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Beyond - Legends This is NOT Festivus

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Tarsier, Dec 23, 2019.

  1. Tarsier

    Tarsier Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jul 31, 2005
    Title: This Is NOT Festivus

    Author: Tarsier

    Timeframe: 22 ABY (Legends)

    Characters: Luke, Mara, Dankin, Callista, Aves, Odonnl, Faughn, Karrde

    Genre: fluff, mush, hopefully some humor

    Summary: After last year’s debacle, Karrde takes over the Festivus festivities, imposing some much more traditional holiday traditions.

    Notes: 1) It’s a Festivus miracle! I’ve been working on this story pretty much since I finished For the Rest of Us (eight years ago!), and it’s finally come together! Sort of. Maybe. I wish I could say the story is complete, but I only have Part 1 done right now. I may need a kick in the pants to get this finished, but I'm tired of having it hanging over my head so I'm very much hoping to have it fully posted by the end of the year.

    2) This is a sequel to For the Rest of Us. It is probably not necessary to read the first story, just know Festivus is played pretty straight to the Seinfeld interpretation of the holiday. Except not this time, because, as the title says, this is not Festivus.

    3) Callista is in the story. That probably seems weird to most people, but it has long been my headcanon that Callista goes to work for Karrde shortly after Mara leaves. I’d prefer if people could leave the Callista-bashing out of this thread. I write her because I like her, and Callista/Dankin is my secret OTP, so please be gentle.

    This Is NOT Festivus

    “You are terrible at keeping secrets,” Mara announced. “You do of course realize that I knew what you were up to before we even got in the speeder?”

    Luke flashed her a big grin. “And yet you still haven’t tried to stop me.”

    He continued steering merrily along and Mara just shook her head. But she was smiling despite herself. The eagerness radiating off Luke made it extremely difficult to build up any sort of annoyance. Besides, as much as she hated to admit it, she had enjoyed herself a little bit last year.

    “Festivus should be even better this year,” Luke added. “Karrde’s in charge. He invited us himself.”

    “No,” Mara said. “Karrde did not invite us to Festivus.”

    “But he did! He commed me a few weeks ago. Asked me if we would come, apologized for last year, and promised this year’s Festivus would be much better. I told him there was no need to apologize for last year, we had a great time.”

    Mara was still skeptical. Karrde hated Festivus even more than she did. In fact, most of the point of the made-up holiday was to goof-off behind Karrde’s back. There was no way he would have given his blessing to the usual traditions. Despite what Luke had been told, wherever they were headed tonight, it would not be to Festivus.


    “What?!” a smuggler exclaimed as Mara got out of the parked speeder. “Karrde expects us to do what?”

    “It’s true,” another smuggler bemoaned. “Instead of the Airing of Grievances, he wants everyone to go around and say what they’re grateful for.”

    The first smuggler scowled. “This is not Festivus,” he grumbled as they ambled toward the ramp of the Wild Karrde.

    “Stop it, Odonnl!” Mara heard Aves before she saw him approach.

    “But it’s so itchy!” Odonnl complained. “Not to mention it’s about a million degrees out here.”

    “Don’t exaggerate,” Aves chided. “It’s not that bad.”

    Odonnl was gripping the collar of the brightly colored turtleneck sweater he was wearing, pulling and stretching the neckhole. Aves was dressed in a suit and tie, looking as neat and tidy as she had ever seen him. She decided he must have gotten in trouble for the Festivus celebration last year, and was on his best behavior now.

    Dankin was wearing a sweater similar to Odonnl’s, but somehow managed to look even more uncomfortable than Odonnl without actually attacking his clothing. After being terribly overdressed last year, Mara had considered dressing casually this year. She was glad she didn’t. Though Dankin and Odonnl’s dress would not be considered formal by many people, it was as close as she’d ever seen either of them. Karrde must be serious about classing up the holiday this year.

    “Look who’s on his best behavior,” Mara said as she walked up to the men. “I take it Karrde was not impressed with the party you threw last year?”

    “Not exactly,” Aves replied sheepishly.

    “Heh,” Odonnl added, “You left early. You probably don’t even know what happened to the last of the wine.”

    “No, the wine was still flowing freely when we left. What happened?”

    Dankin grinned. “You’ll see soon enough.”

    Aves just grimaced and shook his head.


    The first thing that caught Mara’s eye when they entered the ship was a deep burgundy color. She immediately thought of the Bakuran wine. It took a moment to recognize exactly what she was seeing, and when it hit her she let out a small gasp. “How in the worlds did you…?”

    “I know,” Aves said hanging his head in shame.

    “You spilled wine on the rug?” Luke asked. “A lot of wine?” he corrected, looking at the large, irregular splotches that coved roughly a third of the over-sized, otherwise light-colored rug on the floor.

    “About four bottles worth,” Dankin offered.

    “Three and a half,” Aves corrected. “Only three bottles broke, not all the wine spilled out of the last one.”

    “But,” Mara began, “The rug! Why did you have the wine in Karrde’s office?” The rug in question was well-known within the higher ranks of the company, the subject of many jokes and conspiracy theories. Nobody knew where it came from, or what accounted for Karrde’s attachment to it. Finely woven out of what was assumed to be preposterously expensive material, it had a delicate pattern created with various shades of white and tan. For years it had sat in the middle of Karrde’s office, centered under his ornate wooden desk. Anyone who approached the rug with even the slightest bit of uncleanliness on their shoes was greeted with sharp glares and hissed reprimands. Everyone soon learned it was easiest just to skirt the rug regardless of the state of their footwear, even though it sometimes resulted in awkward strolls around the perimeter of the office. Even Sturm and Drang had learned it best to doze against the back wall, well clear of the delicate tassels that trimmed the rug.

    To see it now, not just marred but the faintest streak of dust, which would have been enough to send Karrde into a tizzy, but covered in brilliant purple-red stains was discomfiting.

    “I wasn’t thinking straight,” Aves bemoaned. “I was going to leave the wine behind his desk. I wanted to surprise him.”

    “And you certainly succeeded in that!” Dankin added enthusiastically.

    “I tripped over the corner of the rug, dropped the wine. It was a disaster, as you can see.”

    “A terrible plan even in the best case scenario—why you would be inviting questions instead of concealing the evidence of your illicit party, I still don’t understand—but went about as badly as it could have,” Odonnl supplied.

    “Why is there a blue stain?” Luke asked, indicating a splotch near the edge of the burgundy stain.

    Aves cringed and shook his head. “I heard you could use soda to get out wine stains…”

    “Clear soda!” Dankin said. “Not blue.”

    “I know! I said I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

    “And now we know why alcohol has been forbidden at the party.” Odonnl said, slapping Aves on the back. “Nice of the chief to leave it out, where it could be a constant reminder to everyone, don’t you think?”

    “You guys know about the rug?” A new voice asked from behind the group. “Could you explain it to me?”

    Mara spun around, surprised by the voice. She hadn’t sensed anyone approach.

    “Callie!” Dankin trotted over to the newcomer.

    “Hey! I’ve been hoping to see you.

    “Karrde’s got me putting up all the decorations. I had to cut evergreen branches, then tie them together with big bows made from red ribbon. Weird, right?”

    “If you’re in charge of decorating, how about you move this rug out of sight?” Aves suggested.

    “No way. That’s the first thing Karrde had me do. He was insistent it be right there, the first thing guests see as they arrive.

    “I got a few last minute things to finish up, I’ll catch up with you all later.” She grabbed a crate from a corner of the entry and headed back into the ship.

    “I’ll help.” Dankin scurried after her.

    Mara looked at Aves. “Who was that?”

    “Callista. That was Callista,” Luke said, his tone flat but his mind racing.

    Mara had a lot of questions as Aves continued nonchalantly, “Yeah, Karrde had his eye on her for a while.”

    “I didn’t know he needed an interior decorator,” Mara said dryly.

    “She’s a systems engineer,” Odonnl corrected. “On Faughn’s ship. She’s volunteering for extra assignments because she wants to transfer.”
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  2. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Force Ghost star 5

    Dec 21, 2016
    *gently kicks pants* [face_laugh]
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  3. Jedi_Lover

    Jedi_Lover Chosen One star 5

    Nov 1, 2004
    How come I had a feeling you were thinking of me when you wrote that. :p
    Hey, as long as my OTP (Luke/Mara) are together I am happy. Nice start on this story.
  4. SiouxFan

    SiouxFan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 6, 2012
    As someone who never understood all of the Callista-hate, I cheer her continued role in your stories!

    I don't know why, but i got a huge chuckle out of this line. Thanks!
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  5. Kahara

    Kahara Favorites of Fanfic Hostess Extraordinaire star 4 VIP - Game Host

    Mar 3, 2001
    Gah, I lost track of this and it was a tragedy -- the world needs more of the Karrde crew Festivus! [face_dancing] Though Talon may not agree with me there...

    I really like the idea that Callista has a place with this ragtag bunch -- much better than what they ended up doing with her character in canon, that's for sure. Also really enjoying the vague references to the apocalyptic chaos that was Last Festivus. Such a magical time! :p
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2020
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