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Before - Legends The Unchosen (Qui/Obi AU) note from the author 4/9

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by maychorian, Jun 2, 2005.

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  1. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Oh, I loved Qui-Gon's reaction at the end of the post. [face_love] That was beautiful, may, as all your offerings are. :)
     
  2. Qui-Gina-Jinn

    Qui-Gina-Jinn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2003
    :eek: - Obi's gone missing??!!
    That's not good.
    Poor boy :_|
     
  3. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    It's not looking good for poor Obi-Wan
     
  4. Seven

    Seven Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2000
    This is very nice! I can't wait for more!

    Seven
     
  5. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2000
    Sorry to hear about your great-granddad.



    There is something extra Qui-Gon about this non-Jedi version. He has to find Obi.
     
  6. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 30, 1999
    Oh, poor Obi-Wan! :( I'm glad Qui noticed how miserable the dear child is, he needs someone to care about him, since none of the other Jedi did. Grr! I hope Obi only ran away and wasn't kidnapped or anything bad like that. Go find him Qui, you're his only hope!
    Beautiful story, Maychorian, can't wait for more!
     
  7. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004

    It never looks good for poor Obi-wan :_|

    But that what we all like Obi angst[face_devil]



     
  8. sheleigh

    sheleigh Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 31, 2002
    He's gone?! Where'd he go?

    Oh, May what a lovely post! Particularly loved the description of the link forming between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. I wonder where that will go... and how it will help in finding Obi-Wan?

    An excellent post, wondering what happens next. :)
     
  9. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    ithesock Well, that was certainly a twist in the tale - they have a Force connection already?!

    It's going to be needed, too. :D Thanks!

    Jedi_Tigris I really liked the description if Qui meditating. It's cool how he listens to it too.

    Thanks! It made sense to me that Qui would like to meditate. He just has that aura of calm and contemplation about him.

    dianethx The thing is that Obi-Wan wants to be a Padawan and a Jedi Knight and Qui-Gon cannot give him that. But they both have things to teach the other. I'm very much looking forward to that.

    Ah, how right you are. They do have a lot of to teach other. But if this is going to work, Obi-Wan is going to have give up his dream of being a Knight. And that's going to be very, very hard.

    Master_Noi I just love how you show the Force bringing them together.

    And fortunately neither of them is fighting this time 'round. They just don't know what to do with it . . .

    My Master Hope all went well?

    Yep! :D Camp was awesome--my girls were great. And it was even kind of interesting to visit Oklahoma again--it's harvest time down there, and I got to see combines working close up. Pretty cool.

    shanobi Obi sure is a little jittery - and quite obviously is heartbreakingly miserable

    Yes, the poor child. Neither of them quite know how to react to this. It's going to be an interesting ride.

    LuvEwan Oh, I loved Qui-Gon's reaction at the end of the post.

    :) Me too. He's not one to wait around when there's something he can do. And he?s gotten very attached very quickly to this frosaken young boy.

    Qui-Gina-Jinn Obi's gone missing??!! That's not good.

    Nope, not good at all. No fear?Qui-Gon is on the case! :D

    PadawanKitara It's not looking good for poor Obi-Wan

    Does it ever? :D Not this early into the story, usually. Thanks for reading!

    Seven

    Thanks!

    jodiwent There is something extra Qui-Gon about this non-Jedi version.

    Hmm. That's an interesting insight. I think it's true, too. This Qui-Gon is not a calm, reserved master--he is fully himself. All he has to give is himself, and that he does--freely. I've really let his personality--as least as it perceive it to be--to shine through unveiled.

    Bastet I hope Obi only ran away and wasn't kidnapped or anything bad like that.

    :D Oh, why would our Obi-Wan have any reason to run away? And we KNOW that he never, ever gets kidnapped.

    Glkilkenny It never looks good for poor Obi-wan

    [face_laugh] How right you are!

    sheleigh Particularly loved the description of the link forming between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon.

    Thanks! I work hard on my imagery.


    Thanks for reading, all! Next post ETA: Saturday or Sunday
     
  10. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Chapter 4: Following the Thread

    The dark spots smudging the cord in Qui-Gon?s mind were bigger, deeper, threatening to choke the brilliant flow of light. He kissed Julune good-bye with a brief, tangled explanation, and was out the door, grabbing his dark green cloak as he went. They had a speeder here, though they usually walked, or took public transports?Qui-Gon backed it out of the small garage attached to the temporary housing facility and roared off before he even thought of which way to go.

    The Southern Zone was a couple of hours away from Bandor by speeder. Qui-Gon wasn?t quite halfway there when he realized that he was heading in the wrong direction. Surprised, he slowed the speeder to a stop and idled it for a moment, staring sightlessly at the ravaged landscape as he pondered.

    No doubt the Agri-Corps workers were searching within and in the immediate area of the zone, assuming that the boy had run away afoot. But Qui-Gon?s instincts told a different story. Obi-Wan was quite far away from the zone by now. And he wasn?t necessarily running.

    Qui-Gon looked inward, almost in meditation but not quite. How had Obi-Wan described it? Ah, yes. He had followed the feeling back, and found Qui-Gon. There was no reason the man couldn?t do the same. The cord?the connection?pulsed, faltered, and surged again. Confusion, fear . . . loneliness. Pain. Trapped, unable to escape. Helplessness. Terror.

    North. North and west. Qui-Gon swung the speeder about and gunned the engine again, dust and small, chipped rocks flying up in his wake. The bloated red sun began to set, staining the tainted sky in blurs and streaks of sickly light. Qui-Gon tried not to breathe too deeply of the ash-flecked air, though his lungs strained to pant, to hyperventilate. He felt dizzy with urgency.

    It took too long. It took far too long. What was the use of even having a speeder if it couldn?t go faster than this? Qui-Gon was tempted to jump out and run.

    A sudden easing, a sense of release, and Qui-Gon exhaled slowly, the relief not his own. The tense urgency relaxed slightly, though his foot still crushed the accelerator to the floor. The feeling of being trapped and helpless was gone. But the pain was increasing, taking on a physical overtone. The boy was suffering, confused and alone.

    The thread became slippery in Qui-Gon?s mental grip, fuzzing in and out. He tightened his fingers, and it slid away completely, drawing a growl of frustration from his lips. What had happened? He didn?t know, didn?t know how to get it back.

    He reached the general area the thread had been leading him to and stopped the speeder, leaping out to continue the search on foot. The cord remained difficult to grasp, and he thought it might be thinning. Qui-Gon quit trying to grab it, afraid of causing more harm. He would continue this by other means.

    ?Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan Kenobi! Where are you? Don?t be afraid, young one?I?m here to help you. Obi-Wan??

    Qui-Gon tramped over broken boulders and parched, uneven ground, dust rising at each footfall, sometimes drawing a cough. The dry, cracked earth seeped residual heat from the now-sinking sun as if this were a desert, though Bandomeer was generally quite temperate, if a bit given to violent storms. All in all, it was a miserable place to get lost in.

    ?Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan Kenobi!?

    By all the twinkling stars, why hadn?t he thought to grab the heavy-duty luma from the speeder? Qui-Gon fumbled on his belt, searching for the little multi-tool Julune had given him for his last nameday. Can opener, fuser, gripper . . . he flipped through the different heads and found the pin-light. It was better than nothing.

    ?Obi-Wan? It?s Qui-Gon Jinn! Please try to answer me, little one! Obi-Wan!?

    Qui-Gon paused, listening, his heart in his throat. What if the boy couldn?t answer? What if he were seriously hurt? No, he couldn?t focus on ?if.? Live in the moment. Find the boy now. The scent of this acrid wasteland stung his nostrils, mocking him with his futility.

    ?Obi-Wan!?

    Was that a moan
     
  11. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Oh, may, that was brilliant. =D=

    I so loved this line:

    ?You?re welcome, little one.? With that settled, the youngster fell back into sleep, or perhaps unconsciousness. Qui-Gon shook his head slightly. ?How easily you trust me,? he whispered to the lost-and-found boy. ?It?s a precious gift. I won?t treat it lightly.?


    Very sweet. Your stories always give my heart a little pang. I really liked how you described Qui-Gon's connection to Obi-Wan within the Force, and that he had automatically thought of taking Obi-Wan to his home. So wonderful. [face_love]
     
  12. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 30, 1999
    Oh, poor Obi-Wan! What happened to him?! And what's wrong with him?! I absolutely love Qui-Gon in this story, especially the way he called Obi-Wan 'little one' and the way he wanted to hold him instead of drive the speeder. So great! Oh, and also the way he told Obi-Wan he wouldn't treat the gift of his trust lightly. *melts* Don't worry Obi-Wan, you're in good hands now! Can't wait for the next post, maychorian, this story is brilliant! :D It really is!
     
  13. Master_Noi

    Master_Noi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 8, 2004
    ?How easily you trust me,? he whispered to the lost-and-found boy. ?It?s a precious gift. I won?t treat it lightly.? Awwwww! That was so sweet.

    Oh, I wonder what happened. Are they being mean to Obi-Wan? :mad: Then again, I don't know who 'they' is really. :confused:

    That's right, Qui-Gon. Take him home to Julune - don't take him back to whoever wasn't taking care of him.
     
  14. Princess_Arulmozhi

    Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 16, 2004
    Oh, poor poor Obi-Wan. In so much pain and misery. Loved the way you described Qui's Force-connection to the boy- slipping and sliding, when he's trying to find him. And now he's going to take him home.[face_love]

    More soon? <looks hopeful>
     
  15. Jedi_Tigris

    Jedi_Tigris Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 7, 2005
    Oh, this is so sweet! I love how Qui-Gon imitated Obi-Wan and followed the cord. And the way Qui couldn't quite grasp the cord, and seeing the dark splotches. I wonder what those are? :confused: Poor Obi! He's going through so much, and yet he trusts Qui so readily. I love what Qui promises, and calling Obi "little one".

    Beautiful! More soon? :)
     
  16. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004

    This is very good
    I love stories when Qui-Gon actually cares
    for Obi-wan even if he isn't a Jedi
    but then again neither is Obi[face_peace]
     
  17. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Once more Padawan you take my breath away with this!! *Warm fuzzies* Awww it's so sweet! Loved how you described the Force connection as well and the flow of how it was 'tainted'. (Well I assume that's what's up...the Darkside sensation perhaps?)

    Well done! Glad he was able to find Obi [face_love] and can now take him home. Yeah put some meat on those bones! Poor kid! ;)
     
  18. Seven

    Seven Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2000
    A comment?

    You got it.

    Wow.

    Thank you!

    More soon please?

    Seven
     
  19. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    May, that was wonderful. I loved that QUi-Gon was almost frantically looking for Obi-Wan. And the boy was far away from where he should have been and with fresh bruises. Has someone been abusing him or beating him up? Lots of questions.

    I loved this part. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. He shook his head in tired negation, not defiantly, just very certain. ?No. No. It?s wrong. It?s been wrong for a long time. It?s getting worse.?
    That's because they should be at the Temple learning from each other but that will never happen now. Cool story. Really loving it.

    Looking forward to more! Soon!
     
  20. shanobi

    shanobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 11, 2001
    Awesome post :) So many great lines and bits and pieces, funny how different ones touch different people. For me it was this one -

    It took too long. It took far too long. What was the use of even having a speeder if it couldn?t go faster than this? Qui-Gon was tempted to jump out and run.

    When you're trying to get to a loved one in need, that desperation makes you feel like doing exactly that - like getting out and running.

    How did Obi-Wan get so far so quickly? Why was he bruised? What's he talking about? What's going on! :)

    Just kidding. Take your time hon - but I want answers, and I want them spread out over a nice long wonderfully written fic. Got it! :D

    --shan


     
  21. JediVeloJinn

    JediVeloJinn Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 23, 2003
    Hi, Laura.

    Oh, Goody. Another fic from you. I'll be reading this. Anything with Qui/Obi in it will get my attention. So even if you don't hear anything else from me, keep in mind that I've got an eye on this.

    Great use of the 'thread' to show how Obi-Wan is, and where Qui-Gon can find him.

    [face_worried] Oh dear. I hope that Obi-Wan is going to be ok. I don't like what Obi-Wan says about going "back there". And I really don't like the sound of dark splotches on the bond.

    Velo
     
  22. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Another post- :) :)
     
  23. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    LuvEwan Your stories always give my heart a little pang.

    Hehehe. That's payback for all the times you've done the same thing. I'm so glad it worked! ::pom=pom cheer::

    Bastet I absolutely love Qui-Gon in this story, especially the way he called Obi-Wan 'little one' and the way he wanted to hold him instead of drive the speeder.

    :) That's our Qui-Papa. He's gonna be a good daddy.

    Master_Noi Are they being mean to Obi-Wan? Then again, I don't know who 'they' is really.

    Oooh. You're giving me ideas for the part I'm writing now. Nope, lips are sealed. :::firmly applies tape:::

    Princess_Arulmozhi And now he's going to take him home. [face_love]

    Ah, I DO like Qui-Gon as a non-Jedi, non-serene, absolutely human man. But who wouldn't want to take young Obi home? :D

    Jedi_Tigris I love what Qui promises, and calling Obi "little one".

    :D Me too. This what Qui-Gon's response SHOULD have been in the JA books. AT least in my opinion.

    Gkilkenny I love stories when Qui-Gon actually cares
    for Obi-wan even if he isn't a Jedi


    Me too! They do say to write what you know. And what you love, I suppose.

    My Master Loved how you described the Force connection as well and the flow of how it was 'tainted'. (Well I assume that's what's up...the Darkside sensation perhaps?)

    Perhaps. :D Love ya! [:D]

    Seven

    Thank you!

    dianethx That's because they should be at the Temple learning from each other but that will never happen now.

    Sadly, yes. :( A few answers will be forthcoming! But only a few.

    shanobi When you're trying to get to a loved one in need, that desperation makes you feel like doing exactly that - like getting out and running.

    Exactly! I've only felt that once. It was horrible, because there was absolutely nothing I could do, just stand aside and watch. The world just kind of drops out from beneath you. Fortunately that situation turned out all right. Everything's material. :)

    Take your time hon - but I want answers, and I want them spread out over a nice long wonderfully written fic. Got it!

    :D You got it! It will be quite spread out indeed. But a few hints will be coming soon. Enjoy!

    JediVeloJinn So even if you don't hear anything else from me, keep in mind that I've got an eye on this.

    Thanks! :) I'm glad to know that people are reading. Hugs for lurkers! [:D]

    PadawanKitara Another post- :)

    Well, okay. If you reeeeaaaally want one.


    Thank you, my talkative readers! Your comments keep me thinking. Lots of love!

    Next post ETA: Tuesday or Wednesday
     
  24. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Chapter 5: Answers

    Julune met him at the door, barely blinking at the sight of the limp child in his arms. ?Dearheart, you?ve always had a penchant for bringing home strays, but this takes the cheese-tart.?

    ?I know, darling. I?m sorry. How ever do you put up with me??

    She chuckled gently, already moving to fetch a sheet from the basket in the corner. ?It?s a daily struggle. And don?t apologize when you don?t have to?save it for when you really need it.? She laid the sheet over the couch and plumped a cushion to pillow the boy?s head, sparing a moment to toss her husband a smile, dark eyes warm and glowing. ?You know I love you for your smushy big heart. I take it that this is Obi-Wan Kenobi??

    Qui-Gon nodded as he knelt to lay the boy on the improvised bed. ?He?s very ill, and he?s obviously been through some sort of ordeal. I don?t know what happened to him, and he can?t remember.?

    He sat back on his heels, and Julune gasped faintly at her first full sight of the boy. Qui-Gon didn?t blame her; his own heart clenched painfully at the view. The flushed, grimy youngster looked much, much worse in full light.

    ?Oh my. Those bruises?are they from fingers??

    Qui-Gon frowned, lightly running his fingertips over the long contusions on the slim jaw. ?They certainly look like it, don?t they? I?m beginning to think someone kidnapped the poor child from the Enrichment Zone. He certainly couldn?t have run that far in this condition.?

    ?Where was he??

    ?Just northwest of Bandor. At least a day?s walk on foot from the Southern Zone. He didn?t do that on his own, unless he stole a vehicle, and somehow that strikes me as utterly impossible. He?s an honest lad, brave and forthright.?

    ?You know that, do you?? A hint of humor stole into Julune?s rich voice.

    Qui-Gon nodded solemnly. ?Indeed I do.?

    Julune sighed, and fell easily into the medical training she had abandoned to pursue scientific research, her shoulders straightening perceptibly, eyes sharpening as she studied the ragged boy. ?I?m going to fetch some water. You?d better comm Heim Shilbey.?

    He watched her walk down the short hall to the refresher, then crossed the common room to the wall-comm, his troubled gaze slipping back to the unconscious boy. Obi-Wan had not stirred since Qui-Gon had first laid him in the speeder. That couldn?t be a good sign.

    Qui-Gon entered the comm frequency for the Southern Zone, and was answered by the worried young face of Nira, his gossip companion from earlier in the day.

    ?Mr. Jinn! Do you have news? We haven?t found anything, and Master Shilbey is very concerned . . .?

    Qui-Gon raised a hand soothingly, his eyes straying back to the couch. Julune knelt there now with a bowl and a cloth, carefully washing the dirt from Obi-Wan?s face and hands. ?Yes, I have news. I found the boy?he?s here right now. He?s safe. But he?s very ill, and I don?t think it would be wise to move him.?

    ?You . . . you took him to your house? But, Mr. Jinn . . .?

    ?It was closer. Please, Nira, don?t worry. My wife is a trained nurse. We?ll take care of Obi-Wan. It?s no trouble, truly. The child seems to be in need of some attention, and we are glad to give it.? She seemed about to protest again, and he continued firmly. ?I know you have plenty to take care of in the zone, especially with nightfall. Call off the search and take care of your duties, and you and Heim are welcome to visit us tomorrow.?

    He strengthened his words with just the lightest touch of the Force, wondering if it even worked over a comm. He hadn?t had much call to use this skill, either, and wasn?t sure if he was doing it correctly. But Nira blinked slowly, then nodded.

    ?All right. Thank you, Mr. Jinn. Oh, Master Shilbey is not going to be happy . . .?

    She signed off before Qui-Gon could reassure her, and he stared at the comm for a moment, sighing, then walked back over to the couch and stood there looking down at the child he felt such an inexplicable need to protect and care for. Julune had drawn back the cloak and removed
     
  25. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Definitely my favorite chapter so far, may. Absolutely wonderful. I love the atmosphere of the Jinn home, how wife and husband are so alike, so generous. The opening line was superb. [face_laugh] Beautiful post of a beautiful story. =D=
     
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