FF:SA The Super-Honky Seinfeld Quotes thread.

Elaine' Stellllla!

Shrinkage

 

George: I am not giving you my code.
Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.
George: Yeah, right.
Kramer: Ah, all right, yeah... Let's see... Well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Let's go deeper... What kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptation.
George: uh...
Kramer: But what tempts you? You're a portly fellow. A bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no... Yours is a sweet tooth.
George: I gotta go.
Kramer: Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master... The cocoa bean! And only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you. If you could, you'd guzzle it by the gallon... Ovaltine!? Hershey!? Nestle Quick!?"
George: Shut up!

 

Kramer: It's a write off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I Don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Jerry: I wish I could have the last 20 seconds of my life back.

 

George: Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If I lose this "Frogger" high score, that's it for me.

 

Kramer: I'm hip man
Accountant: Hip to what?
Kramer: The bathroom scene.

 

His worthy but is he sponge worthy?

 

Elaine: "The big salad."

 

"NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

 

"fake ... fake ... fake ... fake"

 

Jerry: Broccoli? Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce!

 

Kramer: I just took a bath, Jerry. A bath!
Jerry: No good?
Kramer: It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me.

 

"Why would someone come from a pony country to a non-pony country? It just doesn't make sense!"

"His mudda was a mudda." "His mudda was a mudda?"

 

Riley: Hey George, the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp.
George Costanza: Yeah, well, the jerk store called, they're running out of you.

 

Kramer: Yeah, yeah, then all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay is gonna cost her her pinky toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?" I said, "Well, I got a little prize for ya, buddy" - I knocked him out cold!
George: How could you do that?!
Kramer: Then everybody is screamin,' because the driver, he's passed out from all the commotion...the bus is out of control! So, I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel and now I'm drivin' the bus.
George: You're Batman.
Kramer: Yeah. Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin' me! So I'm fightin' him off with one hand and I kept drivin' the bus with the other, y'know? Then I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door with my foot, you know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept makin' all the stops?
Kramer: Well, people kept ringin' the bell!

 

You know who I saw at the health club? Salmon Rushdie.

 

George: I was free and clear. I was living the dream. I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.

 

Jerry: Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
George: No, I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?

 

Elaine: It's just a movie.
Jerry: Just a movie? You don't understand. This isn't Plans One through Eight from Outer Space. This is Plan Nine! This is the one that worked. The worst movie ever made.

 

George: Listen, I know we've had our problems in the past, but we've got a show to do tonight. Pull together as a team. Life's too short. I say let's let bygones be bygones. If you took the raisins, if you didn't take the raisins. They weren't even my raisins. I was just curious because it seems like a strange thing to do, to walk into a room, audition, and walk out with a box of raisins. Anyway, whatever. If you ever want to tell me about it, the door to my office is always open. In the event that I get an office. You'll come in, we'll talk about the raisins, have a nice laugh.

TV Kramer: How'd you like it if I just pulled your heart out of your chest right now and shoved it down your throat?

 

Timmy: What are you doing?
George: What?
Timmy: Diddid you just double-dip that chip?
George: Excuse me?
Timmy: You double-dipped the chip!
George: Double-dipped? What are you talking about?
Timmy: You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again.
George: So?
Timmy: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it!