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The Story I'm Not Going to Write in 2007. Confession Time...

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by oqidaun, Jan 1, 2007.

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  1. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Here's your chance to confess to the worst fanfic you've ever written.
    Give a link if you have it...


    Have fun and remember writing is a growth experience.
     
  2. SilSolo

    SilSolo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2004
    anything that involves bad plots, even though I'm horrible with plotting anythiing.
     
  3. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Worst one ever written:

    A) My first, written the day after I saw Star Wars in 1993. I had never read Zahn or the comics or even heard of Star Wars before the day before, so I wrote a sequel. Here are a few tidbits of how bad it was:

    1) The Emperor fell into a time portal, not a reactor shaft. He went to the future, brought back battle droids and waged a new war from his Death Moon. His name was also Detkinmeiser. I was going through this phase where all my villains had German names. Don't ask me why. I love German people, but their names sound more threatening than, oh, I don't know Emperor Davidson.

    2) Leia Skywalker had not, after ten years, married Han Solo yet because I wanted to write them falling in love. I had a boyfriend at that point, but all it meant was that we would hold hands and eat lunch together and dance at every school dance. Nothing romantic.

    3) Vader had faked his own death and was alive, actually. He was, however, spineless, since after a single battle where he didn't get to win, he signed a peace treaty and got to walk free. He probably set up an animal shelter on Tatooine or something.

    4) Leia Skywalker was a much better pilot than Luke was, so SHE blew up the Death Moon while commanding Rogue Squadron. She furthermore did this by getting out of her X-wing and planting a bomb while wearing a flight suit and helmet...in a vacuum.

    5) Lando's real name was Nick and he was a traitor, but we didn't realize this until he lured them onto Vader's flagship, The Destroyer. The reason we know it's a bad ship is Leia looks at the hull in the middle of a forest and goes "This looks like an Imperial marking. Um, I think it's a Star Destroyer!"

    6) Both Han and the Emperor were utterly forgotten and one probably died, but I forgot to write that part. Oops...

    B) The 300-page story of Leia Vos Thorn. The story started when she was 14 and the Chief Medical Officer on the first Death Star. She was courted as a Sith and trained by the Emperor, but he blew up her home planet of Alderaan, so she quit. Conveniently, after she showed no emotion whatsoever about her whole frigging FAMILY being killed, she got to go on shore leave and her best friend threatened to kill her if she didn't defect to the Alliance. She immediately got assigned to CorSec by Alliance Intelligence and she did everything from save Hal Horn to preventing the CorSec Director from blowing up the whole planet. She got away with killing the Director because she seemed more honest and then she went back to the Alliance. After getting sent to spy on Vader and being captured as a Jedi, she got yanked from Intelligence (obviously because of a lack of it) and joined Crystal Squadron. Crystal Squadron is the squadron that's so much better than Rogue Squadron that Rogue Squadron has to take credit for their victories so the Empire won't find out who's in the squadron. Unfortunately, the Sith find out because they're just hanging around, looking for 16-year-old idiot Jedi to wander by, and converted Leia to the Sith...again. This time, she blew up all the ships in the Alliance fleet and then killed all of the Sith while her squadron stood around and wondered if they should help or just shoot her. She got put on trial for killing everyone and got off because she was really, really sorry and instead of the death sentence, she got the Medal of Honor. Somewhere in there, she got married, gave birth to triplets while still outflying Rogue Squadron, and the Sith murdered her kids on the same night that she got the Medal of Honor.

    Parts of THAT story are still up at fanfix.com, so I read them when I need a good laugh.
     
  4. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    I swear I'm so ashamed of this one story... it's been buried in the depths of the internet, and I hope no one ever finds it. EVER. It started out at a moderate level of badness- a young Jedi found a viola and wanted to learn to play it, but the Jedi were dumb and thought music was a frivolous waste of time. Extremely Mary Sue-esque, but not horrible. Until I read a bad Sailor Moon crossover, said, "Hey, why can't I bring in other characters in, too?", and proceeded to do so. With a wormhole. Real-life Earth people came over (who of course turned out to be Jedi) and I don't even remember WHO the bad guy was. It was SO BAD. I was 14 years old at the time, and I'm very much ashamed of ever writing it.
     
  5. leiamoody

    leiamoody Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 8, 2005
    [link=http://www.anothersky.net/pages/chapters/love-tokens-from-the-sea.php]This.[/link]

    The tragic outcome of a delusional and quite dim eighteen year old in the halcyon days of print zines. (And that's in addition to the 324 page wreck I've babbled on about elsewhere).
     
  6. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    I'm ashamed to say it, but my original draft of Shades of Gray was about a clone of Darth Vader that took over the mantle of Emperor after the Thrawn Trilogy. He initially created a clone to transfer his "soul" into a healthy body so he could kill the Emperor, but instead he died at Endor before he had the chance.

    When Anakin turned back to the light, his personality "split" and Vader was able to transfer himself to the clone body some years later. Due to the tissue sample that was cloned from the deformed Vader, the clone also was dependant upon the Vader "suit" (I know bad).

    As the New Republic finally exerts it's dominance over the dying Empire, Vader "discovers" the illigitimate son of Han Solo; Force-strong Vyyk Tharen. He takes Vyyk on as a Sith Apprentice due to his hatred for Han and especially Leia.

    If you can believe it, it pretty much went down hill from there, and after discovering the JC I decided it needed a major re-write if it was to be even remotely accepted here. Hence the current version of Shades of Gray which really contains no canon characters at all.

     
  7. SilSolo

    SilSolo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2004
    THe Final Battle. Just hate that fic. Hate it hate it kriffing hate it with a passion.

    The fourth Chapter of I, Allana

    Anakae

    Kiss 2

    Bridging Point

    And others that I'm too embarassed to name. If I catch you looking for any of these, I will personally have you skinned.
     
  8. KrystalBlaze

    KrystalBlaze Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2002
    [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_stories_classic_jc_board_reply_only/b10016/9790459/p1]This thing[/link]

    why oh why?

    There is no excuse for a fic like that.

    Honestly.

    I don't care.

    No excuse whatsoever.

    -Krystal
     
  9. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    I don't publish anything that I'm not happy with. There are horrible ones on my computer but they will never see the light of day... However, of all of them, this was the worst of the lot.

    [link=http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=7561716] The Bureaucrats are in Charge [/link]
     
  10. MariahJade2

    MariahJade2 Former Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Mar 18, 2001
    Good lord when I think back it's amazing how bad the first ones were. Written many years ago as a joke, and it's still funny, not for the story but because of the sheer awfulness, here ya go.

    http://www.geocities.com/sandy_julie/toomuch.txt

     
  11. Kelli_LB

    Kelli_LB Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2006
    My first fanfic ever was written when I was seventeen. It was for the show La Femme Nikita that aired on the USA network years ago. It was posted online, but it no longer exists anywhere (That's a very good thing!).

    The plot wasn't weird or anything like that, but it had a blatent Mary Sue and it was written very badly.

    Very soon after that I wrote a few Buffy fanfics with an even worse Mary Sue. Let's see if I remember everything (none of this will make any sense unless you've seen the show):

    Her name was Cassandra and she used to be a slayer before she became a vampire thus giving her the strength of both a vampire and a slayer when she was turned. She travelled around with Angel, Spike and Drusilla and was considered the leader of the group. She had killed four slayers in the past but gave it all up when her soul was restored. When she showed up to Sunnydale, Buffy was insanely jealous of her because of her past relationship with Angel and hated the fact that she could not beat her in a fight. Did I mention that she also owned The Bronze (the only club in Sunnydale)?

    Trust me people, it's a good thing that all of these fics seem to have disappeared online. Although, like I said on the other board, the military might find them useful. Send them to terrorists and they would immediately surrender.
    ;)

    It is because of my Mary Sue past that I'm very hesitant to write a female OC.
     
  12. Alley_Skywalker

    Alley_Skywalker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2005
    Worst fanfic ever? Are we talking the SW fandom only?

    My first fanfic ever which was a Lizzie McGuire fanfic (written when I was 12) was quite bad...

    SW wise...well my very first fanfic in the fandom (written the summer after ROTS came out) started out rather badly. Its on ff.net so I can't link to it but well trust me...
    It started out as a one-shot but then actually expanded on popular demand (weird that it even was any bit popular). Why was it so bad, especially in the beginning?:
    1. My vocabulary and descriptions were lagging to say the least.
    2. My OC was on a highway to a Mary Su
    3. I was really new to the fandom so I sorta screwed up Ani's characterization
    4. The plot wasn't exactly original.
    I sent it to my master for a beta...she told me to step away from the "pre-teen" plots.
     
  13. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    My worst one posted on line is From the Depths. This was in my "I hate all mainstream characters" phase where I came up with the most MarySueish characters I could possibly invent and then wrote their story in the context of something that the stupid profic authors never got around to explaining in profic. This one was about someone who got turned into a Lusankya agent, but got away with it. Not because she's skilled or devious or frames someone else, but because she's adorable and traumatized that she's a murderer.

    http://web.archive.org/web/20020115053025/www.fanfix.com/stories/rebel/ftd.txt
     
  14. RebelGrrl

    RebelGrrl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 13, 2006
    I don't so much have a confession of a horrid story as I do an over-the-top character. I don't remember most of the fanfic I wrote as an adolescent though I'm sure it's in a box somewhere. However, the character I played in a Star Wars West End rpg for years.

    She was a force-sensitive daughter of a pirate king. She had a twin brother and they had a falling out when their father died and he took over the organization. So she took off and became a bounty hunter. She ran into a Jedi-in-hiding who ran a bar, and they fell in love (teenaged sighs all around). He kept trying to get her to give up hunting and train, and she kept going out to get contracts. She came back one last time to discover the bar had been destroyed by the Empire and her lover was dead. So she joined the Rebellion as a starfighter pilot. And had a long torrid affair with Han Solo. :oops:

    For purposes of anonymity, just call her 'Meri Su'. o_O
     
  15. Aiden_Sanic

    Aiden_Sanic Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Once Upon a Time I wrote a fic about CLone Troopers and their many bloddy and glory battles throughout the Clone Wars.


    The Problem was, I never played the game Starwars Battle Front, or REPUBLIC Commando, or even read any of the clone wars books. SO I ended up having no idea what I was talking about and using names like CZ-X3 and things like that. Ugh. That was the worst fic I've ever posted, and I'm glad it's dead and gone. Long Gone.



    Another one was a 7-11 challenge where a couple of CLone Troopers held up a liquor store on Courascant.....yeah...it was bad.


    Others were fics that were good but I lost the enthusiasm for it. Like one with Cops and Criminals, and one with HK-47, and one with KOTOR, but alas those are long gone.


    YES! I have confessed! I am free of these forever!
     
  16. Earthknight

    Earthknight Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2002
    There was this one story I started writing that I was ashamed of. It was so bad I lost the link. It was called 'Galactic Agent'. It was because of that tale that I decided to take my time in writing a story. If I had the link to it, I'd show this piece of garbage off.
     
  17. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    I have some really awful smutty LOTR elf fics.
    Not posting the links.

    Nope.
     
  18. DarthSanctimonious

    DarthSanctimonious Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Sep 18, 2006
    My first story here was a humor viggie that involved Anakin Solo (as a Force ghost) getting into an absolutely ridiculous discussion with Leia, Legacy era. It was stupid because it was supposed to be stupid, but the embarassing part was that I edited it over twenty times after I posted it. :p
     
  19. Earthknight

    Earthknight Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2002
    Here it is. The worst story I've ever written:

    [link=http://boards.theforce.net/Beyond_the_Saga/b10477/18616743/]Galactic Agent #1:The Phantom[/link]

    I wish it could be erased. Seriously.
     
  20. Binder-lover

    Binder-lover Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 3, 2003
    Mine was my very first fic, Tell Me Everything. That was when I had no grasp of a precious thing called 'continuity'.
     
  21. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Well, what makes us special is the fact that we recognize what was bad about what we wrote, as opposed to the people I've been reading for my own amusement who make the same mistakes for 5 years because they think it's good writing.
     
  22. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005

    Careful there. This is a thread about our worst stories, not what makes us better than other writers.
     
  23. rebel_cheese

    rebel_cheese Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 6, 2006
    THe Final Battle. Just hate that fic. Hate it hate it kriffing hate it with a passion.

    And others that I'm too embarassed to name. If I catch you looking for any of these, I will personally have you skinned.


    I'm due for a major skinning then. :p It isn't as bad as you think, it's basically a well-intended, over-ambitious misfire . . .

    Sort of like The Lost Sword, which for some reason remains in my profile. While it's not 'bad' per se, I made some serious mistakes with that fic, and wrote it for the wrong reasons, to boot. It's almost a certainty that I will not return to it, at least in its current form.

    However, that's not the worst of the lot. Thankfully, I haven't posted my three real disasters anywhere . . . I don't even remember which files they're in . . . one was a SW post-DN with no sense of continuity and a rose-tinted view of Jacen's activities that's worse than Vince Flynn's view of the Pentagon . . . an Inuyasha fic with a Mary Sue-d Sango, and a Medal of Honor/Castle of Wolfenstein crossover that I'm embarrassed to even mention . . .
     
  24. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Sorry, oqi. By way of apology, here's another salacious piece of crap from my not-so-early years:

    [link=http://www.fanfiction.net/s/86788/1/]Deadly Sunrise[/link]
     
  25. Aiden_Sanic

    Aiden_Sanic Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2005
    I found it! My worst piece ever.



    [link=http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=20688547&brd=10476&replies=3]When CLones Attack[/link]


    The infamous 7-11 Challenge response.
     
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