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Before - Legends The Twenty-Third Sub-Basement- a Ridiculously Specific KOTOR/Thursday Next crossover (UPDATE 1/16)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Commander-DWH, Nov 7, 2005.

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  1. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    So, if you're familiar with Jasper Fforde's writing, this should have no need of explanation. If you're not, well... I highly reccommend it, for he is brilliant.

    I don't know of any way to explain his universe, besides to state that fictional characters have lives outside of their stories that readers never really see. Just keep that in mind, and everything should make a marginal amount of sense. :)

    Title: The Twenty-Third Sub-Basement
    Author: DWH
    Genre: Crossover
    Timeframe: Sporadic, largely KOTOR
    Characters: Leiraya Moran, Thursday Next, and a small army of Anakin Skywalkers
    Summary: An illicit Mysterious Handwritten Letter plot device is found in a pre-Mandalorian Wars fanfic, and as the Jurisfiction Prose Resource Operative in charge of KOTOR fics, Leiraya Moran must discover who let this plot device (with a Twisted Sense of Humour, no less) loose in the Star Wars quarter.
    Notes: For the Ridiculously Specific Challenge #7; Thursday Next, the Well of Lost Plots, and all related items are property of Jasper Fforde.

    ***
    Hey, my name is Leiraya Moran. A few of you may know me from The Blue Side of the Force, my home story. I get around in a few others within the continuity, too. But that’s just my job- staying in the story, playing the part, making sure that it’s the same every time you read it. I do it in my own story, and as a member of Jurisfiction, I make sure everyone else keeps the rules.

    Jurisfiction would probably seem like an odd sort of organization, so I’ll give y’all a quick outline- in the Outland, the Literary Detectives make sure that nobody harms original copies of books so as to change the narrative. Well, Jurisfiction is a lot like that, except on the inside. We are the characters that live in the books, both published and unpublished, and even BookWorld needs its police.

    I work in the Well of Lost Plots, twenty-third sub-basement. Home of all fan fiction. A veritable festering pit of grammasites, with the mispeling vyrus reaching epidemic proportions. It’s a tough patrol, but it’s my home. My watch is the Knights of the Old Republic era, 4,000 years before 90% of all Star Wars fans are aware that anything notable happened. If that many. But that’s okay, it makes my job somewhat easier. Somewhat. It at least limits the craziness a tiny bit.

    I’m sure you’re ready to leave this introduction, though, so let’s move along…

    * * *

    Living in a story is an interesting sort of existence, if you stop to think about it. Someday, I’d like to spend some time in the Outland to compare, but for now I’ll have to continue with my job at Jurisfiction and acting out my stories.

    The day of interest was one of the days when I was acting out Tell Me a Story, a short and rather absurd piece that’s interesting enough to avoid being broken down into text, but for all intents and purposes… it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. People and places that didn’t belong, and bits that I know don’t quite fit continuity, but hey, it’s cute. And worse stories than this one have been spared destruction due to the ‘cute’ factor.

    But mommy didn’t die!” Bryce interjected indignantly.

    Yes, son, I know that.” Carth smiled sadly. “But I didn’t know that then.”

    Suddenly, a new voice came from behind them. “Are you telling him that horrid story?”

    Whipping his head around, he saw Leiraya standing in the doorway, looking somewhat less than pleased. “I… uh… he asked me to?”

    Kicking the door stop out of the way, she entered the room and sat in the chair across from Carth and Bryce. “And that’s supposed to let you off the hook?” She narrowed her eyes. “That’s a scary story for a four-year-old to hear before bedtime.”

    I’m brave!” Bryce piped in. “The waitress who cleaned up after I spit up the guunga fruit said so!” Seeing that his mother was less than convinced, he hastily added, “I asked for Pirates of Penzance first.”

    And I don’t know that one,” Carth explained. “Is that some Corellian thing?”

    Ignoring him, Leiraya sighed. “Do you want me to tell you Pirates of Penzance?”

    Nuh-uh.” Bryce shook his head violently. “I wanna know what happened when daddy got you in trouble.”

    I did not- hey, what are you doing in here?”

    The narration suddenly dropped as Arden Moore, more commonly known as the Exile (and one among many, at that), dropped into the middle of the scene. I raised a rather confused eyebrow at her, and she extended an envelope towards me.

    “What’s this?”

    “I found this when I was visiting a friend in a KOTOR prequel fic.”

    I opened the envelope, and inside was a cutout of the aurebesh character dorn. On it was scrawled a cryptic message, no signature. “What’s this doing in the Star Wars quarter?”

    “There’s a couple of options,” Arden ticked them off on her fingers. “First, it could be an illicit plot device, seeing as it lacks the seal from the Council of Genres. Second, it could have been dropped by a Pagerunner. Third, and perhaps most likely, someone is hitting the fic in question with a Twisted Sense of Humour.”

    I wrinkled my nose. I often found myself in fics running rampant with Twisted Sense of Humour, but it was largely harmless. Still, if the possibility of a Pagerunner or illicit plot devices existed, I had to check it out. “Bryce, Carth, are you okay for a while without me?”

    “Sure thing,” Carth stretched and yawned. “Maybe I’ll go and take that nap I was thinking about.”

    “I can stand in for you while you’re out, if you need,” Arden offered. “It looks like your little Padawan there can use as many people around as possible for a while.”

    Bryce pouted. “I’m not scared.”

    “So why are you hugging that Ewok like your life depends upon it?”

    “’Cause… ‘cause I like it,” Bryce stammered rather unconvincingly.

    “I’d be grateful if you’d stay a while,” I replied with a grin and started searching for my shoes. Stupid things are never around when I want them, since I never wear them in my stories. But it doesn’t take long to figure out that walking around in the Well without shoes is just not a smart idea. After rifling around for several minutes, finding nothing, I sighed and settled on jumping into another fic, one that happened to have a supply shop, and I procured a pair of somewhat industrial-looking boots to wear about. They looked ridiculous with my ever-present hippie-like clothing, but there was nothing to be done about it.

    From there I entered the twenty-third sub-basement, the hub of activity for characters throughout all eras and fandoms. A handful of Harry Potter clones ran past me, heading straight for a Cheap Plot Device stand. Making my way through the crowd, I had to step over several gizka, push past at least ten Clark Kents, and try my best to avoid the ten million Anakin Skywalkers that seemed to be roaming around, either starry-eyed in love with one of the many Padmes, or about ready to go on a murderous rampage. It’s not my job to keep the Anakin brigade in line; that falls to Elan and Maz. They mostly do a good job at it, too, but they’ve been overwhelmed recently.

    “Hand-woven shawl, flowing skirt, and combat boots- it must be Leiraya Moran.”

    I whirled around and saw Telanis, a D’ni character from a Myst/Star Wars crossover that never got off the ground. Grinning, I stepped forward and gave him a hug. “What brings you to the twenty-third sub-basement?”

    “Oh, the usual,” he shrugged. “Looking for something to get the story going, thought maybe I could find a Cheap Plot Device stand operating somewhere in here.”

    I jerked my thumb back in the direction I’d just come from. “I saw a small horde of Harry Potters heading towards one over there.”

    “Ah, thank you. You always were the helpful one.”

    “Speaking of which, maybe you can be helpful.” I pulled the envelope containing the letter. “Any ideas where one might procure one of these?”

    Telanis peered closely at the envelope. “Someone has a Twisted Sense of Humour, it looks like.”

    “I’d gathered that much.”

    “Well, you can obviously limit your search to the Star Wars sellers, seeing as Smallville fan fiction has very little call for Aurebesh characters. However, the workmanship is quite nice on this one, hard to find this kind of quality these days.” He squinted his eyes and held it up to the light. “You can skip over the cutrate Plot Device stands, certainly.”

    “Are we talking quality on the level of the Coalition of Bao-dur Generics?”

    “Yes, I imagine so.” He handed the letter back to me. “There’s at least one like it for every era, too. The young Anakin Skywalkers have a nice shop, themselves.”

    I rolled my eyes. “I don’t even want to hear about Anakin Skywalker. A year from now, the hype will have died down, and we’ll be stuck with all these Anakin generics, and nothing to do with them. It’ll be just like that maid from Rebecca that the Great Library has far too many of.”

    “Well, they’ll be put to work like any other generic, I imagine.” Telanis shifted his glasses and smiled. “Don’t worry about problems that have yet to come, they’ll sort themselves out in due course.”

    “True enough.” I sighed. “I suppose I ought to start poking around, then.”

    I bid him farewell and watched as he ambled off in the general direction of the Cheap Plot Device stand. I wasn’t quite sure where to start my search, but I needed a base of operations that wasn’t one of my stories. I eventually found a decently written Pride and Prejudice fanfic, where I was able to secure an unused room from two very sweet old ladies running a quaint bed and breakfast that Lizzie and Mr. Darcy wouldn’t be visiting for five more chapters at least. It was small, but comfortable. The fireplace blazed consistently, and a small cat invaded, curling up on my rug. I didn’t object, seeing as it was probably just trying to warm itself.

    My search would probably start with the Bao-dur Generics, just to get a feel for what I was working with. I knew they were excellent plotsmiths, so they’d be able to spot a well-made plot device much more easily than I. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to get some rest before then. I shut my room’s door, which caused it to squeak loudly, waking the cat. It looked at me spitefully, but didn’t bother to move. It simply curled back up and went back to sleep.

    Stretching and yawning, I decided sleep might be a good thing for me to do, as well. I removed the bulky boots, pulled a nightgown out of the cabinet in the corner, and crawled under the covers, having little worry about anything happening.


    In fiction, problems can always wait ‘til the next chapter.
     
  2. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    This is brilliant!
    =D= I love the idea!

    A handful of Harry Potter clones ran past me, heading straight for a Cheap Plot Device stand. Making my way through the crowd, I had to step over several gizka, push past at least ten Clark Kents, and try my best to avoid the ten million Anakin Skywalkers that seemed to be roaming around, either starry-eyed in love with one of the many Padmes, or about ready to go on a murderous rampage. It?s not my job to keep the Anakin brigade in line; that falls to Elan and Maz. They mostly do a good job at it, too, but they?ve been overwhelmed recently.

    The Harry Potter clones headed to the cheap plot device stand made me snarf merlot. Thankfully I wasn't dressed for the opera or supermarket or you'd owe me drycleaning.

    two very sweet old ladies running a quaint bed and breakfast that Lizzie and Mr. Darcy wouldn?t be visiting for five more chapters at least. Ha! You ever notice all P&P fic reads like Bridgette Jones's Diary?

    This is going to be fun.
    I wanna play.

    =D=

     
  3. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    What a delightfully original and creative fic. [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
     
  4. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Priceless! Absolutely priceless! [face_laugh] =D=
     
  5. kotorchick

    kotorchick Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2005
    I watn to know where you get these ideas! They are AMAZING.

    The Harry Potter thing was impressive, and the Anakin thing. I'm sorry, but the cheap plot device stand is pricelss. Pleas tell me this will be a dual poster or osmething. Though,I don't quite get the letter or the Bao-Dur Genetics thing.
     
  6. Fluff-Slayer

    Fluff-Slayer Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    *Giggles hopelessly*

    I opened the envelope, and inside was a cutout of the aurebesh character dorn. On it was scrawled a cryptic message, no signature. A classic Mysterious Handwritten Letter plot device, though with a bizarre twist. ?What?s this doing in the Star Wars quarter??

    That was my question too. [face_laugh]

    It'll be very interesting to see where you take this one. *Giggle* Ah... what I wouldn't give to take a three-day trip to that mind of yours.

    Update soon (kthnxbai!!!1oneone!!1).

    >>Forgive me. Always wanted to say that.<<
     
  7. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    To everyone who replied to this halfway through last semester, before I nearly lost my sanity, I thank you for reading and enjoying, and my profuse apologies for not updating this sooner.

    To everyone who nominated thsi for Best Crossover, I think I may have to hug you and love you forever. I get really attached to the most random stories, and this is one of them. Even if it is one really obscure thing crossed over with another. :p

    I've been working on this update for a while, so I hope it lives up to the fun that is Jasper Fforde-y goodness.

    Part II


    I woke in the middle of the night to the sound of retreating footsteps and dripping water. That wasn’t right. I carefully climbed out of bed, slipping into my boots. If there was one thing that didn’t belong in a Pride and Prejudice fic, it was mysterious noises in the middle of the night. Very improper. Of course, it could be one of those fics based on that horrific movie that had just been released in the Outland. I recalled the way Mr. Bingley had reacted. However jovial he may be in the story, it’s best not to cross him in BookWorld, and he was appalled when he heard what had happened. It took a firm lecture from the Bellman himself to keep him from doing something rash- I think he planned on recruiting Emperor Zhark to do some damage.

    A branch scratched on the window, and I suddenly caught the smell of rotting flesh and fresh blood. Now, that was most certainly not right. Neither of those things belonged- there hadn’t been any trees close enough to the window to be able to scratch it before I went to sleep, and those smells did not belong, I don’t care what was in that movie. Someone had written those smells into the narrative- we as fictional people can’t actually smell things unless the story tells us we do.

    I finished throwing my clothes on and crept over to the window. I could see the moon slowly vanishing behind the distant trees, but no trees up close.

    Actually, scratch that. Seconds later, I yelped as a tree popped up menacingly before my window, and I scrambled back before its branch completely smashed through my window.

    “What is going on?” I half-yelled, not really expecting anyone to hear. Well, except for maybe the tree, which appeared to be an escapee from a Lord of the Rings fic. Normal PROs deal with walking trees fairly regularly- the Birnam Wood plot device has been a classic since Macbeth- but this particular tree had more of the appearance of an Angry Entwife than anything else.

    Don’t get me started on the Angry Entwives.

    Wasting no time, I ran out the door. One thing was clear, I was not safe there anymore. Tearing down the hallway, I turned sharply into the parlour, then quickly found the door. I raced out-

    -only to discover that now, in place of a sidewalk, was a dark, smooth body of water.

    Completely not fair. “Why me?” I asked to no one in particular, but wasn’t given much time to answer. I could hear the Angry Entwife making her way around, and I couldn’t stay on the doorstep. There was only one solution, and nothing to be done about it. I reluctantly kicked off my boots, jumped into the water, ran out as far as I could until it was too difficult to run, and then started swimming as fast as I could.


    The water was cold, but I’ve been in worse. I could see the other side not too far off, so I pushed ahead through the misty night. It was little more than five minutes before I reached land, by that point quite cold and wondering where to go. There looked to be a town in the distance, so I started hiking in that direction. Chilled by the cool night air, I hugged myself tight and wished fervently for a blanket, or a fire, or something warm.
     
  8. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2005
    This is just too cool. You have done a great job here.
    PS... Congrats on your nom. Well deserved. **Bows respectfully**

    Cheers,
    Wyo
     
  9. amidalachick

    amidalachick Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    This is hilarious! [face_laugh]

    I love the concept of characters having a life outside their stories. But poor Leiraya, having to visit the Anakin Skywalkers. I can't wait to see how that goes. :D

    And congratulations on the nom! This story definitely deserves it! =D=
     
  10. Fluff-Slayer

    Fluff-Slayer Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    I love you.

    Fantastic. Hysterical. And yet, you've managed to keep up the mystery feel of it. Impossible to say how. [face_laugh]

    Funny. And so was the part with the Anakin Skywalkers, and the "This is no low-end plot device" line...

    Is it possible to die of laughter-related oxygen deprivation?

    Hope not. [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    And yes, congrats on the nom!
     
  11. JediTristan

    JediTristan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2004
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Excuse me, WHAaaAATT?

    This is what I get for daring the Before.

    Man!

    My lit-senses are tingling!

    What a fabulous idea you have here! I happen to be a fan of Jasper Fforde and KoToR, so this is wonderful.

    What is also wonderful is the spot-on emulation of Thursday's first person wisecracking and determination.

    Excellent stuff, and I cannot wait to see more.

    Thanks for making my day!

    ~Tris
     
  12. padawanlissa

    padawanlissa Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2005
    I love that=D==D=
     
  13. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    [face_laugh] This is great! What more can I say? Absolutely wonderful!!!

    ?What is going on?? I half-yelled, not really expecting anyone to hear. Well, except for maybe the tree, which appeared to be an escapee from a Lord of the Rings fic. Normal PROs deal with walking trees fairly regularly- the Birnam Wood plot device has been a classic since Macbeth- but this particular tree had more of the appearance of an Angry Entwife than anything else.

    Don?t get me started on the Angry Entwives.


    Damn Entwives. Don't they know the Ents are looking for them. [face_plain]



    A shower, but not in Chapter III =D=

    What a fun jaunt through Leiraya's Jurisfiction!
    More, more!!!
     
  14. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    First of all, thanks for the support on the nom. Even if I don't win, I know I'll still feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You guys rock!

    WyoJedi:
    You think this is funny, you should read the books it's based on. :p

    amidalachick:
    This was a crossover too fabulous to resist, even though I'm usually against crossing things over. I'm glad you're enjoying the bizarre sense of humour. :)

    Fluffmeister: You're not allowed to die, what would happen to the RSC? Unacceptable! :D

    JediTristan: You've read Jasper Fforde! :eek: That just gained you so many coolness points. I'm glad you enjoyed it and could appreciate the humour- I was afraid nobody else around here would get it, but I'm happy to have been proven wrong.

    padawanlissa: Glad you enjoyed. :D

    oqi: I know, the Entwives are so inconsiderate. And apparently very angry. :p Hopefully, more will come relatively soon.
     
  15. princess_of_naboo

    princess_of_naboo Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2000
    Wow, I've never known anyone else who loves (or has even hear of) the Thursday Next series before.

    I love all of Jasper Fforde's books, so this story you have here is just great. You've done a wonderful job with using the Thursday Next universe. Bravo.

    Could you PM me when you update this story? I don't want to miss the ending.
     
  16. Darth_Whatsername

    Darth_Whatsername Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 8, 2005
    I just stumbled across this while searching for KOTOR fics and had to read it. I'm thoroughly enjoying what you've written. The Well of Lost Plots was possibly my favorite book in the Thursday Next series and you've captured Jurisfiction and the WoLP perfectly. Fantastic job so far. I'd love to read more. KOTOR and Thursday Next is certainly not a combination I'd have thought of but it works on so many levels.
     
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