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Saga The User (1:3) 'Metalegacies' - Chapter 7 (OCs, CorSec Detectives)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Luton_Plunder, Aug 23, 2007.

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  1. The_Face

    The_Face Ex-Manager star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Keys channeling a bit of Calo Nord is a very nice interrogation tactic. ;)

    Tack is always good comedy value. Good job contrasting Keys? questioning with the Maitlands? talk to give the scene better pace than if the conversation had been in a vacuum. It?s sometimes as little as ?off-screen? onomatopoeia, but it pushes things along well.

    [face_laugh] Love it.

    And what?s this? The boys leave Corellia (however briefly)?! :eek: I?ll be interested to see where things go from here. [face_thinking]

    Good post, LP.
     
  2. Luton_Plunder

    Luton_Plunder Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Why, hello there old thread :eek:

    I honestly can't believe it has been this long since an update. I have been so limited in my time around here lately and have had a few threads in the air, so hopefully I haven't annoyed anyone too much [face_blush]


    Rogue - Too right she is [face_devil] I really wanted to show her in no-nonsense mode given that she's been a bit straight edge throughout the series. This is her being cranky.

    And thanks for the comments about the interaction! Glad you enjoyed that one, and I am really sorry about the wait between updates [face_blush]


    Manion - We certainly do have an adventure quest thing :D How will this one end? Will Tack Vape Tadgh into the ground?? Only time will tell! Thanks again for reading, and my apologies for the delay.


    VaderLVR - Thanks! I'm glad you like her :D I'm so sorry about the delay in updates :oops:


    Parky - First off I am so glad your father's surgery went well [:D] And here you were worried about being away and not being able to reply and I go missing for a month! So sorry about that. Thanks so much for the comments about the brothers! Im so happy that they're working as a believable pair of siblings (who just happen to go on death-defying missions all the time :p )

    Once again, I'm so sorry for the lateness of this update!


    AleI certainly am leaving Corellia [face_mischief] But I've never done it before, so go easy on me :p

    And as for the presence of a certain smuggler-hating, Mirax-Marrying CorSec officer...no plans as yet to write him in, but cameos are wonderful things ;) Keep your eyes peeled!

    Thanks again and I apologise so much for the lateness of the update.


    Thumper - A sith postman could be a great novel, really :D I would call it Post Mortem, and name him Darth Mortem. Or Something :p

    And I'm glad the blaster shots were good for moving through the chapter! I was thinking about my tendancy to write massive chunks of back-and-forths so thought that might be a good way of keeping the two inside the scene rather than having them talking in purgatory or something ;) Thanks again for reading, and sorry for my lateness in reply and update.


    Face - Calo Nord pioneered an excellent technique, so why mess with it I say ;)


    [face_laugh] Honestly, I wrote my reply to thumper up there before reading this comment. Thanks for validating me without knowing it :D


    Okay, so one more blanket apology for the late post here. It's a bit of a subdued post but its got themes at work, so I hope you like :) More to come!





    [u]Chapter Three[/u]


    Five hours after Keys had stunned each gang member at close range they still lay motionless in hospital beds. They had been transferred to Correalis Overseer Hospital at the direct order of the CorSec high liaison - apparently, command weren't taking any chances after the accidental death of a suspect by stun blast. Keys stood behind an observation window and watched, waiting for the slightest sign of movement. Technically the work day was over, but she wanted to be ready to continue her questioning the minute they stirred.

    She had been toying around with what her first question ought to be. She was back and forth between 'do you feel you are superior to all females, or just human ones?' and 'how does it feel to have had your ass kicked by a girl?'. Neither of them productive, but both of them so wonderfully satisfying.

    She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. "How do you manage to shoot so many people in one day?" a deep male voice said. She turned and found herself face to face with her husband, Marryt - Special Investigations' medical expert. Strictly speaking he worked in the morgue, but had constantly assured>
     
  3. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Hmm...I never noticed you gone...[face_thinking] Is that a statement about your presence or my attention span? :p

    I like the underlying tension between Keyes and Marryt regarding her work; might lead to some interesting developments in later stories.


    "You will get to the bottom of this," he said resolutely. "I know you will."

    She smiled at him. "Because you believe in me?" she suggested.

    "What? Gods no," he said, fixing her with a sceptical look. "Because I have a lead for you."


    [face_laugh] Instead of 'Gods no', Marryt should have said 'Simple woman'. Got Keyes ALL reved up.



    I have to keep up my moddly appearance and NOT call you any names, but that scene between Taban and Tadgh didn't have a very goog payoff. Now no one knows why he won't get his license!
    :p



    It probably wasn't the perfect time to bring it up with her, but she would be gone soon. And if he didn't at least grace the subject, he'd have missed a golden opportunity.

    Marryt wants a baby, but Keyes doesn't seem so receptive, more underlying tension. Are you sure you've never been married L_P?


    "I'm scared of it," he said between a pair of deep breaths.

    Glad to have the tension broken, Tadgh answered quickly. "Scared of what?"

    "Flying," Taban answered


    [face_whistling] Dismiss previous statement.



    "I know,"
    [face_laugh] What a very Corellian thing to say...


    Great update L_P, if I have to wait this long again, I'm banning you. Which of course Jade will just nullify, but my point has been made!

    =D= =D= =D=





     
  4. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    "Jeanie," he said, resting his forehead on hers. "You will get to the bottom of this," he said resolutely. "I know you will."

    She smiled at him. "Because you believe in me?" she suggested.

    "What? Gods no," he said, fixing her with a sceptical look. "Because I have a lead for you."


    That was awesome. I like it. I also really like the interaction between Keys and Marryt. We haven't gotten to see much of them yet. And the tension about having kids is a good addition. It makes something not mentioned previously (their relationship) suddenly very real.

    Basically, you've once again written an amazing chapter, and I can't wait for the next bit.


     
  5. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Yay, it's back! [face_dancing]

    Lotsa good stuff in this update. We learned so much about Keys and Marryt, even how their professional duties sometimes cause problems between them. I'd never thought about that before, but it makes perfect sense.


    Everybody's reading the warning labels on stuff lately.

    [face_laugh] I loved this line.

    Internal pressure as a fallout of the Heartstring case...ouch. Not good conditions to be working under.

    The severed hands were creepy (or more specifically, the fact that some people had gotten their hands cut off), and the contrast when that was combined with the baby talk was especially stark.

    I loved the end scene with Tadgh and Taban. Instead of trying to use too many unnecessary syllables, let me just say that was awesome. :D

    Oh, and I would totally read "Post Mortem" (though I was obligated to groan at the name :p), LOL.

    -Thumper
     
  6. Darth_Manion

    Darth_Manion Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Yay, The User has returned from limbo! [face_peace] And with a very insightful chapter, too.

    I very much liked Tadgh and Taban's interaction here; it's reminicient of how I speak with my own brother on occasion.

    I'll also echo Thumper by saying that the severed hands contrasting with the baby talk was slightly disturbing, yet effective. We usually don't see much of Marryt in The User, and revealing this friction in their marriage was very telling.

    Hmmm, I'm picking up a prediction concerning Marryt. [face_thinking] But right now it's way too early to tell. In a future episode, maybe I'll share it and we'll see if I'm right.

    In any case, you've still got my attention. Keep 'em comming!

    =D=
     
  7. Luton_Plunder

    Luton_Plunder Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Ale - It wasn't so much me gone as the story thread ;) I've been a busy bee over in resource of late. Honestly, who'd ever host a resource thread, huh? :p

    [face_laugh] I'd shudder to think what would happen to Marryt if he were to say that to his wife. And as for whether I've been married, I'm not sure...you'd have to ask one of my Vegas wives.

    Thanks for the reply and for letting me stay a member...for now [face_worried] Heheh, though I admit a pitched battle between you and my Master for modly supremacy would be a sight to see :cool:


    Rogue_Pilot, I'm glad you liked the Marryt/Keys interaction. Their child stresses are something I tried to fit into the last episode but couldn't, and they fit better into this one anyway ;) I'm hopeful the payoff on this will be heartwarming or some such thing, heh. Thanks so much for reading and replying - I'll see you for the next update :D


    Thumper - Thanks for the comments! I really wanted to put some tension between Keys and Marryt seeing as we've really only seen them as lovey-dovey soulmates thus far :p This way has the bonus of fleshing out some implied backstory too, so hurrah. And I'm very happy that the scene between Tadgh and Taban worked out. I was so close to simply getting rid of the whole thing and having them arrive right at Progenitor III, but I needed something to balance out Keys' lead gathering. Therefore the brothers got a little character strengthening moment. I love writing those :cool:


    Manion - Try as I might, I just can't force this one to stay in limbo :p And awesome, if I've managed to get some brotherly interaction right then I'm stoked :D I don't have a brother of my own, so this is how I imagine it would be based on how I interact with my closest friends.

    As for your predictions concerning Marryt, do you know what you have done? You've intrigued me and it's my story thread :p You've got the gift of intrigue, Manion!

    Thanks again for reading and replying.


    That goes for you all! See you shortly for some more plot advancing.
     
  8. VA_Parky

    VA_Parky Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    Hey Luton! Welcome back! I've missed this story, but have been so busy that it's probably a good thing that you ended up taking a bit of a breather whether it was planned or not. Otherwise, who knows how tardy my reply might have been?! :oops: Stupid DRL!

    This really was a lovely chapter. I enjoyed the focus on the relationships we have going on. Keys and her hubby.... Tadgh and Taban... Nice stuff! It also seems that we're setting up for some pretty major action so I definitely enjoyed the calm before the storm. And, it's a good reminder that these characters have a lot more going on than just their jobs. They have lives outside of work and a lot riding on their shoulders. You did an excellent job depicting that - and it made me grow more attached to them than ever.

    Bravo! Man, I love your writing! It just flows so well and the dialogue is just perfection!!! =D=
     
  9. The_Face

    The_Face Ex-Manager star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Perish the thought. :p

    I?m imagining the voice of Robin Leach, by way of Tadgh. Result: [face_laugh][face_laugh]

    ?What kind is it? indeed. ;) Really a perfect Keyston line, which shows you?ve defined these characters? personalities well. Terrific to finally get a scene truly putting the spotlight on Keys and Marryt. I think their relationship adds considerable dimension to them. It?d be one thing for Keys to always be The Cop, but she has that Wife side too? and a Mother side if Marryt can bring it out. :p

    Think that?s hard? Try slacking off and allowing one to wallow in the low pages update-less. It?s exhausting, let me tell you. ;) *writes self several dozen to-do notes to get TSS back in fighting shape*
     
  10. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    I blew off Torts reading (and the ever-important outline) to catch up here, so unfortunately I have time to say only:

    1) Keys = badass. LOVE that interrogation scene. But maybe there's some negligence going on, a breach of duty of care to her suspects?

    2) Despot = haha! Arrest suspense for attempted murder - that's his best one yet! But what would the reasonable director have said in such a situation, or is there no Reasonable Director Standard we can look to?

    3) Marryt = Keys, be nice to your husband and give him a baby already. :p Otherwise she'll sue you for emotional distress.

    4) Maitlands = Jedi cred! Cue ominous music! Also, Taban's afraid of flying, and that's something I never would've expected, given his personality. Nice little quirk. I do expect Tadgh to express an affirmative obligation to act, should something happen to Taban.

    5) Carl = dude, like, awesome. Give him a higher-pitched voice and turn him into a girl, I think he'd sound something like my cousin. And as a landowner, one would expect him to have some kind of duty to tenants, ensuring that they don't hurt themselves when breaking back into their apartments because they got locked out. Which reminds me, I want Taban's programs, names and all. :p


    Now put me on that PM list, please, so that I, too, may partake of the fabulous jokes accompanying each update. :D
     
  11. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Superb! Satisfying in every way! :p

    "We could take your ship," Tadgh replied to his brother, moving through the musty hangar to lower the loading ramp, "but for three problems. One, you don't have your pilots licence. Two, you don't own a ship. Three - you don't own a ship. I realise that's only two problems, but that last one is so big it's worth mentioning twice."

    Loved it! [face_laugh] =D=
     
  12. Luton_Plunder

    Luton_Plunder Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Parky - Hi there! Thanks for the reply :D And here look, after all that grandstanding about not taking that long ever again, my next update isn't even here yet. I'm going to stop making promises :p

    I'm very glad you liked the focus on relationships here - it's allll about the families in this chapter :p It's a departure from getting the plot moving (only one tiny piece of the plot really is revealed here), so I hope things aren't moving too slowly. I promise more action in the next update!

    Thanks again for reading, Parky :D!


    Face - Thanks for the reply! And I'm happy that Keys and Marryt are coming across as real. I'd have no idea what it's like to be married so I'm basically just making a whole bunch of assumptions and then channelling Thursday and Landen :p

    And as for TSS, I've got no judgements to make seeing as this thread keeps sinking to page 5 very routinely :oops: Thanks for your reply!


    Master Jadesolo - Awww, you blew off Torts for me? [face_love]

    :p

    1) There's definitely negligence and breach of duty of care. But I happen to know someone who knows Braken Starblaster: Space Attorney. I'm fairly sure Keys will be okay ;)

    2) The Reasonable Director Standard was repealed during the Great Sensibleness of '02. People just got too bored.

    3) Can you imagine a little baby Keys running around everywhere, arresting other babies for knocking over her megablocks?

    4) The next update shall shed some light on Taban's apparent unwillingness to fly ships but willingness to pilot airspeeders :p This isn't a retcon! I Swear!!

    5) Carl is the breakout star of this series. I'm putting off the User indefinitely to write 'Carl - Adventures of a Layabout'. Each week's storyline is more or less the same however.

    Consider yourself on the PM list! And keep on practising that law :D


    VaderLVR - Thanks for the reply! It's great having you on board :cool:


    Thanks all of you! More to come, I promise. When you're least expecting it.
     
  13. baru-chan

    baru-chan Jedi Master

    Registered:
    Apr 4, 2003
    After reading the series all night, I've finally caught up! :D I love your portrayal of the OCs -- as a big fan of OCs in any fandom, I've read my fair share, and I have to say that yours are probably the most developed characters out there. The User series could probably even be published as part of the EU, you're just that good. :)

    I hope you update soon! :)
     
  14. baru-chan

    baru-chan Jedi Master

    Registered:
    Apr 4, 2003
    P.S. Also, may I please be added to the PM list? I want to be one of the cool people too!:cool:
     
  15. Luton_Plunder

    Luton_Plunder Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Baru, let me thank you again for all your kind words about the entire series :D Your comments are extremely flattering. I'm just so happy that you like it! And look, your hope that I would update soon has not been in vain! Here I come, charging in with yet another chapter :p I really hope that you like how I have the rest of the series planned out.

    And consider yourself on the PM list :D Thanks again - you made my day with your kind messages and words!


    And here is the next chapter! Quite late, I know. But I have had an unforunate vacation of the muse just lately as you may have noticed if you've been looking around any of the resource threads I'm posting in. I managed to get it working again just recently! Hopefully it stays intact this time [face_frustrated]



    [u]Chapter Four

    [/u]
    "So let me get this straight," Tadgh said, hacking soaking wet foliage out of his way with a vibroblade and trying his best to breathe the thick, humid air of Progenitor-III. "Airspeeders - fine?"

    "Absolutely," Taban answered, running a hand through his sopping wet hair. He had tied it back into a tight ponytail right after they had left to try and keep it out of his eyes. The humidity was stifling, so much so that their electronic devices were largely useless. Even the vibration function of the vibroblade had stopped working long ago, reducing it to a crude blade. Their comlinks and datapads had been left sealed inside the ship with Tack to ensure that they didn't suffer catastrophic water damage.

    "Spaceships - not fine?" Tadgh pressed.

    "Correct," Taban said, trying to separate his singlet from his skin with very little luck. Already its colour had started to run down his bare arms. Soon he would become a Chiss, Tadgh decided.

    "Why the distinction?" Tadgh asked, determined to keep his mind off of the humidity. His own clothes were sticking to him like shrink wrap, with the exception of his shirt which he had long ago tied around his waist. "You can get just as dead from an airspeeder crash as you can from a starship crash."

    "Not really," Taban countered through deep breaths. Normally a simple task, breathing was now like trying to suck air through a sponge, only to discover that the air was inextricable from the sponge and you had to force the whole thing down your throat in order to enjoy precious oxygen. "Airspeeders run on repulsors mainly. They don't break atmo. That automatically eliminates impact death and explosive decompression. And don't even get me started on what an inexact science Hypserspace is."

    "You've been listening to Tack too much," Tadgh suggested.

    "Probably," Taban conceded, wincing. He twisted his ponytail around in a tight coil and watched the water drip from it and to the ground. More accurately, it poured. "I am bloody soaked," he said, following his brother's lead and tying his singlet around his waist. The ink stains left on his torso left the impression that he was still wearing it in a lighter colour. "When I agreed to come on this mission I expected fun and adventure, not a steambath."

    "Not that there's anything wrong with those, am I right?"

    Taban glared at him. "Did you just make an 'amirite' joke?"

    "Uh..." Tadgh trailed off, desperate to cover his tracks. "No. I just like steambaths."

    "Oh," Taban said, lightening. "Well yeah, who doesn't?"

    "And besides, in my experience fun and adventure soon turn to pain and desperation. I'm counting us lucky that our mission has been this boring so far."

    It was true enough - not a thing had happened since landing besides their slow onset soaking. It made Tadgh nervous - he was forced to admit to himself just how flimsy his plan of action was. Up until now it had been 'arrive at planet, assume that interested parties would come looking for [i]them[/i], get the girl, live happily ever after'. Part one had been easy. However, given the distinct lack of interested parties - not to mention girls - living happily ever after sure as hell seemed a long way away.

    "Fine," Taban said haughtily. "I'll also count u>
     
  16. baru-chan

    baru-chan Jedi Master

    Registered:
    Apr 4, 2003
    Oh, yay, an update![face_dancing]

    "Makes me wonder how he's managed to survive so long, sinking so many ships."

    "His type is slippery," she answered, surprised at his relatively coherent use of a colloquial saying.


    Despot's neologisms are starting to make sense?! The galaxy's coming to an end!:p


    "Just what in the hells of Sith is the Maitland Commune?"

    Oooh, what is it indeed?[face_thinking]


    Tadgh snapped his head around and regarded his brother, standing like an ancient pony-tailed, body-painted warrior with a blade raised in the direction of their quarry.

    I'd bet Taban would shave off his hair for a holopic of this. Ancient, pony-tailed, body-painted warrior indeed! [face_laugh]


    He passed by the line without entering the club.

    An idea was forming.

    CorSec would make itself useful this night.


    Oooh, this guy has "OMINOUS" tattooed on his forehead in flashy neon colors. I'm getting nervous for Keys now![face_worried]


    In the time that it had taken him to blink, the shrouded woman had disarmed them, crossed the considerable distance between them, and drawn a lightsaber to his jugular.

    Eep -- a cliffhanger! :eek: I'm assuming the mysterious woman is "Thirteen"? I hope they'll -- and I'm including Keys in this -- get out of this scrape with sound minds and limbs![face_worried]
     
  17. The_Face

    The_Face Ex-Manager star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Well I had a very nice thought-out reply until the internet errors ate it. [face_frustrated] Trying this again...

    Darth Keyston!!! ;)

    Good work with the spookiness throughout the Maitland Bros. story. Great atmosphere, building up to an appropriately ominous cliffhanger. Theories are spinning wildly in my head as we speak. :D

    That's some high-quality posting, LP! Oh, and 'grats on the Archiving of Ep 1; it's well-deserved.
     
  18. Darth_Manion

    Darth_Manion Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2007
    It made Tadgh nervous - he was forced to admit to himself just how flimsy his plan of action was. Up until now it had been 'arrive at planet, assume that interested parties would come looking for them, get the girl, live happily ever after'. Part one had been easy. However, given the distinct lack of interested parties - not to mention girls - living happily ever after sure as hell seemed a long way away.

    Isn't that true for us all? Am I right? ;)

    Great stuff, Luton! Doesn't surprise me to hear that Part One has been archived - It could easily be mistaken for profic, and that's not an exaggeration. But anyway, about part three, chapter four:

    #1. Raised more questions than answers. Not that that's a bad thing . . .

    #2. Cool. Slugthrower. Only thirteen shots, though. Be careful, I'm keeping count . . .

    #3. Keyston: Will she get dead? Will alien secondary character with no lines get dead? Will strange criminal genius get dead? Why am I asking all these questions to which there are no answers?

    #4. Is it a bad thing that Progenitor III is starting to remind me of the monster island from Peter Jackson's King Kong?

    #5. A character mentioned at the end of part one, epilogue, and introduced at the end of part two, epilogue, finally comes face to face with our heroes in part three, chapter four! At least, I think it's who I think it is. And if it's not, boy did you have me fooled.

    And that's all I got.

    Be honorable, ronin.
     
  19. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Congrats on the archival of your work, it was certainly well deserved! [:D]

    Loved the latest update, as always! =D=
     
  20. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    So the Maitland's have inherited an occupied cul de sac???? :p

    So we end the chapter with two ominous and mysterious beings...you turd. :p

    And so Jade's unopened PMs is the reason for our lack of a witty one this time around????

    Don't misinterperate my apparent grumpiness L_P, I actually love this update!
    =D=
     
  21. DountCooku

    DountCooku Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 22, 2006
    I just discovered this series yesterday through the archives. I really enjoy your OCs. I feel like I'm reading the equivalent of a good cop series on TV. I love the crazy droid too, BTW. You have another dedicated reader who would love to be on your PM list. :)

    Ah, nothing like ending a chapter on a cliffie. I don't suppose the woman in question would be 13 perchance? Enquiring minds want to know. :)
     
  22. Luton_Plunder

    Luton_Plunder Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Hey everyone, great to see you all :D

    One quick caveat before I start: No comment on the identity of lightsaber-wielding woman at this stage [face_whistling] But the next update will reveal all! Until the end of that update, at which point I imagine there'll be more questions raised if I'm to follow traditional post-per-post rules.


    baru-chan - Heya! Thanks for coming back :D

    Haha, Despot's had a rare moment of semi-clarity. If that's not one of the several signs of the apocalypse then I don't know what is :p

    It'd take a hefty fee to get Taban to shave off his oh so pretty hair :p I really did like this image of him, though. I ought to commission someone to make it, just to throw people off what kind of story this is :p

    Hee, Key's ominous storyline is one of my favourites so far, but I unfortunately cannot say why just now :p Thanks again for your comments, baru! Great to have you one board.


    Face - Honestly, if it happens again you're more than welcome to simply type "+1". [face_thinking] Or "-1".

    I'm glad that the theories are in motion! Originally this chapter didn't even exist, but I realised I had to put it in or else Tadgh and Taban would simply fall out of the sky on Progenitor-III and commence with plot duties. This way at least it seems like they had to work for it :p

    Thanks for your reply! And for the congrats :D


    Manion - Yo Manion! Thanks for stopping on in ;)

    Thanks for the kind words re: Episode 1! And for your nicely presented and numbered reply :D

    #1. I was tempted to type another question here, so that even my author replies raised questions. Instead I've opted with this smiley: [face_mischief]
    #2. Slugthrowers are a bit underused in Star Wars IMO. Face gives them some good page time, but outside of that I've heard them referrenced maybe twice.
    #3. Always with the questions in this update! :p Keys can handle herself. But then again, the other guy has a black coat. And we all know that is the calling card of the awesome.
    #4. Nope! Except no Jack Black here.
    #5. innocent looking whistling smiley face.

    Thanks again for the reply!


    VaderLVR - Thanks so much :D This'll sound really corny, but given how much I admired your writing before I even signed up here it's quite an honour to be archived in the same update as you [face_blush] See? Corny :p

    And thanks re: the update! More to come shortly [face_dancing]


    Ale - You know, I'm almost as honoured to have been called a turd for the first time in an Author reply :p The first of many, I should hope! hehe.

    It wasn't the unopened PMs that led to a non-comical PM update this time around, rather a dead muse. I've been a bit anorexic with creative stuff around here lately. I think there's lead in my drinking water or something [face_thinking] In any case, the next one will have a two joke minimum :p Thanks for your reply, Ale!


    DountCooku - Hi! Welcome to the series :D Thanks so much for your comments - I'd always envisaged this to play out like a TV series, so I am very very happy that it's coming across that way :) Consider yourself on the PM list as of now - I promise the next update won't take too long, haha.

    Thanks again for leaving a comment :D You've made my day!



    Thanks all of you, in fact! The next update will be along quicker than this one, or I will eat my hat. With a side order of socks.
     
  23. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    I really like this chapter! transitions are so hard. It's so much easier to have everybody assume they did all the work. Well done!

    I also like the bit where Keys goes to meet the Kuati guy. Creepy.....

    And speaking of creepy...the Maitland Commune? What's up with that? And why is there a Jedi (of one kind or another) there?

    I'm afraid that's all I have time for (thank DRL) but once again, well done. I really like this one. You're developing the characters a lot within an awesome plot!
     
  24. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    sigh...Luton, after I've been waiting with bated breath for a new update, you had to go and post a new part while I was on vacation clear across the continent?! You know how difficult it is to read something like this on a computer in a hotel lobby where the front desk clerk looks at you (read: me) weird for randomly spouted reactions? :p

    Mind you, I'm not complaining about said update, and I am quite happy that it's here. ;) Actually, I'm taking this as a sign that I should take vacations more often.


    Up until now it had been 'arrive at planet, assume that interested parties would come looking for them, get the girl, live happily ever after'.

    Heh, this sounds so much like the RPG group I play with. Our plans usually go like, "We do <insert action here>, something fuzzy happens, everything works out." "Fuzzy plan" is now a common term among us. So I can totally relate to what Tadgh is thinking. Hopefully things will turn out better for him than they usually do for us in those circumstances.


    However, given the distinct lack of interested parties - not to mention girls - living happily ever after sure as hell seemed a long way away.

    So hey, good thing that girl showed up there at the end of the update then, huh? :p

    Very good work with setting up the planet's environment. It was easy for me to imagine. That's one hot, humid place, and it's already causing problems for the pair.

    I thought it was a realistic touch how Keys changed her mind about what to do that afternoon as a result of her argument with Marryt.


    "Will you stop discovering ominous things beyond my line of sight?"

    My favorite line, right there. :D

    I agree with those who said that the last bit with Keys was ominous. It'll be interesting to see how all that plays out with the Mystery Figure, and of course to see what happens with Tadgh and Taban. Evil cliffie! Evil!

    Great work! =D=

    -Thumper
     
  25. Mjsullivan

    Mjsullivan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 8, 2003
    I am a little bit behind here :oops:

    What's this? Leaving Corellia? I have to say that I'm not not liking the idea. Correalis is nice but it gets a bit 'samey' here and there. That's right. Samey. Here in a humidifier with trees, the brothers get a chance to bounce off each other in a different setting. This siren song is interesting though - I wonder if the lightsaber wielding woman otherwise known as thirteen knows anything about it?

    And I really like keys and Marryt. They're quite real, if you ask me. Little arguments about big things, even though there's more immediate stuff going on. Sounds familiar, really :p I like how she opted to stay at work rather than go home.

    And ah - a black-coated mystery man. I've seen you write about one of those before. I wonder if it's the same one? [face_mischief]


    Great updates, LP! And congrats on the archiving :D
     
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