Burt Reynolds picture doesn't work. I've proved myself to be totally incompetent So go to burtreynolds.com if you are really desperate for some Burt Reynolds, or another great BUrt Reynolds site for your Burt Reynolds fix is the Church of Burt Reynolds, http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/1970/www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/1970/

If you really must know, I'm not even 20 yet, but really close, so don't pisture me as a middle aged fat lady longing for the old days when Burt Reynolds was young and handsome, and men today are not as manly etc.

BURT REYNOLDS KINDA RULES!!!

 

Wahahahaha! Man, I love this stuff. I definitely vote for Seamy Lives and Melrose Naboo as classic SW comic fan fic. Hall of Fame, even!

Um, two insane questions: indulge me, this is what happens when I read both MN and SL in one sitting.

1. Why on EARTH does Palpy look like Burt Rennolds?

2. What does Tetchy mean? (MN fans, please, please answer this one! Alderaan21? Anybody?)

Mabuhay si Mistress Sudafed! YEHEY!!
(Translate that nice Tagalog phrase into Long live Mistress Sudafed! YAY!!)

 

1. Because it's an AU, and because it's funny.

2. Tetchy.... it's something Ani called Obi in one episode (by the same name) when he couldn't think of anything else to describe him with. Anyway, Obi-Wan *hates* being called TETCHY!, and you NEVER call him that. It's really a funny ep, one of my faves...

----------

Anakin: You know, you've changed...
Obi-Wan: [growls] Oh yeah?
Anakin: Yeah. You're gettin' tetchy!
Padmé: Tetchy?
Obi-Wan: Don't call me tetchy!
Padmé: That's the best you could come up with? Tetchy?
Obi-Wan: Don't call me tetchy! You know what happens when you call me tetchy!
Anakin: That's what I'm callin' ya! Tetchy!
Obi-Wan: ...
Anakin: Tetchy. Tetchy! TETCHY!