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Before - Legends The Serpent's Kiss - OCs - horror - Movie Title Challenge winner

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediNemesis, Mar 13, 2007.

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  1. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Title The Serpent's Kiss
    Author: JediNemesis, c'est moi.
    Genre: Horror?
    Era: 7000+ years pre-TPM
    Characters: OCs

    Summary: A lone traveller stops at a mysterious castle . . .

    Notes: Written from the title The Serpent's Kiss for [link=http://boards.theforce.net/f/b1/26012854]the Movie Title challenge[/link] ; to my utter amazement, I won. Enjoy :)


    [b]DISCLAIMER:[/b] OCs are mine, universe is Lucas'.

    [hr]

    Marko was the only visitor at the Star Inn hostel that night, and came down for breakfast the following morning tired but cheerful. Sandre Malvier, the landlord?s wife, was laying the table as he arrived in the dining room, and the two small girls chasing one another around and underneath the chairs had to be her daughters. They were chanting some nursery rhyme as they raced round; Marko caught a few words as he went past.

    ?Janny Melanny lives over the hill -?

    Mme Malvier shushed them, waved Marko to a chair and smiled tiredly. ?Morning, sir.?

    ?Oh, for stars? sake. Marko, please.? Marko said with a grin. Sandre had to be ten years younger than her husband; it was easy to be friendly to her, as long as he remembered not to overdo it. ?Hey, this smells wonderful.?

    ?Thank you.? Sandre said over her shoulder. She reached the foot of the main stairs just as Gerart Malvier came down them, and the couple exchanged kisses. ?Casse?s lost her chance cubes, Gerart.?

    ?Under the stairs.? Gerart said shortly. He nodded to Marko; Marko nodded back, and started in on his breakfast.

    Casse and Mele Malvier stopped singing and adjourned to his table with alacrity on seeing that he was eating, and were only placated when Marko gave them each a piece of honeyed toast. They settled down on either side of him, munching contentedly, whilst Marko worked his way through the rest of the meal.

    When he?d finished, he pushed away the plate, picked up his travel bag and called across the room to Sandre ?Excuse me??

    She came a moment later, wiping her hands. ?Yes??

    ?I?m heading through the pass to Languemède.? Marko explained. ?Is there anywhere to stop on the way, or do I have to hitch a ride??

    ?Well -? Sandre began uncertainly.

    ?You can stay at the Lady?s.? Gerart Malvier said from behind her. He looked at Marko critically and nodded. ?She doesn?t come down to the valley much, but she?ll let you stay the night if you say we sent you on.?

    Marko raised a curious eyebrow. ?The Lady??

    Gerart and Sandre exchanged glances; it was Sandre who spoke. ?She lives on her own. A big old place up by the waterfall. We don?t see her often.?

    Marko nodded, guessing that there was some obscure cultural reason behind their reticence. Médou had a frankly ridiculous assemblage of bizarre superstitions and taboos, and if, say, the local waterfall was deemed to be a haunt of evil spirits then that probably cursed anyone living near it as well. ?What?s she like??

    ?Nice enough.? Gerart said gruffly. ?Never had anyone come back to complain of her company, any road.?

    There was a hint in that sentence, surely, and a fairly broad one. Marko smiled in acknowledgement, and hoisted his bag onto his back. ?The Lady?s it is, then.?

    He settled the bill and left, bidding Sandre Malvier and her husband a cheerful farewell, and missed the long look that passed between the couple as he set off up the Languemède road.

    * * *

    Marko reached the waterfall just as night was falling, and walked up a long drive lined with tall slender trees to reach the Lady?s house. There were glowcubes strung in the trees, and the sound of the falls added a pleasant counterpoint to the sleepy forest noises.

    The Lady?s house was less a house than it was a mansion, and Marko cast an appreciative eye over the huge edifice as he waited by the door. A minute or so after he had let go the huge metal doorknocker, the door creaked open. Behind it was a spindly service droid, hovering at eye height, which buzzed threateningly at him.

    Marko was about to say something>
     
  2. UnderCoverJedi

    UnderCoverJedi Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2006
    This was my favorite. [face_love] I'm in awe of your talent. =D=
     
  3. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    I read this while the contest was going on and was absolutely BLOWN away! But that happens a lot when I read your work. :p

    Another masterpiece! =D=
     
  4. jedi_of_ennth

    jedi_of_ennth Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2005
    Loved this. :D The set-up, the creepy atmosphere, the way everything came together in the end ... absolutely chilling. The win was definitely deserved. :D =D=
     
  5. Persephone_Kore

    Persephone_Kore Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 19, 2006
    I was so impressed by this one. I wasn't at all surprised when you won. ;)

    I'm also a total sucker for fics with good use of children's rhymes. Janny Melanny, indeed.
     
  6. Lola64

    Lola64 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 10, 2005
    I'm glad to see this entry won. It was amazingly eerie. I loved it.

    Gerart said gruffly. ?Never had anyone come back to complain of her company, any road.?

    I knew then that Marko was in for trouble if he went to the Lady's, just by the title of this fic. However, that did not keep me off the edge of my seat as she began her transformation right before his eyes. OMG! I was totally unnerved. (in a good way, well if there is a good way :p)

    And she was Jenny Melanny. :eek: Those children sing that song all the time and their parents have to sacrifice strangers so the witch doesn't come for them. :_|

    Again, this was awesome. Now I'll have to go read your other work.
     
  7. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    A ghastly tale of the macabre.

    [face_devil] I loved it! I liked it a lot when I first read it, and it's sinister tendrils have wormed their rotting, festering tentacles into my heart. ;)

    =D= And congrats again for winning!
     
  8. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    WOW! That was utterly amazing! You truly blew me away with that!


    Very creepy and gave me the cold chills even with a heating pad on my shoulder. Wow....just freaky. Well done!!

    Congratulations on your well deserved win!
     
  9. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Love this to death!!
     
  10. Darth Muis

    Darth Muis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 11, 2000
    Excellent story and a very deserved victory. It really send chills down my spine. Wonderful idea about the nursery rhyme and the slight French elements, if I'm not mistaken. Reads like an old time ghost story or some macabre fairy tale.

    =D=[face_devil]=D=
     
  11. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hello everybody! It's wonderful to see you all :) I saw Elijah Wood today . . .

    UnderCoverJedi This was my favorite. I'm honoured to have come out on top - I know how hard it was picking which entry to vote for. I'm in awe of your talent. I'm blushing, I know I am. [face_blush] Thanks!

    VaderLVR64 I read this while the contest was going on and was absolutely BLOWN away! But that happens a lot when I read your work. VL, you've got to stop saying this kind of thing. It embarrasses me :p But seriously, thanks so much [:D] Another masterpiece! Glad you think so :D

    jedi_of_ennth Loved this. The set-up, the creepy atmosphere, the way everything came together in the end ... absolutely chilling. I'm glad it worked - I know I had a ball writing it. The win was definitely deserved. Thanks [face_blush]

    Persephone_Kore I was so impressed by this one. I wasn't at all surprised when you won. Hell, I was. :confused: But thankyou :D I'm also a total sucker for fics with good use of children's rhymes. Janny Melanny, indeed. Agatha Christie did it a lot. If you're interested, the rhyme came first - then the story got written to fit in with it.

    Lola64 I'm glad to see this entry won. It was amazingly eerie. I loved it. I'm glad you liked it :) I knew then that Marko was in for trouble if he went to the Lady's, just by the title of this fic. However, that did not keep me off the edge of my seat as she began her transformation right before his eyes. OMG! I was totally unnerved. (in a good way, well if there is a good way) I think there most definitely is. [face_devil] The title was an absolute gift, though; no messing about - had to be horror or nothing :p And she was Jenny Melanny. Those children sing that song all the time and their parents have to sacrifice strangers so the witch doesn't come for them. Isn't it horrible? [face_mischief] Again, this was awesome. Now I'll have to go read your other work. Whoa. I'd be so flattered if you did!

    BrentusofGath A ghastly tale of the macabre. [face_laugh] I'd say that's a pretty accurate description, yup . . . I loved it! I liked it a lot when I first read it, and it's sinister tendrils have wormed their rotting, festering tentacles into my heart. That's got to be the best reply ever. Definitely in the spirit of the story [face_laugh] Thanks!

    Layren WOW! That was utterly amazing! You truly blew me away with that! Aw, thank you [face_blush] Very creepy and gave me the cold chills even with a heating pad on my shoulder. Wow....just freaky. Well done!! Good, good. My work here is done. Hope your shoulder gets better soon :)

    Healer_Leona Love this to death!! I think that's quite an apt comment . . . Thank you :)

    Darth Muis Excellent story and a very deserved victory. Thank you. It's wonderful to see a new face now and then. Or an old one :) It really send chills down my spine. Wonderful idea about the nursery rhyme and the slight French elements, if I'm not mistaken. Nope, spot on. Djani's name came first and the rest of the naming elements I tried to fit into the same kind of language. Reads like an old time ghost story or some macabre fairy tale. The proper kind of fairy tales, with a moral - in this case "Do not spend the night with strange, mute ladies in mysterious empty houses" ;)

    Thanks, everyone!

    Nem


     
  12. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Pardon me, Lord, for I have bumped.

    Up we go!
     
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