Amph The Writers' Guild

Is it ok if I post some fiction here?

 

Yes, posting excerpts is fine

 

He was sitting at the bar sipping a frozen margaritas, she stood at his side drinking the same thing and watching the dance floor.
"She's beautiful." she said suddenly.
He looked her, "hm?"
"Her, the glowing one," she gesticulated over the top of her glass.
He turned to look and immediately saw who she meant, he was surprised. This was an alternative club and the place was full of UV lighting and everyone was glowing, but no one glowed quite like she did.
Her short black dress clung to her body like a second skin as she danced serpentine to industrial beat of Straftanz. It was covered in UV reactive pink tribal markings that formed an intricate pattern, the pattern continued down her arms and around the left eye. Her legs were undecorated save for the UV pink fishnet stockings, and her fluffy pink boots were glowing under the light as well. Her hair flashed with a pink glow as it danced around her head.
He nodded, "indeed she is." He sipped his drink. "Do you think we should?"
She sipped her, "maybe."
The song ended and the dancer had had enough and stopped to catch her breath. The dancer looked about and saw them looking at her. They raised their drinks and smiled. She smiled back. The dancer turned and walked away, her hips swaying like saplings in a strong breeze. As the dancer reached the door she turned and smiled at her, winked and left.
She finished her drink and set it down and went after the dancer.
He sighed and ordered another drink.
It was a few minutes later when she and the dancer came back.
"Maria," she said, "this is Jim. Jim, this is Maria."
Maria shook his hand and he offered to buy her a drink.
"Thank you, something cold please."
He turned to the bar and ordered a frozen margaritas. "You can't get much colder than this."
She took a sip as she accepted it, "Thank you."
"We were thinking of heading home soon," he said, finishing his own drink, "would you care to join us?"
Maria looked at them both, her gaze lingered on her as she slipped her hands over Maria's hips and moved a bit closer.
"It'll be fun," she whispered in Maria's ear. She whispered something else and Maria looked shocked, and then embarrassed.
Maria looked at her and whispered something back.
They spoke like this for a few minutes until the song changed and Maria perked up. "I love this song. Tanz mit mir!"
She smiled, her gaze drifting from Maria's beautiful face to her perfect cleavage. "Sure."
They danced until the song was over, he just sat watching them. He stood as the song ended and met them on the dance floor. They walked out together, with Maria in the middle.


Any thoughts or suggestions?

 

That was. . .that was interesting. Other than some capitalisation goofs, I can't find anything to nitpick. Very good.

 

Thanks.

I was kinda worried that it'd be a bit confusing.

 

http://www.writing.com/authors/darthjosh13

If anyone would like to take a gander at some of my writing, there's the place to go.

 

Just a heads-up for any UK-based unpublished fiction writers. SFX Magazine have announced the 2007 Pulp Idol contest. Basically, you submit a sci-fi, fantasy, or horror story between 1000 and 2000 words in length by 5 June 2007. No monetary prizes, but the winner and 10 runners-up will be published in a book given away with a fall issue of SFX. (They did this last year and some of the stories were pretty good). Winner does get extra copies of the book, a year-long subscription to SFX, and a selection of books from the publisher Gollancz.

You can find more information and a full list of the rules here on their website.

Note - fan fiction isn't allowed.

 

Cool, thanks for that.

 

Ha. . .figures that I wouldn't be British. . .

 

I write like a Brit but unfortunately I'm an American . . .

Anyway, found a Mary Sue test here. I tested three of my sci-fi novel's characters on it, Jack, Sara, and Rebekkah.

Jack got a 27 and while it noted that I cared about him, I didn't insert enough of myself in him to be a Sue/Stu. He did get 11 angst points, though.

Sara got a 23, and it noted she is very little like me, although it showed I cared about her.

Rebekkah straddled the line at 44 (mostly because of her 'Hey, want to see my crown-shaped birthmark?' result ), but she's not the main character of the story so I figure that erases five points.

It's not the best test I've seen (it makes no comment about how large a role they play in the story) but it seems to be an all right test.

 

Can someone explain this 'Mary Sue' thing to me? I've seen the phrase used a lot but I have no idea what it means.

Also, where would be the best place on here to post ongoing fiction? I know I can post snippets here but I was hoping to post more than that.

 

This wikipedia article explains it fairly well...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue

 

Ah, cool, thanks for that.

 

i wanted to post my newest idea for a sci-fi fanfic, and was redirected here. hope you guys don't mind....



I'm obsessed with sci-fi, and for the past few weeks have been developing an idea for a series of novels. Here is the premise, and chapter updates will be coming shortly (if they're allowed)

*****

World War III

As the country of the United States of America became more and more powerful and successful, in turn the government became more and more corrupt. Though the President was the most powerful figure in the country, and one of the most powerful in the entire world, he wanted more. John Stenner was elected to this position in 2063. After two years in office, he had accomplished much for the economy and himself; but as is the usual case, having power only breeds the lust for more power.

America had been free from war and battle for over 20 years, but in 2065 President Stenner proposed a bill to Congress that would call for a massive military creation act. Newfound technology in the area of mechanical warfare had led to the development of A.I. Assault Machines, mechanized warriors that could be controlled by a small team of soldiers. Stenner?s bill ordered the continued creation of these AI Mechs in order to massively upgrade the strength and numbers of the U.S. military.

Though Congress had denied the bill, and overridden Stenner?s veto, the law ended up passing. The only evidence behind the passing of the bill is a conspiracy theory, leading to the belief that President Stenner used force to ?influence? the vote of Congress. In 2066, the AI Upgrade Act was signed into law, and the military immediately began the nonstop construction of these war machines.

The American people were constantly lied to, being told that ?their security was at stake? and ?foreign powers threatened their nation.? This propaganda allowed the President to further his force over the military, though there indeed was no outside threat from any enemy. Once President Stenner believed his army was ready, he moved to attack.

Few understood Stenner?s orders, but there were none who would openly betray their leader. He ordered a series of lightning strikes on those countries which rivaled the U.S. economically and militarily. Within months, American forces had liberated smaller countries such as Cuba, Mexico, portions of Canada, and Japan. Resistance against Stenner?s forces was slow at first, but soon the countries that were under attack began joining together to counter the unrelenting force of the American military.

China, Germany, Russia, and Great Britain were the first four nations to create and join the World Alliance (WA). Soon, what was left of Japan and Canada also joined, and the combined militaries would prove to be a successful defense against Stenner?s war.

The constant battle thrust the world into what some had dubbed World War III, causing at once peaceful nations to be caught up in the horrors of war. Soon a general from Russia developed a plan that would devastate American forces.

The proposition was to lure Stenner?s army away from the country, to draw their firepower away from defense and into unknown territory. While the attack was being made, World Alliance forces would swarm into the U.S. and devastate their enemy?s homelands.

The campaign was successful. Though American forces eventually caught on to the lure, their defense was halfhearted. After years of constant battle the WA had destroyed entire sections of American countryside and cityscapes, leaving the earth scorched with the terror of battle.


Rebirth & Resistance

Once America was nearly destroyed, the citizens began realizing what a tyrant their President had become. It caused a split, where half the nation joined his side and the other half began revolting. Their revolution would be short-lived, however, for soon WA special forces had assassinated John Stenner. He was pronounced dead on the ironic date of July 4, 2071.

In order to prevent such horror from ever occurring again, the office

 

Upping a little. This is where discussion on original fiction goes.

 

Hi guys. I have been told that I can post original concepts here...So...here is an idea, a start for an universe. (not: the concept showcased here is not central to the universe. the girl is central, however)

This would be in fourty-fifty pages, and would serve as a sort of introduction. A bit like the Hobbit, in a sense (note: I'm not saying that this is LIKE the Hobbit. I mean, I hope that this will be as succesful as the Hobbit for setting the cadre)

Medieval World: An woman, clad in the white vestments of the Censeurs (a sort of super-Inquisitors) arrive in a town, causing unease, because many have an idea why she is there. The Count is very nervous, and sent one of his parent, the Knight, to receive her. She dismiss him casually, walking in. She is not Noble, and despite all their so-called aristocratic attitude, both the Count and the Knight are shaking in her presence. For, in addition of having quite a?presence, her vestments are the symbol of the Law and the Church. The mere fact that she was attacked in route by assassins paid by the Count-a fact she reveals casually-is a sign of how the Count is desperate: as killing or wounding a Censeure is a guarantee of major trouble

The Censeure have a very glacial attitude, but?she warms strangely when she saw a little girl in the street-Romanova. Her attitude sours again when she realize that, when she tried to talk her, she only managed to get Romanova afraid. It?s revealed by little bits that she had a daughter liking a bit like Romanova, and that she died in horrible circumstances, because of her mother job. The Censeure almost got insane at the time: she was not what you could call a perfect mother, but she loved her daughter, Iris, which she considered the only good thing she had done in a long time. When she thinks about Iris, her already dark mood worsen a lot-which can be very dangerous for her foes.

The Censeure, in her discussion with the Count, shows that she know basically everything about his plans (note: allowing, this way, the reader to know the said plans. Hey., it's better than the Death Plan Speech), and she slowly ''execute'' him by unraveling them in front of him

The Censeure use a somewhat unusual technique in fantasy (especially for her character) : she use various documents showing that the Count

1)Sent his Chaplain to to the local Evechy, to borrow, under fallacious pretexts, dubious books. The Censeure raise her doubts about the real capacity of the said books to open the Gates of Hell, and similar things.

2)The said Chaplain, in a ''lieu de mauvaise de vie'' (an medieval french euphemism for brothel) was killed by thugs, an most unfortunate accident The Censeure then note that three parents of the Count had unfortunate accidents over the past years.

3)The Count hired a master locksmith of the nearest city, to perform work here. Considering that the official reason, improving the security of the treasure chamber, is downright hilarious, the Censeure note that the bills and devis of the locksmith (who had another unfortunate accident) shows elements that are as hilarious if the Count really plan to use that to keep his guest under control; cage and locks.

The Count defend himself rather meekly, protesting that he is a devout believer. The Censeure is rather amused by this, knowing very well the way the mind of the Count work: believing that He would be less offended, he probably made his ridiculous ceremonies

The Censeure, after a bit of agressive chit-chat, then say to the Count that, actually, no one CARE if he killed a couple of black hens and made pentagrams with salt. It's ridiculous to think that such things are ''eevil''. What will make his soul marked for the Sheol, however, is WHY he is doing this: the fortunes of the Count have declined thanks to a certain ''scandal'' involving little girls in the Capital. Apparently, this upset the Censeur a lot-much more than the rather childish attempts at Demon summoning (this is clearly related to both Iris and Romanova, especially when she realize that Rom

 

The Guard
An Unfinished Work by Benjamin D. Kline



Wastelands.
It was pure wastelands in every direction as far as the eye could see. In the middle of these wastelands was a camp. Inside this camp were hundreds of men cramped, starving, diseased, and dying. Outside of their huts men patrolled, their souls as black as the earth that crunched beneath their feet.
Among these men, Baruch stood at a crossroads. Young of age he had been swept up in the grand movement of the government. Enlisting as soon as his schooling was finished, hoping to be sent to the frontline of the Great War, instead he found himself here, at Camp Viktor.
Camp Viktor was home to seven hundred odd men, all deemed inferior by Baruch?s government due to their religious beliefs and hair color. No one, inmates, and guards alike, knew what the camp name stood for. The guards stated that it was merely short for ?victory?. Many of the inmates claimed it was to dishonor a great writer who helped millions of his people.
Baruch cared neither for the camp name or the camp, he loathed every minute. ?I feel just as one of the inmates with my duty here,? Baruch once muttered to another guard. His dreams were not filled with guarding animals but with great valor on the battlefield.
A loud shrill whistle pierced the silent night. Baruch glanced at his watch, it was the twenty-first hour, it was time for the cleansing. The bedraggled inmates marched out of their huts followed by guards with whips. They stood in a muddy clearing. A guard?s voice erupted, ?Undress!? The inmates slowly removed their tattered scrapes of cloth from their rail-thin forms. ?Form up!? The guard barked next. The now naked men formed themselves into rows by numerous guards.
These guards marched up and down the rows shouting numbers. ?One-One-One-Four, One-One-One-Five, One-One-One-Six,? Each role-call was followed by a hoarse timid ?present? as the person showed his branded arm to a guard.
Following the roll-call men in white lab coats with sterile gloves came forward and stood at the front of each row. From their pockets they produced scissors and small tiny shears. The men then went from inmate to inmate in their designated row, shaving all new hair that had grown since last week.
After all of this was done, the men in the white coats backed away. ?Spread out!? Commanded the guard again. The inmates complied with slow hesitant steps; their bare feet tentatively, lightly, touched the rough crust of earth as they spread out into one large line. A large burley guard dragged a giant hose and dropped it in front of the row of men. ?Brace yourself!? The guard shouted as he hoisted the hose again, holding it tightly against his hip. He gave a hand gesture to someone unseen, and then suddenly water erupted from the massive head of the hose.
The great gust of the water converged upon the inmates who had their arms locked together, their legs bent, and ready. The water struck the men, reddening their skin instantly on impact, knocking many over and sending them tumbling. This ?cleansing? lasted several minutes before the great water-beast ceased.
The now bruised inmates picked themselves off the muddy ground and resumed their long line formation. ?Retire!? The burly guard commanded. The inmates quickly scrambled for whatever tattered clothing they could get their hands on, to defend their sickly thin forms from the night?s cold. After the mad scramble the inmates were led to their huts for their evening ?rest?.

Grudgingly Baruch awoke. He had the morning shift and had to awaken the inmates and take them to their work sites. Baruch dressed and brewed his coffee which he drank on his walk from the barracks to the inmates? huts. Using his rifle butt he banged on the wall of hut number five, ?Wake up you maggots!?
Baruch entered the hut. All but one of the inmates were ready. Baruch walked to the board with the still, inert, body. Checking the body, Baruch pronounced the inmate dead and led the remaining inmates out of the hut. Once outside of the

 

Hate to depress you but anyone could come in here, take you're ideas and claim them as their own. I've got a sense of honor that prevents me from doing so but others aren't as picky. I've just finished a 111 page novel that's going through an editation...well overhaul in my opinion. It's still basically the same but let me tell you something, my spelling abilities are about as evident as air, you know it's there but you can't see it...that means I can't spell very well, or in my favorite expression, I can't spell my way out of a wet, flimsy paper bag...I forget where I heard the wet, flimsy paper bag part. Anyway, it's got a lot of content errors like since I knew everything I didn't bother explaining it at all. My friends and my mom, who are going over it, though, tend to notice more of that since they don't know what's going on. It's really fun to write, I'm working on a horror novel right now, it's really spooky...basically meaning it starts out with fog and a threatening forest. Anyway I'm almost done ranting, I've always been fascinated by alternate outcomes, like if Hitler had won the war. I started a book about it but now I forgot what I was writing.

Ok now I'm done.

 

**appears from nowhere**

 

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is fast approaching. For those interested in taking part, there's this thread in the Fan Fiction Writer's Resource. Hopefully there are a few people who are interested in taking part.

 

Unfortunately, I'm not good at quality speed-writing.

Scummy

 

That's the thing about NaNoWriMo, it doesn't have to be good, it just has to be finished in 30 days.

 

What do y'all do when you're having trouble titling a story?

Scummy

 

There's a Titles Workshop that just finished in Fan Fic. It might be worth checking out.

As for what I do, I write the story and then take a line or phrase from the story and use it as the title.

 

Thanks for the link.

And I'm different, I enjoy making the title and then I use the title as inspiration for the story, apparently not many people do that.

Scummy