Saga The True Tale of Anakin's Scar -Dare Challenge 2011 fic

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by TheMacUnleashed, Apr 14, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. TheMacUnleashed

    TheMacUnleashed Jedi Knight star 4

    Feb 2, 2009
    Title: The True Tale of Anakin's Scar (AKA, "Asajj Ventress!")
    Author: TheMacUnleashed
    Rating: G/K
    Summary: Anakin tells the tale of his battle against Asajj Ventress. There is dancing and music.
    Notes: Written for the 2011 Dare Challenge; my dare was quite lengthy, so I've posted it at the end. I apologize in advance: I'm not a big moviegoer, so alas, I am not too familiar with Bollywood...

    ?Padmé! There?s someone here to see you!?

    Padmé spun around, a hand clutched to her bosom as her hair fluttered out around her, caught like a sea of brown butterflies swimming through the breeze on Naboo. ?Me, Ellé, Moteé? I, Dormé? Who could want to visit me here, in my own private lake house??

    ?I would.? Anakin Skywalker stepped from behind her closest friend, who also happened to be her maid. ?If you would like to be visited???

    ?Anakin! Of course I?d like to be visited by you!? She ran to embrace him, but stopped just short as she noticed, to her shock, that something had marred his innocent, angelic face: a violent, not-quite-scarred-over burn ran over his cerulean eye, giving him a dark, fierce look. Horrified, she demanded to know, ?What happened to you? Who did this?? She knew that his hand had been cut off, of course ?that was hard to miss?but she had thought him far too vain to even consider letting a lightsaber near what she, and he, perceived as his shockingly beautiful face.

    She reached up and carefully pressed a pale, trembling hand to him, tracing it over the mark that crossed from his eyebrow to his cheekbone. Of course, there was little that could cause the dashing Jedi to look truly unattractive ?really, over time it would probably only accent his finely sculpted cranium?but it terrified her to imagine that someone or something could get close enough to leave such a mark. Since the hand incident, she though he?d gotten rather better at dueling.

    Anakin stepped back and clutched her fingers with his mechanical ones.

    ?Let me tell you the noble tale,
    of my heroic deeds that I fought to much avail,
    For the price of a scar,
    I battled on a planet quite far,
    The evil Temptress,
    The one, the only ?Asajj Ventress!?

    Padmé?s handmaidens gasped in unison. ?Asajj Ventress??

    ?Yes!? Anakin drew his saber, and held it poised, unpowered.

    ?In a city late one night
    I wasn't look for a fight
    Or a bald, old sorceress
    But I found one in-"

    "-Asajj Ventress!" cried Dormé, Sabé, and Moteé. In unison, they pulled off the shapeless, cream-colored robes that had been covering them to reveal sparkly, fringed numbers beneath. They pulled the ties off of their hair and let the three sets of brown locks flow with passion down their backs. Padmé, caught in the heat of the moment, swept her own overcoat off to reveal the simple white robe she had draped on beneath. It was much more suitable for the warm weather anyway. It was the warm season of Naboo, when flowers could be mistaken for cheap costume jewelry as they dotted the landscape; when trees sprouted forth leaves of an obscenely bright shade of green.

    Anakin spun around and dashed down the hall to the open door, Padmé gracefully following on his trail. Her handmaidens leapt along behind her, their steps longer than gazelle?s.

    Anakin drew his lightsaber and began to dance about the shore of the lake, feigning strikes at imaginary foes. Padmé ducked and leaped at appropriate moments, moving in time with Anakin.

    "And when I heard of her plot,
    I drew my saber and we fought.
    And it was long and dark and hard,
    As with strikes I did bombard,
    The horror-film holo-film actress-"

    "Asajj Ventress!"

    Anakin dove into the sparkling water that stretched out from the tree-lined horizon. Padmé dashed after him, her long white dress trailing in her wake.

    "O'er the rooftops we ran with haste
    There was not a second to waste
    We had to parry, thrust--thrust--thrust!"

    He stabbed his lightsaber forwards as he spoke, punctuating the last three words.

    "I made it clear, my great disgust,
    At her Sithly, evil ways,
    And the price she'd have to pay!
    So co>
    Ewok Poet and Findswoman like this.
  2. JediMara77

    JediMara77 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 5, 2004
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    That was fantastic.
  3. MiralukaJedi

    MiralukaJedi Jedi Knight star 4

    May 15, 2008
    I second that! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  4. FelsGoddess

    FelsGoddess Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Sep 5, 2004

    That was awesome!

  5. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]great response
  6. Luna_Nightshade

    Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jan 25, 2006

    This was amazing.

  7. Raxacoricofallapatorius

    Raxacoricofallapatorius Jedi Knight star 1

    Sep 20, 2010
    [face_laugh] Wow! This was amusing and melodramatic at the same time. I love how the handmaidens were dancing with him, adding that extra detail. I've never heard of Bollywood, but the dare at the bottom explained it a bit.
    Wonderful job on a difficult dare!
  8. Briannakin

    Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic & Costuming/Props Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 25, 2010

    That was hilarious. I've only seen one Bollywood film in my life, so I'm no expert, but I think you got the genre down pat!

  9. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jun 28, 2002
    I hate to jump on the laugh train but...

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]


    You did such a fabulous job with this crazy, nutso dare! Wow... Never having seen Boolywood, or really having heard of the genre (yes, I live in a cave) I have to say that this was fantastically random - and yet oh so appropriate lol!


    Excellent job :D
  10. TheMacUnleashed

    TheMacUnleashed Jedi Knight star 4

    Feb 2, 2009
    JediMara77: Thank you! :D

    MiralukaJedi: Glad you enjoyed it. :)

    FelsGoddess: Thanks for commenting! [face_peace]

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks! [face_dancing]

    Luna_Nightshade: That's very kind; thanks so much!

    Cade_Cryocharger: Thank you! This definitely was difficult to write, so I'm glad you thought it turned out well.

    Briannakin: I'm heartened to hear that! As I said, I'm very unfamiliar with Bollywood myself -your one movie is probably more than I've seen.

    Jade_Max: Oh, I don't mind the "laugh train" at all; I find it rather flattering. :p Thank you for reviewing!
  11. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 26, 2005

    That was brilliant!

    Just picturing the elaborate song and dance had me holding my sides.

    Fabulous response to the challenge

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  12. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    You know, Anakin should have realized there is "No life without wife!" I'm sorry, "My mother can be a little grub." Kateydidnt adds that "Not a bad sumup of Bollywood. Oddly enough, most of this does seem to have come out of Bollywood in general. It made me snicker a lot. (And if anyone is confused, No life without wife is from Bride and Prejudice and "My mother cna be a little grub" is how they caption "My mother can be a little abrupt" from the same movie.)
    Jedi Knight Fett likes this.
  13. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Sep 10, 2005
    That was made of WIN!

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] So hilarious and a good SW rendition of Balliwood!

    I loved the song!! It was awesome!

    Awesome job with a difficult dare! =D=
  14. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    Awesome! [face_laugh] =D=
  15. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008

    First, sorry. [face_whistling] Second, thank you! :D

    It makes me giddy to see my dare realized in fiction, especially after what you did with it. The sap of it all was unbearably amazing. For not ever having seen Bollywood before, you did an amazing job capturing the over-acted-ness of it in prose. Fanfasticaly well-done!
  16. TheMacUnleashed

    TheMacUnleashed Jedi Knight star 4

    Feb 2, 2009
    KELIA: Thank you! I'm gladdened to hear that it made you laugh.

    DarthIshtar: "No life without wife!" does sum up Anakin very well. :p Thanks for commenting!

    mavjade: Thanks! [:D]

    VaderLVR64: Thank you for reviewing! [face_dancing]

    SoA: So it was YOU who tasked me to write this! :mad:

    No, really --this was an awesome dare, and it got me writing again. Thanks for submitting it, and thank you for the kind words!
  17. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    What a fantastic response! It really demands a fan film, though the prose is fantastically cheezy and melodramatic. Well done with this crazy, crazy challenge! :D =D=
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.