The UK FF Battle Royale

* hobbling on her wooden legs back to town, she suddenly feels severe head pain *

Darn, not another migraine coming on!

 

//standing and pointing fingers at Gittes and Gav

Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.

//force lightening zapps them


MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

*Deflects the lightning using his nuts*

Ha! How much scorn need I pur on lighting when my testicles can handle the blast?!

*Pulls out specially calibrated elastic band and paper dart. Takes careful aim at Minxy's breasts and let's fly*

S'later Nipples methinks!

 

Is that all you can manage?

<Produces some nicely cooked bacon that The Witch fried with her lightning>

Yummy!

<Starts psionically attacking The Witch's mind>

 

Wow! Just had a call from me old man saying I'd got a letter from the Cops...apparently being charged with Driving without due care and attention and driving away from the scene of an accident in Brixham....and I've never been to Brixham!!! LOL

 

OMG Poods what are you gonna do?

<still concentrating on breaking the Witch's mind>

 

Where's Brixham?

 

*Feigns Concern*

Really Poods...lets have a look...

*Gets closer to Poods and decides instead to smash him in the face with a club hammer*

I apologies profusely...Muscle spasm....

*Leaves Poods reflecting over his broken face and life of crime and goes looking for me people to maim*

 

Gittes! You think I dont have Nipple Protection? Titanium Nipple Guards fashioned by the hands of dwarves on the fair Isle of Man.

//pushing nips forward

Do your worst...

Gav! You think I dont have protection against your feeble mind games? I'm half toydarian. Jedi Mind Tricks dont work on me...only money...

 

Who said they were Jedi tricks?! It's the pwer of the Phoenix that runs through me!

 

When I was in college my friends's brother got arrested for kerb crawling. In his panic, the little ***t gave my name and address to the cops. Luckily I was in New York at the time so I was not in trouble. Still my parents didn't realise that when the letter came and I was in deep until they realised.

<whilst evryone was listening to OAC his army of zombies came and devoured the Sith Witch's arms off.>

Hah, no more forcelightning. Gav, anymore bacon? I want a sandwich now.

 

Here you go OAC

<Starts throwing 1 and 2p coins at Cass>

 

LOL! Nah..it's a false alarm..I was at work all day then went to Exmouth to play snooker...some dickwad decided to take a registration plate quickly and musta got it wrong...apparently they had about five options for a dark blue/black Peugeot 306 that were on or near the reg. plate and mine was closest fit. I just gotta send the form back and say "Sorry guvnor, wasn't there that night and these are me alibis" type thing...

*Poodu rips broken bone from his nasal cavity and thrusts it into Gittes' eye-socket, between the bone and the porcelian, reaching well back to sever the optical nerve and pierce the brain pan*

 

Goddam those pesky Nipple guards!

*Gittes retreats to pick new strategy*

*quickly disguises himself as an innocent looking German tourist. Keeps Luger in pocket*

Ja Fine...How is this weather on the beach? I need Towels to maintain my Teutonic right to bathe first etc Kraftwerk etc

*Slowly works his way towards others with A-Z London map in one hand, lederhosen in the other (Spare pair in case of mishaps..)

 

MUWAAHAHAHAHAHA

//Grows arms back again

Your feeble attempts to vanquish me wont work

 

I is off...speak to yous tomorrow...

 

Take Care Poods...

<starts throwing stars at him as he exits the field>

 

I'm off too - gonna have a DVD-fest tonight I think, though I might pop babck online later on tonight... don't get to hurt

 

Ja Ja Fine Ja...

*Gittes hopes his grasp of German, based solely on porn films, doesn't let him down*

Utten Zie Bieter..Heinz Meanz Beanz...
*Pulls out Buffalo Gun and blast Pood's legs clean off at the knees*

Walk home now muthaflucker!..I mean...Valk Home NOW Mamaflucker!

ED: *Discards Gun and pulls out boomerang with explosives. Lobs it at retreating Gav and has the satisfaction of seeing his head come off*

Victory is mine! Gittes is lord of all he surveys....now bring on the naked chicks...

 

*brings on the naked chicks*

 

Are you hiding behind them or is there a purpose?

 

I just like looking at bottoms.

 

I like looking at front bottoms.....or birds bent over.....or (this has been edited for length)

 

and kinkiness, I'm sure.

 

The world would be a very sorry place sans kinkiness Worm....there's plenty of time to be prudish when you're 70 and can't get it up anyway!