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Before - Legends The Unchosen (Qui/Obi AU) note from the author 4/9

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by maychorian, Jun 2, 2005.

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  1. Master_Noi

    Master_Noi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 8, 2004
    What a wonderful post. I love how disjointed the dreams were and Qui-Gon stuggling to make sense. Poor Obi-Wan - no wonder he's not eating or sleeping. :(
     
  2. Seven

    Seven Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2000
    No kidding, and I will now add the the chorus,

    Poor Obi!

    I feel so badly for him, So Qui-Gon batter make it all good again.

    More soon please?

    Seven
     
  3. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2000
    All I can say about the last two posts is "OH WOW, OH WOW."

    Now I am jumping up and down in anticipation of the next part.
     
  4. darshaassant

    darshaassant Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2005
    Loved the fever, loved the dreams... give obi more of that, will you? :p MORE!!!!!
     
  5. -The-Negotiator-

    -The-Negotiator- Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2005
    The chorus of ?no, no, no? trailed off into silence. After a moment, Obi-Wan responded, his voice utterly calm. ?A face, red and black. A red wall. A red ?saber blade. A cutting slash. Death. I can?t get there in time. I can?t stop it. I can?t stop any of it. I am a leaf in a river. You are a rock. I can?t change the current. You can, maybe, maybe. But I don?t know how. I can?t stop it. The river passes over the edge, and everything is falling, falling, falling.?


    What an incredible passage. The leaf and the rock bit was especially affecting. This is such an emotional and well done story. :)
     
  6. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004

    Such torment for our Obi!
    I wonder why the force likes giving Obi so much angst
    without letting him have a moments peace[face_devil]:_|
     
  7. Jedi_Tigris

    Jedi_Tigris Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 7, 2005
    Poor Obi! :( No wonder he can't rest. Those visions/dreams are so sad, what should have been vs. what is. :( I'm glad Qui was there to help, and hear that. Hopefully he'll be able to help more now.

    Very intense and strong emotions! Great job! :)
     
  8. River_Stone

    River_Stone Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 7, 2005
    YAY! HUGS! :D

    Emerging from my puddle-like state on the floor I have come to tell you that was just beautiful. I really wonder just how Qui-Gon is going to 'set things right' as it were (he's not a Jedi himself, and so would have extreme difficulty bridging his own lack of knowledge to train Obi-Wan to fulfil his potential?) And where does Xanatos fall in all of this?

    Should be very interesting indeed. Excellent.

    Hee hee, hugs
    [face_love] [face_love] [face_love]
     
  9. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Master mine Very explicit and vivid!

    Hehe. Nice way to put it. I assume you're referring to the imagery? Yeah, I work hard on that. It did occur to me that a twelve-year-old boy probably wouldn't be quite so articulate, but as he's been having these recurring dreams for quite some time, I thought he might have figured out a way to express them. Glad you liked.

    Princess_Aruzhmoli So this is why he worked so hard to be trained (loved the way you tied it all up too.)

    Ah, so glad you noticed! Yes, I like tying in random bits from the books. Makes me look so literary and professional. ;) And I like casting our Obi in a better light than you generally see in the JA books.

    Obi_Kenobi_Devotee I like the emotion in this one...

    Thanks! Of course, this is no where NEAR the angst of some of other ficcies . . . Glad you liked!

    shanobi Qui-Gon's interaction with this boy he barely knows, is so sweet - exactly how I like my Qui-Gon

    Mmm, me too. Just yummy. Glad you liked the closer! I've had good luck with those in this story. Some times I don't.

    Bastet None of that's gonna happen now, though, right?

    ::spontaneously channels GIR:: I don't know.

    Seriously, I don't. I may later. Thanks for joining me on the journey!

    judsta36 Hope Obi gets lucid soon!

    New reader! ::does happy dance:: No worries, in the next post he'll be more like himself.

    dianethx Now there is no end, only Palpatine hiding in the dark and invincible.

    True. Dang it, now you've got me thinking about stuff that's WAY down the road. And I still need to write chapter 9. Thanks a lot.

    Hehe, I'm glad I made you read it twice. I do that all the time with your writing.

    Master_Noi Poor Obi-Wan - no wonder he's not eating or sleeping.

    See? I WAS leading up to something! It wasn't the typical fanfic: "Oh, look at the poor mistreated, malnourished child. Pity him and read more."

    :) Sorry, not you I was responding to there. But thanks for noticing that Obi-Wan's pitifulness was part of the plot.

    Seven I feel so badly for him, So Qui-Gon batter make it all good again.

    He will do his best. :D Thanks for reading!

    jodiwent Now I am jumping up and down in anticipation of the next part.

    :D Thanks. Though there won't be any more answers here. :(

    darshaassant give obi more of that, will you?

    :eek: You WANT Obi-Wan to suffer? Oh well. More coming right up.

    -The-Negotiator- The leaf and the rock bit was especially affecting.

    New reader! ::does happy dance:: Thanks! I thought those images were particularly effective, too. Just show exactly how those two differ.

    Gkilkenny I wonder why the force likes giving Obi so much angst
    without letting him have a moments peace


    Um, because we writers are cruel and nasty and never got enough love in our childhoods? :D If Obi-Wan were here, I'm sure he would thank you for your sympathy.

    Jedi_Tigris I'm glad Qui was there to help, and hear that. Hopefully he'll be able to help more now.

    Unfortunately, the poor man is still utterly confused. But he really wants to help, and that definitely counts. Thanks!

    River_Stone (he's not a Jedi himself, and so would have extreme difficulty bridging his own lack of knowledge to train Obi-Wan to fulfil his potential?)

    Well, that IS a problem And so is Xanatos. But I think I may actually have that part (somewhat) figured out. I think.


    Thanks for reading, all! Now things step down a notch or two. Hope it remains interesting.

    Next post ETA: Tuesday
     
  10. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Chapter 7: Memories and Revelations

    ?Qui-Gon, dearheart. It?s time to wake up.?

    Qui-Gon struggled to open his eyes, wondering what had happened. Generally it was he who woke his wife with that sweetly uttered phrase, not the other way around. Had he passed a bad night for some reason?

    Suddenly he became aware of the warm body reclining against him, his awkward position jammed in a corner of the couch with one leg dangling off it and the other bent between himself and someone much smaller. At last his recalcitrant eyelids chose to open, and he looked down at a tangled mop of reddish-sandy hair leaning against his chest, slender arms held in the circle of his own, their hands still clasped. Memory finally decided to return, before he could panic.

    Qui-Gon looked up, blinking in the early sunlight that streamed in the bay window, cream and citrus yellow. ?Julune??

    She smiled wearily, kneeling beside the couch with her dark head bent near his. ?I honestly did come out for my turn, but you were both sleeping so nicely that I didn?t want to disturb you.? Her long fingers passed over Obi-Wan?s forehead, brushing back hair now dry, though stiff with the remnants of sweat. ?The fever has broken. He?ll get better now.?

    ?Oh. Good.? Qui-Gon blinked down at the boy in his arms, who hadn?t stirred at all. ?I should get out from under him before he wakes. I don?t think he?s used to being touched, though he obviously appreciates it?he?ll be embarrassed.?

    ?Aw, c?mon.? Julune pouted, very prettily in his opinion. ?I want to see his face when he realizes that you held him all night long, like a sweet little baby.?

    Qui-Gon blushed. ?Darling . . . he?s a young man. He?ll be embarrassed.?

    She grinned at him suddenly, tilting her head to one side. ?Why, my dearest hubby?I do believe that you?re embarrassed!?

    ?Not at all, not at all,? he hastened to assure her. He shifted his shoulders a bit, but didn?t move otherwise, hoping to keep the boy from waking. ?He needed it, and I don?t regret it at all. I?m only thinking of Obi-Wan?s feelings. He won?t want to be seen as a baby, no matter how sweet.?

    ?Well, I think it?s precious.? That edge of stubbornness had seeped into Julune?s voice again. Indeed, they were far too much alike.

    ?Obi-Wan won?t.?

    Julune opened her mouth to argue again, the familiar glint of battle in her dark eyes. Then abruptly her expression transformed to one of cheerful welcome, her gaze shifting away from Qui-Gon?s face and down. ?Good morning, Obi-Wan! How are you feeling??

    Qui-Gon felt the head on his chest tilting upward, and looked down to meet the boy?s gaze, blue and serene. For a moment they just looked at each other, and then Obi-Wan turned back to face Julune, settling his head more firmly against Qui-Gon?s shoulder.

    ?I?m very tired and sore, and my head hurts.?

    The boy?s voice was raspy and faint, but completely calm. Julune smiled softly and touched his temple, running her fingers down the plane of his cheek. ?Only to be expected. You had a rough night. Fever and lack of sleep will make you tired and stiff, and the headache . . . probably dehydration. I?ll get you something to drink.?

    Obi-Wan gulped, eyes widening. ?Please, no more muja juice.?

    She chuckled gently. ?Water, then.?

    Julune left, and Qui-Gon looked down again at their tangled hands, one pair small and pale and thin, the other broad and brown and blunt. He felt no need to move, though his body was knotted and uncomfortable, contorted to cushion a pain-wracked child. Obi-Wan, also, seemed content to remain as he was, his body still utterly limp and relaxed, but that could have been because he was too tired to care about his surroundings. Well, if Obi-Wan didn?t want to move, Qui-Gon would not object.

    Obi-Wan made a soft sound halfway between a yawn and a sigh. ?What happened last night?? he asked sleepily. ?I can?t really remember.?

    Qui-Gon frowned lightly. ?What?s the last thing you remember??

    ?Mmm . . . I was . . . I was finishing up fertilization of Grain Field 4, just abou
     
  11. judsta36

    judsta36 Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Yea! First to post!

    maychorian, thanks for being so welcoming!

    Drum roll... Obi-Wan knows! The plot can only thicken... :D
     
  12. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    *melts to puddle on floor*

    *sloshes over to the keyboard*

    Awwwwwwwww! [face_blush]

    That was unbelievably sweet and touching, may. I'd say this post was this story's Chapter 18, if you know what I mean. :D This part was just, just...awwww....

    Obi-Wan kept his head down, unable to look Qui-Gon in the eye. ?Thank you,? he whispered.

    ?There?s no shame in it,? Qui-Gon said gently. ?I?m happy to be of assistance.?

    ?I know. I can never thank you enough. I don?t understand why you?re being so kind to me, but it truly does mean more than I can say. I?ve been . . .?

    The boy fell silent. Qui-Gon waited patiently, though he had an idea of what his temporary ward wanted to say.

    ?Alone,? Obi-Wan finished quietly. His gaze flashed up for a brief, lovely moment to look the man squarely in the eye with all the courage and inner strength Qui-Gon had known all along was there. ?For such a very long time, I?ve been alone. And now, I feel?feel in you, in your wife, in this place . . .? He gestured from side to side with slender fingers, trying to find the words. ?I feel . . . home. I know this is not really my home, but thank you. Thank you for letting me feel safe. Safe and . . . and . . .? His voice dropped to a frail whisper. ?And welcomed?wanted. I don?t understand it, but I?m very grateful.?



    So Obi-Wan like. So Qui-Gon like. Sigh... You're a remarkable writer. =D=
     
  13. masterobiwankenobi

    masterobiwankenobi Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2003
    i've been reading this for a while, without replying. :oops: i had to delurk to tell you that i really like this though. you have such great descriptions. :D i wish i could write that well. i'll be impatiently waiting to read more. :)

    Peggy 8-}
     
  14. Seven

    Seven Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2000
    Wonderful!

    ... And now I will risk sounding like a broken record and ask that you post more soon.

    Thank you,
    Seven
     
  15. Jedi_Tigris

    Jedi_Tigris Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 7, 2005
    Awww, I loved it! [face_love] Qui and Obi and Julune together. Qbi and Qui know they have a bond with each other! Wonder what they'll think and do about it. [face_thinking]

    Wonderful post! :)
     
  16. darshaassant

    darshaassant Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2005
    We all love qui and his smushy big heart! And yeah, patients tend to stink after a while. I've been one many times, so I know. :p


    MORE!
     
  17. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Speaking of a broken record... ;) Well done once more Padawan of mine! :D

    Loved those two together! [face_love] They're so sweet! And now they know! [face_dancing] They have a bond! [face_love]

    And yes ;) I was refering to the imagery :D Your writing skills are awesome! :D
     
  18. River_Stone

    River_Stone Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 7, 2005
    So mushy...[face_love]

    I LOVE this.

    ?It?s you. Qui-Gon Jinn. The Force bound us together. It?s you.?

    It's so sweet and so very well written. I can't wait to see where you take us.

    Thank you for giving us this

    xxx
     
  19. NomiJinn

    NomiJinn Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jul 6, 2004
    I absolutely love this story:) Only problem is after every chapter im dying for the next one:D

     
  20. kenobiwanobi

    kenobiwanobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2005
    =D= So, I am really new to this website but I love it-it's perfect, as are the stories!:DAnd this is no exception.You are an amazing writer and I can't wait to hear more from you.So thanks for being what makes me enjoy this site so much.
     
  21. meg_an2006

    meg_an2006 Jedi Knight

    Registered:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Ooooo I like how this story is going, and I feel bad for Obi-Wan, always something going wrong for the boy. And Qui-Gon and his wife are just so very loving in this, it makes you feel all fuzzy and warm inside lol. Hope to read more soon!
     
  22. Master_Noi

    Master_Noi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Generally it was he who woke his wife with that sweetly uttered phrase, not the other way around. I love Julune and Qui-Gon.

    ?Not at all, not at all,? he hastened to assure her. He shifted his shoulders a bit, but didn?t move otherwise, hoping to keep the boy from waking. ?He needed it, and I don?t regret it at all. I?m only thinking of Obi-Wan?s feelings. He won?t want to be seen as a baby, no matter how sweet.?

    This was so sweet, especially that Qui-Gon was worried that Obi-Wan might be embarrassed about being held. If only he knew that the boy just needed a little mush.
     
  23. ithesock

    ithesock Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 12, 2005
    Loved the waking up part- it was sweet, with Qui not wanting to disturb Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan being too sleepy to care. Lovely. And Julune is the best wife for our mushy Qui. [face_love]
     
  24. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    The frightening things is, that towards the end, I think Obi-Wan was lucid. Pooor Kid
     
  25. astraevirgo

    astraevirgo Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2003
    ::joins the party:: Man, I love AUs. This is a really good one -- the backstory is solid, you've obviously thought through a lot of the implications... amazing. :-B I love AUs.

    My favorite part thus far is the way you've changed the Master/Padawan dynamics. I wonder if Dooku is still in the Order, what stopped Xani from turning, who was Xani's master... you've done a really superb job so far. Can't wait to read more.

    ;) Write on.
     
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