The UK FF Battle Royale

<Screams> Am I all alone on the battlefield??! Where have you cowards gone? Witch, if this is one of your tricks to bear me down it aint working

<Running along blindly he stumbles over a rock to find... Poodu>

Aha I am not alone

<starts beating into him>

 

-- suddenly begins waving her hand back and forth in front her nose --

Whew! Arun-pig, shame on you that was disgusting!

 

//pitying the humans

Sad...so sad...

Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side. You will pay the price for your lack of vision.

Arun-pig...behave or I'll have to take you home!

 

Your over confidence is your weakness...sith

 

*Stands up and Addresses Minxy*

Twas me, Rat-girl! Whatcha gonna do? I is got me a hankerin' for some bacon!

*Lines up crosshairs on the Gittes improved AK-47 (Improvements include nuclear arsenal capability) and lets fly at Gav and Minx*

Die Fluckers! You'll be picking your arms up with your teeth after this bad boy is done!

*Looks around for TC.*

Medic...Man Down! Man Down! We're gonna chopper 'im in.....

*Gittes breaks off as 'Nam flashback kicks in*

 

*uses his Jedi skills to project an image of helicopter gunships coming for Gittes to the Ride of the Valkyries...*

 

//smiling wickedly

Gooood. Use your aggresive feelings...let the hate flow through you...

 

*Poodu, whilst sustaining a heavy beating from the furious fists of Gav, manages to pick up the small rock he was hiding under and jam it into Gav's groin*

You seemed to like that yesterday, boyo!

*Poodu legs it to find another small rock*

 

Gav, you were unwise to lower your defences.

 

* pulls a rather ticked-off skunk out of her duffle bag and throws it at CA, hitting him in the face -- the stench causes him to lose concentration *

 

Saigon.....Still in Saigon...(best Martin Sheen voice ever)

*Snaps out of it.*

Bah! I decry your attempts CA...I didn't watch my friends die face down in the mud....etc etc

*Pulls out HMS Invincible and opens it's enitre arsenal on anyone in the vicinity*

Face the wrath of my Battleship losers!

*Aims propellors for Arun-pig, trying to entice him with bits of **** and leftovers...*

 

*TC whistles and two beautifully crafted astro droids roll over the hill*

Why, tis our good friends Jeeves and Nicknack
*tc says in CBBC voiceover stylee*
And what do they have with them? The medic tent -Good.

*tc waives his hand as Nick Nack starts putting the tent up.
Jeeves gets down to his usual, more intricate, work - in order to aid the fallen of the battle*

 

*goes face down in the mud. Spits mud out of his mouth, and swears vile revenge on Soggy*

 

<high voice> I AM SO GONNA KILL YOU FER THAT SAM!!!

<uses psi powers to hunt him down>

 

Nam! So...you had friends in Nam. Your feelings have now betrayed them, too. The President was wise to hide them from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the dark side, then perhaps they will.

Yes...you thought they were dead...

YOU THOUGHT WRONG!

 

*Gittes downs arms and runs for the medic tent*

Ahh...the heady aroma of da funk....Now this really DOES remind of 'Nam

*Everyone carries on the ruck oblivious to Gittes' inane war stories*

.....And anyway, this Gook comes over the hill, armed to the teeth and with a back-up squad of forty rhino's....a few kung-fu moves later - it was all over.....

Anyone want to come aboard the HMS? Tea-break?

 

*On the brow of the hill appear a band of grossly mutated, living-dead Vietnam dressed warriors...*

 

//BOOMING VOICE

I AM THE WOMAN OF THE FOREST.

BOW DOWN TO ME!

 

* looks at her watch and decides it's the perfect time to go to bed *

Bye everyone, have fun.

 

Bye Soggs...take care

*Poodu hurls a small stone at Gav's back and disappears down his Gook-hole*

 

S'later Soggy.....*Shoots her point blank in the head as soon as her back is turned*

It was Gav!

*Waits for idjuts to enter the battlecruiser so he can blow the flucker out the water, proving just how ironic the name Invincible is for a battleship...*

 

<Fires a few vollies at Soggs before she gets of the field but they oly hit her leg>

Damn that woman

<Nips into tent for a quick smoke (a regular one)>

 

As everyone waves/fires goodbye to Soggs, Poodu leaps from his Gook-hole and lays down the chasers of death with his Bren gun.
Seeing that the medi-tent has fallen in on itself and the gang lie wounded and wailing, Poodu scrambles to the safety of his warren*

 

*Gets bored of waiting so blows the ship to pieces anyhow. Satisfied to see some shrapnel cut into Arun-pig's gut and produce some nice cuts of streaky*

Ha ha! Minxy - I laugh at your skills. My Nam buddies would never turn on me....I didnt shoot 'em....well...apart from Billy....and Corky....Ginger, Spot and Johnny.....

*Grabs Sherman Tank and starts to launch salvo after salvo at Minxy*

 

<attaches arm back to body and attempts to mind wipe Poods - only to find there's nothing there to wipe>

Bah!!!

<Tries to sneak up on The Witch, while grabbing some nice buts of bacon from Arun-pigs injuries>